Anchored (17 page)

Her father had taught her that what she wanted didn’t matter, that she was a chattel to be used.

Having feelings wasn’t fun and she didn’t need all this emotion. Her chest ached and she fumed at the way she felt. What was it about her that made her father do such things?

Would David be disgusted and reject her too?

Mia rested her head in her hands and deep sobs raked her body. Shame filled her and she sank further into the chair.

Robert stood watching. He hesitated a moment before he quietly moved to squat before her. “Mia, what can I do?” he asked gently.

Her eyes lifted and met his. “I—I will never be good enough, clean enough for someone to love me. Don’t you see, Uncle Robert, David deserves so much more.” With unsteady hands she pushed her hair behind her ears.

“Have you forgotten the truth already, Mia? Not one of us is good enough. Honey, you’re washed clean as snow; you’re a new creation in Christ Jesus.”

“I know what it says, but I don’t feel it here.” Mia pounded her chest. “I can't get it out of my head how Dad rejected me as his daughter. I want to love, I do. But when I think of taking the risk I freeze.” Mia grabbed his hands and gripped him, desperation flaming out of her eyes.

“Mia, I don’t know what to say. Your father is a sinner, a lost man, and he did bad things. But sweetheart, it wasn’t you. You didn’t cause him to do it.”

Mia hung her head and tried to stop the flow of tears. “I feel so ashamed,” she whispered in a barely audible voice.

Robert frowned, lost for words. He touched her face and lifted her chin. “Honey, you have nothing to be ashamed of.”

Pulling away, Mia pushed at him and scampered out of the chair. “There were times when—” Sobbing uncontrollably Mia cried out. “There were times when I liked what Dad did.”

She pulled at her hair and screamed. Her shoulders shook and her heart burned with disgust. Dizziness assaulted her. She heaved and grabbing her stomach she bent over as a bitter taste filled her mouth.

Robert grabbed and held her.

She struggled but he wouldn’t let her go. He gently rubbed her back, murmuring sssh, sssh, there, there.

Mia buried her head in his shoulder and the ache in her chest lessened.

Robert stepped back and his eyes welled up. “Mia, I am not disgusted by you. You couldn’t help it. God created our bodies to respond to touch. He understands, honey.”

Mia was stunned. Was that true? Had God created her body to respond to touch in such a way, even when abused?

Baffled by the complexity of it she gasped. “God isn’t condemning me, is he?”

“No, honey, God loves you. I love you.” Mia nodded. Her world still felt upside down but hope had resurfaced.

Chapter
25

The yellow jeep wrangler pulled in next to Robert’s car. Mia glanced towards it and admired the open-air convertible.

The driver smiled, got out and walked towards them.

Robert extended his hand. “Hello, young lady, I see by the mud splatters that you like going off road.” He grinned and continued. “I’m Robert Hanly, and this is my niece, Mia Dawson. Haven’t seen you at church before.”

“Hello, Robert, Mia. I’m Therese Mitchell, but please call me Terri. This is my first time here.”

“Come in with us and we’ll show you around.” Robert waved his arm indicating they would lead the way.

“Thank you.” Terri’s gaze took in her surroundings and she asked questions as they walked.

“Are you planning on staying in Blue Bay long?” Mia enquired.

“I’m not sure yet. Depends on whether I can find work and a place to stay. I’d like to settle down for a while. I’ve been travelling for two months now.”

The hum of people talking before the service was welcoming and Mia swiveled in her seat to continue their conversation. “Where are you staying at the moment?”

“I spent last night at Edith Spencer’s. Do you know her?” Terri’s eyes smiled at Mia.

“Yes. I haven’t heard Mrs. Spencer mention you before.”

“My mother knows her and I thought I’d look her up since I was in the Central Coast.”

“What sort of work are you looking for?” Mia asked.

“Anything that brings in a dollar. Waitressing, office work.”

The church service started and their conversation came to an end. Mia tilted her head slightly to look for David. She spotted him across the aisle and found it hard to look away. She felt like a little girl caught stealing cookies as his eyes opened and locked with hers.

He nodded slightly.

Mia jerked her head away and looked to the front of the church.

Terri leaned over and whispered. “Who’s the good looking guy you were eyeballing?”

Mia’s gaze moved from Terri to David. “Ssh, later.”

Bending her head, Mia pretended to search in her bag for a tissue. Her heart fluttered in her chest at the thought of Terri liking David and her stomach rolled. It was one thing to think that she wasn’t for him, but another thing to visualize him with someone else.

Straight after the service David walked over to join them. His eyes briefly met Mia’s before moving to Terri. “Hello, Mia, who’s your friend?”

“Terri, this is David O’Malley.” Mia’s eyes widened as he held out his hand and took Terri’s small hand into his. She was sure he held it too long.

Clearing her throat, Mia said, “Terri, I’d like you to stay with me. I’m rattling around in a huge house and you’d be doing me a favor.”

David’s gaze moved to Mia and his eyes narrowed in warning. His hand laced her elbow and he pulled her towards him.

“Excuse us a minute, Terri.” He walked outside and Mia had no choice but to go with him.

“What do you think you’re doing, David? Let go of me.” Mia pulled her arm free and stepped back.

“How long have you known Terri?” he demanded.

“I’ve just meet her, but I don’t see—”

“Are you crazy? You don’t ask people you’ve just met to move in with you.”

“It’s none of your business what I do. And she knows Mrs. Spencer so you’re worrying over nothing.”

David’s eyes narrowed. “She seems like a nice girl, but what harm is it to check her out before you commit to something you may regret?”

“Fine. I’ll check with Mrs. Spencer.” Mia spun around to go back inside when David stepped in front of her blocking her path.

“Why are you doing this?” His eyes searched her face for a sign of softening.

“Terri needs a place and—”

“No, I mean why are you trying to shut me out?” His hand remained on her arm and Mia felt suffocated by the appeal on his face. Her mouth felt dry and she didn’t know what to say.

“I know you care about me, Mia. I can see it on your face—in your eyes. What’s going on in that head of yours? Friends don’t dump each other when things get tough.”

“You want more than friendship. I have nothing to offer you.” Mia’s voice was a mere whisper.

“What have I done to make you feel pressured?” His steady gaze leveled on her face, unwavering and kind.

Her chin came up. “You want me to go out to dinner with you. Meet your family.” Mia’s cheeks burned and her hand rose to rest on her neck.

David grinned and gently touched her cheek. “I do want you to meet Patrick, but if Terri had a brother and wanted you to meet him, would you?”

“Yes of course, but it’s different—”

“How is it different? Friends are friends—it doesn’t matter what sex they are.”

Feeling foolish and cornered Mia nodded. “All right, I see what you’re saying. I may have slightly over reacted.”

“Good. So friend, will you let me take you and Terri out for lunch so we can get to know her better?”

Sighing, Mia nodded.

The conversation over lunch seemed to go around in circles. David would ask Terri a question and she would answer it with a question of her own. Terri explained how she’d hopped in her jeep one day and kept driving.

“How long do you plan to stay in Blue Bay?” David asked bluntly.

Terri’s face closed up slightly and she arched an eyebrow at David. “I don’t know, but I feel this is where the Lord wants me for now.”

Mia smiled her encouragement and sent a speaking glance at David, silently telling him to stop with his barrage of questions.

David shrugged his shoulders.

“Terri, I’m cautious about you moving in with Mia. Obviously it’s not up to me, it’s Mia’s decision, but we know nothing about you. Can you help put my mind at ease?” His eyes settled on Terri and waited.

Terri looked from David to Mia and pushed her half-eaten lunch away. She wiped her mouth on her napkin and rose from her seat.

“I’m not forcing myself on Mia—she offered. I’m a Christian, I love Jesus. I’m from Sydney and my family life is nothing much to talk about. My mother and I don’t get on, my father is dead and that’s about it. I can show you my bank statement if it will help. Actually, forget it, I’m not interested.” Terri reached over and touched Mia’s hand briefly and mouthed
sorry.

Mia spun her wrist around and grabbed Terri’s hand before she could pull away.

“David’s too cautious, Terri.” She dismissed his protest with a wave of her hand. “I like you and want you to stay. David, apologize!”

Mia turned accusing eyes on David.

David clenched his jaw but didn’t argue. “Terri, it’s not personal. I’m sorry if I seemed to be interrogating you.” David paused and almost smiled. He shoved his hand through his hair, messing it up. He lifted his tall frame out of the chair and moved around the table to pull out Terri’s chair.

“Please?”

Terri sat back down and said nothing.

Mia was surprised she’d enjoyed the interaction between Terri and David. Throwing back her head she laughed. “You two are hilarious. David, you on your high horse playing gallant knight protector, and you, Terri, rising up to meet his challenge with one of your own. Fantastic.”

~~~

The ocean breeze swayed her hair and Mia smiled broadly. Leaning against the doorframe she listened to music floating through the house. She could hear Terri banging in the kitchen and shifted away from the post to go and see what she was doing.

“Mia, I’m hungry, and we haven’t got any food in the house.” Terri closed another cupboard and sent Mia a questioning glance. “Don’t you eat?”

Laughing, Mia patted her flat stomach. “Of course, but its amazing how many people want to feed me. I haven’t bothered getting too many groceries. We could go shopping now. I can pay this time since you haven’t got a job yet.”

“No way. I have money. Its fifty-fifty or not at all.”

“Not arguing there. Let’s go.” 

An hour later the two girls walked out of the supermarket pushing a packed trolley. Mia slammed the car boot and laughed as Terri rubbed her stomach and made rumbling noises with her mouth.

Mia dangled her keys and moved around to open the door. “Oh no! Look at this.” The distress in her voice had Terri scurrying around the car to her. The deep rough scratch ran the length of the car and both girls were stunned by the vicious act.

“Who would do such a thing? Every panel will need fixing!” Mia spun around and surveyed the area looking for anything that would help her understand.

At seven o’clock Mia said goodnight to Terri. She explained she had boxes to unpack and she hoped focusing on something else would take her mind off what happened with her car.

Terri offered to help but Mia declined. She wanted to go through her mother’s things in private.

Once in her bedroom Mia lugged a box out of the cupboard and opened the lid. A quick glance showed the box was filled with books. Mia scribbled on the outside of the box and then pushed it aside. Smiling to herself she said, one down!

The next box was full of clothing, and nestled on top was the small wooden box. Reaching into the box she lifted it out and flopped down on the bed to delve into the contents. The first thing she saw was the envelope with the letter in it.

Mia closed her eyes.
Jesus, Mum obviously wanted me to have this letter after she died. You know what’s in it. Please help me understand what she wanted to say. Thank you, Jesus.

She looked down at her mother’s handwriting and longed for her presence. She tried to ignore the emotion building in her throat, then released a breath and began reading.

To Mia—my darling daughter,

As I write this letter I know when you read it I will no longer be with you.

This box is full of things I hope you’ll treasure as much as I have. There are photos of my parents, grandparents and also a photo of the scan of your brother, Caleb, when he was in my womb.

One of my most treasured possessions is in this box. Can you guess what it is?

When you were four years old you painted a stone at preschool and brought it home and hid it until Mother’s Day. The look on your face when you gave it to me brought tears to my eyes. I was thrilled you had been able to keep it a secret and surprise me with it.

I have always been so proud of you. I love the woman you’ve become. You’ve been a gracious, loving daughter. I know both your father and I could have done a lot better for you.

Forgive me, sweetheart.

But know; please know in your heart that I love you so very much.

Honey, I wanted to tell you that death for me isn’t a sad thing but a celebration. To be with my Lord at last! If it hadn’t been for Jesus Christ reaching out and taking hold of my hand, I believe I would not have made it.

There are many things I regret but I know the Lord makes beauty out of ashes and that’s how I’ve felt these last few years. I’ve been given a second chance! This has brought a new purpose and direction into my life.

My greatest desire is for you to know Jesus and realize you too are his precious daughter.

So, honey, if you don’t know Him by the time you read this letter, I pray you will seek Him out because He truly is the Son of God and in Him you will find perfect rest for your soul.

It has been my greatest honor and privilege being your mother.