Angel of Mine (16 page)

“How?” He can’t find any more words and just looks at me, waiting for answers. His hands have dropped back by his side, and he is in a relaxed stance, he is no longer afraid.

“Let me know how I can help Theo. Tell me what’s wrong with him.” His questions can wait. Theo is behind one of those windows lighting up this monstrosity of a building and he is in pain.

Seeing Alex’s brain ticking over, I push again for answers, taking advantage of his confused state. I need to know how I can help as soon as I can. I want to get Alex’s word he will help, no matter what. “Come on Alex, the sooner you tell me, the sooner I can help.”

His head tilts to the side as though he is contemplating something before he speaks. “Theo was trying to protect you by staying away, wasn’t he? How does this work?” He motions in between my hands and his leg.

“After you tell me what’s wrong, then I can take the time to explain. Right now I need to know what’s wrong so I can make him better.” He eyes me suspiciously.

“You take whatever you heal? You want to take what’s wrong with Theo?” Without waiting for my answer, he backs up. “No way, there is no way Theo could live with that. I’m sorry Ally but no. This discussion is over.” He doesn’t sound certain though, and I bet that after he has time to think about what I’m offering, I can talk him around. Surely, he would want help for his brother if he could get it?

“Come inside and get your leg cleaned up and I will give you some money for a cab ride home.” He turns and walks back in the building, heading straight for the nurse’s desk that has at least three people behind it. I guess there will be no more convincing him tonight.

I’m silent while my leg is cleaned up, and then gratefully take the cab money Alex offers so I can get home. The old leather cab seats are ripped and smell like stale take out, but it’s better than walking home or having to call Mum and explain. I allow myself to feel gloomy and mope on the trip home, but this is far from over. I will find a way to help him.

When Alex finally walks back in the room, his eyes are unfocused and he looks a million miles away. “Alex, Alex, Earth to Alex,” I tease.

He chews on his lip nervously and gives me his attention, “Umm yeah, what’s up man?”

He looks agitated, and I wonder what has him so troubled since he left the room only sixty short minutes ago. Motioning to his empty hands with a nod of my head, I query, “Where’s the goods? I’m hankering for a Mars bar here.”

Before a round of chemo, the doctors actually encourage you to eat an abundance of fatty foods, such as chips and chocolate. They like you to pack the weight on because during the treatment, you tend to lose quite a bit of it due to mass amounts of vomiting and loss of appetite. While my taste buds still work and before my gums start to bleed and my throat feels like I swallowed a billion razor blades, I plan to take full advantage of enjoying all my favourite chocolates.

“Damn, I forgot, sorry Theo.”

He still looks distracted, and it peaks my curiosity. “Where have you been this whole time? Didn’t you leave with the sole purpose of just ducking out to the candy machine out front?”

“Oh. Ahh.” He looks around the room as he thinks of something to say, making it really obvious he’s about to lie. “The bathroom,” he concludes.

My eyebrows rise into my hairline. “For an entire hour?” He bites on his thumbnail just before he replies, his tell that he is about to spew more garbage out of his mouth.

“I was taking a dump man. Leave me alone.”
Not a chance
. If this is about him being upset that the leukaemia is back, I won’t drop the subject. I refuse to let him feel this way. This cancer is not going to ruin both our lives.

Alex has gone above and beyond in the past by being the bone marrow donor for me a couple of years back. He has been there every step of the way and missed countless days of school on my account. I won’t allow him to bottle his feelings up and let thoughts about my cancer consume him. He needs to live a normal life, for the both of us.

“Okay spill it Alex. What’s wrong? I want an honest answer, no messing around.” I move to stand in front of him, my head held high with a stance that says ‘I mean business.’ He sighs then matches my stance, and I know it’s truth time.

“I know,” he exclaims.

“Good.” It’s about time he figures out I can always tell when he’s lying. “So out with it already; I’m waiting.”

“I know,” is all he has to say for himself, again.

My voice starts to rise. Frustration is getting the better of me. “I know you know. It’s great you are going to be honest with me now. So tell me what it is that’s bothering you.”

Gripping me by the shoulders, he shakes me slightly. “No, you’re misunderstanding me. Pay a-tten-tion,” he enunciates each syllable of the word slowly, drawing it out so that there is no way I will miss that what he is about to say is significant. “I
know
. I know about Ally.”

My pupils dilate in surprise as I stutter, “Wha… what exactly do you know?” How does he know? Possibilities start racing through my mind.

“She wants to help you.”

Shaking my head furiously I snap back, “No. No way. Absolutely not. Do you realize what that would mean for her?” My eyes flare with anger, and I swear steam is going to come out of my nose at any moment now.

Here I was assuming I was going to have to give Alex a talk about living his life happily, and not letting my cancer consume him, but instead, I find myself defending why Ally shouldn’t help me. The motion is absurd. There are people out there who will want to take advantage of her talent and the thought makes me sick.

Clenching and unclenching my fists, I walk away a few paces to calm down and regroup. He must have followed me across the room because I hear his voice right behind me. “You’re trying to protect her.”

Not knowing if it’s a question or a statement but annoyed none the less, I lash back, “You don’t say.”

When I turn around, I know he can see the torture I feel written all over my face, but I need to get this out before I let the anguish consume me. “Watching her suffer in my place would be horrific. It would be a crime to let her help. I can’t bear to see any harm come to her; the thought is pure agony.” My words come out strangled, so I take a deep breath and continue to voice my concerns. “What happens if I’m not around anymore to look out for her Alex? Her mother kept her hidden for most of her life so that no one discovers her secret. All she has is her mum who is always at work. She has no one else.”

Not being able to hold back another second, my chest heaves and I shake with despair as I start to break down. It takes a solid five minutes until I am unable to regain composure. Alex pulls me in for a full hug. None of those half man hugs here. We’re used to showing emotion within these walls. He pats me on the back and pulls away to look me in the eyes, “I’ll watch over her Theo.”

Sobering up after a few minutes, I become curious as to what he thought about Ally’s trick with the flower. “So, it’s pretty cool to watch her heal when it’s something as harmless as a dehydrated flower eh? She is amazing, don’t you think?”

Alex scratches the back of his head looking bewildered, “Flower?”

“Yeah, you know when she showed you what she can do?” At my words, he looks down at his feet nervously and scratches the back of his head even harder.

“Umm I don’t quite know how to say this, but there was no flower mate. Crazy bitch pulled a knife on me.” He chuckles and points to his leg.

Residue of blood is there, and I don’t see what’s so funny. Shoving him hard, I yell, “What the fuck man? Where is she? You left her? Is she okay?”

Holding his hand up to stop me from going in for the kill, he tells me what I need to know. “Calm your farm Bro. It was just a scratch for a little show and tell. No biggie. I got the nurse downstairs to put a bandage on her and gave her some money for a cab home.”

What? Wait a damn minute
, “A cab? You sent her off in a cab late at night on her own?” Rushing to my phone, I pick it up and dial Ally’s number. It goes straight to voice mail.

Luckily, we are in a hospital with lots of doctors at the ready for my stupid brother’s sake because I’m about to attempt to murder him. My hands shake with how mad I am. “Why on earth did she need to take a cab anyway? Didn’t she say earlier that she followed you in her mum’s car?”

“Apparently it broke down about a block away. She stumbled across the hospital on her way to find a pay phone and found us instead.”

Payphone? Oh, I see.
All the pieces of the puzzle are coming together now. That’s why she didn’t answer her cell. Either she didn’t have it with her, or the battery died. Figuring this out does not bring comfort though. “If she saw us here hours ago and her car is broken down, how did she get home and back here again so quickly?” As soon as the words have left my mouth, I realize that she never left. She has been sitting around the hospital for hours, most likely cold, tired and hungry just so she could get a chance to help me. “Never mind. I just worked it out.”

Letting out a huff of air, I instruct Alex, “Go find her for me man, and let me know she got home safe.” Wasting no time at all, he just nods his head and is out the door.

A few minutes later Mum walks in the room, “Hey honey, I got you a Mars bar, your favourite.” I try my best to smile appreciatively, but I think it comes across more like a grimace. My appetite is no longer here.

After missing the doctor during his rounds yesterday because of my run in with Ally, I find myself with two choices: either wait in my room for the rounds the doctor will do tonight, or go seek him out in the outpatient department. There’s no way I could handle waiting until the end of the day to get news, so here I am in the outpatient waiting room.

The room is packed and I have been waiting for three hours already, but I don’t complain. The last thing the doctors here need is me whining. They put in long hard hours performing miracles every day, so I can certainly afford to sit around and do nothing for one day of my life until Dr. Stevens is ready to see me.

Looking around the room, I see various patients talking to each other, huddled in their own small groups. It’s as though we have formed our own little clubs as support networks. Various snippets of conversations hit my ears as people catch up with familiar faces, comparing what is going on with their health. Everyone here is going through the most terrible of circumstances, yet most people still wear a smile on their face, and try to pick out the positive pieces of their situations.

A man in a flannel shirt with a beanie on his head is joking with a woman by his side that all this waiting is a good chance to be able to get her fix of daytime television shows. She playfully swats his arm and smiles before they both turn back to the tiny little television that sits in the corner of the room. That’s their positive, and many people around here are able to find something that makes them happy too. Considering what most people are facing, I find it incredible that they are able to do this.

Every chair in the waiting room is full today. In front of me, a young woman is laying across three hard, cold plastic seats. Her legs dangle off the edge and she doesn’t look very comfortable. She seems to be here on her own, and I hope they find a bed for her soon, although I hear there is a waiting list at the moment.

As I watch the woman, she starts to shake lightly and move around restlessly. A deep feeling of empathy for her pain courses through me, and I shift anxiously in my seat. I wonder if I should ask if she is okay, or if I should just leave her be. When the shakes start getting stronger, I get the nurse’s attention. She says the woman is having a reaction from the chemo and rushes off to get a heated blanket and a pillow.

On her return, she is very apologetic that there are no beds, and stresses that she is trying to remedy the situation. The bedding the nurse brought out seems to help make the woman who was shaking more comfortable, and I slump back into my seat.

My stomach rumbles and I’m glad Mum will be back soon with something for me to eat for lunch. The conversation going on beside me distracts me from my hunger pangs. From the sounds of it, these people have been here at least an hour longer than I have.