Angel Fire (21 page)

“Chickenshit,” I heard Troy say in a low voice as I left, but I didn’t know if his accusation was directed at me, or at Barry.

Chapter Twenty-Five

I was vibrating
when I left the hardware store.
Get back together?
What the hell was Barry thinking? Was he completely delusional?

It wasn’t quite noon and I knew there were still a few hours before I met Neil for lunch, but I couldn’t wait. I was so outraged at Barry’s audacity that I could barely contain myself. I needed to blow off some steam, and now that I had had a taste of how to control and focus the power, I realized the best way to work off my frustration was to release the fire within me.

I marched back toward home, but before I got within sight, I veered off behind the motel and headed for the lake.

No more matches and broom handles. This time, I was going to focus all my power on the lake—give it everything I had.

A complete release and a complete surrender—that’s what I needed to do.

When I got there, I had enough presence of mind to ensure there were no onlookers.

I raised my hands to shoulder height and recited my mantra. Focusing on the lake, I willed the fire to unleash itself on the water. In a way, I thought that if I drained myself of the flames, if I exhausted myself by burning the lake, maybe the power would leave me, at least for a little while. Then, I could pretend I was a normal person.

I felt it build in me, the same feeling as when a roller coaster edged higher and higher toward the precipice of a high drop. Click, click, click. The anticipation built. The pressure inside me intensified.

With a primal scream, I yelled out at the lake, willing the entire body of water to burst into flame, to vaporize.

Within a fifty yard radius, the lake began to bubble, lightly at first and then building to a furious boil. Moments later, the entire surface ignited like a gas barbeque. A loud crack split the air and, as if I had been struck by lightning, my entire body was consumed by the fire.

I screamed and tried to slap the flames out with my hands. My clothes disintegrated before my eyes, falling away in a cloud of ash and leaving me completely naked. I was too shocked to worry about modesty.

I waved my arms around in a desperate attempt to put out the flames, but then the fire surrounding me started to flare and spit. It danced on my bare skin like it was a living thing, a separate entity that had been hiding inside me for years and was now suddenly released. It was a victory celebration, a prisoner free of its prison. It was free, and I was free. I couldn’t contain the sudden overwhelming feeling of elation that coursed through me.

But then the pain came, sudden and sharp, as if someone had thrown boiling water on me. The suffocating heat of a thousand furnaces enveloped me and the flames burned higher and brighter. Just when I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, the pain and heat lessened. It was as if I were becoming used to it. When I looked at the skin on my arms and hands, I expected to see a charred mess as the flesh melted away from my bones—was this how witches burned at the stake felt?

The fire did not actually touch me. The flames hovered a fraction of an inch above my skin, surrounding me like a corona. I put my hands to my head, and felt my hair, thick and unburned. My face, my neck, my breasts; all unharmed.

The wonder of it struck me then: I was completely enveloped by fire, and I was still alive. I had to wonder if this was what my great-grandmother Beatrice had meant by embracing the flame. What did this mean? Was I a freak of nature who could create fire from nothing? Or was I possessed of this power? Was there meaning behind it?

Unlike the previous instances when I summoned the fire, I did not pass out, and as a matter of fact, felt quite alive and invigorated. Another problem existed: how to stop it.

I tried to will the fire to go away, as I had when Neil was there. The fire on the lake went out, but like a caged animal suddenly freed, the flames surrounding me did not want to return to its prison. I continued to burn like an eternal candle.

Panicking, I took a tentative step toward the lake and put my foot in the water. Where my skin sunk below the surface, the flames immediately dissipated. I put my other foot in, and now I was flame-free from the ankles down. As I walked in deeper and deeper, I sensed the fire recoil as the water extinguished it. Enraged, it burned brighter and hotter. Soon, I could feel the pain returning. It felt as if the flesh were melting from my body, though my skin remained unmarred.

Quickly, I moved forward until I was in up to my hips, then up to my shoulders.

I was in complete agony by the time I submerged myself fully in the lake.

It was only then that the fire finally left me.

* * *

Sneaking back to my motel room stark naked proved more of a challenge than I had initially thought. Not only was I self-conscious of my exposed parts, but once I crested the rise of the hill that separated the lake from the motel, I realized I was in full view of any passersby driving on the highway. A nude woman running down a hill might prove enough of a distraction to a driver to cause an accident. The last thing I wanted was any more attention.

I pulled a shrub up from its roots and, holding it in front of me to hide my nakedness, I slunk down the hilltop until I reached the back of the motel. All the while, I felt a different kind of heat flush through my skin. If Uncle Edward happened to come around the corner and see me in this state…

I made it to the garbage bin unobserved, and timed it so that I raced down the length of the motel to my room without anyone seeing me.

Once inside my room, I shut the door and locked it. In the safety of the room, I finally let myself relax.

A realization came to me then: I didn’t have control. At least, not the true kind of control I wanted. Yes, I had been able to summon the power several times, but there was no way I could throttle it, at least not like Neil could manipulate water. The one time I had made the fire stop it had only been through intense concentration, and right now I suspected that had been an illusion. The power had let me believe I could stop it.

This afternoon, the fire’s true nature had been revealed: once the power was fully unleashed, it had refused to be harnessed. Only by submerging myself in water was I able to stop it.

This affliction was beyond me. I was at its mercy.

I stumbled into the bathtub to wash the dried grass and dirt off me, and by the time I was finished, I was far too exhausted—physically and emotionally—to think about it anymore. I don’t even remember crawling between the sheets and falling asleep.

* * *

I shot out of bed when I heard a loud knock. I threw my robe around my shoulders and dragged myself to answer the door.

Neil’s smile slipped away when he saw my puffy eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“I—nothing. I’m sorry, I forgot about our lunch date. I don’t think I’m up for it.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that. Are you all right?”

I looked down. “No.”

He stood at the entrance, uncertain of his next move. His look of genuine concern made me relent. I stepped back and gestured for him to come in.

As promised, he had brought lunch with him, and put the paper bag from the Finer Diner on the dresser. Even though I was starving, the smell of hot beef sandwiches was not enough of a distraction to forget about what had happened earlier.

“You look tired,” Neil said.

I shot him a sour look. “Thanks for noticing.”

“Sorry.” Suddenly, he seemed very uncertain of himself, like a little lost puppy. He looked so sad, I had to apologize.

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so sharp. I—”

But then I wasn’t so certain I wanted to share anything more with Neil. He had been nothing but supportive and kind. I didn’t deserve him.

“What?” he pressed.

“I’ve just got a lot of things to think about.” I bit my tongue, then decided to tell Neil. “I ran into Barry earlier today.”

He stiffened, his face darkening. “Did he hurt you?”

“No. He never even raised his voice.”

Neil pursed his lips. “I don’t understand.”

I sighed. “He said he just wanted to get back together with me.”

“Oh?” He looked away from me.

“Don’t worry,” I told him, waving my hand. “It’ll never happen.”

“All right, then—?”

“I was so angry at him. He thought he could just snap his fingers and get me back. I guess I needed to—I don’t know—unleash the fire. Just a little bit. Maybe let a little of it out so that it wouldn’t overpower me later. I went to the lake.”

Neil watched me expectantly as I rubbed my knuckles.

“The truth is I don’t have control,” I admitted. “I never did. It was an illusion, a trick. Any minute, it can just take over. I fooled myself into a false sense of security. I got arrogant, and that’s when the power put me in my place. I let it out and it completely took over. I couldn’t stop it. I had to go completely into the lake to put out the flames.”

I looked up at him.

“I don’t think I can stay here,” I said. “The power is far too unpredictable. Someone’s going to get hurt, or worse. It was a mistake to come home. The more I play with the fire, the more power it holds over me.”

He said, “That’s not true. You can control it. You just have to give it some time. At first, I felt the same as you. There were a few instances where I felt powerless, but over time, I learned to harness it. You can learn that as well.”

I stared into his eyes with desperate hope. “Do you think so? I couldn’t handle it if someone else got hurt because of me. I could never forgive myself.”

“Trust me,” he said with such confidence that I felt myself believing him. Before I knew it, I slid inside his comforting embrace.

* * *

Later, we opened the lunch bag and ate. I discovered I was enormously hungry, and finished my sandwich before Neil had taken two bites. I looked in the bag for more.

“Want mine?” he offered, holding out the other half of his sandwich.

“Uh, no,” I said, embarrassed by my appetite. “That’s all right.”

“Feeling any better?”

I brushed a strand of hair from my face. “I guess.”

A half smile played across his lips. “So, you had to crawl all the way down that hill buck naked?”

“Gawd, don’t remind me!” I had told him the full story while we ate. “If my uncle saw me, I think I would have died of embarrassment. He already thinks the worst of me.”

“He doesn’t.”

I shook my head. “I’m not his favorite person in the world.”

“Maybe, but you’re family, and I think that’s as important to him as it is to you.”

“You think so?” I asked.

“Yeah, I do.” He gave me a warm smile.

It was the exact right thing to say to make me feel better, and I smiled back at him.

My life was in complete turmoil, and I had no idea whether I should be in Middleton, or locked in some experimental lab in the city. At that moment, though, I felt safe and that there was true hope for me; and all I had to do was to believe in Neil’s words.

“So, what now?” I asked him.

“What do you mean?”

I said, “Say you’re right, and I eventually learn to control this power.”

“You will.”

“Right.” I motioned with my hand. “Then what? We’ve got this power. Fire and water. It’s been an a part of my life so long. I don’t know what to call it other than a curse—at least, that’s how my great-grandmother thought of it. But it has to be more than that. Why do I have it? Why do you have it? What do we do with it? I mean, you joined the fire department, and that’s great, but was that really what you were meant to do with this
thing?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I just figured fighting fire was a natural extension of controlling water, I suppose. At least, it fills me with a sense of purpose. I guess you’ll just have to figure out whether to use your gift for something, or suppress it like your great-grandmother did.”

I leaned back against the wall. “I don’t think I ever told you about that night, the first time the power came to me.”

He replied, “I didn’t want to press.”

“Barry was never a great prize, but I was young and stupid. A rebel without a clue, if you know what I mean. He had a car, a couple of bucks in his pocket, and a pant load of confidence. I guess that translated to something attractive in my mind. Stupid kid.

“I was so deluded. I had no idea how the world worked. We got married right after graduation. Two idiots versus the world. But then the world hit back. Barry changed. No—not changed. He revealed himself. He got darker, meaner, more controlling. Things went downhill from the start, and it went sour in a hurry.

“He lost his job because of his temper, and we had to move in with my parents. That ate at him, like he wasn’t a real man.

“By then, though, I was pregnant.” I glanced up to measure Neil’s reaction. To his credit, he did not say anything.

I said, “You mentioned the trigger was your brother dying. Well, I never told Barry about the baby, and he was crazy jealous most of the time. When he caught me with a pregnancy test, he assumed the worst and … things got physical.

“I lost the baby that night, and then I lost control. The power, the curse, the ability—whatever it is—just took over. Our house burned to the ground. The walls melted. I can’t remember much past that. I remember my parents screaming, and then I passed out.”

Neil tentatively reached out a hand, but I pulled away.

“When I woke up,” I said in conclusion, “I was on the front lawn. The house was in cinders. Barry had run straight to The Trough and shouted that I had started a fire and tried to burn him to death. His father had handcuffs on me before the paramedics finished checking me over.”

Neil once again reached out for me, and though I pulled away, he didn’t retreat. He grabbed me in his arms, and pulled me tight.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, and rocked me while the tears flowed.

Through the remembered pain, I sobbed, “So, you tell me, what the hell kind of purpose I have other than the destruction of everyone I love?”