An April Bride (11 page)

Marsh lifted her head with a finger underneath her chin. “You look like you’re walking to your execution.”

“Aren’t I? The jilted bride who goes on to be an old maid with too many cats? Maybe I won’t be executed, but that will be my sentence.”

“Aren’t you being rather dramatic about this?”

She glanced up to find him smiling. “Are you laughing at me?”

He nodded. “I am, but not for the reasons you think. I’m laughing because you are so incredibly cute when you have a major pout going on.”

“This is more than a pout—”

He didn’t let her finish. Instead, he pulled her into
his arms and hugged her close. “Stella, I know this has been awful for you, like a bride’s worst nightmare. But I’m here to tell you that you need to trust me and know that I’m not going anywhere.”

“But—”

“But I’m here,” he repeated. “I wanted to spend today with you so we could maybe reconnect. I remembered taking you to the zoo. I did, really, with no help from anyone. But today I want to make new memories with you. New memories with my new girl.”

She sniffed and pulled away. “So I’m your new girl now?”

“You’re my only girl now. You are the reason I get up every day. This is like a new adventure, and believe me, while my mind is in constant turmoil and I have nightmares to no end, the thought of talking to you or seeing you each day keeps me going. So please, stop worrying, and let’s do what we set out to do. Let’s just have fun together, okay? Can you do that for a wounded soldier?”

She nodded, a mortified blush heating her skin. “Now I really feel embarrassed. I told you I could be a drama queen.”

“You’re a cute drama queen.”

She hugged him close again and savored the spicy clean smell of his hair and clothes. But she thanked God for once again showing her that she wasn’t the only victim here. Marsh was the one who had to suffer through this.

And she had to be the one who pulled him through.

So she lifted up on her toes and kissed him on the cheek. “Never mind,” she said with a wry grin. “Just never mind me. Can we start over?”

“Isn’t that what this is all about?”

“Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what this is all about.”

“Good.” He opened her door for her so she could get back in the car. Then he leaned down and grinned at her. “We’re going to the zoo, okay? But no more monkey business from you.”

“Okay.” She felt small and petty, but she couldn’t hide the sigh of relief that rushed through her system. While he ran around the car to get in, she whispered, “Okay, Lord. I’ll try to be patient.”

The hour drive into New Orleans seemed like only minutes to Stella after that uncomfortable confrontation. For a while, it seemed like nothing had changed between them. They laughed at old jokes, and she filled him in on things he tried to piece together.

Soon enough, they were in the city and walking through the gates of Audubon Zoo. The day was warm and a bit humid, but a nice breeze played through the old live oaks and danced over the gray Spanish moss that clung to the trees like tattered lace threads. The sound of children laughing and playing reminded Stella of all the times her parents brought her here.

She thought about her first date with Marshall and how they’d admired the exotic cats and the tall giraffes. She’d loved the monkeys and the orangutans, but Marshall had most enjoyed the bird aviaries and the alligator exhibit.

That much hadn’t changed either. She longed to ask him
what exactly he remembered about their first date, but they were sticking to the rule of being in the moment. They had a lunch of hot dogs, popcorn, and funnel cakes.

“I ate too much,” she said later as they strolled toward the gate. “But that was so much fun.”

“I had fun too,” he said. Then he rubbed his stomach. “But I’m pretty sure I could eat some cotton candy.”

Stella laughed and moved ahead. “I’m getting you out of here before you get a stomachache.”

Reluctantly chasing after her, he said, “We could take a stroll on the Moonwalk. Are you up to that?”

She wanted to tell him she was up to anything that would keep them together. “That sounds nice.”

They left the zoo and drove up St. Charles, passing old wedding cake mansions and quaint cottages until they reached Canal and then turned onto Decatur. Marshall found a spot in the public parking area by the river.

“Not too crowded today,” he said. “This city is a constant paradox. A beautiful place with a lot of lost souls.”

Stella looked up at him. “You said that so naturally . . . as if you knew that already.”

“I do know that,” he said. “I mean, I find lost thoughts and connect them, but I remember the broad pictures at times. It’s frustrating and scary and I feel completely helpless about it, but I’m learning to take each memory as a gift.”

They’d reached the boardwalk along the river, called the Moonwalk. It was a good place to see the moon over the Mississippi, but right now late afternoon sunshine dappled
the brick path with changing shadows. The smell of beignets and chicory coffee coming from the Café du Monde made Stella wish she hadn’t eaten that funnel cake.

“Do you want some coffee?” Marshall asked as they strolled toward the Audubon Aquarium. He pointed to the ticket line. “Or do you want to see some underwater creatures now?”

She thought about her choices. “No to the coffee right now.” Glancing up toward the aquarium entrance, she shook her head. “No, as much as I love sharks and eels, I’m good for now.”

“You’re terrified of sharks and eels,” he said, his laughter floating out over the river.

Stella stopped walking and gave him a questioning glance. “How did you know that?”

He shrugged and grinned as he pointed to his head. “I told you, it’s all in here. I just need to keep digging to get it out.”

They laughed together, and Stella held this moment in her heart, storing it up with all the other precious moments.

“Let’s find a bench and sit,” she suggested, hoping a few more memories might surface.

They hurried toward a spot underneath the shade of some nearby tall bushes. Stella sat down and waited for Marshall, but before he could join her a loud pop echoed through the air.

Marsh jumped, and then he grabbed her and shoved her down on the bench, covering her with his upper body.

Marshall heard the voice from his nightmares. Stella’s voice.

Surrounded by fire and smoke, he tried to call out to her. “No, go back. Go back.”

“Marshall?”

He blinked and the smoke disappeared. Glancing down, he saw the horror in Stella’s eyes. He held her close in a tight, protective embrace. “What happened?”

Stella lifted up and straightened her hair. “I think a car backfired. Or maybe a gun went off. I’m not sure.”

Marshall sank onto the bench. “I’m so sorry. I thought—I don’t know what I thought. I’m sorry.” He stood, ready to get her home where she’d be safe.

But Stella kept sitting. “Marshall, we need to talk.”

“No,” he said, pacing around in a circle. “No. Not about this. I’ve talked to my doctors and my therapists and I’m tired of talking. It won’t bring any of my buddies back. It won’t protect you.”

Stella stood then and took his hand. “Marshall, look at me. You’re not over in Afghanistan anymore. You’re home and you’re safe.”

“I’m not worried about me. It’s about my buddies,” he said, brushing his hair off his forehead. “I . . . I think we need to go home.”

Marshall realized Stella didn’t understand the overpowering anxiety he felt. How could he explain without hurting her or scaring her?

She gave him a hopeful glance, but when he didn’t say anything she got up and started walking. “Okay. I’ll drive.”

“No, wait.” He hurried after her, his legs trembling like swamp mud. “Stella, please.”

She turned, the compassion on her face tearing at him. “You won’t talk to me about the one thing you seem to remember. You won’t talk to me about what you went through over there.” Her heart in her eyes, she said, “I wish there was something I could do to help you. To take on some of your pain.”

He let out a settling breath and willed his body to calm down. “Come back and I’ll try to explain.”

Stella had her hand on the strap of her tiny purse, the look of determination in her eyes breaking down some of the barriers he’d hidden behind.

“Stella?”

“Okay.” She came back and sat down to stare out at the muddy waters of the Mississippi. Up the river, the commuter ferry made its way across to the other side of the river.

“You can’t imagine,” he said, the remembered sights and sounds around him causing him to cringe. “I have flashbacks, but my therapist keeps telling me I’ll get better with time. And they have settled down to some extent, thankfully.”

He couldn’t tell her that he’d curled up in a ball like a frightened child when he’d first woken up at the hospital.

“I understand,” she said, her hand touching his. “I wish I could erase those bad memories and replace them with the happy ones.”

“You and me both.” He gave her an encouraging smile. “I’m sorry I scared you, but it happens now and then. When I heard that popping sound, I went into battle mode.”

“You threw yourself over me,” she replied. “I appreciate that you want to protect me, but . . . I’m so afraid I might say or do the wrong thing. That’s why I need to understand some of your pain and your fear.”

She was right. If they were going to make a life together, he needed to be completely honest with her. But as he sat there and described his memories of the day his world exploded, he couldn’t bring himself to tell her too much more about the recurring dream.

Because he was afraid if he voiced that dream, he’d have to live it over and over again. Maybe in real life. So he kept pushing that particular scene away to protect her from
his
worst fear—that he’d lose her forever.

A
re we wrong to continue with this?” Stella asked two weeks later.

Her mother, Aunt Glenda, Rhonda, and Kitten had assembled on the wide back porch at Flower Bend for last-minute wedding preparations, just one week away from the big day. Stella looked at the women who’d been such a constant in her life. Their support meant the world to her—especially during these last weeks as she and Marsh continued to struggle in their relationship. Marsh didn’t want to see her as much as Stella would have liked, and she found the effects of his memory loss to be overwhelming at times.

Though she had the nagging suspicion these women all knew something she didn’t, she’d been enjoying their talk while they labeled the words
Marshall and Stella
and the wedding date on bottles of bubbles and stuffed netting with birdseed. But then the conversation had turned to Marshall and his wounds, and Stella needed reassurance one more time.

“Miss Kitten, you’d tell me the truth, wouldn’t you?” Stella went on. “Do you think Marshall can handle the wedding, handle getting married?”

Kitten Henderson laid aside the netting she’d been meticulously cutting and placed her hands in her lap. “Suga’, there is no right or wrong way to answer that question. You and Marshall were so in love.” She shrugged and paused. “And now—”

“And now he’s being forced to honor a promise he made before he was injured,” Stella replied. “He keeps telling me it will all work out, and I’m trying to trust him on that. But I don’t want to force him into getting married if he’s not ready.”