Anabel Unraveled (25 page)

“I think I know that better than anybody,” I replied.

He leaned forward. “Then tell me this: why are you letting yourself fall in love with him?”

“Oh, no,” I groaned, putting my face in my hands. “Is it really that obvious?”

“Yes. Which is why I wanted to talk to you tonight, alone. I saw firsthand what he did to Nat. She cried a fair amount throughout the relationship—was always convinced he was cheating on her. She never felt like she was good enough for him.”

“Did you talk to him after it happened?”

He sighed. “Yes, and his response was that she knew what she was getting into. To be fair, she had told me as much. I think she just felt like she could turn him around.”

“I don’t know what woman could do that,” I commented. That prospect sounded exhausting.

“Well now, see here’s the problem,” he continued, growing serious. “What’s his deal with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Jared wants you.”

I snorted. “What do you mean, he wants me?”

“I’ve been watching him. He doesn’t like not being in control of you. He doesn’t like it when you push him away. So he wants you.”

“Or he cares about me?” I suggested.

“Well, that could be a possibility.”

“Well if it is that, then I worry it’s just out of guilt.” I sat back in my chair.

“You know that he doesn’t have the best track record with women. I just think for the sake of your daughter you need to be careful what choices you make with regards to him.”

“I feel so dirty,” I muttered. “By all accounts, I should hate his guts, right?”

“You’re emotional,” he reminded me. “I mean, you have what, five million hormones coursing through your body at any given moment? Isn’t that what you said to Sam to justify your behavior?”

I laughed. “Yes. Yes, that’s exactly right.”

“And,” he continued, his voice gentle, “you are so uncertain right now, you don’t quite know what to do. Somehow, in your sense of right and wrong, it seems right to you to maybe pull a family together—you, Jared, your little girl. After all, you never had a family, isn’t this what you always wanted?”

I started blinking back tears. “You know me better than I know myself.”

“I doubt that.”

“No really, I think you’re the first person who has managed to figure out what I’m feeling.” I shook my head. “But I still feel ashamed of who I am at this point.”

“No, no,” he soothed, taking my hand. “The only person who should have any shame for their behavior is Jared.” His eyes were compassionate, and I decided to push down any barriers I had put up between us.

“If I stayed with him I could never trust him,” I declared. “But how unfair is it to Emma, to keep her away from her father?”

“You wouldn’t do that,” he replied.

“You don’t know me that well, Matt.”

“I think I know you well enough, Anabel. You’re tough. Most people would think twice if their baby was threatening their life.”

I was startled. “What?”

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

I looked down. “I haven’t told Jared.”

“Of course you haven’t,” he responded. “You know he would try and talk you out of it otherwise. What exactly is wrong?”

“Well, it started with the bleeding.”

“The bleeding?”

I nodded. “When I was nine weeks we determined I was pregnant. When I hit ten weeks, I had what’s called sub-chorionic bleeding, where a hematoma forms where the placenta implants. Mine was very, very small, so it wasn’t an issue, but from then on I’ve been worried every time I go to the bathroom that I’m going to see something.” Tears formed in my eyes just thinking about this. “Kevin assures me I don’t have anything to worry about, but I can’t help it.”

“That’s not the only thing that’s going on though, is it?” he persisted.

I sighed. “I’m at risk for a fair amount of labor complications. We discovered around week fourteen that I was developing blood clots. So I had to take blood thinners, and it seems to have helped, but we have to be careful of that given my condition. I’m more than likely going to have to have a C-section, and Kevin has suggested to me more than once that this could have dire consequences. I could have massive blood loss once I deliver.”

“And the baby?”

“Should be fine,” I told him. “It’s just me.”

“And you’re not going to tell him?”

I looked away. “I will, at some point. Just not now. Believe me, I don’t like lying to him, and neither does Sam. Kevin was fine with it though.” I gave a harsh laugh. “Sam seems to think that if we lie to him it makes us just as bad as he is, but I disagree.”

“Are you scared?” he asked quietly.

I shook my head. “No. I have no intention of dying.” I glanced at my watch. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather talk about something else.”

We were interrupted by the waiter bringing us our food. I stuck my fork into my pasta and twirled it, lost in thought.

“You should actually eat the food, you know,” Matt said.

I took a bite, slowly chewing the fettuccine. “Well, Matt, you seem to have all the answers. What should I do?”

He gave me an appraising stare. “I’m not going to tell you what to do, Anabel.”

“I wish somebody would.”

“You’ll figure it out. You’re a bright girl,” he replied, taking a bite of steak.

“You’re very confusing.” I leaned forward again. “I mean, on one hand, you keep telling me what an attention whore I’m being.”

“I never called you an attention whore.”

“Okay, you didn’t use that phrase, but you accused me of needing to be in the spotlight.” I felt my temperature rise. This guy had a serious talent for driving me crazy.

He smiled at me, that slow, infuriating smile. “Like I said, I’ve been watching you, Anabel. I know you pretty well.”

I was unnerved. “What does that mean?”

“It means I know you’re still that little book-loving girl on the island. But I also know you’re really starting to figure out who you are, and I think that as time goes on, you’ll become a force to be reckoned with.” He glanced at his watch. “We should get you home soon. I’m sure you need your rest for another day of fun in the hearings tomorrow.”

But I was staring at him. “Who are you?”

“I’m your best friend. You said so yourself.” He looked self-satisfied.

I shook my head. “Alright then. I guess I will just have to accept that my life just gets weirder every day.”

As we walked back to his truck I had a surprising thought. I was having fun. I was out somewhere with a person who almost counted as a friend, having dinner, not having the eyes of the world scrutinizing me. The thought buoyed my spirits.

Phil and Charlotte had waited up for us with tea and biscuits. Even though I was overstuffed, I gratefully accepted mine, and Matt made an effort to appear almost cordial as he thanked Charlotte, who beamed at him. They were adorable, the two of them. Charlotte’s red hair was almost as messy as mine, and the way that she and Phil looked at each other made me wistful. Clearly, these two were very much in love. Phil sat close to his wife, holding her hand, looking at her like she was the most beautiful woman in the world. She kept shooting him these adoring glances that melted my heart.

For the first time I realized that I wanted that. I wanted someone to think that I was beautiful while I was wearing sweatpants and an old t-shirt. I wanted stability. I wanted a relationship.

Which wasn’t what I had wanted with Jared.

With Jared it had been about wanting sex. I may as well be honest with myself. My attraction to Jared was based on what amounted to an animalistic lust. I had fallen into these feelings without any thought of the consequences, and had attached myself to him—but I had known full well what kind of a man he was, and my expectations had been realistic. I had never expected the two of us to live happily ever after— and I hadn’t wanted that with him. But studying Charlotte and Phil made me wonder. I already adored them, and I enjoyed pleasant banter with them until Matt reminded me, none too gently, that I might want to consider getting some sleep.

“Oh right,” I sighed. “Silly hearings tomorrow. Well, goodnight then, it was wonderful to meet the both of you!”

Matt followed me up the stairs and into my room. At the door, I turned around and stared at him. “Um,” I began, giving him a coquettish look.

“I need to check your room,” he demanded. Matt really was immune to my charms.

“Paranoid much?”

“Someone has to be.” He lifted the bed skirt and checked under my bed. I sat down and crossed my arms, amused as he ducked into the closet and the bathroom. He looked at me. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I think we’re in the clear.” He rubbed his eyes, looking tired. “What time do you have to be in the District tomorrow?”

“Um, the hearings start at 9:30, but I like to get there early.”

“How long does it take you to get ready?”

“I showered today, so I don’t need to tomorrow, so fifteen minutes, plus eating breakfast.”

“What do you mean, you don’t need to tomorrow?” He looked repulsed.

“My hair . . . if I wash it every day it gets really dry. There’s nothing wrong with that. And saving water, you know.”

“Yes, save the planet. I’d forgotten who I was talking to,” he said with a touch of sarcasm.

“Oh I forgot, you can’t be nice for too long,” I snapped at him. “What are you all up in arms about now?”

“Well, your brother was big on climate change reform—”

“So what, that makes me president of Greenpeace? Please,” I spat. I grabbed one of my bags and opened it for him, showing him my vast collection of electronic hair styling implements as well as aerosol sprays. “I think this alone disqualifies me.”

He was trying not to grin. I could tell.

“So if you have all that, why is your hair always a mess?”

I stared at him, unsure of what to say.

“Alright, Anabel,” he announced. “I’ll make sure you’re awake in the morning.”

“Okay,” I agreed, feeling confused. “Goodnight, Matt.”

Then he walked out without another look, and left me standing there like a fool. As I closed the door, I was biting my lip and couldn’t help but wonder why I wanted him to come back.

Chapter 26—Anabel

The next morning he was shaking me again. “Hey. Get up.”

“You know, you could sing a song, or something,” I mumbled. I was never at my best when I first awoke, and this was not my preferred method of being wrested from my precious slumber.

“You really want me to sing you a song?” I blinked up at him, and could see he looked amused. He also appeared to have been up for much longer than me.

“It’s better than having you shake me like this,” I grumbled. As he walked back toward the door I contemplated throwing my copy of The Bonfire of the Vanities at him. “What time is it, anyway?”

“Seven. Get dressed and meet me downstairs, ASAP.” He was gone again.

Great. Another infuriating man in my life. First Jared, then my brother, and now the man that was being paid to watch over me was nothing but a pushy, overbearing . . . I collected myself. He might be pushy, but, for some reason, I did trust him. I had poured my heart out to him last night and let him see me at my most vulnerable . . . and telling him about my health complications was definitely my most vulnerable. I shoved that out of my mind; I didn’t want to think about that. What I needed to concentrate on now was how to deal with Matt. The problem, I reasoned, sitting up in my bed, was that I had let too many men into my life. The solution I saw in front of me was simple: I clearly needed a female friend. Maybe Charlotte? I should call Meghan tonight, and I grabbed my phone and made a note reminding me to do so.

I washed my face and decided that I would attempt brushing my teeth if I managed to get some breakfast down. Checking myself in the mirror, I was pleased to see that well-rested Anabel didn’t look half bad. Pulling on a modest purple dress, I wandered downstairs.

Matt was eating a delicious-looking pile of waffles. “Miss Anabel!” cried Charlotte, bouncing around her kitchen. “Here, dear, I just finished your waffles.”

“Oh, thank you.” I took my plate and my seat. Matt did not bother to glance up from his food. So I decided to eat in silence, as well.

By the time he and I got in the car together, my animosity was blatant and I made no attempt to make conversation with him. We were listening to some oldies station, and I was running my hands through my hair, yanking on it.

“You’re going to go bald if you keep doing that.”

“It’s how I deal with my life.”

“That’s silly, Anabel. I don’t think your life is that bad.” His tone was light, which made me even more irritated.

“Nobody asked you,” I snapped.

“I mean, you went through some tough stuff, but it’s all coming together for you now, right?”

“Mm,” I grunted, noncommittal.

We stopped at a light and he looked my way, frowning. “Why are you angry with me?” He seemed genuinely surprised.

“I don’t know. I just am.” I looked out the window, hoping he would not point out how preposterous I was being.

“Look, I don’t think you’re used to someone like me. There are different types of people in the world, that’s all.”

“Will you at least tell me why don’t you like me?” I asked, again.

“It’s not that I don’t like you. It’s just how I am.” He didn’t meet my eyes.

“You were nice enough last night.”

“Well, I wanted to get to know you. I don’t have anything against you, you know.”

“What is that supposed to mean? You don’t have anything against me? And you wanted to get to know me? So now that you’ve gotten what you need, you’re done with me? Great. I feel used and degraded.” I was back to pulling at my hair. Then I felt a hand stop mine.

“Please, Anabel. You need to be calm and relaxed for today.” The voice was almost tender.

“I don’t understand you.” I shook my head and closed my eyes, willing him to no longer be there.

But he still was. “It’s for your own good, okay?”

“Oh yes,” I said¸ heavy on the sarcasm. “Everything is for my own good, haven’t you heard?” I tried to turn away from him, but my ever-growing stomach was hindering my movement. I slumped in my seat, hoping he hadn’t noticed.