Anchored (19 page)

His expressive eyes bore into hers and he lifted his brow in question.

Mia smiled and shrugged. How was it he could read her so well?

David returned her smile and without taking his eyes off her stood and picked up a few dishes off the table.

“Come on, Mia, you and I are on dishes. That way I get to offload to you about how sacrificial I am putting up with Patrick’s ribbing all day long.”

As Mia stood to help clear the table, Patrick huffed. “You’re full of it, Dave. You think these girls are blind to the truth of what’s going on here? You want a moment alone with Mia.”

Laughing, Mia left the room.

With his eyes locked on her face, David leaned against the kitchen bench in no hurry to tidy up.

Mia stared back and nibbled her lip. “You’re not going to ask, are you David?”

David gave a slight inclination of his head and smiled.

“Klara didn’t know about what happened with my father. She was shocked and got angry. She swears Mum didn’t know and I believe her.”

“I’m glad.” Straightening, he stepped towards her and gently took her in his arms.

Mia stiffened and David’s arms loosened slightly.

Neither spoke. Mia pressed her head to his shoulder and felt the tension flow out of her.

She looked up at him and felt warm inside. She trusted him.

Creating a space between them he smoothed a hand over her hair. “I understand why Klara got angry. She loves you and your father hurt you.” His hands dropped to his side and he stepped back.

Mia’s eyes darkened and she angled her head. “David, I’m going to talk to my father tomorrow, and, I don’t know, see what happens. Please pray for me.” Mia started to turn when David grabbed her arm.

“Does he know you’re coming? Who’s going with you?”

“I’m going on my own.” Mia’s head lifted and her eyes challenged him to disagree.

“No you’re not. What time do you want me to pick you up?”

~~~

What did he have to show for his life? Jonathan looked around and shrugged. None of this mattered. He’d left it too late to realize that the most important thing in life was relationships. Maybe if he could get Mia to talk to him, if he could explain.

Shaking his head Jonathan screwed up his face. How could he explain something like that? He rested his elbows on the table and supported his head with his hands.

He was lonely, no one cared about him and it was his own fault. The only person who wanted him was Judy and she didn’t count.

“Come on, Jonathan, stop feeling sorry for yourself. You did this and you have to pull yourself out of it. What would Margaret say?” Jonathan huffed when he realized he was talking to himself again, but hearing his own voice seemed to help him feel less lonely.

“Margaret would tell you to get some help, that things aren’t as bad as they seem. She would tell you God had a way of using situations to draw you to him.”

What would it be like to have such faith? He didn’t think he could ever accept he was forgiven, not for what he’d done.

The peal of the doorbell surprised Jonathan. His mouth gaped when he saw Mia standing there with a man he didn’t know.

“Hello, Dad.” Mia stared at him for a minute before she introduced David. “This is my friend David. Can we come in?”

“Yes of course, come in.” Jonathan stepped aside and motioned for them to walk ahead of him into the room.

Mia glanced around and Jonathan’s stomach churned. He saw the room as if through her eyes, dirty dishes were on the dining room table and newspapers spilled over to the floor.

“Please—sit down.” Jonathan quickly went to first one chair and then the other to remove the clothing he’d left sprawled there. He puffed as he scurried around the room.

“I’m sorry about the mess. I’ve been meaning to employee a cleaner, but haven’t felt up to having anyone here. Your mother used to keep the house so nice.”

Mia nodded. “Dad, I’m sorry I haven’t been returning your calls. I’ve been working through some things and needed to give myself time to process them.”

Jonathan squinted and glanced from Mia to David. He crossed his arms and his jaw tightened. He moved clumsily across the room and dropped heavily into a chair.

Mia looked at David, licked her lips and perched on the front of the chair across from Jonathan. David moved to stand beside her, never taking his eyes off Jonathan.

The air in the room seemed to sizzle and Jonathan clenched his hands. He sensed in Mia the same nervous tension she’d displayed at the hospital.

She rose from her chair and paced in front of him. Jonathon followed her with his eyes and his mouth went dry when she stopped. Her gaze locked on his and it was like a magnet pulled his heart towards her.

His hand lifted slightly. He desperately wanted to reach out and touch her. Reassure her that everything would be all right. Empty words when he was unable to fix anything.

Mia opened her mouth to speak, but only a soft groan emerged. He watched her face pale and his stomach twisted.

“Mia, can I get you anything?” He wanted to jump up and leave the room, anything to get away from the distraught image she made.

“No. I’ve been praying about talking to you. It would have been easier never to talk to you again.”

“I couldn’t stand that.” Jonathan’s shoulders hunched and he hung his head.

“David’s a good friend of mine. He’s been very supportive since Mum died.” She folded her hands together and Jonathan watched spellbound as her eyes flooded with tears.

“I remember everything.” Her words became splintered and she stuttered. “Every time you came to my bedroom—the way you hurt me again and again—how could you?” she screamed.

David sprung to his feet and stopped inches from her. His hand moved out to touch her then dropped. His gaze swept past Mia and Jonathan readied himself for the attack.

The boy’s fists were clenched by his side and his chest rose in an effort to remain calm. Jonathan watched David warily and was surprised when he stepped back.

Jonathan pulled himself to his feet and faced her. His eyes pleaded with her for a second chance. “I’m sorry. I can’t ask you to understand. For years I told myself it was okay that—” Jonathan pulled at his hair and scratched down one side of his neck.

“What you did was wrong. You’re my father and you hurt me! You used me for your own disgusting—” Mia couldn’t go on, tears filled her eyes and she turned and stumbled into David’s arms.

David’s steady gaze shattered the last of Jonathan’s defenses and heat scorched up his neck. There was no hiding from the contempt in David’s eyes.

Mia made to move out of David’s arms and Jonathan watched the young man tighten his grip on her.

She slapped her hand against his chest and backed away. “David, please. You’re not helping.”

“I told you I wasn’t the best person to come with you. You expect too much, Mia, if you expect me not to be affected by what you say.” David lifted his hands in a signal of truce and moved to the other side of the room.

Mia turned back to him and Jonathan stepped forward and touched her arm.

“Mia, I can’t ask you to forgive me, because—” Jonathan cleared his throat and continued, “I can’t ever give you back what I took. I’m sorry I treated you so badly. If there was anything I could do to make it right I would do it.”

Mia pulled away. “You’re right! You can’t give me back my innocence, my childhood. I never felt safe, do you know that? I was scared all the time that other men would hurt me like you did.”

“Mia, I—”

“No, I don’t want you to say anything. I need you to listen. There is nothing you can do to make it right. Jesus has helped me see I didn’t do anything wrong. I thought it was my fault, that I wasn’t good enough. That no matter what I did, it wasn’t going to make you leave me alone or love me. I thought I was unlovable, that I would never be good enough to have someone love me.”

Her voice seemed to fade and Jonathan’s heart flipped as her face paled. He’d seen her do this before, when she was younger, he’d been the cause of it then too.

Mia stamped her foot in frustration. Jonathan felt helpless as she turned her head towards David and whispered his name, her eyes pleaded to him for help. The more she tried to calm herself the harder it became for her to breathe.

David quickly realized what was happening and placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her gently towards him.

His strong voice brought a sense of control into the room. “Mia, take slow deep breaths. Come on now, look at me and concentrate for a minute.”

With each deep breath Mia took, Jonathan exhaled. She rested her head on David’s chest while she calmed herself enough to continue.

Jonathan stumbled backward and collapsed into his chair. His hand was fanning air around him, trying to create a breeze.

In a small voice, Mia thanked David. When her gaze rested on his face Jonathan wanted a hole to open up and swallow him. Her face seemed to relax and Jonathan felt suspended in air. He’d never seen her look so—soft.

“I remember you sometimes came to watch me play basketball, and there was that time you went to the library and brought home information on the Great Wall of China for an assignment I was doing,” she smiled. “I somehow had forgotten these things? I had let the bad cover over all of the good.” She reached out and took hold of his hand.

“Dad, you used these hands to hurt me, but I forgive you.” She blinked back tears.

“No! You can’t forgive me. It’s impossible! What I did was unforgivable – do you hear me? Unforgivable!” His lips thinned and he avoided her eyes. His fingers pulled at his clothes.

“I do forgive you. Don’t ask me how, because I don’t really understand it myself. I just know I do.”

Tears welled up in his eyes, slowly at first, and then it was like a dam had been opened and a torrent of rushing water was let loose. Jonathan sobbed in anguish.

Mia stepped back from him and looked at David in desperation.

“Mr. Dawson.” Taking a handkerchief out of his pocket he offered it to Jonathan. Jonathan took it and tried to calm himself.

“If it’s okay with you, sir, I would like to fill you in on a few things that have happened to Mia in the last month.”

Jonathan nodded, his shoulders still shaking.

“When Mia first remembered being sexually abused by you—” David paused. “I’m sorry, sir, but I need to be honest here. When Mia first remembered what had happened to her as a child she felt like she couldn’t go on. It was at that moment that she reached out to God.”  Looking at Mia, David indicated with his eyes that she could carry on if she wanted to.

She nodded and rubbed her hand across her forehead. “Dad, I felt like my life was over and I blamed God for what was happening to me. I’d asked Him to stop you many times, but He didn’t. I thought He didn’t love me, but I was wrong.”

Jonathan cringed and said, “It wasn’t God’s fault, I did it. I hate myself for what I did to you. If I could turn the clock back—”

“No, I don’t want to turn back the clock. I know what you did was wrong but we can’t go back. It’s in going forward that we discover who we really are.”

Jonathan grimaced.

“I had to make a decision; the Lord was offering me a new life. He died for me. Do you know what that means?” Jonathan’s skin burned and his face felt on fire. Sweat broke out on his forehead and top lip.

Mia’s eyes seemed to penetrate his very being and he wished he could close off his ears to her words.

“I am no better than you in Jesus’ eyes. I wanted you to die. Even just the thought of killing you is a sin and would have separated me from God forever. Once I realized Jesus had forgiven me all my sins, it destroyed the power of sin over my life.” 

“I am glad for you, really I am!” he spat out. “This cannot work for me, what I did is beyond forgiveness.”

“No, Dad, you’re wrong! Jesus loves you and offers you his love. He wants to cleanse you of your sin. All you have to do is ask.”

“What do you want me to say, that I’ll ask God to forgive me?”

“Only if you mean it.” Mia forced out the words.

“What will you do if I don’t?”

Mia’s eyes welled up and for a moment he contemplated saying what she wanted to hear. More than anything she wanted him to receive what Jesus offered, but he couldn’t. Not yet. He jutted his jaw out and stiffened his shoulders.

She shrugged and gave a watery smile. “Nothing. I meant what I said to you before. I forgive you no matter what you do. It’s your decision. It’s between you and God.”

Jonathan let out a long breath. “Thank you for forgiving me, I—” bowing his head he whispered. “I don’t deserve it, let alone your love.”

Smiling, Mia reached out and briefly touched his arm.

“David, did you know my father is the worst housekeeper in the whole of Blue Bay?”

Laughing, David replied; “I think you might be right.”

Chapter
28

As Mia unlocked the door she realized how tired she felt. The conversation with her father had gone better than she’d expected and she knew she had a lot to process. She was planning a hot bath and an early night as she heard Terri call out.

“Hey, Mia, do you want some dinner? I’ve cooked plenty.” Terri smiled as Mia walked into the kitchen.

“What are you cooking?’

“Nothing elaborate, just my favorite!” Terri touched her lips with her fingers and kissed them.

“Come on, the anticipation’s killing me! I wasn’t hungry until I walked in here,” Mia declared.

“Spaghetti and meatballs. I made the meatballs myself!”

“Yum, I’d love some. What can I do to help?”

“You can set the table. It’s just about ready.” Terri got plates from the cupboard and dished up the food.

“Wow, this looks great. Let’s thank the Lord for his provision and your cooking skills and eat.” Mia laughed and together the girls prayed.

“Where did you learn to cook this dish, Terri?”

“Trial and error.” Laughing, Terri spun a story of a tangled mess of noodles all over the floor and sticky tomato sauce burnt to the bottom of pot.

“At least you have a go. Did your mother teach you to cook?”