And Then You Fall (Crested Butte Series) (25 page)

“What are you thinking about back there cowboy?”

“You. Naked. All over my house.” He felt the shudder travel up her spine. Evidently she liked that idea as much as he did.

***

Luke was the one who woke them up. He climbed up on the bed and situated himself between his dad and Liv.

“What’s up there pard’ner?” Ben groaned, his voice still thick with sleep.

“What’re we doin’ today Daddy?”

“Well I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

“Let’s go snowmobiling around the ranch.”

That wasn’t a bad idea. They had several, he wondered if Renie would be interested in doing that. He could show her and Liv all the best places on their land, the best views.

“How’s that sound Liv?”

“Good to me. I don’t know about you little guy, but I’m starving. What do you say we get up and make a giant ranch breakfast?”

“You know how to make a ranch breakfast?”

“I do. I live on a ranch myself. Guess you didn’t know that.”

“You do?” Luke’s voice caught a little bit with the worry that maybe everything wasn’t what he thought. “Does Renie’s daddy take care of it for you?”

“No, Renie’s dad died many years ago. He was a pilot in the Air Force.”

“Oh.” Luke’s voice shook a little. “Does that make you and Renie sad?”

“It used to, but we know he looks down on us and keeps us safe.”

“So who takes care of your ranch for you?”

“I do. And we have hands. Do you have ranch hands that help your daddy and your grandparents?”

“We do,” he answered and then proceeded to tell her about some of the more colorful hands that worked their ranch.

Ben eased out of the bed to let the two of them talk. He threw on some sweats and a T-shirt and went to the kitchen to start the coffee. Renie was up and standing by the windows that looked out over the valley.

“It’s breathtaking,” she said, hearing him behind her.

“It isn’t bad.”

“How do you ever leave it?”

“I could say the same thing about your spread.”

“It’s my mom’s spread, but you’re right, it’s pretty awesome too.” Renie walked over to where he was in the kitchen.

“Somethin’ on your mind young lady?”

“Just hoping you two figure it out this time,” she sighed.

“Me too,” he said, laughing and pulling her closer to hug her.

“I like you Ben, and I think you’re good for her.”

“What about the Patterson guy? What happened there?”

“Billy?” Renie blushed, then laughed. “They’re just friends, that’s all they’ve ever been.”

“Are you sure?”

“Um, yeah,” she laughed. “I’m positive.”

He wondered what Renie’s reaction meant.

“I want bacon,” Luke said, pulling Liv behind him by the hand. It occurred to him that he abandoned her under the blankets without any clothes, but here she was, wearing a big shirt of his and what looked like her long underwear from yesterday.

Ben raised his eyebrows as she walked into his arms for a hug.

“It wasn’t easy. Thank goodness little boys have to go potty.”

Ben threw his head back and laughed. “I wondered.”

Liv started rummaging around in Ben’s kitchen cabinets. She looked as though she was on a mission.

“Whatcha’ lookin’ for baby?”

“Just finding my way around.”

“Make yourself at home,” he winked. There’d be nothing better he’d like than that.

They spent the day exploring the ranch. Ben took them by his parents’ place mid-afternoon.

“Well, well, look who’s here.” Bud came off the porch and swept Liv into a big hug. “I prayed for you little lady.”

Liv buried her face into his shoulder to hide her tears. Just a few simple words, coupled with his unmasked joy in seeing her, sent her over the edge.

Ginny came out of the door and gasped when she saw Liv, who was now standing next to Ben, his arm around her shoulder.

“Aren’t you a sight for these old eyes. Come here girl and let me look at you.”

Liv was touched by the warmth and love these two people, who had really only met her one time, expressed so openly. Just like Ben did. She envied the way they spoke what they felt without hesitation. For the second time in just a couple of minutes, Liv was moved to tears when Ginny put her arms around her.

“When did you get here?” Ginny asked.

“We got into town the day after Christmas.”

Ginny raised her eyebrow at Ben, who just laughed. He pulled Liv back closer to him. His body craved feeling hers next to it. Riding on the snowmobile, with her arms around his waist, her body pressed against his back, felt like heaven to him. Whenever she moved away, he wanted her back, closer, so his hands could be on her, somewhere, anywhere.

He leaned down and whispered. “My mama gave me a little lecture on Christmas. Somethin’ about getting off my butt and going after you. I think she’s givin’ herself credit for seeing you here today.”

“Ah,” was Liv’s only response. She turned back to Ginny and saw the happiness etched in her face.

How easy it would be to just fall into this family and never look back. They would embrace her and her daughter without hesitation or question. And life would be good. But would it be enough?

She still had to find out whether she could actually live her dream or not. It wasn’t something she was willing to give up, no matter how comfortable and inviting it was here.

“Let’s have a big dinner here tonight. We’ll get your brothers and their wives to come.”

“I’d like to help,” Liv offered.

“Me too,” added Renie.

“Why don’t we take the snowmobiles back to the house boys?” Ben turned to Liv again, pulling her close. “I can’t keep my hands off you. And seeing you in the kitchen . . . that’ll make me hot for you all over again.”

Liv laughed. “I don’t think there’s anything that doesn’t make you hot for me.”

“Seeing you in another man’s arms didn’t do it. I can tell you that.” There he went, opening his mouth again. He really needed to work on filtering.

“What are you talking about?”

“The rodeo finals, I was watchin’ them and there you were, with Patterson. Bigger than life on the screen in front of me.”

“We were there, but it wasn’t like that Ben. I wasn’t with him, not like that.”

“Not somethin’ I can let myself think about Liv. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

Other people, that was something they needed to talk about. Had Ben been seeing anyone else either while he was on tour, or since he’d been home? He spent so much time talking about her, wanting to know what she felt or thought or did, but he rarely offered up the same kind of information about himself.

“I can’t let myself think about you with anyone else either.”

“Nobody Liv. I told you that. There isn’t anybody else for me. I would have become . . . what did you call it? A redo-virgin if you hadn’t come back to me.”

Liv laughed. “Me too.”

“Really? But you and Patterson.”

“No, it wasn’t ever like that.”

Ben exhaled, loudly. “Thank you for telling me. God, just the thought of you in someone else’s bed. Ugh. I can’t think about it.”

“Come on Daddy,” Luke tugged on his coat sleeve. “Let’s go ride some more.”

Ben looked over at Jake, who hadn’t said more than two words this morning. He was so wrapped up in Liv he hadn’t noticed. “Sure thing buddy, in just a minute. Why don’t you see if your grandma has any cookies you can snack on?” Ben pushed Luke in the direction of the house. “And don’t forget to wash your hands. Oh, and bring me some.”

Liv looked at him and Ben motioned with his head in Jake’s direction. She nodded that she understood.

“Come on Renie, let’s go see what we can do to help.”

Ben sat down on the porch steps waiting to see what Jake would do now that it was just the two of them. He turned and faced the mountains, so his back was to Ben.

“What’s on your mind Jake?”

“Nothin’.”

“You’ve been awful quiet. Not that you’re talkative to begin with, but this seems quieter than normal.”

“It’s nothin’ Dad. I’m fine.”

“Okay. Well if you decide it’s somethin’, let me know.”

“It’s just that . . .”

“Yeah, I’m listening.”

“It seems like you really like her.”

“I do.”

Jake kicked at the snow with his boot. There was something else he wanted to say, but Ben couldn’t figure out where his son was headed with this.

“What’s worrying you man?”

Still nothing out of Jake. Ben couldn’t figure it out. He waited for a while but all Jake looked was uncomfortable.

“Okay, well let’s get your brother, take the sleds back to the house and get the truck. We can talk later if you feel like it.”

Jake got on one of the snowmobiles and started it up, without answering his dad.

Bud came out on the porch. “I’ll ride one back with you. That way if you want to go out again this week, they’ll be up at your place.”

“Thanks Dad. Hey, somethin’s bothering Jake. Any idea what it might be?”

“Nope. But I’ll see if I can get him to talk to me about it later on.”

“Where’s Luke?”

“He’s stayin’ here. You won’t be able to get him away from those two pretty girls Ben. Not sure who he’s more taken with, Liv or her pretty daughter. Although I think Liv’s winning out.”

“She’s pretty easy to get taken with.” Ben knew that first hand. “She okay? I mean should I go in and see if she needs anything before we leave.”

Bud put his hand on Ben’s shoulder. “She’s fine, you can be out of touching range for another five minutes or so, don’t ya think?”

“No. But I’ll leave her be anyway. Her and mom getting along?”

“Like they’ve known each other for years. Ya know, she kind of reminds me of your mama. She’s just got that way about her.”

Chapter 22

Ben went into the kitchen in search of Liv only to find her seated at the center island, deep in conversation with Allison and Maeve. Whatever they were talking about looked serious. He wondered if he should try to back out of the room before they noticed him.

“Heya Ben,” said Maeve, stretching her hand in his direction.

“Am I interrupting?”

“No, Liv was just telling us about the fall she took. Pretty serious stuff. I cannot believe she’s skiing and riding all over the ranch on the back of a snowmobile, four months later. Isn’t it unbelievable?” Allison, Matt’s wife, asked.

“Unbelievable,” answered Ben. He could still feel it, the pain, the worry, the hurt. He tried to push the hurt down deeper. She was here now, he didn’t want to think about that. He looked up at the ceiling, closed his eyes, and tried to shake the ghosts away. When he opened them again, Liv was studying him. She’d been right yesterday. They did need to talk.

“Looks like everything is cleaned up in here. Liv, you ready to head back to the house?”

“Sure.” She hesitated before she stood up, then stretched a little.

“Are you going skiing again tomorrow then?” asked Maeve.

“I don’t know. Liv, is that what you want to do?” Why did he suddenly feel so uncomfortable? There was more going on in this kitchen than was on the surface.

“I think we should. That’s what we came up here for.”

And why did that hurt? It was the truth. She and Renie came up to ski. And he bumped into her. She didn’t come to see him, he already knew that.

“Ready?” Liv asked.

He realized he hadn’t been looking at her. What the hell was going on with him? Suddenly he felt as though he was having trouble breathing.

“Yep, let’s go. Night ladies.”

Ben carried Luke to the car, he’d passed out sitting next to Renie on the couch. Jake sat on the other side of the room, sullen.

Bud and Ginny lingered on the porch saying goodnight. Ben came back up after he got Luke in the truck.

“Any luck with Jake?”

“Nope,” answered Bud. “He was closed up tight. Not interested in talking about anything, not even baseball.”

It seemed that Jake wasn’t the only one suddenly in a funk. Ben felt it and he figured Liv was feeling it to. Maybe it was just that the euphoria was wearing off a little bit. They were coming down from the heady rush of being together again, and the reality of their recent past was raising its ugly head. That explained how he was feeling, but not what was going on with Jake.

“Maybe we should see if we can get our room back,” Liv murmured when Ben got in the truck.

“What? No. Why? Why would you say that?”

“Feels like something has changed. Shifted maybe,” she ventured.

“No, everything’s good. We’re all just tired.”

“You’re sure?”

“Positive. We aren’t gonna get anywhere being apart, we have to work through this Liv. We have to learn to be together even when it isn’t all pretty.”

“So something did shift.”

“It isn’t anything that’s a secret. You said it yourself, we need to talk.”

“Yes,” she sighed. “We do.”

He looked behind him. Jake was sitting in the way back. Ben turned up the radio a little and motioned for Liv to lean closer to him.

“Somethings going on with Jake. He gets more withdrawn with each passing minute.”

Liv had noticed. Luke had become her shadow, but Jake kept his distance. Even Renie couldn’t seem to jostle him out of his funk. She had no business trying, or even offering, but she was willing to see if he’d talk to her. She asked Ben if he’d mind.

“I don’t think you’ll get anywhere, but I’m not going stop you from trying.”

Ben carried Luke in and put him in bed. Liv let Renie know she wanted a minute with Jake, so she went upstairs too. Jake was ready to follow when Liv stopped him. “Got a minute?”

She saw the internal struggle. If it had been anyone else asking, he would have shrugged them off and continued up the stairs. But he’d been raised to be polite. He didn’t know Liv well enough to refuse her request, so he turned around and walked back down the steps.

“Yeah?”

“Can you come sit down with me a minute?”

“I guess.”

Liv walked over to the chair next to the fireplace and motioned for Jake to sit across from her.

“I can tell you have a lot on your mind,” she said softly.

“I don’t know. Maybe I do.”

“Does it have something to do with my being here? Would you rather I wasn’t?” She kept her voice low and soft, hoping she was making him feel less threatened by her.

“No!” Jake was immediately embarrassed by his response.

“Okay. I was just checking. It sounds as though you might be more worried about my leaving.”

Jake looked a
way from her and into the fire.

“Jake, I care about your dad.” That was it, she saw him flinch, just a little.

He turned back and looked Liv right in the eye. “He told us about you.”

She nodded, hoping he’d continue if she didn’t speak.

“He really wanted us to meet you. It was after he went to visit you. While we were in Arizona with our mom and Joe.”

Liv leaned forward just a bit, so she could hear him better. He looked at the fireplace again, so she bent her head to try to see his face. “Go on.”

“Luke and I were really excited to meet you, ’cause my dad told us you meant a lot to him.”

This must’ve been when she was here and then turned around and left. “I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to meet you that visit.”

“My dad . . . he was so sad. He tried to cover it up, but Luke and I could tell. He didn’t want to talk that much, and my dad loves to talk.” That got a little smile out of him. Liv smiled too.

“He does. Sometimes too much.”

That made Jake laugh.

“Go on,” she said, softly again.

“Then you had your accident, and my dad was on tour. And then all that stuff happened when he thought you were in a coma, but you weren’t.”

“You’re looking out for him.”

“He was just so sad.” Liv could see the tears well up in his eyes. Jake tried to turn his head further away from her, so she wouldn’t see.

“Your dad tried to hide it from you, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, but I knew anyway.”

“I think maybe your dad tried to hide his sadness from you to protect you from it. Just because he was hurting, he didn’t think you should too.”

“Is that why you lied to him?”

Ouch. Now that he was talking, he got right to it, didn’t he? “Yes Jake, that is why I lied to him. I didn’t want him to worry about me. I wanted him to enjoy the tour, and be successful, and have all the things he’s been working so hard to attain all these years.”

“But you know it didn’t work.”

“I do know that. What I did jeopardized it all. He hadn’t lied to anyone, but some people thought he did.”

“My dad did his talking thing though, and people didn’t stay mad at him. I don’t think they did anyway.”

“Your father is a very good man, and as soon as people get to know him, even a little bit, they see it. Even if it’s just seeing him on stage. They know he wouldn’t lie.”

Jake nodded and looked back at the fire.

“You’re afraid I’m going to do something to hurt him again.”

He didn’t turn to look back at her, but he nodded. “You kinda do it a lot.”

Ow, another one. He sure got right to the heart of it. “I’m sorry for that, and I’m sorry for how it’s affected you. I want you to know that I care about your dad very much.”

Jake turned to look at her, maybe to see if she looked like she was lying.

“I’m going to do my best to never hurt him again.”

“That would be good, ya know, if you didn’t.”

Liv marveled at the depth of caring Ben’s son possessed. He was so much like his father.

“Do you ride Jake?”

“Horses? Yeah.”

“Maybe you and I could go for a ride, just the two of us, while I’m here. And someday soon, I’d really like it if your dad brought you and Luke to my place. I board horses at my ranch, I don’t know if you knew that.”

“No. I didn’t.”

“Think you might like to take a ride with me.”

“Yeah, it’d be okay.”

“And maybe come and visit?”

“Sure. I’d like that.”

“How about coming to see me race some time. Would you like to do that too?”

Jake sat up straighter, Liv could almost see a smile forming.

“That’d be cool I guess.”

“Cool you guess? Sugar there ain’
t nothin’ cooler than a barrel-racin’ cowgirl. The sooner you figure that out the better.”

There it was, he smiled. He had his dad’s smile, it lit up his whole face.

“Okay. It’s pretty cool.”

“You got that right. And Jake?” She tilted her head again, hoping she could get him to look her in the eye. “Thanks for talking to me.”

He looked at her, in the eye. “Sure. Anytime.”

She said goodnight and he went upstairs. Liv leaned her head back against her chair and closed her eyes.

Ben stood around the corner from Liv and Jake and heard the whole conversation. She might as well have been talking to him. All of Jake’s concerns were his too. When would she decide she needed to leave again? And when she did, would he have any idea when he might see her next? And finally, how much a part of her life did she want him to be?

She’d answered all those questions while she talked to Jake. She made plans with his son. Plans for them to come and see her ranch, and plans for them to come and see her race. Those were significant plans. Coming to see her ranch meant she was willing to let his boys in, to get to know here better. He knew Liv well enough to know that she wouldn’t take his sons’ feelings lightly. She wouldn’t lie to them and she wouldn’t let them think they mattered if they didn’t.

Ben was happy. Happier than he’d been in a long time. If he’d had the same conversation with her, he probably wouldn’t have let her talk as much. That was something he needed to work on. And before she extended an invitation to come and visit, he probably would’ve pushed for one. He also would’ve pushed to come and see her race, or just shown up. It was amazing how much more she was willing to give when she was afforded the time to come up with the offer on her own.

Ben came around the corner. Liv was sitting in the chair, he wondered if she’d dozed off. “Hey,” he said softly.

“Hmm? Hi. Come sit with me.” Liv stood and moved over the the couch holding out her had for him to join her.

“How’d it go?”

“Well, I think. He just cares about you. Wants to make sure I do too.”

“And?”

“You know I do.”

“I overheard your conversation with him.”

“I know.”

That made him smile.

Liv leaned into him, rested her head on his shoulder and put her arm around his waist. “You’re too used to being in control of everything to have let that go.”

“Really? You think that was about control?”

“Of course it was. I was talking to your son. The one you’re worried about. If things had started to go badly, you would’ve stepped in to make sure he was okay.”

“I guess I would’ve.”

“We have a lot to work on, you and I.”

“If you’re willing, so am I.”

Liv stood and held her hand out to him. “Come on, take me to bed cowboy.”

***

The next day they went back to the ski area. A long-time snowboarder, Jake wanted to ski instead, so Ben rented him ski equipment.

“He’s got the best snowboarding stuff there is, and today he wants to ski. What’s that all about?”

Liv raised her eyebrows at him. “Maybe you should consider this a good thing. At least he’s talking.”

She was right. If Jake wanted to be closer to Liv, or Renie, all day it was better to have him want to be a part of things than off sulking in a corner, or refusing to go along with them.

Renie decided at the last minute to try snowboarding and Ben’s groan was audible.

“Great. Now he’s going to want to go back to slidin’ down the hill. I know the guys in the rental place, I’m sure they’ll give me my money back.”

But Ben was wrong, Jake wanted to spend the day with Liv. The two of them went on several runs on their own and showed up twenty minutes late for their designated lunch hook-up.

Ben walked over and put his arm around his oldest son, “Tryin’ to steal my girl, are ya?” He messed up his son’s already mop-top hair.

“She enjoys my company,” answered Jake, standing up taller and throwing his shoulders back.

Liv and Jake went out on their own all afternoon too, and Liv got to know Ben’s oldest son.