Anxious Love (Love Sick #1) (8 page)

A muffled giggled escaped, and I was surprised to find it came from me. It disappeared into his mouth, which made him grin and pull back. The world stayed calm as I thought about how his lips felt on mine. His tongue swiped against my tongue with confidence. I opened my eyes and peered into his. They were no longer light; they had a definite dark hue and the color swarmed as if wondering how to take in the person they saw before them.

Is it possible that I found something else to balance me?

I leaned back, but as his hand slipped away from my cheek, I placed my hand on it to keep him firmly in place. I looked off to my right as the streetcar clinked by, and people strolled down St. Charles Avenue. I turned to my left and watched a group of kids cut across the park on their way home from school.

I turned back to Ryan and smiled. He smiled back, and to thank him, I kissed him.

I removed my hand from his; satisfied it would stay where I wanted it. My hand reached out to touch his chest. I wanted to confirm it was as solid as I’d imagined. My brief hug a few nights before had only hinted at it.

I touched the skin peeking out the top of his T-shirt and ran my knuckle across the top. It was his turn to shiver, but it deepened the kiss as his tongue pressed into my mouth. I flatted my hand on his chest and pressed back; he was solid, unmovable. He laid a soft little kiss on my mouth before pulling back and looking down at my hand splayed across his chest.

His face tilted, and he stared with a sexy grin.

"Did you just kiss me?" he asked in a whispered tone.

"If you have to ask, then apparently, I didn't do it right," I answered as he teased me.

"No, you did it right. I've been kind of alternating between reality and fantasy, and I wanted to make sure the kiss was, in fact, real. It felt too good."

"I know what you mean." I tilted my head to take him in. "If you still unsure, we can do it again."

He grinned and nodded eagerly. I laughed as my fist grabbed his shirt and I pulled him close. When his lips touched mine, my body and mind registered two contrasting sensations.

While my mind quieted from the usual distressing chatter that made me relish my solitude, my body raged with sensations. His clean smell mixed with the smell of the fresh-cut grass we sat on. The slick little sounds our lips made as they slid over each other spurred me on to vocalize my excitement at what he was doing to me. My moans as his tongue drove into me elicited a more masculine moan from him that was now my new favorite sound.

My hands relaxed and ran further down his chest and stopped at the top of his abs. His abs tensed, and I continued to explore. He pulled away and looked down when my hands stopped above the spot where his arousal was obvious. He sighed and blushed the cutest shade of red in his ears. I reached up. They
were
warm to the touch.

Our kiss was powerful, substantial, life-altering, and oh, so real.

It
did
feel good.

My hand pressed against his chest. Would it give me the same sense of stability I craved when the world moved too fast around me? I had to find out.

"Can I try something?"

His eyes were glazed over. Trapped in a state of trying to contain his lust, he nodded. "Anything."

I laughed, which defused the sexual tension.

"Lean back on your hands."

He did as instructed with a gleam of curiosity in his eye. I had been sitting to the right of his outstretched legs. As I moved, the world entered my senses. I closed my eyes and opened them as I shifted between his legs, falling back to sit on the ground with his chest to my back. He tensed but relaxed as I leaned my head back on his chest. I took in a deep breath and let it out.

When I reached back and felt the solid form on the back of my hand, the world slowed back down. When he shifted and placed his hands on my hips, the world fell away, and I turned my head as he leaned down and captured my lips between his. I ran my hand up his chest and to his neck. His neck muscles were solid. I wrapped my hand around them and pulled him to me; he gave me that now familiar grunt of lust. His kiss stole my breath and gave it back to me. His hardness pressed into my back, and I pushed back, proud I had elicited a reaction from him. It made me feel strong and powerful.

And when I squeezed the muscles on his neck and pulled way, I felt in control and amazing.

I looked up into his dark eyes.

"Where are you now?" I asked.

He leaned over and laid a peck on my cheek. "You know, I really don't care."

We stayed like that for a while. We talked and watched the people walk by. For the first time in a long time, the world seemed to move at a normal speed around me, and I contributed it to my newfound anxiety coping mechanism, Ryan Ware.

The alarm on my phone beeped at four thirty, and I frowned.

We both look down at my phone.

"You have someplace to be."

"I had a really nice time, but I do need to get back to work."

He instinctively wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to him. It was a protective gesture, but also a sign of wanting to keep me here. My mind flipped. I pushed back and scrambled to get away from him.

He held his hands up in surrender.

"Okay, I guess I can't hold you here against your will." He laughed, but it was not out of amusement. It was to cover his confusion at my sudden change.

I forced a smile, but my insides flipped. I picked up my phone. I had pushed myself enough today; I ordered a car to get me home.

Ryan's face turned into a frown, and I tried to relax, but stuff was moving too fast. I had another pill in my pocket. I felt the weight of it, but I didn't want to take it in front of him. I wasn't ready to answer those questions. I looked up into his face and realized he was ready to ask them anyway.

Instead, I leaned in and kissed him. The shock wore off as he snaked his hand around my neck and kept my lips firmly planted on his. We both needed the distraction.

When I heard the beep of a car horn, I pulled away with a groan.

"I'm sorry. I have to go."

I stood up and turned to walk away. Ryan scrambled to his feet and reached out to grab my hand. He pulled the blanket up with him as he leaned over me, tilted my chin up, and landed a hard, desperate kiss on my lips.

The feel of this kiss was entirely different. He had all the power and all the control, and the kiss didn't end until he was done with me. I sighed into his mouth, turned on and surprised at how much I didn't mind his possessiveness.

He ended the kiss but held me in place.

"I got this for you." He drew the blanket up and placed it in my hands. Laid another soft kiss on my cheek as he pushed me away.

I walked backward, cradling the blanket in my arms. "Thank you for the picnic and for everything else."

He grinned and watched me as I walked away from him. A slight sting of pain was evident in his expression, but he let me go.

I did feel like Cinderella running away from my prince. Shame I didn't have a glass slipper to leave behind.

Perhaps the way my lips felt against his made as much of a lasting impression on him as his did on me. I could only hope it would torment him enough until he had to find me.

When I was safely in the car, I slipped the pillbox out of my pocket, but my phone beeped.

Ryan: Tomorrow. 21st Amendment at 3:00 pm?

I grinned and slipped the pillbox back in my pocket.

Leah: Ok :-)

I hugged the blanket, inhaled his lingering scent, and enjoyed the ride home knowing my abrupt exit only made him want me more.

I let out a primal scream as I flipped the tire for the twentieth time.

"Jesus, Ry, take it easy. We got a lot of work to do in the next few days," Kori, my trainer, said. He was in town for the next four days working with me to prepare for OTAs. The first of three off-season training sessions were coming up next week. It would be the first time I would be working out with the entire team.

I couldn't wait.

I seriously needed to hit something. Not that I didn't enjoy this newfound sensitive side Leah brought out in me, but damn if I needed to watch what I did and said around her; I needed an outlet.

I grunted and flipped the tire. It landed with a hard thud.

"If you're not going to listen to me, then why the fuck am I here." Kori jumped inside the tire. The man moved quickly for his solid six-foot-two, two-hundred-pound frame. He worked with several defensive guys in the NFL, but since he's from Notre Dame, we had worked together for the last four years.

"I'm listening." I bent down and lifted the tire, figuring he would get out of the way so I didn't decapitate him with it.

"Then put the fucking tire down." The concern in his face hit me, and I dropped the tire.

"Sit." He handed me a water bottle.

I squirted the flavored liquid in my mouth and had to hold it in my mouth until my lungs stopped burning so I could swallow. I stepped inside the tire and sat on the opposite edge.

"See, you're pushing too hard. What's going on?"

"It's nothing. I just need to push it."

"There's pushing it and then there's pushing past it. I read the emails you sent me with your training schedule, and you're doing too much. You're not getting stronger, and you're not getting quicker. You're going to burn yourself out." He shook his head. "You already made it. You're good now, so what is going on with you?"

"That's bullshit. I haven't made it. I haven't played a down in the NFL."

"You're a first-round draft pick. It's not like you have to worry about making the team."

"No, but I need to make it to the season, and I won't if I don't work hard." I stood back up. "You've seen me like this. It's no different. I'll calm down once I get to OTAs."

"Yes, I have seen you like this before. And, if I remember correctly, the last time I saw you like this, after our first session, you pushed so hard you broke a rib."

I cringed remembering the pain as I took a hammer and smashed it down on a tire much like the one in front of me. The pop hurt like a motherfucker, and it delayed my workout for weeks.

I sat back down and took another sip of the electrolyte concoction. It went down easier.

"Come on. You're in New Orleans. You having any fun?"

I grinned before I could stop myself.

"Okay, okay. So who is she?"

I set the bottle down and pulled the towel off Kori's shoulder to wipe my face. "Her name is Leah, and man, she fucking beautiful."

"All right. So I get to meet her while I'm here?"

I shook my head. "It's not serious. We're just hanging out, but she's cool."

"She's cool? You like her, she likes you, so what’s the problem?"

"I don't know. She's not shy but reserved." The word didn't sound right, but I couldn't think of another way to describe her. I couldn't get the kiss we shared in the park off my mind. It was so hot, and being with her, just holding her in my arms, I knew she felt what I felt, but then she left so abruptly like she needed to get away from me.

"Reserved, huh?"

"Yeah, like, I think my world is going to scare her away. She lives a pretty regimented life."

"What does she do?"

"She's a writer. I read one of her books. She's really good."

I had finished the book I was reading last time I saw her. I was right; the nice guy got the girl. I read a few pages of the second book. I hesitated because I didn't want to see how the good guy won.

Not until I figured out how to be the good guy.

Maybe I needed another person's opinion.

"I'm meeting her this afternoon at her friend’s bar. Why don't you come?"

"Yeah, sure. She got any cute friends."

I thought of Sophie, and a chill hit me.

"She does, but I wouldn't wish her on my worst enemy." I slapped him on the back as I headed over to the next exercise. "Have at her."

I called Leah as I headed back to my place to clean up. I wanted to make sure it was okay to bring a friend. Her concern about crowds made me cautious to pop in with a crew in tow unannounced.

"Hi, Ryan."

God, the sound of her voice.

"Hey, beautiful. What ya doing?"

"Getting ready to jump in the shower."

"Oh, yeah? Me too. Want to shower together."

"I don't think my phone is waterproof."

"Damn. I could come over and join you."

"Aren't you feisty today." She giggled. "How was your workout?"

"It was good. Part workout, part therapy session." I wasn't sure why I told her except I liked to share things with her. "He thinks I'm working too hard. I need to relax more. Have more fun."

"My parents tell me the same thing."

"I guess we'll just have to help each other."

"I like that idea." I heard the water turn on through the phone. "And since I sent my manuscript off to my agent about an hour ago, I can concentrate on you for a while."

"I'm concentrating on picturing you getting into that shower."

"You want another pic?"

"Please."

My phone beeped, and I put her on speaker and checked out the photo. It was all flesh, but way to close to discern what body part. "Is that a nipple?"