Anticipation (30 page)

The lower he went, the more tense she became, her whole body as tautly drawn as a bow string.

“Relax, baby, I’m not going anywhere,” Eddie murmured as he pushed her thighs wide.

She let her head drop back as he licked the seam of her sex, an involuntary sound choking her throat. She felt him smile against the tender skin of her inner thigh. Then he started to lap at her, his rhythm just as leisurely, just as undemanding as it had been on her breasts, and again languor stole over her as she understood that he intended for this to be a long, slow climb to ecstasy.

The knowledge turned her limbs liquid and she sank into the mattress, giving herself over to him utterly as he lapped at her with gentle, steady swipes of his tongue. When he drew her clit into his mouth, he did so gently, delicately, and she murmured her approval, weaving her fingers into his hair, adoring him for the way he was adoring her.

Slowly, steadily, desire tightened inside her, coiling in on itself, ramping up her heart rate. The need to move gripped her and she lifted her hips, seeking more.

He gave it to her with a suddenness and decisiveness that literally took her breath away, holding her hips down as he pressed an open mouth kissed against her pussy, his tongue doing amazing things to her clit. She sobbed with gratitude when she felt the probe of his thumb at her entrance, but instead of pushing inside her and offering her something to clench around, he circled her inner lips, pulling them taut, stroking them, teasing them even as he teased her clit with his tongue.

It was so good, so intense, so exactly what she fucking needed, and she curled her hands into the strong muscles of his shoulders and held on for dear life as her climax rocked her.

He waited until she’d stopped quivering and moaning before kissing her thigh, then her belly. Sated and limp, she allowed him to roll her onto her side and pull her body back against his as her heavy eyelids drifted closed.

“Rest,” he murmured near her ear.

She found his hand where it rested possessively over one breast, tangling her fingers with his. Then she fell asleep, her mind peaceful for the first time in days.

Eddie woke to the sound of a car starting outside and opened his eyes in time to catch a shadow moving past the bed. He reached out and caught Blue’s wrist before she could escape back to her room. Her head swiveled toward him, her face a pale blur in the dim light.

“Where are you going?” he asked, his voice rusty from lack of use.

“Back to my room.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

Because she regretted having come to him, he guessed.

He’d half suspected it would be like this, but there was no denying the thud of disappointment in his belly.

She tugged on her wrist and he let her go and sat up in bed, not bothering to hide what the sight of her naked body did to him. He watched her gaze drop to his lap, saw the way she took a deep, slow breath as she remembered how much pleasure they’d given each other last night.

“This is going to happen again. You know that, right?” he said.

“No, it won’t,” she said, but there was a thread of uncertainty beneath her words that gave him heart.

“No one walks away from something this good, Blue. No one.”

She stared at him. He could practically hear the wheels turning in her mind as she considered and discarded arguments.

“All right. We’ll be fuck buddies, then,” she said. “But only until one of us calls it quits. The moment it gets weird or hard or someone else comes along, it’s over. Okay?”

Despite the fact she was laying down the law, she looked as though she was ready to bolt. He considered his options for a long beat before nodding his agreement.

“Okay.” Fuck buddies didn’t even begin to come close to covering the way he felt for Blue, but he wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t going to win this war in a day. Every time he’d pushed her so far, she’d backed off. It was time to be smart and play to his strengths.

He reached out to draw her back into bed.

“We need to get going,” she said as he pulled her down onto the mattress.

“This won’t take long.”

He rolled on top of her, not bothering to hide his smile when she automatically spread her legs for him. She might have been about to leave his bed, but she wanted this as much as he did.

He reached between them. As he’d suspected, she was wet and ready for him, her hips tilting toward his fingers. He stroked her, his gaze locked with hers. She didn’t look away as he circled her firm, swollen clit. Instead, she slipped a hand between their bodies and wrapped her fingers around his cock. For long moments they stroked one another, then he brushed her hand aside and pushed inside her. The tight heat of her pussy was impossibly good, and he told her so, whispering in her ear as he stroked himself inside her. He recognized when she was getting close now, and he lifted one of her legs over his shoulder before sliding his hands beneath her ass to deepen the angle of penetration.

“Oh, God, yes. Fuck, yes,” she groaned, and he felt her inner muscles clenching around his cock as she came.

The sight of her all flushed and abandoned pushed him over the edge and he buried himself deep inside her, calling her name as pleasure tightened his balls and rippled through his body.

He closed his eyes afterward, reluctant to roll off her and lose the moment. He slid a hand down her side, enjoying the feel of soft flesh and firm muscle. Enjoying her.

“We’re going to have cancel more appointments if we don’t move soon,” Blue said.

“I know.”

He withdrew and rolled to the side. She didn’t waste any time scooting to the edge of the bed.

“I’ll shower next door,” she said as she stood.

She disappeared into her own room, the sound of the dividing door shutting very loud in the early morning quiet.

He scrubbed his face with his hands.

Fuck buddies.

Well, at least it was better than nothing. A foot in the door, so to speak.

He had a quick shower and dressed before knocking on the dividing door. Blue opened it, dressed in yesterday’s clothes.

“We can stop on the road somewhere for coffee,” she said, all brisk business and unreadable expression.

Her hair was soft thanks to a lack of product, and she had a faint pink mark on her neck beneath her left ear. It took him a moment to realize it was from his stubble.

“Did I do that?” He reached out to soothe the small mark with his thumb but she jerked away from him, rejecting his touch.

He stilled, trying to get a read on the situation. “Do we have a problem?” he asked carefully.

“No.”

“You sure?”

Because Blue had obviously been doing some thinking in the ten minutes they’d been apart.

“I think we should set some parameters,” she said.

Of course. How else was she going to control the situation if she didn’t have boundaries and walls to corral things behind?

“Such as?” he asked.

She ticked her points off on her fingers. “No staying the night. No one at work knows —”

“I’m not lying to Raf,” he said.

Blue paused for a moment, then nodded. “Okay. That’s fair. But there’s no need for anyone else to know.”

“All right.” He didn’t want to sneak around, but he was just grateful she wasn’t backing off again and pulling up the drawbridge the way she had last time.

“Also, we don’t hook up more than once a week.”

He almost laughed out loud. They’d barely been able to keep their hands off each other for a full week when they’d been operating on a never-going-to-happen-again basis. How on earth did Blue think they were going to be able to contain what was happening between them to a neat and tidy set of rules one day a week?

“I’m not sure once a week is going to cut it for me,” he said neutrally.

“Tough. Take it or leave it, that’s my final offer.”

Blue held his gaze, all pugnacious chin and determined expression. He tried to weigh up whether she meant it or not. Then he remembered the story that Sienna had told him.

Blue meant it.

“Okay. One day a week. If that’s what you want.”

“It is.”

Blue waited by the car while Eddie dropped the room keys into the front desk, her hands shoved deep in her pants pockets. It was just after five and still dark, and she studied the facade of the darkened motel complex a tried not to give in to the panic that was tightening her chest and shoulders.

Fuck buddies. She must have been mad.

On what planet was it okay for her and Eddie to fall into a casual sexual relationship? In what freaking universe did she think that was going to end well?

God, you are dumber than a rock
.

She really was. For starters, she’d known she shouldn’t have gone to his room last night, yet she’d still done it. And not only had she slept with Eddie again, but she’d let him talk her into more.

Liar. He didn’t talk you into anything — you offered
.

That was true, too. Eddie had merely pointed out that what happened when they were naked together was far, far too good for anyone to walk away from, and she’d come back with the friends with benefits offer.

The thing was, at the time it had felt like a perfectly legitimate response to his very cogent argument. They
were
amazing in bed together, and the likelihood of them successfully abstaining was probably very low, given the amount of time they spent with each other. So, really, setting up a friends-with-benefits arrangement was a prudent, smart thing to do. A way of heading things off at the pass, so to speak.

Except now she’d gone from ten years of iron-like self-control where Eddie was concerned to one slip up, quickly followed by a second slip-up and a deal to sleep together until one or both of them got sick of the arrangement. In other words, she was losing her grip on the entire situation.

This wasn’t going to end well. They’d already had one screaming match in the staff room. There would be more. Maybe next time it would be because
she
was jealous. Or maybe something else would happen. It didn’t really matter what it was - disaster was inevitable.

She was going to lose Eddie
. She’d ruined it.

For a moment she felt dizzy with panic, to the point where she thought she was going to have to squat and put her head between her legs. Only the thought of what Eddie would think if he came back and found her like that stopped her from doing so. Instead, she concentrated on her breathing, drawing deep breaths into her belly and pushing them out through her nose.

Footsteps sounded behind her, and she pasted on a smile as Eddie beeped the car open.

“Sorry. Should have let you in before I took the keys back,” he said.

“It’s not cold,” she said, even though she felt as though her insides were trembling, thanks to all the fight-or-flight adrenaline rocketing around her body.

She got into the car and concentrated on pulling on her seat belt.

“The guy on the front desk said there’s a big bakery on the way out of town that does decent coffee. Apparently they open early for the truckies,” Eddie said as he started the car.

“Sounds good.”

Eddie pulled out onto the empty road, quickly picking up speed. She watched him from the corners of her eyes, trying to come up with some way to backtrack from their new arrangement — even though she was the one who’d suggested it.

You are so messed up
.

She was. She truly was.

“There it is,” Eddie said, signaling to pull off the highway.

She stared at the brightly lit exterior of the Albury Bakehouse and tried to muster some enthusiasm for food. The way her stomach was feeling right now, anything she put in it was simply going to come straight back up again.

“You want to come in or should I just grab whatever looks good?” he said, already undoing his seatbelt.

“You choose,” she said tightly.

She watched through the big front window of the bakery as Eddie talked with the woman behind the counter. He said something to make her laugh, and they chatted easily for a few minutes before the woman handed over two coffees in a cardboard tray and a white bag.

He looked so gorgeous as he stepped out into the pre-dawn light, his dark hair glinting beneath the parking lot lights, his stride long and confident. Her heart swelled at the sight of him, and even though they’d just had sex barely half an hour ago, she knew that if he suggested a quickie in the backseat, she’d have her panties down before he could ask twice.

She wanted him that much.

A strange sort of calm settled over her then as — finally — she understood that she had no choice but to play this out and hope for the best. Maybe Eddie wouldn’t completely smash her heart. Maybe she’d find some way to protect herself. Maybe the fire would fade between them after a few weeks or months and make it easy for them to move past this phase of their friendship.

Maybe.

She would simply have to wait and see, because there was no going back, and there was no stopping what they’d started. What
she’d
started. Because this was on her, all of it. She was the one who’d crossed the line.