And Then You Fall (Crested Butte Series) (22 page)

Her leg moved, a reflex, and it startled her. It had been so long since she could feel anything below her waist. She gasped.

“What?” Ben asked.

“My leg moved.”

Since Ben hadn’t known she’d come out of the coma, he also hadn’t known she was paralyzed. He didn’t know that she’d just had surgery, and that they’d been waiting to see whether it was successful.

The nurse came in to check her vitals. “Any sensation yet?”

Liv looked at Ben, then at the nurse. “My legs.”

The nurses eyes opened wide and she pulled the sheet back to look at Liv’s legs. She started tapping different areas. “Can you feel this? What about this?” Liv just kept nodding. She could feel it all.

“Oh Liv, this is wonderful! Let me call the doctor. I’ll be right back.”

Ben watched the scene play out in front of him. He didn’t know what it meant, but he was starting to put it together. He didn’t speak, he stood and stared at her.

She looked uncomfortable, yet elated at the same time. She stared back at him.

The nurse came back. “I paged him and he’s on his way. Oh honey, I am so happy for you. This soon after the surgery.” She looked over at Ben. “It’s wonderful news, isn’t it?”

“It is wonderful,” he answered.

The nurse continued to check Liv’s extremities, marveling, making notes.

“It’s been a long, hard road for our girl here, but what a miracle. Liv, by tomorrow, you may be walking. Short distances and with a walker, but walking.”

The doctor came in before the nurse finished. He appeared as excited by Liv’s ability to move her legs as the nurse had been.

“We’ll take it slow. Don’t get any ideas about getting up for a drink of water in the middle of the night. Tomorrow morning we’ll see if we can get you on your feet. Do not, I repeat, do not try to do it tonight.”

The doctor turned to Ben. “No one more stubborn than our girl here. Don’t let her try to get out of bed.”

He turned back to Liv. “As long as this young man agrees to keep his eye on you, we won’t restrain you,” he joked.

She smiled, but hadn’t said anything since the nurse asked her if she had any sensation. Not a single word.

The doctor leaned down and kissed the top of Liv’s head, then stood back and looked her in the eye. “I’ve become fond of many of my patients through the years Olivia, but I can tell you, few have come to mean as much to me as you do. If there was anyone, anyone at all, I would’ve wished this for, it’s you.”

The doctor said goodnight, and left. The nurse said she’d be back in a while to check on her again, but to ring if she needed anything. She asked Liv if she was hungry, but she only nodded that she wasn’t.

“What will you do?” she asked him once they were alone again.

“Tell the truth.”

“Well,” she said, as if she expected him to say goodnight.

He didn’t think she was as fragile as he did when he first got here. Not after watching the doctor and nurse exam her.

“Scoot over,” he said. He kicked off his shoes and lay down next to Liv, putting his arm around her waist. “You have a lot to tell me. Start at the beginning. Tell me about the accident.”

It felt so good to have him next to her, but nothing had changed and she needed to make Ben see it as clearly as she did. If anything, she had more reasons to. “Ben, we can’t do this.”

“We can, and we’re gonna. You kept me away for weeks. I’m not going anywhere tonight.”

“I need to rest, and so do you. We can talk tomorrow. If . . .”

“Oh I’ll still be here if that’s what you’re wondering. If you need to rest, go to sleep. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

She did need to sleep. She couldn’t keep her eyes open another minute. Which meant she also didn’t have the strength to argue with him. She let herself drift off, snuggled into him.

There was a neverending war of emotions taking place in Ben’s head, and in his heart. He tried to decide what currently topped the list. On the flight from LA, anger was number one, followed closely by hurt. Confusion, while not an emotion, was way up there. As of right now, love had risen to the top, but hurt still nipped at its heels.

Why had Liv done this? None of it made sense to him. Why would she let him go on believing she was in a coma? If it was because she thought he’d leave the tour, she would’ve been partially right. He would’ve come to see her, he would’ve wanted to be with her every chance he could. But knowing he could see her and talk to her would’ve fueled his desire to make music. He would’ve rejoiced.

It was clear that up until tonight, Liv hadn’t had feeling in her legs. Which meant she believed she was what? Paralyzed? And she was trying to protect him from it. It was like a bad remake of a movie that had been done ten times too many.

Ben wondered if he would ever get through to her. She mattered. Not what she did or achieved. Just her, as she was. She was enough.

Maybe that was the point. He’d never get through to her. In the last year he had begged her to let him be a part of her life, and over and over she had either told him or showed him she didn’t want that. He’d been telling himself that she did, she just didn’t know it. But what if he was the one that was wrong? What if it was that simple? Liv meant more to him than he did to her. She’d told him so many times that she couldn’t be with him. Even ten minutes ago she said it again, “Ben, we can’t do this.”

He wanted to touch her, just for a little while longer. Maybe his arms could memorize what it felt like to have her wrapped up in them. Maybe his chest could remember what it felt like to have her head resting softly on it. Maybe his heart could remember how to rejoice in the fact that she walked this earth, rather than mourn that he couldn’t watch her as she did.

Hard as it was, he had to force himself to do it. He eased her head down on to the pillow, got up, and walked out of her life.

Chapter 19

The fallout with CB Rice’s fans had been less than anyone initially expected. Since they had a full week of shows still booked, Ben did what he did best. He came out at the start of every show and told the truth.

He told people he never meant to deceive anyone, and up until the story broke in the press, he believed Liv was still in a coma. He told them about her paralysis, and that she was the kind of woman who was so strong, so independent, so brave, that she wanted to protect him from it. He went on to say she’d had surgery that was successful, and everyone believed she would be up, walking, and back to her old self in no time. Each night the crowd roared when he said it. He didn’t tell them that he and Liv were no longer
together.
But then they never really had been anyway.

***

Liv was going home for the first time in almost three months. She didn’t know what to expect when she got there. In January Renie would restart the semester she’d taken off to be at her mother’s bedside. In the end it had proven too difficult for her to juggle her course load and commute back and forth from the hospital. In the meantime she’d be home with her mom, helping with her continued recovery.

Liv hated not having her independence. While her recovery went far more quickly than anyone had anticipated, not being back on her regular routine made her wretched to be around. She’d be the first to admit it. Renie took it in stride.

“Would you like to try to ride today?”

No, it was too soon for that. Liv wasn’t sure she had the courage to even walk into the barn. She knew she needed to see Micah, but the thought of it terrified her. She missed her boy, but didn’t know how he would react to her.

“I’ll walk to the barn, that’ll be enough for today.”

She didn’t see Micah when she walked in but by the time she got to the stall, his nose was peeking out, looking for her. She stood and let him nuzzle her. His hind leg was bent and he practically purred. Liv stood and loved him for as long as she could. One of her legs gave out and she grabbed the top of the stall’s half-door. Renie noticed and ran over with a stool for her to sit on.

Liv saw the tears in her daughters eyes, and how hard she was fighting breaking down. Liv felt the same way.

“Will you be okay for a few minutes Mom? There are some things I need to take care of inside.”

“Sure honey, go ahead. I’ll just sit here and catch up with my boy.”

Liv managed to hold her sobs in until she heard the back door of the house close.

“Oh Micah, what have I done?” She sobbed into her beloved horse’s mane.

***

When she woke up in the hospital and Ben wasn’t there, she wasn’t sure if she’d dreamt everything from the night before, or if he had really been there. She moved one of her legs to be sure that part wasn’t a dream. It wasn’t.

The nurse came in with breakfast and to tell her that she was scheduled for her first rehab session in two hours. And then she was gone and Liv was alone. The ache of what that meant spread through her chest.

He hadn’t stayed. And now she had to face the fact that he wasn’t likely to ever come back. She’d spent the last few months pushing him away. And now that he was gone, she could feel it in her bones, this time it was for good.

Liv spent the next two weeks trying to get her legs to work properly, and doing her best to kick everyone close to her out of her life. Even Paige had reached the point where she’d had enough.

“I’ll be your friend until the end of time, and I love you, but I won’t be your punching bag. You know where to find me when you want to,” she said before she stormed out.

Mark still came to visit every day. He didn’t talk much, he rarely even said hello. He arrived just as she started rehab and left when it was over. And in between, he helped.

Renie would come in the afternoon, every day. Some days she’d read the entire time she was there. Sometimes she’d watch her mom, who spent most of her time sitting, looking out the window. Liv told her she didn’t feel like talking, and there wasn’t anything else she felt like doing either.

“This kind of depression is normal,” the doctor told Renie. “Her body has been through a significant series of traumas. She needs to heal. She’ll come around. I’ve offered to prescribe something for it, but your mother refuses it.”

Billy came almost every day, usually with Renie. He was in the top five nationally for saddle broncs. Liv was so proud of him. He’d tell her about the barrel racing standings, and talk to her about the finals which were the first couple weeks of December. At first she thought it would bother her, but then she realized Billy talked to her as though she was on the injured list, not the retired list. He believed she’d be back.

“I’ll help you, ya know. Anything you need. I’ll be there for you Livvie. Soon as you’re ready, we can get back out on the road together.”

“I appreciate that Billy. We’ll see, okay?”

***

Thanksgiving morning, eight days after she came home, Liv decided it was time to ride. Renie suggested her mom ride Pooh, but Liv was determined to ride Micah. Her leg muscles were stronger than they’d ever been. In the past the only exercise she did was to ride, and work. Now she had a strength-building regime she followed every day.

It was one of those perfect, blue-sky Colorado days and she wanted to ride. Renie followed on one of the boarded horses, it wasn’t likely Pooh would be able to keep up with Micah.

“Where do you want to ride today Mom?”

“I’m gonna let Micah run today sweetie.”

“So the over the crest to the meadow?”

“Yep.”

“You’re sure?”

“Never more sure.”

As soon as they came over the hill and the prairie stretched out in front of them, Micah took off like a rocket. Liv hadn’t felt this alive in months. There was no hesitation between her and her horse, it was as though they rode like this every day.

Billy saw Renie and Liv from the back steps of his parents’ house. He loved to watch them ride. No one rode like the Fairchild women. Liv and Renie were coming to the house later, to have Thanksgiving dinner with his family. One day they’d be part of his family, he could feel it in his bones.

***

Ben walked out on the back porch with his cup of coffee in hand. In an hour he’d go pick up the boys and bring them back for Thanksgiving dinner with his family.

He looked out over the valley and up to Mt. Crested Butte. The sky was blue, the sun was shining, and he was spending the day with his boys and the rest of his family. All should be right in his world. Nothing could’ve been further from the truth.

He went into the Goat last night, looking for a distraction. And he found one. Pretty little thing, sweet as could be. Her name was Melinda, or Melissa, or Melanie. He couldn’t remember, so he called her Mel all night. That seemed to work. She was a firecracker, dancing up a storm. He had fun with her, the most fun he’d had in a long time.

“Let’s get out of here,” she said to him, pulling him by the hand. He grabbed his coat off the rack and followed her to parking lot. They got around the corner and she was on him so fast, Ben didn’t see it coming.

He picked her up and held her against him. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he pressed up against her.

“Wait,” he said, unwrapping her body from his and setting her back on the ground.

“What?” she answered, breathless. “What’s wrong?”

“As much as I’d like to get you close to me tonight pretty girl, I can’t do this.” He was about to say it was him, not her, and he decided against it. Better to just walk away. No explanation was necessary
. He didn’t even say goodnight.

***

“Come here girl and give me a big ol’ hug,” said Dottie when Liv walked in the back door.

“Hey Dottie.”

“God I missed seeing that color of pink in your cheeks. How’re you feeling? Billy said he saw you out ridin’ a bit ago. You and Renie. He said it was like watchin’ a beautiful wind blow.”

“It felt like . . . I can’t describe it. Right. If felt right.”

“You goin’ back out then?”

“Soon as I can. Not much left this year.”

“Nothing stoppin’ you from training. Get yourself down to Oklahoma in January and get busy.”

“You don’t think I’m crazy Dottie? You don’t think I should give up the dream?”

“I’ve told you before, there hasn’t been a day since I’ve known you that I haven’t been proud of you Liv. Don’t make it today. You’re no quitter, but what do the doctors say?”

“That I’m fit to ride, or do whatever else I want to do. My injury is healed and that part of my spine is probably in better shape than the rest of me.”

“Any pain?”

“Not really.”

“What does that mean?”

“My pain has nothing to do with my injury Dottie.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Not today.”

Renie walked in with Billy behind her, carrying the rest of the pies. “Where are these supposed to go Miss Dottie?” Renie asked.

“Down to the bunkhouse. We’ve got a crew with us this year, we’ll eat in the main dining hall down there.”

“Hey Livvie, you comin’?” asked Billy.

Dottie watched her son escort Renie and Liv out of her kitchen. Dottie knew Liv was still in love with that guitar-playing man from Crested Butte. It was only a matter of time that one of them would give in to their stubbornness. Dottie knew it, they hadn’t seen the last of Ben Rice around here.

Bill was finishing up carving the last turkey when the door to the dining hall opened and Paige and Mark came in with their youngest daughter. Renie and Blythe hadn’t seen each other in months and her daughter was thrilled her best friend was there. Liv was glad to see her best friend too.

“I figured Thanksgiving was as good a day as any for us to make up,” said Paige.

“There isn’t any making up to do.” Liv hugged her. “I’m sorry Paige, so sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”

“I forgave you before I walked out that day. I knew you needed space. I kept tabs though. If you needed me, Mark would have said so and I would have come.”

“Mark is such a good man.”

“He’s the best. No one else could put up with you and me combined all these years. For some reason he seems to like us.”

The dining hall soon filled up with ranch hands and wranglers.

“Gotta love the cowboys,” said Renie.

“Yep, you do,” said Billy. “How about you and Blythe sit with me today.”

“You’re not flirtin’ with my daughter are you Billy Patterson?” Liv asked.

Paige turned around just in time to catch Dottie’s eye. Was this really the first time Liv noticed it?

***

“Whatcha’ doing Dad?” Luke asked him.

“Hey buddy. Nothin’ much. What are you up to?”

“I been watchin’ you.”

“Oh yeah, and what have you seen?”

“You’re sad.”

He hugged his son to him.

“It’s easy to see when someone is sad if you love ’em Daddy.”

“How’d you get so smart pard’ner?”

“I don’t know. But if you’re sad, you should do somethin’ about it.” Luke looked at his feet. “That’s what you’d tell me.”

“What if I don’t know what to do about it?”

“Oh come on Daddy, you know what to do.”

“I do?”

“Sure. You gotta go see the girl.”

His kids, they slayed him. He thought that a lot. They knew just how to get to his heart.

***

Dinner was over, Paige and Mark had gone home. Blythe and Renie were heading into town to meet up with other friends who were home from college for the holiday. Liv sat out on the porch of the bunkhouse, looking at the stars, she wasn’t ready to go home yet.

“Livvie, mind if I sit here with you for a minute?” Billy asked.

“Of course I don’t mind.” She scooted over so he could sit on the bench next to her.

“Did you have a nice Thanksgiving?” he asked.

“I did. How about you?”

“I did. I’m glad you and Renie were here with us this year. That’s what I’m most thankful for.”

“You’re such a good friend to me Billy, and to Renie too. I don’t know what we would’ve done without you these last few weeks.”

***

Billy asked her and Renie to ride with him every day between Thanksgiving and December 4. He made them laugh so hard, and if anyone understood her desire to get back into barrel racing, it was him.

“Livvie, I’m tellin’ you, you oughta consider hookin’ up with a bronc rider. You just might like it you know.”

God, if Billy Patterson wasn’t so much younger than she was, there might have been a day she would’ve considered it. That made her think of Ben, and how she thought he was younger than her too. But he wasn’t.

Billy wanted her and Renie to go to Las Vegas with them. Dottie and Bill invited them to go too. Billy was ranked second going into National Rodeo Finals, or NFR, the highest he’d ever gotten. It was a ten-day event. Liv didn’t know if she could handle being there that long, but the schedule would be jam-packed with events, annual dinners, and other functions they would be expected to attend.