And I Love Her (3 page)

Cash chuckled. “I don’t think it’s slutty. I’m the only man in your life, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re marrying me, after all.”

“Just to stay in the country. Not exactly ethical.”

“Can I ask you a persona
l question?”

I didn’t know if he should. It depended on the question, and more importantly, the answer. “Are we still allowed to pass?”

He nodded. “It’s the same arrangement as before.”

“Then ask.”

“Did you sleep with anyone when we were apart?”

I could answer this one.
“No.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Good.”

I didn’t ask him the same question. If he said yes, it would break my heart. I wouldn’t be able to stop picturing him fucking some other girl, probably in the very bed I lie on now. And the sheets probably hadn’t been washed…I needed to stop thinking about it. But the curiosity got to me.

Cash continued to stare at me. I knew he was expecting me to ask the same question. I kept my curiosity to myself.

“Did you…?”

He shook his head. “No.”

I was so relieved, I felt the tears burn behind my eyes. I was grateful I was the last woman he was with. It would have killed me if I weren’t. I needed to get out of there so he wouldn’t see my emotion. “I’ll call my brother downstairs.”

He nodded. “I’ll be here.”

♫

I took at seat on the patio then stared at the phone. I was dreading this conversation.  I finally made the call and listened to the phone ring.

“Clearwater.”

“Hey…it’s me.”

“Prudence?” The relief in his voice was obvious.

“Yeah.”

“Are you okay?”

Here we go…
“I’m fine.”

“Do you need anything?”

“No.”

“Has anyone bothered you?”

“Jeremy, I’m fine.”

He took a deep breath. “Now that we got that out of the way…what the fuck is your problem? How could you do that to me? I was so fucking scared. I had no way to even check on you. You—”

“Jeremy.”

The anger escaped his voice. “What?”

“Can I talk?”

The phone mo
ved for a second. I imagined him pacing in the living room, what he always did when he was upset.

I took that as a yes.
“Okay…I have a lot to say. Please let me finish.”

“Go ahead.” His pragmatism had returned.

“I lied about my relationship with Cash. It was just a summer fling. There’s nothing between us. I only said that so you’d think I was safe.”

He didn’t respond to the statement, which surprised me.

“I was going through a hard time after we…parted ways. I just didn’t feel like talking since I lied to you. I feel horrible about it. I needed time to pull myself back together. And I didn’t want you to call me—anyone to call me.”

He sighed into the mouthpiece.

“I’m okay. I have a roof over my head, food on the table, and people who look after me. There’s nothing for you to worry about, Jeremy.”

“Now I feel so much better…”

Yep. He was still pissed.
“I got a record deal with Capitol Records. I’ve been pretty busy with that.” I expected him to congratulate me but he didn’t. “Everything has been snowballing. I just have a lot of stuff going on.”

“Are you done?”

“No…I’m in trouble with immigration. They are going to ship me back to London…unless I get married. And Cash made an offer so I took it. I think that’s everything.” Now I waited for him to explode.

“I’m just glad you’re okay.”

Oh.
“I’m sorry, Jeremy.”

“I’m hurt you lied to me. I’ve never given you any reason to distrust me. I’ve always taken care of you. This situation shouldn’t have been any different. I understand you’re a grown woman and have a personal life. I would never stick my nose in that. But to lie to me is totally unacceptable.”

“I know…”

“So you’re marrying him so you can stay in the country?”

“Yeah.”

“No other reason?”

What was that supposed to mean?
“No.”

“Prudence, why didn’t you just tell me the truth? Or better yet, why did you mention Cash at all? Omitting him would have been better than making up a story.”

“Well, I didn’t want you to worry.”

“Worry about what? You met a guy in another country and you liked him. It wasn’t serious. End of story.”

“It’s not so simple.”

“Then enlighten me.”

I took a deep breath. “I wanted you to think I was over the fiasco with Isaac. I know how much it hurts you.”

“This hurts me more, Pru.”

Ouch.
“That relationship made me realize what I need in a partner. I don’t want to be in a relationship again. Everyone cheats and lies. It’s not for me. Cash is the same way. He gives me what I need.”

“What are you saying? You never want to get married?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

My brother stayed on the line but didn’t say anything. I knew he was gathering his thoughts. “I think you don’t want to be in a relationship again until you’re completely healed. Or you fall in love. When that time comes, you’ll feel differently. So I’m not worried about it. You won’t always be alone. Someone will fill that void in your heart.”

That was very poetic for Jeremy. He was so professional all the time I thought he was a robot. But I had fallen in love. He was the greatest man I’d ever met, my greatest friend, someone I trusted…but he didn’t love me. And that was the problem. If things were different, then I’d spend the rest of my life with him. But I couldn’t tell Jeremy the truth. If knew he was I marrying Cash while I was in love with him, he wouldn’t let me marry him. And for good reason. I was going to get hurt. It was set in stone.

“Maybe you’re right,” I whispered.

“I know I am. Don’t swear off all men until you finally move on. It’s only been six months, Pru.”

“It’s not just that…” I felt my tears bubble. “Dad didn’t want me. Every man in my life uses me then leaves.” I took a deep breath and felt the burn behind my eyes. I tried to regain my emotions but I was struggling.

“Pru, that isn’t true,” he said gently.

“Yes, it is.”
Damn it! I was crying.

“What about me?” he said firmly. “I’ve loved you since the day you were born. You’re an annoying brat and you’ve driven me crazy every single day, but I will always be here for you. I’ve proven that many, many times. Don’t let Dad hurt you like this. And he did come back.”

“Only because he had no one else.”

Jeremy sighed. “Don’t let this ruin your relationships forever. Not all men are like Dad and Isaac. You’ve just had unfortunate luck. Don’t base everything on that. Cash is a great guy. If you’d looked past your trauma, you’d see that
and feel something for him.”

“You don’t even know him.”

He said nothing for a long time. “I know him well enough.”

I covered my face and stilled my tears. I hated crying, and I didn’t want my brother to listen to it. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Everything I’ve put you through.”

“Pru, it’s water under the bridge. Just don’t do that to me ever again.”

“Okay…” I sniffed loudly then wiped my tears. When I looked up, I saw Cash sitting next to me, a tissue box on the table.
He stared at me with wide eyes, the pain etched into his irises. He looked like he lost the world.

I needed him. I just did. He always made me feel better, drove the pain away until I completely forgot about it. I moved from my chair and into his lap. His arms circled around me and held me close. I instantly felt safe. I leaned against his chest with the phone still pressed to my ear.

“So, we have a wedding to plan?” Jeremy asked.

“Yeah.”

“When?”

“We have
n’t picked a date yet. We still have some things to take care of.”

“Okay.” He fell silent again. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“There is no other way.”

“Okay.”

I stayed on the line while Cash ran his fingers down my back. His hands protected me against the throb I felt in my veins.

“Is this the number I can reach you at?” Jeremy asked.

“Yeah.”

“Are you living with Cash?”

“Yeah,” I answered.

“Okay. Call me if you need anything.”

“I know.”

“And I’ll come out for the wedding. But you have to tell me when.”

“I won’t forget.”

“Okay,” he said. “I love you, Prudence.”

I sniffed again. “I love you too, Jer.”

He hung up. He never said goodbye.

I put the phone on the table and stayed close to Cash. His lips kissed my tears away while his hands touched me everywhere. The sound of the ocean calmed my heart, and his hands comforted everything else.

“It’s okay,” he whispered into my ear.

I buried my face in his neck. “What did you hear?”

“Not much.” He pulled my face to his and kissed my salty lips. “Would you care to share?”

“I don’t know…”

Cash kissed me again but didn’t pressure me.

“I told Jeremy the truth about everything. I feel horrible for lying to him.”

“We all make mistakes. But he’s family. And family always forgives.”

I nodded. “But he’s been so incredible to me. He doesn’t deserve that.”

“It doesn’t matter. You’d treat him the same.”

I took a deep breath. “I don’t know what I would do without him.”

“You’ll never have to know.” He kissed my forehead then my nose. “What else did he say?”

“I told him the truth about our relationship. He didn’t judge me for it.”

“Well, it’s none of his business.”

“I know. I still expected a lecture from him. And I got one…kinda. He says I shouldn’t let my past relationships ruin my future ones. And when I find someone I really love, that hurt will go away.”

Cash stared into my eyes then cupped my face. The light in his eyes suggested his emotion underneath but I couldn’t read it. I had no idea what he was thinking. “Have you found anyone…?”

Did he suspect my feelings for him? Is that what he was asking? Would he leave me if I said yes? Would he even marry me? I wish I hadn’t made it so obvious. I had to get out of the situation without lying and without using my pass. So I tried to move out of the problem. “What do you mean?”

He pressed his forehead to mine then looked down. I couldn’t look into his eyes. Now I was even more cut off from him. “Nothing.” The sadness in his voice pained my heart. Why was he so upset?

“Cash?”

“Hmm?”

“What’s wrong?”

He still didn’t look at me. His hand moved around my waist and made me feel small. “I hate to see you cry.”

What?
I struggled to follow the tangents. “What?”

“I care about you a lot, baby. When you’re in pain, I’m in pain. I just wish I could do something…to make that hurt go away.”

Oh. I wasn’t sure what he was implying. It seemed like we were both speaking in riddles. “You do make it go away, Cash.”

“I do?”

“You’re doing it now.”

“But not permanently.”

“Well, that’s impossible.”

He pulled his face away and looked into my eyes. “It is?”

Only if Cash loved me would that pain disappear. And he never would. “Yes.”

Chapter Four

♬

Cash Matthews

Ouch. Ouch. OUCH.

Prudence would never love me. Any hope I had for making her my wife permanently was over. Maybe she’d change her mind during our marriage, but it was extremely unlikely. I had to get away from her.

I barricaded myself in the shower and stayed there for a long time. The warm water dripped over my body and
I shut out the world around me. I just needed a moment of silence to regain my composure. It was hard to be around Prudence and not beg her to consider loving me.

Why did I always fall for the wrong ones? First, it was Sharon, and now this. Well, that wasn’t fair. They were completely different situations. Prudence and I agreed to a meaningless relationship. I was the one
breaking that agreement.

The relationship definitely wasn’t meaningless, at least not to me. Never in my life had I been so happy. Maybe I should end the engagement while I could. This wasn’t healthy for me. I should just let her go and try to move on.

But I couldn’t do that. I made a commitment to Prudence and I promised to marry her. What would she do if I backed out? I couldn’t do that to her. Her career was on the line. So what do I do?

I was screwed. I’d be stuck with her for the next year, making love to her without her reciprocating that affection. And that made me depressed as hell. But if I was in the situation, I should get the most out of it. This could be the best year of my life. She could be my one and only, the wife I should have had the first time. I could soak it up and enjoy it. When it was over, then I would crash and burn and start over. It was better to love and let love go than to not have it at all, right? I guess that’s what I would do.

When I came downstairs, Prudence had dinner ready.

“Are you okay?” she asked. She finished setting the table then came back to me. Her hands moved up and down my chest. The concern was in her eyes.

I took off pretty quickly and I didn’t really give her an explanation. In retrospect, it probably looked alarming. I forced a smile to my lips. “I’m fine, baby.” It wasn’t a lie. I had my breakdown then got over it.

She gave me a gentle kiss then pulled away. “Good. I’m sorry I was crying earlier. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Uncomfortable? Try heartbroken.
“Baby, you didn’t make me uncomfortable.”

“I didn’t?” She seemed surprised.

I cupped her face. “No, not at all. My shoulder is yours to cry on whenever you want.”

“You don’t think it’s annoying?”

Where was she getting this?
“Baby, no. Why would you think that?”

She shrugged. “My dad left because I’d cry every night…”

She had some serious issues. “I’m not your dad and I’m not going anywhere. He’s a fucking coward that couldn’t handle responsibility. It had nothing to do with you being a horrible daughter or person.” I rubbed my nose against hers. “I want to know your every doubt and fear. Everything you do is important to me. And there has never been a time in this relationship when I was annoyed by you or wanted you to leave.”

“Really?”

“I wouldn’t lie to you.”

That seemed to calm her down. “Okay.”

“Now what’s for dinner?”

“
Meatloaf. Then we’ll have biscuits.”

“Biscuits?” I raised an eyebrow as I sat down.

She laughed. “It’s dessert. Like cookies.”

“Oh.” I loved the way she spoke. It was adorable. “Sounds good.”

As soon as I took a bite, I was impressed. “This is good.”

“Dean taught me a few things.”

Oh. Him.
“It’s very good.”

“Thanks, babe.”

I loved it when she called me that. She didn’t use that nickname when we were together the first time. It was affectionate and slightly possessive. And there was no one here to put on a show for. That was just for me. “I’m excited to have a wife. I’ll always have a home-cooked meal, and my shirts will always be ironed.”

Prudence laughed. “I’m your wife, not a maid.”

“Same thing,” I teased.

“Not if you want to see some more lingerie.”

My eyes narrowed. “I better see it.”

“Looks like I hit a nerve,” she said with a smile.

“A really big and long nerve.” I knew she understood my meaning when she chuckled. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“Just getting ready for that party.”

“We’ll meet with immigration in the morning and get everything rolling.”

“Ugh,” she said. “I’m not looking forward to that.”

“I’ll take care of it, baby. You just have to convince them you’re in love with me.”

“That won’t be a problem.”

It wouldn’t?
“If we take all the right steps, we should be okay.”

“Cash, are you sure you want to do this?” The hesitation was in her eyes.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I just don’t want you to get in trouble.”

“I won’t,” I said immediately. “Don’t worry about that.”

After we finished dinner, I cleaned the dishes and put them in the dishwasher.

“I thought you had a wife to do that stuff,” Prudence said.

I smiled. “My wife doesn’t have to do anything.” I washed my hands then patted them dry. “I’ll hire a maid. We’re both too busy to do these sort of things.”

“A maid?” she asked incredulously. “Is that really necessary?”

“What do you have against maids?”

“I don’t know…it’s just weird. I think we can handle our own cleaning.”

I smiled at her. She was going to be a big star and she had no idea. Soon, everything would change. She would never have to open another door or drive herself anywhere. People would beg her to listen to their demos. But I could tell she would have a hard time adjusting to the life of the rich and the famous. She was too humble and down-to-earth for that.

She turned off all the lights then walked upstairs. “I’m going to bed.”

“It better not be to sleep.” I stared at her ass.

“You’ll see.”

Oh yes I will.
I lingered downstairs and checked my emails. I hoped she was slipping into some slutty lingerie. After she had adequate time, I entered my bedroom.

She wore a dress that reached the top of her thighs. It was backless and had a single tie.

Yum.

“Do you like it, babe?”

I removed my t-shirt and jeans while I stared at her. I didn’t bother answering her. I’m sure my massive hard-on was enough to suffice. I opened my drawer and pulled out two ties.

She eyed them. “What are you up to?”

I pushed her down to the bed and pinned her arms down. She didn’t fight so I knew she wanted this to happen.

“What are you going to do to me?” she whispered.

I tied her hands to the headboard then kissed her. My mouth devoured hers as my hands moved to her hips. I fingered her thong then pulled it off. She pulled on the ties, testing their strength.

“Don’t bother,” I whispered. I pressed my mouth between her legs and tasted the sweetness I was so familiar with. Prudence widened her legs and moaned loudly, loving exactly what I was doing to her. I licked her center then moved around her clitoris. I brought her to edge then pushed her over the cliff. She shook under me then
screamed, loving the feeling I gave her.

“Cash…”

Now I was anxious to be inside her. My tip was leaking and I was panting. I hooked her legs over my shoulder then lifted her hips from the bed. Then I inserted myself with one smooth motion.

She pulled on the restraints and moaned. I knew she liked it.

I was glad I gave her an orgasm with my mouth first. Because I wasn’t going to last very long. She was too wet and tight for me. Every thrust made me crumble and shake. My cock twitched before the final explosion. I came inside her while I thrust into her, enjoying every last second.

I caught my breath then pulled out. I loved knowing a part of me was sitting inside her. She really was mine. I removed her restraints then cuddled beside her. I missed having sex with her because it was so amazing, but I missed what came afterwards more. She would snuggle into my side and cuddle me, wanting every inch of me. She stayed there the entire night and was there every morning. That
intimate connection was something I never shared with anyone else. With Sharon, she’d shower as soon as we had sex, like she was trying to wash away any residue that lingered. But that wasn’t the case with Prudence. Even if she didn’t love me, she made me feel loved and appreciated—and not because of my money.

♫

Prudence was nervous the next morning. She changed three times then dropped her coffee mug on the tile. She was a wreck. I held it together for both of us, but I was terrified too. If this didn’t work, I’d lose Prudence forever.

I was under oath not to lie, and I was risking my name and status in life. It was a lot to sacrifice
for a woman who didn’t love me, but I had to. If she were shipped back to London, she’d lose everything. Somehow, that was even worse than losing her. Because she’d be devastated. I couldn’t let that happen to my girl.

My girl.
There was nothing wrong saying it in the comfort of my own mind. No one else lived there but me.

“Are you ready, baby?” I grabbed her purse and handed it to her.

“I don’t know…”

I hooked my arm around her waist. “You look great. Let’s head out so we aren’t late.”

She pulled away. “I’m not sure about this.”

No. We had to do this.
I knew it was best for me just to get out of this situation but I was too involved now. She was the love of my life. Losing her was better than not having her at all. “Baby, everything is going to fine.”

“I can’t do this to you. I’ve been too selfish. Cash, if they find out we’re
lying, there will be consequences for you too. Not just me. I can’t let anything bad happen to you.”

Why? Why did she care?
When she said things like this, it made me wonder if she did love me but she was in denial about it. “Nothing is going to happen, Prudence.” I kept my voice calm and professional. It was the best way to keep her calm.

“I…I don’t know. We’re breaking the law.”

And I’d break every law for you.
“There’s nothing to worry about. We will pull this off.”

“But what if we don’t?”

I grabbed her face and pressed her into the wall. My mouth conveyed the reassurance my words couldn’t. I moved my lips against hers softly, calming her with the touch I knew she loved. I placed my hand over her heart and felt it beat. Somehow, it sped up. But I don’t think it was because of stress. I pulled away then looked her in the eye. “I understood what I was getting into when I proposed to you. I’m not going back on my word. I’ve already told everyone at work I’m getting married. And I’m not letting you get shipped back. There’s too much at stake here. We are going to do this—whatever the outcome.”

She stared at my
face. “Are you sure?”

“I promised I wouldn’t lie to you. And I won’t go back on my word.” She waited for me to say it. “I’m more than sure. You’re the closest person to me. I rely on you for more than just companionship. I care about you so much, and your happiness is my happiness. You couldn’t rely on men in your past, but you can rely on me, even more than Jeremy.
Because I choose to care about you. I’m not required to. Think about our relationship and tell me you don’t feel the same way.” She glanced at my lips. “I would do anything for you, and you would do the same. Tell me I’m wrong.”

Prudence rested her face against mine.

“Tell me,” I whispered.

She hooked her arms around my neck. “Cash, I…”

What? You what?
“Yeah?”

She took a deep breath. “Thanks for everything.”

That was anticlimactic. I thought she was going to say something else. I mean, I
hoped
she was going to say something else. There goes my wishful thinking…I wanted her to love me so much I was hallucinating about it. “Your gratitude is unnecessary.” When I pulled away, I saw the coat of tears in her eyes. What did that mean?

“You mean so much to me.” She took a deep breath and the moisture disappeared. “I’m so glad I’m marrying you. There’s no one else I’d rather do this with.”

I took a deep breath, feeling the sting in my lungs. Those words went directly into my heart, making my hands shake. It was something I never expected her to say. She may not love me, but there was something there. Of everyone she knew, she wanted to share this experience with me. She wanted to marry me. Which means she must trust me. “That means a lot to me.”

“I’m just sorry I’m dragging you through this.”

“No,” I said quickly. “I want this.”

“You do?”

She had no idea how much I wanted this. “I’m honored that I get to marry you. And I’m grateful it wasn’t Dean.” I smiled to dissipate the tension.