Anathema (40 page)

Authors: Colleen Coble

BOOK: Anathema

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He dropped Caitlin onto the sofa. “What is this place?”

“A shelter for abused women and children.” Hannah watched Caitlin’s gaze land on the toy box. The little girl glanced up at her, and she nodded. “Go ahead. You can play with them.”

Caitlin hesitated. “How is Jenny?” she asked in a voice that was too casual.

“She misses you. She’s upstairs. If you want to go up there, you can have her.”

Caitlin’s smile was as bright as the sun beating off the snow outside. “Okay.”

Matt’s gaze had never wavered from Hannah. She couldn’t look at him or she was lost. “This way.” She led them through the hall to the back stair-way and up to her tiny apartment.

The living room wasn’t any bigger than a bedroom, and the only item on the coffee table was a picture of Caitlin and Matt smiling into the camera. A baby quilt nestled Jenny in the rocking chair in the corner. Caitlin ran to crawl into the chair with her doll. She took off her coat and nestled under the covering with the doll. All four cats came out to investigate. They milled around Ajax, and the dog flopped down. The cats climbed onto the dog and began to knead his fur. He wore an expression of bliss.

Hannah clasped her hands together. “Would you like some tea? I’ve got milk and cookies too.”

“Chocolate chip?” Matt asked, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

She could look at the way his dimple flashed forever. “Actually, they are,” she said. “I made them last night when the snow started falling.” She rushed past him to the miniscule kitchen. The plates rattled in her shaking hands as she took them down. When she turned around, he was standing in front of her. Close enough to touch. Close enough to kiss if she dared.

She backed up with her palms flat against the edge of the counter behind her. “It’s a little tight for two people.”

“I don’t mind.” His hands came down on her shoulders. “Look at me, Hannah.”

She didn’t dare. “I—I need to get Caitlin some cookies.”

His warm fingers lifted her chin, but she still refused to lift her gaze. His lips brushed hers. The touch she ’d longed to experience. A sob burst from her, and she wrapped her arms around his neck and put her heart into answering his kiss.

She’d missed him so. Longed to hear his voice, to bury her face in his neck and smell his aftershave. She ’d ached for his touch. She tore her mouth away.

He tipped her chin up. “Look at me, Hannah.”

She finally dared to raise her gaze, locking it with his. “Don’t do this, Matt.” The pleading in his eyes broke her heart. She had to be strong for his sake.

He cupped her cheek in his hand. “I heard every word you said the day you left. I tried to tell you not to go, but I couldn’t get the words out. I’ve looked for you every day since you left. I need you. Caitlin needs her mommy. You can’t desert us.”

“I thought she would forget me, but she called me . . . Mommy.” Was there a more precious word in the human language? Hannah’s shields were crumbling, and she didn’t know how to shore them up.

“I’ve shown her your picture every day you’ve been gone and talked about you. So she wouldn’t forget.”

The thought of his taking the time to do that made her want to cry. “How’d you find me here in town?”

He grinned. “It took us until two this morning to get here, and I went to McDonald’s as soon as it opened in case someone there knew you. I told her you’d order an iced vanilla coffee. A woman behind the counter told me where you worked, so we came to take you home. If you can forgive me for all the lies.”

“I forgave you long ago. But I can’t come with you. Something might happen to you,” she whispered.

The light in his eyes intensified. “God doesn’t make deals like that, love. He’s never stopped loving you, just like I’ve never stopped. The forgiveness you were taught is only a shadow of what God gives. You just have to take it. Quit beating yourself up.” He pulled her close again.

Oh, if only she could believe him. But she was afraid, so very afraid. “You have to forget about me. I want only good things for you and Caitlin.”

“You were made for us. Who would love her more than her own mother? Do you want her to deal with some wicked stepmother?”

Hannah laughed, but the thought unsettled her. It was painful to imagine someone else reading her daughter a bedtime story. Or even worse, yelling at her. Her thoughts shied away from imagining Matt with another woman. But wasn’t that what sacrifice was all about? And God had honored it—here he stood, whole and strong.

“I can’t break my pact with God,” she whispered.

“‘To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice,’” he said. “Proverbs 21:3. Don’t you think it’s right to raise your own child? To love the man God created just for you?”

Could it really be that easy? Her defenses crumbled around her feet.

He gripped her shoulders in his hands. “I’m not leaving here until you agree to marry me, let me make an honest woman of you. Isn’t that justice?” His dimple flashed.

“An honest woman?”

“You don’t want Caitlin going around telling everyone you’re her mother and we’ve never been married.” His blue eyes smiled again.

A small hand insinuated itself into hers. “When are we going home, Mommy?”

Hannah looked down into her daughter’s face, then back to Matt’s. Happiness was in her reach. All she had to do was accept the good things God had sent her way. Was that so bad? Certainty enveloped her. “How about we go home right now?”

She knelt on the floor and embraced her daughter. Matt joined her with cookies in hand, and they devoured the sweetness of life together.

Acknowledgments

Dear Readers,

Many of you ask how I come up with an idea. In this case, my agent, Karen Solem, and I were talking about the Amish school shooting in Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania. Karen said, “I wonder what would happen if something really horrific happened and a member of the church couldn’t forgive?” The idea for
Anathema
evolved from her astute question.

I have some Amish friends whom I dearly love, and I so admire their homes and their children. I tried to present a balance in this story, though much of Hannah’s longing for her Amish family springs from my own peace when I’m in their home. They have such contentment there. Watching their children interact with only love and no fighting is a real joy. So thank you, my friends (you know who you are), and I wish you God’s blessings always.

I couldn’t create the stories you enjoy, Readers, without my Thomas Nelson family: fiction publisher Allen Arnold, Superman to those of us who love him, and even more than that, a man who lights up the room he enters; senior editor Ami McConnell, who had fabulous insight and suggestions for this book, as always, and who blesses me with her awesome ability and friendship; editor Natalie Hanemann, my friend and a budding Ami with an eye for good fiction; marketing director Jennifer Deshler, who is the most creative marketing person I know and a friend who is always looking out for my best interests; marketing specialist Bekah Quillan, who partners with Jen and me in coming up with great ideas; fabulous cover guru Mark Ross (you
so
rock!), who works hard to create the perfect cover and does it every single time; fellow Hoosier Lisa Young, who lends a shoulder to cry on when needed; my sweet Amanda Bostic, who is still my friend even though she doesn’t work on my books anymore; and my freelance editor Erin Healy, whose magic touch on my books is the glue that holds us all together. I love you all more than I can say. And I’m thrilled that Erin is writing! Look for her name on a book with Ted Dekker soon and
buy
it.

I had some great input on the Swiss Amish by Joe and Frances Schwartz—they even yodeled for me! Thanks so much for your help. My thanks to the Rockville Sheriff ’s Department for answering stupid questions.

Writing can be a lonely business, but God has blessed me with great writing friends and critique partners. Kristin Billerbeck, Diann Hunt, and Denise Hunter make up the Girls Write Out squad (www.GirlsWriteOut.blogspot.com). I couldn’t make it through a day without my peeps! And another one of those is Robin Miller, president of ACFW (www.acfw.com), who spots inconsistencies in a suspense plot with an eagle eye. Thanks to all of you for the work you do on my behalf and for your friendship. Special thanks to Karen Solem, Mel and Cheryl Hodde (Hannah Alexander), Cara Putman, Denise Hunter, and Diann Hunt, who helped me brainstorm this book one crazy night at CBA Advance in Indianapolis. The title was Mel’s brainchild.

I have a super supportive family that puts up with my crazy work schedule. My husband, Dave, carts me around from city to city, washes towels, and runs to fetch dinner without complaint. Thanks, honey! I couldn’t do anything without you. My son and daughter-in-law, Dave and Donna Coble, and my daughter, Kara Coble, as well as my new grandsons, James and Jorden Packer, love and support me in every way possible. Love you guys! And thanks to my parents, George and Peggy Rhoads; my brothers, Rick and Dave Rhoads; their wives, Mary and Teresa; and my “other parents,” Carroll and Lena Coble. One of them is often the first to hear a new idea, and they never laugh at me. Love you all!

Most important, I give my thanks to God, who has opened such amazing doors for me and makes the journey a golden one.

I love to hear from readers! Drop me an e-mail at colleen@ colleencoble.com and check out my Web site at www.colleencoble.com. There’s a forum to chat about books, and I try to stop in often, since books are my favorite things in the world. Thank you all for spending your most precious commodity—time—with me and my stories.

Reading Group Guide

1. Why do you think guilt is such a powerful motivator?

2. What actions did Hannah take as a result of guilt?

3. How big a role does tradition play in your own life?

4. An unforgiving spirit can lead to a string of bad decisions. How many can you name from this book?

5. Do you ever long for a simpler time? What sounds the most appealing about it? What would be the most challenging in living that simple life?

6. Have you ever felt the pressure of prejudice? How should it be handled?

7. Do you think Reece was ever sincere about wanting to change or was it always a ploy to get Hannah back?

8. Is it ever okay to tell a lie—even to protect someone else like Matt did? Why or why not?

9. Is there any difference between an outright lie and subtle deceit?

10. Which quilt analogy to the Amish faith was your favorite and why?

11. Why do you think one lie leads to another?