Anathema (11 page)

“You okay?” she asks, touching my arm.

“I’ll be fine,” I say, starting down the
hall.

“None of this is your fault, Lizzie. You
couldn’t have known what would happen when you made that sacrifice.
None of us could.”

“I know.” I gently pull from her grasp. I
could tell her knowing doesn’t make it any easier. There’re so many
things happening I never intended, and I don’t know what to do with
any of it.

As I walk away, I see Celia slip back into
the room, and I hope with everything inside of me she can heal the
broken places in his heart as well as in his mind. I hate seeing
him like this.

I round the corner to the kitchen. I see
Jimmie, Lev, and Evan sitting around the table, and even though
they converse in low, hushed tones, I have a feeling whatever they
say is about me somehow, and it’s probably not good.

As I enter, the three of them look up,
confirming my suspicions. Although Lev first glances at my face, he
quickly shifts to my hand and latches onto it.

“The bandage is wet, Lizzie.”

“I did take a shower.”

“Do you want me to take a look at it?” Evan
offers, pushing the chair back, but I quickly raise my hand to stop
all the fuss.

“Look, I’m fine. Lev can help me with the
bandages. It’s no big deal.” They keep staring at me like there’s a
third eye right in the middle of my forehead. I could start
speaking in Swahili, and it probably wouldn’t make them blink. Now
if I start screaming that my hand is killing me, that’ll definitely
get some attention. I just don’t want it.

Sighing, I grab Lev’s hand and lead him back
down the hall. Together we head into the bathroom, and I sit on the
counter, offering him my bandaged hand.

“You’re acting way too casually about this,
Lizzie. It could get infected.”

“And it could heal just fine without everyone
having a bird over it,” I mutter, watching him carefully unwind the
gauze and throw it away. He pulls back the damp antibiotic square
that keeps the gauze from sticking.

Although I hate gory stuff, I force myself to
look this time, which, of course, reminds me I should be in pain.
That causes my hand to start throbbing. I swallow hard, and the
unpleasant clenching of my stomach begins.

“Maybe you should look at something else?”
Lev suggests when I take an unsteady breath and he sees my pale
face.

I shift my gaze to Lev’s face, watching how
the sunlight pouring through the window trickles through his golden
hair. Around him, I see his aura, and part of me wants to laugh at
the thought of him trying to spread his wings in here.

“Gee, I didn’t think blood made you laugh. So
what’s up?” He grabs the bottle of peroxide and begins pouring it
over the stitches. I brace for pain, but there’s only a coldness as
the liquid hits and starts fizzing.

“I imagined your wings materializing in here
and knocking everything off.”

“You are easily amused, aren’t you?” He
shakes his head in bewilderment.

“Everyone needs a hobby.”

“I could have sworn yours was finding
trouble,” Lev murmurs, drying my hand and putting more of the
antibiotic ointment on, followed by a new patch and gauze.

“Does that make you my guardian angel?”

Lev laughs. “Elizabeth, what do you think?”
He finishes wrapping my hand, but his fingers linger, and I find
myself lost in the ocean of his eyes.

“I think I love you.” It’s only a moment I
feel the fear stirring in me. I want a future with Lev more than
anything, but I want him to be safe even more, and I keep thinking
about what happened with Jayzee. I could never bear that happening
to Lev.

“And I love you.”

Lev leans close and kisses my cheek,
lingering there so I feel his soft breath on my face. After a
moment, he backs up, but one hand rests atop mine. “I could stay
here all day, but we need to talk about your training. It needs to
start as soon as possible—just in case.”

“Yeah, the Triune. I remember.” An image from
the dream flashes into my head, a jarring reminder of what the
future holds.

“Are you ready to talk to Evan?”

I want to tell him that I’ll never be ready,
but it’s pointless to fight the inevitable. “Let’s do this.” My
tone comes out caustic and brittle, earning me a worried glance
from Lev, but before he can ask, I wave him off. “I’m fine. Really.
Let’s go.”

Without waiting for a response, I start
toward the kitchen, aware he follows closely. As I sit in the chair
beside Jimmie, Lev takes the seat next to Evan. Jimmie glances at
me and nudges a plate of eggs and bacon in my direction.

“Thought you might be hungry.”

I glare at the table in front of them. “Am I
the only one eating?”

“Right now, yeah,” Jimmie says, leaning back
in his chair. Probably the only reason he isn’t smoking is that
Evan and Lev are here with us; he never has liked smoking in front
of guests in the house. Yeah that’s got to be it, considering how
high-strung he is. Otherwise, his nerves would already have gotten
the better of him. “We all had breakfast already.”

We all stare at one another in the growing
silence. Nobody wants to be the first to breech the topic we know
has to be discussed, and we definitely don’t want to speak our
minds. But I can’t stand this silence in which everybody seems to
be watching me. I haven’t any clue what they expect.

I clear my throat. “So what happens now?”
Chills run through me, and I rub my good hand over my arm, trying
to drive them away.

“How’s your hand?” Jimmie asks, leveling his
gaze at the gauze. I grit my teeth, wondering if this is just
another stall to divert my attention from the stress ahead.

“It’s still attached and still looks like a
hand,” I mutter, shaking my head.

“Do you feel well enough to begin?” Evan
asks, leaning his forearms on the table and offering me a serious
frown.

“There’s not much choice,” I reply, leaning
back in my chair and hiding my bandaged hand under the table in my
lap.

“I think he means to ask if you feel okay,”
Lev clarifies dryly, staring straight ahead. He clenches his jaw,
the only sign of how much he hates being here and doing this.

“Yeah.” Strange how often I find myself
telling other people that when I don’t feel it. Then again, I don’t
feel much these days except panic over a future I have no control
over. My gaze meets Jimmie’s, and his feelings definitely show in
his eyes. The worry has no place to go.

“Does she have to do this?” Jimmie asks; all
the emotions he’s trying so hard to bury give his voice a raspy
edge. He takes a sip of water and sets the glass back down.

“Yes,” Evan confirms, nodding.

“If the Triune is already here, won’t they
sense me using the power when I’m training?” I toy with the end of
my braid so I don’t have to meet his gaze.

Evan shakes his head. “Not necessarily. It’s
not really all that huge of a surge as it is when you attack and
kill someone. The surge happens when someone is close to death. The
power senses it. Otherwise, the flow will barely register, and they
will have to be really close to pick it up. At that point, they
would already be close to finding you, anyway, so it wouldn’t
matter.”

I swallow hard, tempted to tell him about the
dreams I’ve been hiding. Then I think about the last disagreement
between Lev and Evan and realize that probably isn’t the best idea.
Maybe Evan would understand why I had kept a secret, but that
didn’t mean I wanted to tell him.

“How will you train me?” My nervous fingers
pluck absently at the gauze wrap below the table.

“First I’ll teach you how to detect the power
inside, then teach you how to channel it so there won’t be any more
accidents.” He keeps staring at me like he’s expecting something.
I’m just not sure what.

“How’s that going to help against the angels
in the Triune?” Jimmie asks, shift in the chair. The wooden joins
groan in protest.

“Because we can show that Elizabeth has been
trained to use the power rightfully and knows how much respect goes
with that responsibility. If she is trained, there will be no more
accidental attacks, and the members of the Triune will be more
likely to allow her to survive.”

Lev clenches his jaw and shakes his head.
“It’s not about what they decree or what they will or won’t allow,”
he snaps angrily. “They’re no more perfect than we are. How dare
they judge Elizabeth for a selfless act of sacrifice? She didn’t
ask for any of this!” He stands and paces away from the table. His
posture is rigid, and he jams his hands deep into his pockets.

“This isn’t supposed to be a battle,” Evan
counters in a calm but authoritative tone. “They are here to do as
their duties require; they are the keepers of the dagger, and they
did not choose to be the judges here. They were chosen.”

Lev whirls to argue, but Evan waves him to
silence. “Your feelings cannot stop this. Our only hope is to train
Elizabeth well and face the future.”

Jimmie and I glance from Evan to Lev and back
again, trying to figure out how to help, but there’s nothing to do
except focus on the plan Evan has been developing. I know he’s
probably been through this scenario from every possible angle, and
if there were a way around this, he would have found it. I believe
that.

Granted, I’m not the most perceptive person,
but I recognize the stress mounting within all of us, and I sure
don’t like how things are shaping up between Lev and Evan. They’ve
never been at odds like this before, and I sure don’t want them to
start—especially not over me. I know it’s going to take a miracle
to get through this, but I have to try.

“So when do we start?”

“How about now?”

Chapter Eight

It’s a bright, clear autumn day. The sky
aches with blueness, and I feel the beauty in the sunlight dappling
my skin. It’s the kind of day promising summer will go on
forever.

But some of us know better than to believe
blue skies.

It’s under that beautiful, cloudless canopy
Lev and I sit, both watching as Evan explains how to find the
center of the power fused to my body. The concrete step is cold, so
I lean against Lev for warmth and support. His arm creeps around
me, and he holds me tightly, as though he’ll never have to let go.
I’m hoping he doesn’t.

"The hardest part will be for you to single
out where the power resides, Elizabeth."

I chew my bottom lip. "But why should that be
so hard?"

Evan glances over his shoulder at the sky.
"Because while the power merged with you, it has hidden itself
deeply, and it only seems to surface when you lose control."

I edge my foot toward a daisy weed that has
grown up through a crack in our front walk. Yeah, I'm listening,
but that doesn't mean I really want to hear what he's saying. In
addition to Evan's gaze settling on me, I also feel Lev's weighted
stare. Have I mentioned how little I enjoy being the center of
attention?

"So how do you suggest I find it?"

"You have to be able to return to that trance
world where the powers first surged."

My throat is suddenly dry, and I stand, more
as a shock reaction than anything else. I remember that world, and
it involved killing two people I love. He's insane if he thinks I'd
go back willingly.

"No," I counter, setting my hands on my hips.
"There has to be another way."

Evan takes a deep breath and cocks an eyebrow
as he stares ahead and finally nods. "There is, but I don't think
you want to go down that road."

"Isn't that my choice?" From the corner of my
eye, I see Lev rest his forearms atop his thighs and hang his head.
His eyes are closed, and I'm suddenly thinking that whatever my
second choice might be, I'm probably going to hate it worse than
the first option.

"We can provoke you to draw the power out so
we can locate it. The problem with that—”

"Is that somebody might wind up dead," I
finish. My body starts trembling, and I want to run away; the one
thing I know is that since Evan is probably still protected from
the dagger's power, the most likely target would be Lev—and there's
absolutely no way I'm doing that. Period.

I grit my teeth and try to believe this
really is a good idea I just happen to hate, but after so much of
my life has turned into a nightmare, that's a really hard thing to
accept.

"All right. I think the first option is
better," I agree in a clipped tone. "But I'm not sure how you think
I can get there. It's not like I can click my heels three times and
say, ‘There's no place like hell. There's no place like hell.
There's no place like hell,’ and magically send myself there."

"You're right," Evan patiently agrees. "It's
not like that. It's more of a hypnotic state the power puts you
into where it controls your body and you’re unable to."

I swallow hard. "Gee, that's comforting."

"Actually, I think it's a good thing because
if we can get you back into a similar state, we might be able to
find the source within you and find a way to usurp the control it
has."

I fold my arms across my abdomen. "And what
happens if the power decides to kick in while we’re working through
the control issues? Would that, too, result in someone getting
hurt?"

Evan frowns and shakes his head. "I don't
know, Elizabeth. In all my years of dealing with humans, this is
the first time something like this has happened, and it's pretty
unsettling to say the least."

You have no idea, I think, peering up at the
sky which seems to have suddenly changed. The clouds are gliding
across the sky faster, and it seems like a storm might be
coming.

"If there’s a chance I could go off, I don't
want to be anywhere near here. I won't take a chance with Jimmie or
Griffin." I glance at Lev where he stares at the ground. "That goes
for you, too."