Any Given Sunday (19 page)

Her words seemed to reach him. “Just dinner?” he asked.

“Of course.”

Chad shrugged and nodded once. “Fine.” He turned and walked out. Lauren

fought the instinct to follow him but this wasn’t her battle. It was Sean’s.

“How long are you pulling this silent routine with him?” she asked.

“Got nothing to say.” Sean’s short response sent her into orbit.

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Any Given Sunday

“We opened fucking Pandora’s box, Sean! It’s a little late to close the lid. I would

think you’d have a hell of a lot to say.”

Sean walked past her and headed for the living room. She refused to let another

lover walk away from her this morning, so she followed him. Sean dropped down on

the couch wearily. “You heard him, Lauren. He wants to move out. We tried. We failed.

End of story.”

“That’s not what I heard. He’s confused. He thinks he’s a third wheel. You know

that’s not true. We need to talk about it.”

“No, Lauren, we need to leave it alone. You’re right. We opened a wound. It’s time

to stop pouring salt in it. Time to let it heal.”

She shook her head. “No. If we let it heal this way, we’re gonna end up with a big

fat ugly scar. Remaining quiet is a mistake. You two have already let too much time

pass without talking. You both need to sit down, say what’s in your heart and—”

“Goddamn it!” Sean yelled. “I’m not in the mood for any of your psychoanalysis

bullshit. We took a chance and ended up waking something that was better left asleep.

It didn’t work, so we’re moving on!”

“No.” She walked over to stand in front of him. “No, we’re not. You’re not closing

your eyes to this anymore, Sean. You’re in love with him. Tell him that. Say it with

words.”

“The subject is closed.” He reached over to the end of the couch for the remote and

she sighed. He’d shut down. She’d been with him long enough to know no amount of

talking would draw him back out.

“Fine.” She sat down on the far end of the couch and tried to put her thoughts into

some sort of order that made sense while Sean flipped mindlessly through the channels.

They sat in silence for nearly half an hour, Lauren’s feelings running the gamut from anger to sadness to confusion.

Finally, Sean’s voice broke through the disquieting thoughts. “I’m sorry.”

She looked over at him, saw the pain lingering in his eyes, and her heart broke a

little. “You don’t owe me an apology, Sean.”

He closed his eyes for a moment before looking at her once more. “I do. I really do. I didn’t let these Sundays play out in my mind before I jumped in. Typical impulsive

instincts took over. I thought I could brazen my way through the whole thing—taking

everything I wanted without considering your feelings or Chad’s.”

She scooted closer, wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him toward her.

She kissed him lightly on the lips. “I love your dominant side. Love the way you take control and let me just feel, just experience. I know we’ve only touched the tip of the iceberg, but I was sort of hoping the three of us could try some more. Tomorrow’s

Sunday.”

“You heard Chad. The Sundays are over.”

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She closed her eyes, willed away the tears threatening to spill. The stress of the

week had been too much and she was so tired.

“I love you,” he whispered.

She smiled, blinking against the tears forming on her lashes. “I love you too.”

Sean kissed her again, gently at first, but soon it grew hotter, more passionate.

When they broke apart, she looked into his eyes and saw the love and adoration she’d

always known, always felt from him.

“I’ve always loved you. We can make this work, Lauren. I know we can. We’re

great together. The two of us were made for—”

“The two of us?”

Sean closed his eyes and sighed. “Lauren, I—”

She pressed her fingers against his lips. “Talk to him. Please. That’s all I’m asking for. One conversation. No holds barred.”

Sean grasped her wrist and pulled her hand away. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Yes, you do. Tell him how you feel.”

He scowled. “How I feel? Brilliant, Lauren. He fucking knows.”

“How does he know? Have you said it? Have you told him you love him? Told him

you want to be with him?”

“He fucking wants to be as far away from me as possible. I disgust him.”

Lauren thought about the kiss Chad and Sean had shared on Sunday. For the

briefest of moments, Chad had responded. And, though he’d pulled away, she could

see the truth. Even if Sean couldn’t. “No, you don’t.”

He stared at her, refusing to reply.

She smiled sadly. “I never pegged you for a quitter.”

His jaw set, his lips pressed firmly closed.

Fine, she thought. She could give anyone a run for their money on stubbornness. “If

you give up on this, Sean…things will change. Everything will change. You know that,

right?”

He rubbed his eyes and she struggled to swallow over the lump in her throat as she

saw the pain, the confusion in his face. “Please just let this go, Lauren.”

“You said yourself this would never work without Chad. We’ve been living a half-

life for the past two years. Without Chad, we—”

Sean interrupted her. “We can make it work, Lauren. I know we can.”

She rose slowly. Though it killed her to speak the words, she forced them into the

open. “I’m sorry, Sean. Looks like tonight will be a farewell dinner in more ways than one.”

* * * * *

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Any Given Sunday

Dinner was a quiet, awkward affair. Sean had intended to bail, to scarf down a

sandwich alone in the living room, but Lauren had different plans. She’d made

vegetable lasagna, Chad’s favorite dinner, and a pan of homemade chocolate chip

cookies, Sean’s favorite dessert. Clearly she was banking on the old “food is the way to a man’s heart” saying. He hated to disappoint her, but he wasn’t falling for it. Not even a chocolate chip cookie was forcing him into a conversation with Chad. That boat had

sailed. Twice.

He shoveled in mouthful after mouthful, his plate nearly empty when she kicked

him under the table. He looked up to find her scowling at him.

“Slow down, Sean, or you’ll choke.” The hidden message in her tone of voice said

she’d
choke him if the lasagna didn’t.

Chad kept his head down, his face impassive, and Sean felt his temper spark.

Asshole never felt a fucking emotion. Only Chad could sit there, calm as you please,

while every nerve in Sean’s body was on red alert. His head was pounding, his stomach rumbling. His leg was bouncing a mile a minute under the table, betraying his

nervousness.

He scooped up the last bite and put his fork down, the metal clanging louder on the

plate than he’d intended. “I’m heading out.”

“No,” Lauren said.

Sean narrowed his eyes. He was treading a fine line here. While he didn’t want to

do anything to hurt his relationship with her, he couldn’t stay in this room. It was clear Chad wasn’t having a problem with bailing on them, so why should he stick around to

hash out a bunch of shit that was better left unsaid? “Lauren—”

When she looked at him, he saw the tears in her eyes and he felt like a world-class

shithead. Obviously dinner hadn’t just been hard for
him
.

“Please don’t leave things like this. You and Chad need to talk. You’ve been friends

too long and you owe it to each other to hear what needs to be said.”

Chad looked at him and then at Lauren. “I think this may be one of those instances

when time and distance heals, Lauren. Sean and I are fine. We’ve had disagreements in the past and they always just sort of worked themselves out. This too shall pass.”

Lauren nodded. “Is that right? Tell him your topic for the project in Human

Sexuality class, Chad.”

Chad shot her a dirty look, but she didn’t give his friend a chance to refuse. “Tell

him.”

“It’s a stupid project. I told you. I’m Googling the fucking thing, making up a bunch of shit and moving on.”

Sean’s curiosity was piqued. “What’s your topic? You never said.”

Chad looked away when he spoke, a sure sign he didn’t want to say more. “It’s

nothing.”

“Tell him,” Lauren demanded. “Tell him or I will.”

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Mari Carr

“Seriously, man,” Sean prodded. “What did you get? Sadomasochism, transvestites,

foot fetishes?”

Chad shook his head then his gaze landed on Sean’s and held. “Homosexuality.”

“Homosexuality?”

Chad laughed mirthlessly. “Gotta love the irony in that, right?”

Sean felt frozen in place, his body and mind numb. Lauren had set them up good.

She was forcing the issue. Refusing to let him escape his feelings. “Irony?” he asked stupidly.

Lauren rose and started to walk out of the room.

“Where are you going?” Sean asked.

“Riley invited me to go to the movies. I’m just a third wheel here.” Sean saw Chad

wince as she repeated his sentiment from this morning.

“No, you’re not,” Chad said.

Lauren turned and smiled sadly. “Settle this. Figure it out. Make it right so I can

come home. So we can all come home.”

Sean watched her leave, wondering how everything could have gotten so

convoluted and fucked up. As the front door slammed, he looked at Chad.

“She doesn’t get it,” Chad said. “It’s like I said. We’re cool. Right?”

Sean stared at him in disbelief.

“Fuck,” Chad said, walking toward the living room. Sean could tell his friend

wanted to leave, but he knew the look on Lauren’s face just before she left was stopping both of them. Neither of them would hurt her by walking out and avoiding this

conversation. Sean felt as if he owed it to her to try. Apparently Chad did too. He

followed Chad to the living room.

“What the fuck does she expect us to do?” Chad asked. “Shake hands, say all’s

forgiven?”

Chad clenched his fists and Sean wondered if he’d throw another punch. He was

feeling the same need himself, the desire to hurt someone as much as he was hurting.

He took a step closer, his move antagonistic. A fight actually might go a lot further than words.

Chad took a step closer too, though his face was still impassive. Sean felt the need

to provoke some sort of response from his annoyingly stoic friend.

Sean looked at him, his voice louder than he’d intended. “Can we please stop

ignoring the elephant in the corner of the room?”

Chad looked around the room exaggeratedly. “I don’t see any elephant.” His voice

was belligerent, angry, taunting.

“Bullshit!” Sean yelled. “That’s fucking bullshit, Chad, and you know it.”

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Any Given Sunday

Chad’s eyes narrowed. “You know what? You’re right. We’ve been living with this

monkey on our backs since senior year in high school. Maybe it’s time to hash out all the ancient history.”

Sean moved closer, until he could feel Chad’s hot breath in his face. They were

practically nose to nose, each of them daring the other to take the first swing.

“You kissed me,” Chad said, his words accusing.

Sean nodded. “You kissed me back.”

Chad shook his head, tried to deny it, but his eyes betrayed the truth. “I’m in love

with Lauren.”

“So am I.” Sean watched Chad process his quick response. “How I feel about her

has nothing to do with my feelings for you.”

“What are you looking for, Sean? What do you think is going to happen in this little

threesome scenario? What’s your goal?”

“I want to share Lauren with you and I want to share you with her.” Sean took a

step away, his anger fading, quickly replaced by the anguish that had dogged his heels all week.

Sean walked to the couch. Sank down onto the cushions. “I fucked up again. You

would think after high school I would have gotten the message.”

He closed his eyes. It was easier than looking at his best friend since childhood,

easier than remembering…

They’d stayed after to help their PE teacher put away some equipment. By the time they’d
returned to the locker room to change out of their shorts and T-shirts and back into their street
clothes, they were the only students left. The last bell for the day had rung nearly twenty
minutes earlier, but as they both drove to school, catching a bus wasn’t an issue.

They were wrestling around the way guys do. Playful punches, trash talk about who kicked
whose ass on the basketball court. Chad had simply reached behind Sean, reached for the jeans
that were hanging in his locker. The movement had left them in close proximity, but they were
best friends, buds, the personal space between them had shrunk over the years as their friendship
had grown.

Sean leaned forward and kissed him on the jaw, just below Chad’s lips. Just a quick,
brushing glance.

For a second, Chad had been stunned. He’d stood motionless, his face so close Sean could
smell the Gatorade he’d drunk on his breath. Sean stood there—his emotions a perfect mixture of
hope and fear.

They studied each other for a moment, the briefest of seconds, and then Chad acted on pure
instinct.

He raised his fist and punched. Hit him in the face with more force than Sean had ever felt in
his life.

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Mari Carr

Sean’s reaction wasn’t defensive. He knew that. When he returned the punch, it wasn’t
delivered as a means of protection. Anger was fueling it. And then all hell broke loose. It had
taken two PE teachers to pull them apart. After which, they’d sat in the principal’s office waiting
for the standard calls home to their parents.