Another Hood Love 2 (3 page)

Just as a tear dropped I felt the car come to a halt. I looked up and saw that we were at the cemetery. It had been a long drive due to the traffic on the bridge and then even more traffic traveling through San Francisco. I opened my door and Greg rushed around to my side to help me out of the car. I was so damn big that it was hard as hell for me to do anything. Greg grabbed a blanket out of the trunk and then grabbed my hand.

“I figured you would want to come here so I came prepared,” he said.

I just nodded my head and squeezed his hand as I walked alongside him towards the gravesite. Sage, Laela, Tone and Jah had all been buried side by side. My uncle had made sure of that and had paid a pretty penny to make sure that their headstones were special.

Once we got to their plots, I broke down. I couldn’t believe that I was staring at their names on headstones. This was my first time seeing Sage’s headstone as well so it was just a rush of emotions for me and now I didn’t think I was ready for this, but I was here now and the pain was unbearable.

Greg laid out the blanket and I dropped to my knees as he sat down on the side of me. He pulled a bottle of white Remy from his back pocket and cracked it open. I hated that I couldn’t smoke any weed right now because I could most definitely use some. I stared at each of their pictures on their headstones and they all looked so happy and full of life. At that moment, I completely broke down.

All of the emotions that I’d held in while being locked up came out. I didn’t ever really grieve and just let everything out because there was always somebody there that would be watching me, judging me or having pity on me. Now, at this moment, I was free to let everything that I had bottled up out. Greg was my brother for life and I knew I could be myself and reveal every broken piece of my soul. Every pain that I had, he had as well. He had lost the same people that I had and he’d had a special bond with each of them. Right there, in the middle of the cemetery, I let out every pain that I had. A gut-wrenching scream escaped from my soul as I mourned the loss of my family. The tears dropped down my face like streams from a waterfall, falling onto the headstones at my knees.

We stayed for about two hours as we talked and laughed and cried over and over, sharing stories and memories that we would always hold close to our hearts. After all the crying and screaming, my throat was raw and hoarse. Greg was tipsy and I didn’t think it was wise to let him drive. He was barely a drinker and I was sure he would be passed out before we got on the bridge. Greg stood up and then reached down so that he could help pull me up. Once I was on my feet, I kissed each of their graves and turned around following Greg. As we walked back to the car I said a small prayer for each of their souls. I also said one for me and Greg, that our hearts would one day heal from the pain of this loss and finally, I asked that God would allow Greg, B and Lexis to remain permanent in my life as well.

T
oday was the day of my doctor’s appointment and I was moving through the house lazily. It was hard as hell to pull myself from bed this morning. I’d tossed and turned all night due to nightmares and heartburn. I had called Lexis at 2 a.m. and made her come over. I couldn’t get comfortable living in this house alone, it was a strange place and I had nobody. I found myself just crying for nothing these days and I was just tired of being pregnant. I was ready to meet my child. Today I would find out what I was having and I couldn’t wait so I could start shopping and just finally having that reassurance of the sex would make me more comfortable.

I grabbed a pair of Victoria’s Secret PINK joggers and a hoodie and threw them on after lotioning my body as best as I could. By the time I had managed to pull my socks on, I was exhausted. I lay back on my bed and stared at the ceiling. My bedroom was painted a deep lilac with black accents on the walls, my bed was a large California King with a black upholstered headboard and an all-black Ralph Lauren Egyptian comforter set. My nightstands and dressers were all black as well. I loved my room and I was barely in any other room in my house.

I heard my phone ring and I tried to sit up so that I could grab it off my nightstand but I didn’t have the strength to pull myself up. After the third attempt, tears began to fall from my eyes. I couldn’t believe my life. I would be 18 in three days and I was pregnant with my first child, my baby had no father and I couldn’t even see my fucking toes.

“Aaaagh!” I screamed out of frustration as the tears continued to flow.

“What’s wrong, Jae?” Lexis asked as she came in the room and sat down on the bed next to me, playing in my Senegalese twists.

I began to cry harder because I was tired of everybody seeing me cry, I felt like such a weak bitch because no matter what, I could not control my damn emotions. “I’m just frustrated, Lex. I wish Antonio was here with me to help me put my socks and shoes on and help me up when I can’t move.” I wiped my eyes and stared into her face as I vented to her. “I don’t have Laela here to get on her nerves and make her do random stupid shit for me because I can’t do it myself. I just want someone to go get me nachos in the middle of the night and rub my belly when this baby is inside of me kicking fucking field goals but I don’t have that shit and I’m angry as fuck!” I shook my head as I thought about all the shit that I didn’t have and I just wanted to curl up and die.

Lexis got up off the bed and pulled me to so that I was now sitting up. I stared at her because she was staring at me with an evil scowl on her face. “You know what, Jaeda? I understand you are hurt hell. We all are fucking hurt but it’s time that you get ya mothafuckin’ life. Shit, we all lost the same fucking people but you don’t see us moping around, crying all damn day,” she said between clenched teeth. “We are out living life and making shit happen. What yo ass need to be doing is getting on your knees every day, thanking God that you are alive with a healthy ass baby in your stomach instead of dwelling on what you lost, dumb ass.”

I was shocked and hurt. Lexis had never spoken to me like this and I knew that she was fed up with me.

“I’m not trying to tell you that you can’t mourn because on the real, we all mourning, Jae. They were our family, too. But it’s unfair that you are saying what you don’t have when you have the most precious part of all of them because that baby is going to be the reflection of every last one of them.”

Lexis grabbed me into a hug as I cried silently, letting her words sink in. She was right. I had a lot to be thankful for and I needed to get myself together and stop throwing myself pity parties every day. I hugged her back tight as hell. She was my best friend and sister and I was glad she was able to put things into perspective for me and that’s why I loved her.

“I will always be here for you, Jae, so will Greg and B. We all family and no matter what you need night or day, you can call. Shit, you know that your black ass dragged me out my bed with my nigga at 2 a.m. Shit!”

I laughed at her crazy ass because I kept forgetting that Lexis now had live-in penis. I was going to have to respect the fact that she couldn’t just hop out of bed whenever. “I love you, Lex baby,” I said as I pulled away from her embrace. Suddenly it seemed as if a huge weight had been lifted from my heart.

“I love yo fat ass, too, Jae Money.”

Just as I was about to clown her about the fat jokes, my phone rang again. Lexis grabbed my phone off the nightstand and handed it to me. I looked at the screen and answered it, putting it on speakerphone.

“You have a prepaid call from Ricardo Mendoza.”

After the operator’s prompts, I pressed zero and waited for the call to connect. “Ric Gotti!” I yelled as he answered the phone. I was juiced to finally be able to talk to my nigga.

“What’s good, Jae Money?” he said, his voice sounding just as happy to hear from me.

“Shit, sitting here with Lex about to go to this doctor’s appointment and finally find out what the hell this baby is that I’m carrying,” I laughed. “Hey, Ric, how you holding up, my nigga?” Lex asked.

We both got up and I grabbed my purse as we headed out the door, still talking to Rico all the way to the doctor’s office. Rico had to call back like three times because they ended each call after about 15 minutes but I just couldn’t get enough of talking to him. Out of all the guys, Rico and Laela were the closest and he was really taking it hard, especially being locked up and away from the rest of the Squad; but I assured him that I would send him pictures of the baby every other week and make sure that his daughter Baby J and my child would have a bond as well. We told Rico that we loved him and would talk to him soon. I wouldn’t be able to visit Rico for like a year considering that I had just been locked up and it’s against policy to have been recently incarcerated and visit an inmate but I would make sure that my presence would always be felt.

Lexis and I walked into the doctor’s office and I checked in and took a seat. I was nervous as hell and anxious all of a sudden. I should have brought a snack and a water with me because I was hungry as shit. Talking to Rico had made me forget to grab my snack bag off the kitchen counter and now I couldn’t wait to get out of here so that I could eat. I was fiending for some Everett and Jones barbecue, so this doctor needed to come on. Just as I started getting restless, the nurse came out and called my name.

“Good afternoon Miss Johnson, right this way.”

Lexis and I followed the nurse to the back as she instructed me to step on the scale. I had gained 14 pounds. Since I had gotten home, all I did was eat and cry. That’s why my ass was as big as a house now. After leaving a urine sample, I was pointed to my room where Lexis was already waiting.

“Alright, you can get undressed from the waist down and the doctor will be in shortly.”

I slipped off my joggers and panties and placed the paper sheet over my lap as I laid back on the exam chair and let out a deep breath. I was nervous as hell.

“So what you want, Jae? I hope it’s a girl. She’s going to be so cute.”

I laughed at Lexis because she was so sure that it would be a little girl but I wasn’t. “I don’t know. In Tone’s last text, he said it was a junior, so I think I want a boy just because I know that was his wish.” Just then, there was a knock at the door. “Yes,” I said out loud.

“Hello, Jaeda. I’m Patricia, your nurse practitioner, and you will see me during the rest of your visits, as well as Dr. Marshall who is out sick today but I will be with you from now until delivery.” She was an average height blonde woman who looked to be fairly young and she had a great energy about her that calmed my nerves. She asked me a bunch of questions about how I had been feeling and she looked over my chart from while I was in the hospital and locked up. She said that I was much healthier than what I was charted to be a few months ago and I was relieved to hear that.

“Alright, so layback and we can find out what you’re having.” I lay back and watched as she pulled out a wand-like instrument and a gel substance. “Alright, we will let the gel warm some and then get started. What are you hoping for?” she asked.

“A boy,” I said.

“Girl,” Lexis blurted out.

We all laughed as the machine turned on and the lights were dimmed. “Okay, so let’s see what we can find. Hmm, so here you see your baby is already in position and you are 36 weeks and about 2 days and you know that your baby is fully prepared to come at any time now?” I nodded my head as Lexis and I stared at the screen. I hadn’t had an ultrasound since before I was discharged from the hospital and I wasn’t even five months then. “The baby is in the head down position but let’s see if we can get this little cutie to move so that I can get a good shot.” She began to put light pressure on my stomach and after a couple of tries, the baby kicked and shifted a bit and she was able to get a good picture. “So congratulations, mommy, you are having a baby boy!” Patricia said excitedly as she printed out the sonogram images.

I was so happy that tears fell from my eyes. I was glad that my babe had gotten his wish and that my child would carry on his father’s name. I said a small prayer as the nurse cleaned me off and handed me some tissue for my tears.

Once I was fully dressed, I grabbed my phone and took a picture of the image that had “It’s a boy” typed on it and sent a group text to Uncle Ken, my Auntie Shae and Quita, Tamia and Jamiya and also to Greg and B. I knew that they would be calling and texting all day so I turned my phone off and once I scheduled my next appointment, we walked out. We were headed to go get some barbecue and do a little shopping at Babies R Us.

I would have Gio come and help me set up the nursery later this week because as of right now, I didn’t have any of that together. It was the one room that I had told the girls not to touch. I wanted to be able to put my heart and love into every idea that went into decorating my little prince’s domain. Now that I knew it was a boy, I had a million and one ideas running rampant in my head but my main thought at the moment was some barbecue chicken with some greens and corn muffins.

T
oday was my 18
th
birthday and it was very bittersweet because I really just wasn’t in the mood to do anything. I just wanted to stay home and chill. I was pregnant as hell and in my feelings. I had called Gio last night and asked him to come over today and help me decorate Baby Tone’s room and he told me that he would come around 11 this morning. It was a quarter past 9 and I had already showered and eaten a small breakfast of oatmeal and celery and ranch with some white grape juice. I had been eating ranch like crazy lately and it was just so good to me right now.

I sat at the island in my kitchen and addressed the envelope to Rico. I had just written him a three page letter and included pictures of Jahlisa and I, solo pictures of Jahlisa and also a copy of my sonogram picture. I had gone online last night and filled up his books as well as the other two members who had gone down with Rico when the block got hit over a year ago. I missed Rico like crazy and never wanted him to feel alone inside.