Anal Pleasure and Health: A Guide for Men, Women and Couples (46 page)

Jack Morin, Ph.D., has been studying the erotic adventure as a clinician and researcher for more than three decades, often delving into uncharted territory. He is the author of The Erotic Mind, an in-depth guide to what turns us onand why. He's a professor at the California Institute of Integral Studies and a faculty member at the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. He practices psychotherapy and sex therapy in the San Francisco Bay Area (www.eackmorin.com). He also has a passion for photography (www.lack-morinphotography.com).

* Those interested in sex education should visit the Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS) at www.siecus.org. Their online newsletter provides a wealth of up-todate information and research.

For an in-depth discussion of how taboos and the accompanying emotions can both inhibit and intensify arousal, see my book, The Erotic Mind.

* Now there's a medical specialty called "sexual medicine," which combines regular medical training with in-depth training in sexology. You can see a radical shift in perspective in Dr. Charles Moser's book, Health Care Without Shame.

* If you'd like to explore the pelvic muscles in more detail, read Louis Schultz' Out in the Open: The Complete Male Pelvis or Rebecca Chalker's The Clitoral Truth. Both of these books were helpful to me.

* A man's urethra is also surrounded by spongy tissue that becomes engorged during high arousal. I'm sure this contributes to a man's orgasmic pleasure, but it doesn't release any fluid, at least as far as we know.

* If you suffer from chronic pelvic pain, the exercises described in the book may not be sufficient to bring relief, although they should help. Read the section on "Chronic Pelvic Pain Syndromes" in the Appendix to learn more about these vexing problems and what can be done about them.

* Almost any technique can work if you use it consistently. Consider meditation, self-hypnosis, or a progressive muscle relaxation sequence. You might field test several techniques and focus on those with the greatest appeal and effectiveness. The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook (Davis, et al, 6th Ed.) offers concise guidance for virtually all popular methods.

* You can survey and purchase a variety of douching devices online. See "Sex Toys and Supplies" in the websites section of "References & Resources."

* Cultivating mindfulness can help a lot in your anal explorations, but it's an equally useful approach to virtually any other life concern or challenge, including anxiety and depression. For an in-depth understanding of this remarkable tool for growth, read Jon Kabat-Zinn's Full Catastrophe Living.

* For a fascinating exploration of these and other mysteries of women's desire and arousal, see Daniel Bergner's article, "What Do Women Want?," profiling several female sex researchers studying these questions (NY Times Magazine, January 25, 2009).

* Women especially may enjoy reading Betty Dodson's updated classic, Sex for One, or watching her intimate, 90 minute DVD, Orgasmic Women: Thirteen Seif-LovingDivas.

You'll need to buy non-latex gloves at a specialty sex toy or medical supply shop or website, such as www.665leather.com.

I know of two books on anal fisting-Bert Herrman's Trust, the Hand Book and Tim Brough's First Hand. See the "BDSM and Kink" heading of "References & Resources" near the back of this book for relevant websites. Video clips are available at www.xtube.com (search for "handball").

* For men beginning the coming out process, as well as those who are well under way, there's no better book than Don Clark's Loving Someone Gay (5th Ed.).

* The psychological theories of Carl Jung are particularly relevant in this regard. Jung recognized through his analysis of dreams and other symbolic material-such as art and myths-that a conscious integration of one's masculinity and femininity is a crucial aspect of psychological wholeness for both men and women (Jung, 1951).

Sex roles have other functions as well, of course. For example, pre-defined roles, when accepted by both partners, simplify decision-making and reduce the need for discussion. In addition, strict sex roles have traditionally fostered economic dependency, which tends to maintain relationships even when they have become dysfunctional. Sex roles are also effective tools for maintaining male economic and political superiority.