An Unbroken Heart (34 page)

Joanna pushed the last bobby pin into her
kapp
and looked at herself in the mirror.
The butterflies were back. She missed them. While her nerves were ramped up, instead
of dread she felt excitement. Anticipation. She also felt confident.

She closed her eyes, remembering Andrew's stunned, then relieved expression when
she'd asked him out. She hadn't feared he would say no—well, not too much anyway.
She knew they still had love and attraction between them, especially on her part.
But they needed to restart their relationship. To do it right this time. To be honest
with each other. Today was the first step.

She touched her scar. It didn't bother her anymore. Now she thought of it as a badge,
a symbol of what she'd gone through to get to this point in her life. To know that
she was strong. Capable. She never would have arrived at this point without going
through the tough valley. She wasn't sure she was completely out of it yet, but she
was making the climb.

After one last check in the mirror, she left the bathroom and went downstairs. Sadie
was visiting Patience today, having revealed that her friend was pregnant. Abigail
and Aden were working in the store. And Joanna was ready for her date.

As she sat on the couch, Homer joined her and she petted his
head. She glanced at
the clock. Five minutes until Andrew was supposed to be here. She got up and straightened
the skirt of her dress. Homer barked and she went to the window. She pulled back
the curtain as she saw Andrew's buggy pull into her driveway. She smiled. He was
early.

Joanna went outside, Homer following her. She met Andrew halfway between the house
and his buggy.

“I'm a little early,” he said, looking a little sheepish.

“I'm glad you are.”

He grinned, his gaze steady with hers. “What do you want to do today?”

“
Geh
fishing.”

His eyes widened. “Fishing?”

“
Ya
. At Birch Creek.”

“Okay. I didn't know you liked to fish.”

“I don't, really.” She licked her lips. “But
mei daed
used to take me when I was
younger.”

He nodded. “
Mei daed
used to take me. In Florida. We fished in the ocean.”

Her brow lifted. He never talked about his father. “Uh, well. Since you and I have
never fished together, I thought it would be fun.”

“You don't think it's too cold?”

It was a little brisk. But the sun was also shining. “I'll wear
mei
coat. You can
borrow one of Aden's if you need to.”

“Nah, you know I don't get cold easily.” He gestured to the buggy. “I didn't bring
any fishing poles.”

“We can use
mei daed's
.”

With a lift of his shoulders, Andrew said, “Show me where they are.”

An hour later, Joanna and Andrew were sitting on the edge of Birch Creek. The water
rushed by, dragging their fishing lines with it. Joanna held on to her father's favorite
pole. It was probably older than she was. Andrew was using one of
Daed's
newer ones.
Neither of them had caught anything.

“You're kinda bad at this,” Joanna said, looking at Andrew with a smile.

“We both are.” He peered over the edge of the bank. “I don't think the fish are biting
right now.”

Just as he spoke the words, something tugged on Joanna's pole. She started to reel
it in, but it resisted. When she tried to stand up on the grassy bank, her feet slipped
underneath her and she landed on the ground.

“Joanna!” Andrew was right there, his hand at her waist. “Are you okay?”

Joanna laughed. She wasn't hurt, and she didn't care if Andrew saw that she was clumsy.
She'd always been a little clumsy anyway, even before the accident. “I'm fine. But
you could help me with this fish.”

He stuck his pole into a soft spot in the ground and crouched behind her. He wrapped
his arms around her shoulders as he took hold of the pole. “You keep reeling. I'll
keep the pole steady.”

Whatever was on the end of the line was determined to put up a fight. Joanna leaned
back against Andrew's chest as she twirled the reel. His forearm tightened as he
pulled on the pole, so much that she could see the outline of his muscles. A shiver
went through her that had nothing to do with the chill of the day.

The line finally went slack, but Andrew held on to the pole—and to her—as she reeled
in her catch. “What kind of
fish is this?” she asked as the fish emerged from the
water and dangled on her hook.

“Steelhead, I think.” He let go of the pole and leaned over her to take the fish.
He could have easily stood up and done it, but he kept himself in close proximity
to her. The butterflies in her stomach were out of control.

“I'll put it in the creel.” He said the words in her ear. Then he stood, put the
fish in the creel, picked up his pole, and sat back down, this time much closer to
her than before.

They sat in silence, and it wasn't awkward. The rushing water, twittering birds,
and rustle of leaves enveloped them. “I can see why
mei daed
liked coming here,”
she said. “It's lovely.”

“Definitely.”

She turned to him, expecting him to be staring at the creek in front of him. Instead,
his eyes were on her. She glanced away, feeling shy once again. She forced herself
to look at him. “Andrew, I'm sorry.”

His gaze turned from smoky to concerned. “About what?”

“Asking you to marry me, for one.”

“You're sorry about that?”

“I'm sorry about the way I asked you.” She angled her body toward him so she faced
him more fully. “I put you on the spot and I shouldn't have. We'd been dating only
two months.”

“I'm the one who handled it badly. I should have told you what I thought.” He paused.
“How I felt. But I didn't want to mess things up. I wanted to be sure about us.”

“And that was the fair thing to do. The mature thing.” She sighed. “When the accident
happened, I was arguing with
Mamm
and
Daed
about us.” She looked away, tears springing
to her eyes. “I told
Mamm
if we wanted to get married, they couldn't stop us.”

“They wanted to?”

“
Mamm
said we weren't ready. And she was right.” Joanna wiped at her eyes, but the
tears continued to fall. She held on to the fishing pole. “We weren't. At least,
I wasn't.”

“I wasn't either.” He turned her face toward him. “But I didn't want to lose you.
I thought I'd lost you even before the accident, when I hurt you. Then when you were
in the hospital . . .” His Adam's apple bobbed in his neck. “I wanted you to know
how much I loved you. I thought getting married would make you happy.”

“And I kept pushing you away.” Her tears were flowing freely now. “I didn't mean
to hurt you, Andrew. I was acting stupid and childish.”

“I shouldn't have pressured you.”

“But I pressured you first.”

“Let's agree we both made mistakes.”

She nodded. “At least
yers
didn't cause an accident.”

His eyes widened. “Is that what you think, Joanna? That accident wasn't
yer
fault.”

“
Daed
was distracted. He was telling me not to be disrespectful to
Mamm
.” Ugh, why
couldn't she stop crying? “He wasn't watching the road.”

“Even if he was, he wouldn't have been able to avoid the car that plowed into them.
The driver who hit you is the one responsible.”

“It doesn't matter. Whoever hit us is long gone by now.”

Andrew didn't say anything for a long moment. “You say that as if it's a fact.”

She shrugged. “I haven't given it much thought.”

“Because you've been busy blaming yourself.” He looked at
her for a moment, then
ran his thumb over her unscarred cheek. “Why didn't you tell me this before? You
shouldn't have had to carry all this pain all alone.”

“I didn't want to burden you.”

“Joanna, you would never be a burden to me. Ever.” He removed his hand and sat cross-legged
in front of her. The fishing poles were on the ground, fishing forgotten. “Even
if you were, you would be
mei
burden, and I wouldn't have it any other way.”

She scrunched her nose. “I'm not sure if that's a compliment.”

“It is.” His hands were lightly resting on his knees, the breeze ruffling the ends
of his hair peeking out from underneath his straw hat. “I need to be completely honest
with you, and I haven't been since we started dating.” He let out a sigh. “I didn't
know what I was doing when I asked you out. I don't know how to be a boyfriend. Or
a husband. Even before the wedding I had doubts that I was
gut
enough.”

“Really?”

“
Ya
.
Mei daed
hasn't exactly been a shining example of a family man. At least I
didn't think so.” He paused. “You can't tell a single soul what I'm about to tell
you. Promise me, Joanna.”

She steeled herself, wondering what he was so serious about. “I promise.”

“I got a letter from
mei
father the other
daag
. Apparently he and
Mamm
have been
in touch all these years. He never ran away with another woman. He's been staying
away from us to protect us.”

“I don't understand.”

“I didn't either, at first. And I was so angry with him.” His hands balled into fists
on his knees. “I didn't want him anywhere
near me. But once I heard his side of the
story, I realized I was wrong.” Andrew's voice grew thick. “He was the perfect example
of a husband and father. He made the ultimate sacrifice to keep us safe.”

“Safe from what?” She listened as he explained his father's past. Her eyes widened.
She didn't know anything about drugs or gangs. But from what Andrew was saying, his
father had been in serious trouble.

“Knowing the truth doesn't erase all the hurt, though. At least not now. But I do
understand why
mei mamm
stayed with him. Her love for him was deeper than his mistakes
and failures.” He leaned forward. “I'd like to think our love is like that too.”

She closed her eyes, feeling bathed in Andrew's presence. In his love. He hadn't
physically touched her as she had craved for so long. That had been another sign
of her immaturity—that she needed an outward demonstration of how he felt. His words
reached deep inside her soul.

“Joanna?”

She opened her eyes to see him gazing at her. He didn't say anything else. He put
his
hands
on either side of his legs and leaned forward. His lips touched hers, sending
the
butterflies
soaring.

“I hope that was okay,” he said as he pulled away.

“Definitely.” She smiled.

“
Gut
. I wasn't sure, since this is our first date.”

First date? Then she realized it really was. The first time they felt comfortable
with each other. That they were truthful with each other. That they could express
their love without pressure or guilt.

He reached out and touched her cheek—again, the one without the scar. She took his
hand and pushed him away.

He frowned. “I'm sorry. I thought . . . Never mind.” His voice sounded slightly exasperated,
and he turned away.

“Andrew,” she said, straightening. “Look at me.”

He did, a mix of confusion and surprise in his eyes when she leaned toward him. “Why
won't you touch it?” she asked.

His brow furrowed. “Touch what?”

“This.” She ran her fingers over the ridge on her cheek. “Is it that repulsive?”

He shoved himself to a straighter sitting position. “
Nee
, of course not.”

Despite herself, she felt the tears sting her eyes.

He lifted his hand, slowly, then cupped her cheek. His thumb hovered over the skin,
then
skimmed
the raised flesh. “There's nothing repulsive about you, Joanna,” he
whispered.
“I
never touched
yer
scar because I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't
know if
you
would feel pain from my touch.” He released her cheek, then ran his finger
gently
along
the length of the scar. “I also didn't want to bring any more reminders
about
what
happened. You were dealing with enough.”

His delicate touch brought a shiver down her spine. He didn't stop at the end of
the scar, but kept trailing his finger over her chin to the base of her throat, then
pulled away. Then kissed the raised ridge. “I've been wanting to do that since you
came home,” he said, his voice low. He cupped her face. Then he took her into his
arms and thoroughly kissed her, stealing her breath and her heart.

“If this is our first date,” she said, breathlessly, “I can't wait for our second.”

Andrew laughed. “Me neither.”