Anastasia Again! (15 page)
"There's no date."
"Well, it really doesn't matter when he wrote it, I guess. It's nice to know that he
did.
" Gertrustein blushed a little.
"I wonder where he is now."
"Probably being a Senior Citizen somewhere."
"Maybe you could find him."
But Gertrustein hooted. "I wouldn't even want to, now. He's probably fat. Better just to remember him. Of course, it would be nice if..."
"If what?"
Gertrustein patted her curls. "If he could see my new hairdo," she laughed.
***
"Chapter 5," wrote Anastasia at the top of a new page. She had begun to be a little bored with novel writing, so she decided that Chapter 5 would be the final chapter. That meant, she knew from Agatha Christie, that she had to bring all the characters together, preferably in a locked room, and solve the mystery.
And she also had to put the sex in.
She realized that it was not entirely clear just what the mystery
was.
But it was in the title. "The Mystery of Saying Good-by." Okay. She just had to connect the title with the plot.
Anastasia spit out some eraser bits that she had nibbled off accidentally and began to write.
"All of the characters," she wrote, "were in the same
room. Suddenly, creeping silently down from the tower, came a naked man."
Then she frowned, crossed out "man" and wrote "little boy."
But that was no good. There was nothing at all sexy about a little boy, naked or not. Well, she thought, it
is
a novel. It doesn't have to be exactly true.
So she wrote again, "Suddenly, creeping silently down from the tower, came a naked man. All he was wearing was a trench coat, and he carried a flashlight.
"He threw open the door to the room, opened his trench coat, laughed an evil laugh, and disappeared."
There. So much for the sex. Now to connect the title.
"The tall bearded man said to everyone, 'Good-by. I am going to take a nap now.'
"The blue-eyed tennis player said to the young girl, 'Good-by. Do you want to play tennis later if it doesn't rain?'
"The young girl said, 'Good-by. Yes, I do.'
"The tall ballerina said, 'Good-by. I think I will go to New York now, to be in a ballet.'
"The cruel and subversive housewife, who actually turned out to be pretty nice, said, 'Good-by. I am going to wash the Kool-Aid pitchers.'
"The woman who looked like a witch, except she didn't anymore, said, 'Good-by. I will help you wash the Kool-Aid pitchers. Where is my green hat?'
"The bald man who was wearing her green hat took it off and gave it to her. 'Good-by,' he said. 'Maybe we could have dinner together some night soon.'
"A whole batch of old people said, 'Good-by,' and they went home. Some of them had to babysit for their grandchildren.
"The strange young man wearing a SeaWorld tee shirt said, 'Good-by, everyone. I am sorry about the naked, emotionally disturbed man. Where is my briefcase?'
"The Irishwoman with the chipped tooth said, 'Here it is. Don't forget your dumb rubbers. Good-by, all.'
"The famous sportscaster said, 'This is Howard Cosell wishing you good-by after what has proven to be an eventful afternoon.'
"The lady lawyer who had once prosecuted an ax murderer said, 'Will you stop that ridiculous Howard Cosell imitation! Good-by, everyone. Thank you so much for including us.'
"The young girl realized, after they had all left, that there were many different ways to say good-by. That solved the mystery."
Anastasia read Chapter 5 again. It was the longest chapter of her novel. But she realized it was lacking something still.
Two things, she decided. The sex was not
quite
explicit enough. And there should have been another mention of the corpse.
But those things were easy to add. She wrote two more sentences.
"The naked man had a poking-out bellybutton. And Mozart was still dead."
Then she wrote, "The End" and went to get her tennis racket.
* For reasons that scientists have not yet figured out, goldfish seem to be more adaptable than young girls.
