Angela's Hope (Wildflowers) (28 page)

Violet walked over to the Harpole ranch and John was nearby. He and a ranch hand helped her get the lamb in the pit. The seasonings on the lamb and the rub had darkened, and the lamb was securely in place. The u-shape of the coals allowed them to use heat from both sides and she placed a large trough in-between to catch the drippings and not cause a grease fire. Violet was well satisfied. She promised the field hand that had helped that if he came by later she would have a plate made for him. He left with smiles and would certainly love joking with the other guys about his special treat. John Harpole stayed with Violet a while and they turned the meat a few times and chatted. He also wanted to make sure the scent of cooking meat wouldn’t bring out the predators. He warned her to be safe. She took his advice to heart and took the rifle with her every time she went out to turn the spit.

Corinne was up after a few hours nap. She was feeling better and was enthusiastic over the scent of the cooking lamb. Lucas was home soon after and took over spit-turning duties. John Harpole and Cooper seemed to want in on the action and stools and chairs were taken out back and the men folk talked around the roasting lamb.

Dolly and Marie came by close to suppertime and Russell, Chelsea and their two little ones filled the house with life. Lucas had taken a quick ride to his brother’s farm to invite them, once he helped Violet with the pit in the morning he knew her plans for lamb roasting. The more the merrier.

The party was a good one. Cooper was excited because he was leaving with his pa the next day to look at puppies. Corinne and Marie were not allowed to lift a finger so they both enjoyed the camaraderie of their friends and family. Dolly and Chelsea helped Violet get everything into place. The two loaves of herbed sourdough bread were cheered over as they came out of the oven. She generously buttered the tops and let them cool off. Some of the lamb drippings were scooped out of the large pan and Violet use them to fry up some potatoes from the root cellar.

Once the lamb was roasted and pulled from the pit, the family prayer was said and the meal was served. Violet had done a wonderful job and everyone left the table full and happy. The only arguments were playful, a few thought the sourdough bread being the best part of the meal; others thought the lamb had been the better. Violet blushed with the praised but loved it. She felt at home, the acceptance was certain.

Lucas and Russell did all the dishes, with little Cooper designated as the cleanliness inspector. Any dish not passing muster would be washed again.

At dusk the family gathered together. A prayer was said for all the loved ones not with them, Clive and Angela, families back east, and Violet’s husband Eddie. Everyone went home early but satisfied and happy to have had great night together.

Chapter 28
– Angela

San Francisco – California Territory

The bell rang like every day for the many months she had worked the counter. The day was slow. There were no ship arrivals today and the warm weather had the masses digging or playing in the creek beds for any gold dust they could find. Angela looked up from her sorting to see a tall thin young man. Her heart stopped beating for a few seconds before she gasped and nearly lost her knees.

“Sean…” She whispered and grabbed her face. She knocked over a glass jar in her dash around the counter but caught it and had it back in place before she was finally able to embrace the only living family she had left.

“It is you, Angie girl.” Sean said, sounding like a man. It tore through her – was that some long ago memory of her father’s voice?

The thin man with wavy brown hair held his sister while his emotions showed unchecked in tears washing down his tan cheeks.

Gabe came down the stairs to see Angie and her brother reuniting, he said a prayer of thanks for the blessed event they had all been praying for.

“You two go out back and talk, I have the store.” Gabe said once the two were paying attention.

“Thanks Gabe,” Angela grabbed the hand of her brother’s and dragged him to the back of the building. They could hang with the chickens and talk.

“You look like Papa.” Angela said when they were alone again. She looked over every inch of him. He was tall. With green eyes like hers and he looked strong. Not the sickly beaten down boy she had last seen so many years ago at the workhouse.

“You look like mother.” His voice cracked a little. He didn’t quite know what to say.

“I hope you are healthy.” Angela said. She hadn’t let go of his hand. Wanting to be sure by touching him that he was real.

“Yes, Ol’ Willie and I stay busy. I do a lot of hunting. I sell meat to the miners. The fools never think ahead and buy enough to eat.” Sean laughed softly, Angela smiled after hearing it.

“I have seen that to be true, they come back into town in a pitiful state sometimes. I see Gold Fever hasn’t taken ahold of you.”

“No Ma’am. It’s an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay for me. There is no place for chasing gold when there is plenty of work to be had.” Sean said. He felt this strongly.

“I know a few young men that agree with those words exactly.” Angela thought of Ted and thought about how many miles were now between them. She came out of her stupor to talk again. “I have news for you. I have a bank account for you. Our inheritance from our parents has been returned to us. I have a trunk…”Angie tried to tell him more but Sean interrupted.

“I have no interest in any money. I am doing well. We had no estate that I ever knew of.” Sean said with a deep frown.

“Mr. Lankarsky, our stepfather, was persuaded to release the will and accounts that were entrusted to us. It was done legally, I can tell you all about it if you would stay today. I know I would love to know about everything you have been doing. We have a lot to discuss.” Angela’s smile was so warm and ecstatic Sean had no choice but to smile back. He had mixed feelings about this reunion but he would hear her out. He had known about her for several weeks before he had worked up the nerve to come and see if the rumors were true.

“I will stay for today and tomorrow in town to catch up. My heart nearly sped out of my chest when an old friend of Willie’s came by the cabin and told us about you being in San Fran looking for me. Since I heard about all the fires and gangs, Willie and I had decided to stay away. We like it better out in the wilds anyway. The land is being torn apart with all the digging”. Sean shared, Angela sat on the bench and he joined her.

“I heard that people were using hoses and water to blast away at the side of hills, just tearing away at everything. Some people have no respect for maintaining the land. The committee in town cannot keep up with all the law breakers.” Angela shared the rumors she had heard.

“I hate to see you here in this terrible place.” Sean said, and felt it sincerely.

“You are not the only one. But I had to risk this place to see you. We are family.” Angela hugged him again.

His mind was churning for any thoughts or words to say to her. This was a new reality to deal with. He had no idea what to do about it yet.

Sean listened to Angela talk for hours. She kept talking through a lunch that Gabe brought to them wrapped in parchment paper from Amber upstairs.

She talked about where she worked in Boston and meeting Corinne to the trip on the trail. Her experience had been so different than his. She shared briefly about how hurt she was after her fall in the ravine. She watched his own emotional response to the abuse at the hand of the young Mr. Temple who had sent her out into a moonless night.

It made his blood boil. He was annoyed at his own response. He hadn’t cared for anyone in years, besides his mentor Willie. They had taken care of each other for all this time. He had been Sean’s father, brother and friend through everything. Now this girl who was his true flesh and blood was stirring up feelings that he would rather forget. Sean decided he owed her a few days at least. She had sacrificed much to find him. So he continued to listen, but his heart was not in it. He wanted to run away.

* * * * *

Angela was thrilled to introduce her brother to the Quackenbush family. They ate dinner at the large table and even Clive joined in. He spent several long minutes praising Angela about her fortitude and willing attitude. She was humbled by all the praise that the Quackenbush family lavished on her too. Everyone wanted Sean to know the kind of young woman his sister was, and how lucky they all were for having her there. Sean was quiet and a bit aloof but Angela figured he didn’t like crowds. Once dinner was over she led him outside and they sat and looked over the bay from the second floor balcony. The sun was behind them and the bay was peaceful. Angela was running out of things to talk about and was worried that she was boring him.

“I hope you haven’t tired of me yet.” Angela said and laughed a little bit uncomfortably. She noticed Sean was quiet and trying to think of something to say. This was awkward.

“I am just a bit overwhelmed. I have to keep telling myself that you are here in California territory. I never thought to see you again. I felt so guilty for running away from the work orphanage years ago. Willie was the one who finally talked me out of my guilt for leaving you behind.” Sean’s face turned red. Angela looked away to process her own thoughts.

“I never blamed you, Sean.” Angela said it above a whisper. “I know you suffered from beatings every day there, from the older boys. It was a terrible place.” Angela remembered and felt hot tears slide down her chilled cheeks.

“For many years I blamed God, then Mother for marrying that horrible man. I was able to get past all that anger but I somehow set you aside. Like you had died with Mother and Father. Maybe I just wanted to stop feeling like I left you in that horrible place. So I convinced myself that you were gone and I was just writing letters to a ghost.” Sean said it through a tight throat. It was hard to admit these things.

“I don’t want you to feel this way. It was not God who put us there. It was our stepfather. God helped us out of that dreadful place.” Angela reached for Sean’s hand. He let her hold it but he still kept his eyes on the bay and the eastern sky. A few stars were starting to peak through the navy sky.

“I know that now, I have made my peace with God. It was a long road and a great mentor who helped me. I was so lost and hurt for so many years.” Sean finally turned and gave a smile to his sister. They looked at each other for a long moment and got to know each other a little bit better.

It was an hour later that Sean excused himself and stayed at the boarding house down the street. It wasn’t much more than a closet-sized room with a cot, but he refused to bunk with the Quackenbush’s family. Angela assumed he wanted his own space to think so they didn’t press him. He promised to return in the morning for another day to stay in town.

* * * * *

Angela was trying really hard not to tap her foot with impatience. Her brother had said he would be there at nine a.m. And it was already after eleven. After an hour she started to fret, just a little bit. Knowing the dangers within the city, her brain could process several scenarios about how her brother could fall into some kind of peril. Angela had a brown paper envelope with
Sean Fahey
written across it, it held all the bank paperwork that Corinne had filed for him. The money was his. Angela was determined to convince him to take it.

After the clock on the wall past eleven her heart dropped, wondering if perhaps he had decided against seeing her again. The potential was unthinkable and she shook off the thought several times.
He is coming.
She told herself, again and again.

At 11:42 a footstep was on the stairs. Amber and Angela both looked up from their crocheting. Figuring it was Gabe. Angela breathed out a sigh of relief when Sean appeared, finally.

“Oh good. I was beginning to fret.” Angela said as she laid aside her crocheting.

Sean wordlessly gave a nod to Amber and then spoke. “Want to talk on the balcony?” His voice was low and his words were stunted. Like he didn’t want to say them.

“That would be fine.” Angela said slowly, trying to see if his face would give anything away. He was almost grimacing.

Once they closed the outside down they sat at the small table and chairs that was there. Sean had pulled out a chair for her but kept standing. He just paced around for a minute.

Angela felt awkward and spoke. “I hope you aren’t injured. You seem out of sorts.”

Sean opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again. Angela pushed the envelope at him, at a loss of what to say to this man that seemed a stranger now to her.

“I don’t want that!” Sean said emphatically.

“It’s yours whether you want it or not.” Angela said, her voice sounding meek in her own ears.

“I don’t want any of this.” Sean said and he shoved his hands in his pockets. He paced as Angela’s heart dropped further into her gut.

“Are you worked up about the money or something else?” Angela finally asked once his pacing had driven her to distraction.

“Everything about this is wrong.” Sean wasn’t yelling but every word felt like weapons. “I don’t have a family anymore.”

Angela let the air escape slowly from her lungs. She had no words.

“I don’t want you coming back over and over again and disrupting my life. I buried you and everyone from my past a long time ago.” Sean was looking over her, almost like she wasn’t there.

Angela wanted to say something, perhaps defend herself by saying she wasn’t going to keep coming back if he didn’t want her there. But the words were trapped in her throat. Just like the tears were locked inside her. She would not dare to let them out. Her years as a servant taught her to hide her emotion at all costs. She was using every ounce she had of her coping skills all at this moment in time.

Sean took the envelope, folded it and shoved it into his back pocket. Angela felt the smallest stirrings of hope, she felt the fool but she clung to it. She let Sean stew in his own thoughts.

Sean finally sat after he paced in the thick silence between them. Angela watched his face, not knowing him well enough to know what flashed across his eyes. She wondered quietly. She prayed while she watched him. She felt something inside her bloom and then a thought formed.
He doesn’t want to see me.  He wishes I had never come.

The realization was felt inside her like a razor knife, it was worse than the pain of the dark ravine, as every word he had said washed over her. She was pondering deep in the meaning of every glance and look from the day before as he endured her talking. She knew what an ignoramus she was now. She felt glued to her chair. She actually felt her jaw go slack with the knowledge of what a fool she really was.

She had travelled from Boston to the west for him, and then away from the safety of loved ones to this dangerous city for him. And he did not want to see her, ever.

Sean sighed and placed his hands on the table. The gesture was lost on Angela. Was he trying to calm himself? Or find more ways to insult her?

“You need to leave California.” Sean said finally. He looked into her eyes without an ounce of affection or compassion. “Go back to Oregon.”

Sean stood straight again then he pulled a cap from his front pocket and placed it on his head. He was through the door and his steps could be heard going down the stairs. The jingling of the bell on the front door was a faraway noise. Angela sat and listened until all signs of her brother were gone.

* * * * *

She had sat on that balcony and had been numb for more than an hour. The sounds of Amber and Gabe eating a meal had been heard. Amber peeked onto the balcony and asked if she needed company. Angela had just shaken her head ‘no’ without looking away from the eastern horizon.

The rejection was felt and the hardest thing to swallow. She hadn’t asked to live with him. She had no plans for that, really. All she had wanted was the connection. He obviously didn’t.