Angelic Avenger (23 page)

“Sure you didn’t. Let me be mad, please. I need to be mad right now. Crying makes my eyes all puffy and I look like a puffin on a bad day. I’d rather be mad.”

“Are you going to cry, Bella?”

His voice wrapped around me in a sweet cocoon of power, urging me to accept the comfort of it. I closed my eyes and resisted temptation.

“Yeah, I think I am. It’s been a long twenty-four hours.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I blinked and looked at him. Of all the things I expected, his offer to take my confidence wasn’t it. We’d sat over coffee a lot of nights and I’d shared details most of my friends didn’t know, but that was before I’d understood what he’d hoped to be building. It was before I’d found myself in another man’s bed without giving thought to what prior claim Foras might have had to my affections. I was uncertain how to take that, so I answered his question with the truth.

“I’m not sure I want to give you that kind of ammunition against me.”

Every insecurity in my soul showed in that sentence and I hated it. For the last decade, I’d been beyond the petty world of men and the whole disaster of dating. In a week, I’d managed to revert back to the woman who’d jumped off that bridge. It wasn’t who I wanted to be, but I didn’t know how
not
to be that way in regards to the stupider sex.

“I’m still your friend, you know. I’d never let anyone hurt you if it were in my power to stop them.”

“If you were my friend, what’s with the magic show?” My tone was sulky, but his little magical manipulation wasn’t going very far to ease my comfort zone around him. I like to make my own decisions, thank you.

He blinked that slow blink that said he didn’t understand. I watched impatiently as he shrugged…and finally got it. Bravo.

“My apologies. I thought to soothe you. I didn’t realize you’d view my effort to calm you as an unwelcome influence.”

I could tell I had stepped on his feelings from the sheer formality of his tone, but I was tired of everything, all of a sudden. He waved his hands in the air, presumably to appear innocent and helpless. Obviously, it didn’t work. Foras couldn’t look innocent or helpless in his sleep. Did he ever sleep? Just sleep? I dismissed the random thought and turned to the point at hand.

“Cut it out. I hate to be out of…” I stammered off and realized what I’d admitted.

“Control?” Foras finished for me smoothly.

Damn.

“I like to make my own decisions. I am not a pawn for the Powers That Be. I am my own person.”

Who was I kidding? I’d stopped being my own person when I’d been fished out of the river. I didn’t have to like it. Now, not only was I not being allowed to make my own decisions, but my boss was pimping out his very own son because he didn’t like the decisions he thought I was making. That’s what was bothering me from the beginning. From the moment I’d walked into that bar on my mission for Orifiel, I’d lost control of my earthbound existence. My soul may be doomed, but my life hadn’t been. Until now.

Speaking of meddling, where was Orifiel? He was in for a long argument when he finally showed his face again. Maybe that’s why he was staying away. I’d done what he asked and he’d set me up for the fall. Yep, smart angel for skipping town before I had a chance to take him to task for it.

No more favors for angels. Absolutely none. They couldn’t keep me out of trouble. Wait, that sounded wrong. Didn’t it?

“Bella, I’m about to say something out of love that is absolutely not in my best interest.”

He suddenly had my utmost attention. No angel, no matter what alignment, ever did anything that wasn’t in their own self-interest. He smiled indulgently and stood. For the absolute first time since he’d popped into my living room and told me how quaint it was, he appeared as nothing more than a man. All traces of power were suddenly gone.

I watched him close the distance between us and didn’t move away when he took both of my hands in his.

“You deserve so much more than you give yourself credit for. I’ve watched you with Gray and realized that you need something more than I can provide.”

I stared up at him in confusion. He had a point…somewhere. If I waited long enough, he’d find it. I tried to hurry it along.

“You know…”

He raised a finger and closed my lips softly by putting his finger over them.

“You need a mortal to thrive. I’ve been in your household for years and you’ve never looked at me in the way you looked at him the very first time you saw him. It’s the mortality that calls to you. It’s the reason you’ve chained yourself to the mortal realm. A part of you was looking for him. That part of you needs the interaction, and it terrifies you. You cannot run from it, or from him. You need to embrace what he offers. Love is about the ability to trust enough to hand control of yourself over to your lover and enjoy the chaotic ride.”

“Sound advice, I’d say.” Gray’s voice was deadly low and I realized what he thought he was seeing. I turned slowly and saw him standing there with a key in his hand. I’d never noticed the door had an actual lock. Silly me for not being observant enough when it counted. “I suppose our plans for the evening have changed?”

There was a bite to his words that I didn’t understand. I stared at him blankly as Foras took a step back.

“Think carefully, halfling,” he whispered into the mounting tension. “Appearances can be deceiving. What you think you saw isn’t necessarily what it was.”

“It doesn’t matter what I walked in on,” Gray snapped back and power lashed from him. “I understand the obvious. We’ll move your things to the guest room down the hall or would you rather bunk with Lizzy?”

Bunk with Lizzy? Suddenly, the morning rushed back on me. It seemed like a lifetime ago, waking up with him, remembering exactly how I’d woken him up. Oh hell. My promises were going to kill me as surely as that mad angel.

Why did my life have to get complicated? Oh yeah, a man stepped into it. Check that,
men
had invaded it.

“Shoo and let me fix this.” I waved my hand at Foras and felt his amusement as he winked out of sight.

“There’s absolutely nothing to fix. You’ve made your preference clear. As soon as Lizzy is taken care of, you’ll never have to see me again.”

I stared at him and felt my temper spike again. I’d had enough of this. If the man thought I was going to strike his ego, he was out of his mind. Instead, I seized on an alternative idea. Walking over to him, I reached up and grabbed his shirt. He was bracing for me to hit him, I think, so wasn’t prepared when I yanked him forward to seal my lips with his. Time slowed for a heartbeat, and then he was kissing me back. I let it go on for a heartbeat longer than it should before pulling back to look him in the eyes.

His gaze was slightly dazed and I felt a smug satisfaction. Nice to know I had the same effect on him he had on me.

“You are an idiot,” I whispered. “Timing might have to get bumped back, but I never make a promise I don’t intend to keep. Remember that, if you expect to stick around after the honeymoon phase is over.”

With that parting shot, I turned on my heel and strode for the bathroom and my much needed soak in his Jacuzzi tub.

Chapter Twenty-One

I don’t know what I said to the smiling, chatty women who were introduced to me. I didn’t even log their names in my memory since my mind wasn’t on their chatter, anyway. The problem was several things, not the least of which was the fact I was power drunk in less than ten minutes of their practice. I made a mental note that I couldn’t attend these things on a regular basis. Would earplugs help? Nah, that would make conversation rather difficult and totally defeat the purpose.

Gray’s gaze kept drifting to me while he played and mingled with the other band members, talking about all sorts of nonsense stuff about the demo tape. I’d forgotten about that, too. Amazing how life gets away from you when you’re not looking. Shame on me for losing track of the little details in everyone’s life. Me and the other ladies were clearing away the take-out cartons since the group had opted for more practice time than an actual sit-down meal. It gave me something to do since I was obviously having trouble keeping track of the conversation.

The group looked at me expectantly and I realized I’d been asked a question.

“Pardon? I’m sorry, I don’t know where my head is today.”

Lord, I sounded like a bimbo. You’d think I was blonde. Shoot me now.

“The wedding. It’s a bit sudden, isn’t it?”

I turned to face the voice with my best placid mask in place. It took me a moment to place the face and I smiled lightly. I couldn’t remember her name off the top of my head, but I did remember how she’d all but thrown herself at Gray that first night we’d met. Yep, a cat wouldn’t have had the hard look of jealousy in her gaze. She was less than happy with me, that’s for sure.

“Well—” I shrugged helplessly and flashed a smile that went with the bimbo comment in my head, “—yes, it is. Could you resist
that
?”

With an overly dramatic flair, I waved a hand toward where Gray sat with his head bent close to the other saxophone players, sheet music spread out on the bar in front of them. Even to the mortal eye, it would have been an impressive sight. His dark hair between the gold and red brilliance of the other two made him look like a fallen angel. I guess it’s a good thing I knew which side of the fence he’d been born on or I might have wondered. In response, the women around me giggled, which bled over to full-fledged laughter.

I needed to get my head back into the game here. I was being bested by…mortal women with ambitions toward June Cleaverdom. My pride was already aching in preparation for the downfall.

As if he felt my eyes on them, Gray glanced up and smiled a very slow, very seductive smile that had me wishing his house wasn’t overrun by ears. Maybe we could go back to my place…

What was I thinking? I had to be out of my mind to even think it, but…

Why not? Lizzy is at the house being guarded by at least one angel with Craig sleeping at her feet and Ben right down the hall. Was it wrong to take a little time to ourselves? If they needed us, that’s what the cosmic highway was for, right?

It must have been written all over my face because Gray pushed away from the bar and strode across the room like a man on a mission. Every other person in the room faded away as he closed the distance between us until he stood in front of me. Vision slowed to a frame-by-frame play as he reached up to cup my cheek and I leaned into his hand. Later, I’d assure myself I’d done it to play it up to the crowd, but in that moment, the need to feel his hands on me was too great to ignore.

“You ready to go, sweetheart?”

“Ready when you are.”

Was that
my
whisper? Oh dear. That didn’t sound like me at all. Of course, I usually didn’t have to worry about my heart pounding, sweaty palms and the acrid taste of fear on my tongue. I’d never wanted anything more than I wanted to take this man home, but the implications of that simple desire made skydiving look monotonous. If I could bottle this, every adrenaline junkie in the world would be worshipping at my feet.

Sometime in the course of the night, I’d changed my mind about this only being a charade and he knew it. There was absolutely no question in his gaze as he called his farewells. In less time than was polite, we were outside the club strolling toward the surface to hail a cab. We’d not driven ourselves because I’d been afraid the stress of the day would catch up to me and I’d crash us on the way home.

Suddenly, I was nervous despite the fact I was strolling through the cobblestone walk beneath the overhead lighting of the old subway tunnel tucked under his arm. He must have felt it because he ducked us into the dark mouth of an alley. The rich scent of chocolate filled the air and I knew where we were. The chocolate shop I liked to frequent was at my back as he pressed intimately against my front. Chocolate and sex. What more could a woman ask for? My nerves evaporated and I was more than ready to meet his kiss halfway.

Teeth, tongues and passion flared between us. I wondered if it was possible to call someone who would give us the express train to my apartment as we came up for air. Before I could think clearly enough to call for someone, Gray pulled back and stared at me. He was panting every bit as hard as I was and the length of him pressed against my belly gave me absolutely no doubt where we were headed tonight.

“Don’t do this…”

I blinked.
What
?

“Don’t do this—” he started over in a husky whisper shaky with need, “—if you’re just doing it because you told me you would. Don’t do this if you’re making a point to the angels about your independence. I don’t want you like that…”

I stared at him and tried to decide if he was rejecting me or not. My head was suddenly clear of the fog of magical intoxication but time stood still as he reached up to cup my face tenderly.

“I want you to come to bed with me because you want it as much as I do, not because there’s an ulterior motive. That’s not a foundation that will stand up to Father Time.”

Would I do that? In a word, yes. I’d use it as an excuse to use him for gratification, if I thought I could. It would protect my heart, at least on the surface, and give me a way out if everything went sour after the deed was done. I barely knew the man. He wasn’t supposed to know me that well, though. The thought flittered through my mind to wonder if it was part of his inside information from dear old dad, but I dismissed it before it took root. In the long run, it really didn’t matter how he knew it. What mattered was that the one escape route I would have used to protect myself was now closed.

I opened my mouth to deny it, but what stopped me wasn’t my own sense of honesty. No, what stopped me was the thread of fear that ran behind the passion in his gaze. His words played back in my mind. He wasn’t looking for a good-time fling. He had been serious about looking for a woman in the forever sense. Why me? I’m not sure what I was about to say because I never got the chance to let that sudden flash of fear make the decision for me.