An Indelicate Situation (The Weymouth Trilogy) (33 page)

Maggie’s head almost swam with elation.
Freddy’s concern, his anger at his cousin
, his mortification that she had gone
. Surely it indicated a m
ore than casual interest in her
welfare?

‘Oh, they are indeed
,’ she
finally
managed to
say
. ‘
I could not wish for a better position, and that’s the honest truth. Mr and Mrs Berkeley are so thoughtful and kind – they treat me quite as one of the family – and the children – well, all three
of them – they are all so affectionate
and well behaved – I love them all already.’

‘And this really is a lovely p...property. I re...remember you t
elling
me that you liked it
here
, b...before.’

‘It is absolutely beautiful. I cannot fault it at all. I could enthuse about it all day and still not grow tired of saying how much I like it. I feel so fortunate. From the depths of despair only a few short days ago – from being thrown onto the streets, with no money and nowhere to go, to ending up here at Belvoir like this. Well – it seems almost dream
-
like, Mr Staveley. I cannot express just how fortunate I feel I have been.’

Mr Staveley then took the opportunity of telling her of her two
new
employers’ deeply-held suspicions regarding his cousin’s conduct and of how they themselves had seen Mrs William selling some trinkets very much like his mother’s in the jewellery shop in town.

‘And should you like m...me to ask my cousin to p...provide you with an apology if it turns out that our suspicions are correct
, M...Miss Owens
? After all,
it appears that
she has b...behaved most m...monstrously towards you.
I wouldn’t blame you if you should.
’

Maggie thought for half a second before firmly shaking her head.

‘No – no, I thank you, Mr Staveley. An apology is not required. I had given her some little reason to be angry with me after all, and I do not really bear her any grudge.
It is
you
who s
hould
be demanding an apology
, not me. After all, i
t appears that your cousin and Mr Wright have completely taken over
the
life
of your mama
. They have taken all her money off her and are managing everything for their own advantage.
Your mama explained everything to me in one of our little discussions.
They give her a little pin money every now and again and query everything
that
she wants to buy.
They have taken every decision away from her.
They decide what she should have for her dinner, and when she should have it.
They even determine when she should take her bath.
I have to say, I am utterl
y appalled.
’

Mr Berkeley’s carpet must have been quite remarkable, as Mr Staveley was
providing it
with
unwavering
attention.

‘I ho...hope that M...
Mr Wright
’s lack of support for you has not distressed you too m...much, M...Miss Owens,’ he
suddenly
blurted out, speaking so rapidly that Maggie got the distinct impression that he wanted to get the words out before he should entirely
change his mind
. ‘I know that you....well....’

Here Maggie felt it possible to
relieve him of
his misapprehension.

‘Thank you so much, Mr Staveley,’ she said, touching him gently on the hand for a second. ‘I really appreciate your concern. It is most kind. But
Mr Wright
would always support his wife – indeed, it is quite right that he should do so. I would not have expected him to do an
ything else. I am perfectly eas
y about it, I assure you.’

Freddy looked across at her, an embarrassed look on his face.

‘So – so you are....I m...mean, your heart is not....?’

‘No. My heart is not engaged by
Mr Wright
– nor ever was it, I am certain, though perhaps I thought so – ever such a little – for a very short while indeed. It would have been wrong – very wrong – had I allowed – well,’ Maggie was now looking a
s embarrassed as Freddy had been
a couple of moments before, ‘well, I think you will know what I mean. I cringe to think of it, to tell you the truth – I cringe to think of how foolish I have been, how wicked I must have seemed. I would give anything for it not to have been so, now. Perhaps I was a little lonely – I had no friend at all in the world, you see, and
Mr Wright
was the only p
erson in the whole household to pay me any real attention
at all
. He was the only person out of everyone I met to treat me as a human being. He seemed interested in me. He took some notice of me. And to someone as friendless as I was at the time I suppose that it was that, as much as anything, that made him seem attractive to me. But I soon realised that his interest in me was totally illusory. He was not interested in me – not interested in me for who I am at all. He only saw something in me that he wanted
for himself
and – well, he turned on a certain amount of charm to possess it. But,’ here Maggie realised that, strictly, she had strayed from the focus of his question. She had strayed from his question but she also realised that she needed to plough on regardless. She had to reassure him that she was no loose woman,
and
that she had realised the error into which she was falling just in time to escape it. ‘But,’ she continued, quickly. ‘I did not allow him what he wanted from me. A warning from Mrs Berkeley first alerted me to the ... well, the indelicate situation that I was getting myself into
by allowing his attentions to continue. But it took your own kind warning to give me the strength to turn him away. We have said before that both of us need to love – that we are both of a loving disposition. But I know – and I thank you sincerely for the gentle hint that you kindly bestowed upon me
at the time
– it was most kind of you, believe me – but I know that for me to have given way to anything of that nature with a married gentleman – well....anyway, despite what Mrs Wright might think – and despite what she might have told you – I am now perfectly easy that my heart is quite secure.’

Mr Staveley seemed more than a little agitated.

‘So you do not regret William’s ab...abandon...abandonment of you?’

‘Regret it? No, not at all. Indeed, it is I who had spurned him – several weeks ago, the truth be told – even before you went away to London. I had not even thought of it at all. He tried to force himself upon me, Mr Staveley. He told me that he loved me. Perhaps he thought he meant it – that the attraction, the need he was so conscious of was really and truly love. But I soon realised that it was nothing of the sort. Love is not about meeting base desires of one’s own. It is a far, far nobler sensation than that. I know that now, though I did not know it at the time. But even if it had been true – even if what we felt for each other had been deep and real – it would still have been a terrible wrong to indulge it. I was lonely and foolish and naive, Mr Staveley, and maybe a little flattered as well. I had not thought through the consequences of what I was allowing him to do. But as soon as I realised – as soon as I stepped back and looked at how
imprudent
I had become – well, from that very moment I stopped thinking anything about him whatsoever.’

Mr Staveley looked genuinely relieved.
He seemed to understand.
But n
ow that she had started, now that she had opened up her heart to him, Maggie felt an
absolute compu
ls
ion to carry on
.

‘And yet, genuine or not – whether it was right to do so or not
-
perhaps
Mr Wright
did help me in a strange sort of a way,’ she went on, musingly. ‘Perhaps he gave me back my own faith in myself – that I could be attractive to someone, that someone could see me for who I was rather than simply seeing the subordinate position in which I found myself. Perhaps I had been seeing myself as inferior, as someone not worthy of anything
any
more. Perhaps I had been signalling that belief – to myself and to everybody else. Perhaps I had just needed someone to tell me that I was not inferior to everybody else – and
Mr Wright
was the gentleman who happened to
be there at the time
.’

‘How frail we all are,’ murmured Freddy, nodding sagely. ‘We rely so m...much on other people’s a...approbation and fail to recognise the goodness we have in ourselves. And here am I, listening to the words you are speaking – listening to how you have felt about yourself – listening to all your insecurities, all your needs – and it’s as if you have p...placed a m...mirror in front of you and reflecte
d m...me instead
. B...but please, m...my dear, please be assured that whatever you m...may tell yourself – whatever others m...might say – you are inferior to none of them – none of them at all. Far from it. Just b...believe in yourself, M...Miss Owens. You are b...bright and kind and adorable and I have every fa
ith that you will always know exactly
the right thing
to do.
’

Now it was Maggie’s turn to give her attention to the carpet.
The look as he said this, the particular smile as he managed to catch her eye at last, generated so powerful and heady a sensation of
absolute
love for him that for a moment it
robbed her totally of
her senses
.

They sat there another few moments in silence once again. She took a deep breath or two and tried to regain her control.

‘But what of you, Mr
Staveley?’ she managed to ask
him
,
after a while
. ‘I have been quite concerned about you. I assume that you have heard the news? I asked your mama to let you know particularly so that you might not come back and be taken quite by surprise. I have wanted an opportunity to find out if you are quite easy about it.’

‘What news, M...Miss Owens?’

‘The news about Miss....Miss Brewer.’

Here Mr Staveley’s eyes widened.

‘No. I have heard no news of M...Miss B...Brewer. Is she is the suds? I did call on her as soon as I returned to Wey...Weymouth but I was told that she was not at home.’

‘So your mama did not tell you? I had feared that she might forget.’

‘No m...my mother has said nothing ab...about Miss B...Brewer
at all
. Please – do tell me. What is the m...matter with her?’

Maggie felt her heart wrench. Of all the people in the world, she knew that Freddy Staveley was the one person whom she least wanted to hurt. And yet, sitting there with him in Mr and Mrs Berkeley’s beautiful drawing room, the handsome grandfather clock ticking loudly in a corner, she knew that at that moment she was the very person best qualified to do just that.

‘Oh, I am so sorry, Mr Staveley,’ she said, hesitantly. ‘Do not worry – there is nothing wrong with Miss Brewer that I know of. She is not ill. Indeed, I am sure that she is feeling most – well, most joyous. She has – well, she has promised herself to Mr Rowley
-
Jones, you see. I am very much afraid that she has achieved her purpose at last.’

Maggie cast her companion a sideways glance. He was looking very glum. Her heart went out to him. Poor Freddy. Despite his brave words about her, despite saying that he knew deep down that a young lady like Miss Brewer would never deign to think anything of a man like him, it was quite apparent that he had still cherished a forlorn hope deep within his heart that a young lady like Miss Brewer could occasionally act in unexpected ways, and might, eventually, be brought round to recognise his worth.

‘Oh,’ he said at last. ‘Oh.’

‘I am so sorry, Mr Staveley. I am so very sorry. I had thought – I had hoped that you might know of it by now and have had a little time to get used to the idea.’

‘Thank you,’ he said, looking up at her and trying to cast her a little smile. ‘Thank you, M...Miss Owens. I am m...most grateful to you. M...my mother said that you had asked her to tell me some...something – something most im...imp...important, she knew, b...but she could not for the li
fe of her rem...remember what it
was. I suppose I have sus...suspected it. I
suppose, deep down I really knew – after what we had seen after going to the p...play, and her m...most inconsistent behaviour towards me all along – b...but a man has his dreams, you know. I daresay I was hoping that, whilst she remained free, there m...might still be a little hope for me yet.’

Maggie nodded and, Mr Staveley having decided to quit the room to digest the news alone, she rose with him and saw him to the door. She watch
ed him go, with a heavy heart.
She desperately wanted to comfort him, to take him in her arms and caress him, to tell him that in her, Maggie, he had found the love he was so desperately looking for. It was a torture to let him slip away and hide.
A
nd so, a
fter all her
recent
joys and revelations
,
after all her relief and her absolute elation,
s
he was
suddenly
feeling more than
a little
depressed
herself just then.