Antebellum BK 1 (37 page)

When he reached the house, he sat down on the porch steps to remove his muddy boots. Then, in his stocking feet, he crossed the porch and unlocked the front door with his key.

Except for the tick-tock of the clock, the house was silent. Jack wasn’t surprised. Clementine had never been an early riser. He put his boots by the door and went into the kitchen. After considering making breakfast he decided that he was too tired and instead pumped enough water to wash his hands and face. That was another problem with living in a house this high. It was above the city water tanks. The steam-powered pump had never been installed, leaving them with only the temporary hand pumps and a hot water tank that required filling manually and a wood fire.

Jack dried his face, walked through the living room, down the hall, into the open bedroom door and froze. For a moment, he couldn’t believe his eyes. Clementine was sleeping, sprawled naked across the bed, and an equally naked man was asleep beside her with his hand on her bare belly. Unsure of what to do, Jack backed slowly out of the room.

His mind was reeling and he felt dizzy. He touched the revolver on his hip, then shook his head. He had to think. No. He had to get out of the house before he did something rash. He found his boots and then changed his mind and dropped them with a thud. Why should he sneak out of his own home like a thief? He had done nothing wrong. He had just come home unexpectedly early. It was his home. He had every right to…

“
Jack?” Clementine appeared in the hallway holding a sheet that was partially wrapped around her. “What are you doing?”

“
Is he gone?”

“
Who?”

“
Don’t.” Jack raised his hand palm out and looked away from her for a moment. “Don’t lie to me, Clem. I’m barely in control. If you push me, things will get very bad and someone will die. Maybe all of us.”

“
Yes. He’s gone. He went out the window.” She walked to the couch, sat down and pulled her feet up under her. “I’m sorry.”

“
Sorry for what you’ve done or sorry that I caught you?”

“
I’m sorry that you found out this way. I was going to tell you, but the time was never right. You always seem to have the weight of the world on your shoulders.”

He sat down on the floor with his back against the wall and pulled his knees up to his chin. “How long has this been going on, Clem?”

“
A while.”

“
How long?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know exactly. Why does it matter?”

“
It matters because… because I need to know how much of this marriage was a sham. I need to know how many times you told me that you loved me while you were thinking of another man.”

“
It isn’t like that, Jack. It was never like that. I’ve always loved you. I still do. I’ve never loved anyone else.”

He laughed. “What about Kevin? Was that your first lie? Your first adulterous liaison?”

“
No… Yes... That is – I just can’t stand being alone, Jack. Especially at night. It’s awful at night.”

“
I’m going to check in to the BOQ and get some sleep. When I’m ready, we’ll talk about this.”

“
Okay.”

“
Don’t tell me that man’s name.” He pointed toward the bedroom.

“
Okay.”

“
Even if I threaten you, don’t tell me.” He was getting angry again. “Don’t tell me unless you want me to kill him.”

“
Listen to me, Jack. I don’t love him. I barely know him. In fact, I may not even know his real name.”

“
What?”

“
I picked him up on Market Street.”

“
You what?”

“
That’s what I do when I’m lonely. I work the hotel saloons, just like I did before we were married.”

“
Do you charge them?”

“
Yes.”

“
Why, for God’s sake?”

She shrugged. “I split it with a man who makes sure that the – clients aren’t perverts or murderers.”

“
And you bring your clients to our home.”

“
I do that because it’s safer.”

“
Safer, how?”

“
If they give me trouble or try to stay longer than I want them to, I tell them I’m married to the Military Governor and that he’s on his way home.”

He shook his head, ran his fingers through his hair and looked up at her. “So half the men in San Francisco know I’m a cuckold.”

“
Not half.”

He glared at her.

“
That was a stupid thing to say. I’m sorry.”

“
Your saying that you’re sorry doesn’t help.”

“
I know that. But I can’t think of what I should do.”

“
Me neither.”

She stood up. “Okay then, I’ll make a decision. Stay.”

“
What?”

“
There’s really no point in your moving to the BOQ. Take a bath and I’ll make you a nice breakfast. While you’re eating, I’ll change the sheets. After you get some sleep and you’re thinking clearer, you can tell me what you want me to do.”

“
I’ll tell you right now,” he snarled.

“
Okay. Tell me.”

He shook his head. “Forget I said that.”

“
No. Tell me what you want me to do. Do you want to divorce me? Should I kill myself? Tell me. I’ll do anything you want. I owe you that.” Her voice was become shriller and more hysterical with each breath. “If you want me dead, I’ll die. I swear it by all that’s holy. I’d be glad to die. I want to die.”

He tried to say something but choked and gasped. “I don’t want you to die.” He sobbed, covered his eyes with his arms and bumped his forehead against his upraised knees.

“
Oh no.” Clementine dropped the sheet, ran to him and knelt on the floor in front of him. “Oh no, Jack. Please don’t cry. Please, please, please.” She put her arms around him and pulled him down onto the floor beside her. “We’ll go away. Someplace where we can be together all the time. Don’t cry, Baby. Please don’t cry. You’re breaking my heart. Whatever you want, I’ll do. Swear to God, I will. Anything. Just don’t cry.”

Jack wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his chest.

They stayed like that for so long that Clementine thought that Jack was asleep. But when she tried to move away, he clung to her.

“
Don’t go,” he murmured.

“
I won’t. Not until you tell me to.”

He moved his head back so he could see her face. “Two days ago, I helped a man escape from justice. A very bad man. A thief and a killer.”

She smoothed his hair. “Why are you telling me?”

“
Because what I did was a crime. What you did was nothing in comparison to what I did. I’ve done so many bad things. Too many to remember.”

“
Shh.” She kissed his cheek and then his eyes. “We’ll find a way to get past this. I can change. I know I can. I can do anything for you.”

“
I’m going to be carrying that image of you in bed with that man for the rest of my life.”

“
I know. I know. I wish I could fix it, but I can’t.”

“
I’m so tired.”

“
Let me draw you a bath.” She moved away from him.

“
There’s no hot water. I didn’t fill the tank or start a fire.”

“
Then I’ll pump some water and boil it on the stove.”

“
I hate this house.”

“
Then we’ll move.”

“
When?”

“
Now, if you want.”

“
A bath sounds good.”

Clementine got to her feet. “Let me get dressed and I’ll fill the tub.”

“
Don’t get dressed.”

“
What?”

“
I want you to be naked when you fill the tub.”

“
Okay.” She giggled.

“
And when you make my breakfast.”

“
I draw the line at frying bacon naked.”

“
You have aprons, don’t you?”

She smiled. “Yes. What would you say to sharing your tub with me?”

“
Is there room?”

“
If we work at it, I’ll bet we could both fit.”

“
Help me up.” He reached for her hand.

Clementine took his hand in both of hers and pulled.

Jack clambered to his feet and kissed her tenderly on the forehead. “I may be a little spooky for a while. I don’t think what happened has fully hit me yet. I’m probably going to get angry at you and forgive you a thousand more times.”

“
Whatever you do will be right. It always is.”

He walked to the window and looked out. “I’ve been considering resigning my commission.”

“
But you love the Army.”

“
This isn’t the army that I once loved. Here, I’m more a peace officer or politician than soldier.” He pointed out the window at the city. “And I hate this place. It’s populated by the dregs of the world. Social position is measured by financial success. Manners and breeding mean nothing.”

“
Couldn’t you just request a transfer?”

He turned back toward her. “A request for transfer would be the same as a resignation. My brother and I were unaffected by the reduction in force after the war because our family is well-connected. Nearly every other officer that we served with in Mexico is selling shoes or clerking in a bank. Robert’s friend, Sam Grant, is growing potatoes.” He shook his head.

“
Where would we go?” She took a step toward him and stopped. “Or were you thinking of going somewhere on your own without me?”

“
I was thinking of going home and taking you with me.”

“
Home to Texas or home to New Jersey?”

“
New Jersey is my home, but I could take you to Texas on the way.”

She shook her head emphatically. “No. If you’ll have me, I want to go with you. Wherever you go.”