Anywhere But Here (35 page)

“Me, either,” said Shane with a nervous grin.

“Same here,” Reg said, a spark returning to her eyes.  “And if anyone says a thing about it, I’ll crush them, suspension or not.”

My heart flipped and I was happy I’d finally told them.  It was so much easier to not hide.  That little niggle of guilt still lingered in the back of my mind but I wasn’t ready for them to know that, yet.  I wasn’t strong enough to tell them – they were taking my story so well but if they knew all the gory details, they might change their attitudes.  And I couldn’t take any loss right now.  I didn’t want to end up in the psychiatric ward.

They stayed for a bit, chatting about school and the lack of rumors after my breakdown.  I had to laugh at that one – I'd thought for sure the rumor mill would be working overtime after my little show but obviously, a percentage of the school population had a heart.

“It’s weird,” Reg pondered.  “Oh, the story has worked its way around school, but no one has exploited it.  Yet.  I guess some people are probably feeling guilty – thinking they might have contr
ibuted.”  She blushed, turning her head.  I wished I could take her guilt away but I’d let her know I didn’t blame her – the rest was up to her.  And I was an expert on guilt.

When it came time to leave for Roberta’s office, Aunt Franki insisted on driving me.  I didn’t protest much because, truth be told, I wasn’t sure what to expect and I didn’t know if I’d be in any sort of shape to drive home.

Roberta greeted me warmly as she escorted me to my favorite chair.  She settled across from me and continued to smile in a way that was beginning to creep me out.

“Shall we start with the incident at the Museum?” she suggested.

I lifted a shoulder.  “Sure.”

“Okay, tell me what happened.”

“Well,” I said as I leaned back in my chair.  “I was standing in line to enter an exhibit and I spotted a girl that looked like Camille.  I chased her down and when I realized it wasn’t her, I lost it.”

She nodded, slowly.  “And what happened last week – what led up to this?”

I blinked slowly, trying to drudge up every ugly detail.  “Um, some girls saw you talking to me last week at the Community Center.  That started some rumors,” I said, a touch of bitterness in my tone.

Her eyes widened as she fell back into her chair.  “I’m so sorry, Rena.  I never dreamed anyone would notice me speaking to you for a couple minutes, nor did I think people would assume you were a client.”

“Yeah, well,” I said, trying to appear nonchalant.  “I lied my way out of that one.  It seemed to work but then my dad showed up and said he’d left my mother.  That sucked.  And when I told Fin about it, we sort of fought because he knew I wasn’t telling him everything and I got all defensive.”

“And does Fin know about Camille yet?”

“Yes,” I said with a soft smile.  “I told him everything.”

Her right brow shot up over her eye.  “Everything?”

“Sure,” I said weakly as I studied the wall over her head.  “He knows that my sister is missing.”

“Does he know the details of what happened that day?” she prodded.  I shook my head, still staring at the pristine wall. My heart pounded and I moved a hand to my chest as my lungs clenched, making air passage nearly impossible.

“Relax, Rena,” Roberta said, her voice soothing.  “Close your eyes and focus on a lake – a calm lake with a slight breeze.  Imagine a sailboat with a crisp, white sail, gliding over the surface…”

I did as she asked and gradually my heartbeat retu
rned to normal, making it easier to breathe through my nose.  I slowly opened my eyes and found her face close to mine.  Her brow was crinkled as she peered into my eyes.

“I’m okay,” I said.  “Really.”

She nodded as she leaned out of my personal space.  She tapped her chin with her nail as she considered me.  “I want you to work on that exercise every time you feel a panic attack coming on,” she said.  “I mean, immediately, before it gets out of hand.”

“Okay,” I said as I watched her carefully.

She bit her bottom lip and picked up the legal pad that had been lying by her feet.  “Let’s talk about what happened last week – the rumors and such.  We’ll work our way to other issues slowly.”

I agreed, relieved.  I explained about Gina and her nasty accusations.  I told her about my conversation with Fin that
had turned ugly.  I recalled how I tried to hide from everyone at school.  Then I went over every detail of the museum incident.  Every time my heart would race, she’d urge me to close my eyes and think of that lake and that boat.  It worked, true, but I was awfully tired of that boat slicing through the still waters.

I was pretty beat when she called an end to the session, although Roberta raved that I’d made considerable progress.  I was grateful for Aunt Franki to drive me home.

I escaped to my bedroom as soon as I judged it to be late enough.  I plopped on the pillows, hugging the BoyzTown CD case to my heaving chest as the day Camille disappeared rolled through my mind.  I vividly recalled that day with clarity – every second.  As it played in my head like the worst sort of horror film, my heart pounded harder and harder and my breath seized in my lungs.  I squeezed my eyes shut quickly and focused on the damn lake but the sailboat sped off and wouldn’t cooperate.

“No,” I moaned, switching gears.  I pictured Fin gliding effortlessly on his skates and my lungs loosened.  When I entered the frame, holding Fin’s hand and joining him on the ice, my heartbeat changed, thumping pleasantly.  A small smile tugged at my lips and I eventually managed to slip into dreamless sleep.

Friday evening, Fin came by laden with DVDs and chicken wings.  Aunt Franki, confident that I wouldn’t suffer another mental breakdown, left us so she could attend another ‘dinner party’ with her friend, Sean.

“So,” Fin said as we grubbed on messy wings.  “A couple people have actually approached me and asked if you were coming back to school.”

“You’re kidding,” I said in disbelief.  I wiped my greasy fingers on a napkin, took a sip of my Coke, and grinned.  “Wow, I’m touched.  I didn’t think anyone cared.”  I paused, the grin slipping from my face.  “It was Grant, wasn’t it?”

Laughing, he
mussed my hair.  “No, it wasn’t Grant, although he did ask about you, too.  But other people have asked me how you are doing – mostly people from our Creative Writing class.”

I nodded, feeling a lot less antsy about returning to school on Monday.  Perhaps it wouldn’t be as horrible as I feared.

“How are things going with Roberta?” he asked timidly.

“Not bad,” I said as I picked the meat off a chicken bone.  “She’s teaching me relaxation methods so I don’t have another anxiety attack.” 
Shrugging, I stuffed the meat in my mouth.  I wiped my face and sat back on the sofa.  “Seems to be working.”

“Oh, really?  What does she have you do?”

I explained about the lake and the sailboat then leaned closer to him, a knowing smirk curling my lips.  “Except last night it didn’t work so well so I thought of something else.”

He raised a confused brow.  “What?”

I pressed a soft kiss to his lips, scooting closer to wrap my arms around his neck.  I kissed him again and he responded eagerly, throwing himself into the kiss until we broke apart, panting.

“
That
is what you think about to calm yourself?” he asked, humor lighting his eyes.

“Not exactly that,” I admitted as I snuggled into his side.  “More like this.”

He draped an arm around me as we settled into the sofa.  I handed him the remote so he could start the movie.  My heart relaxed as I nestled closer to him and focused on the film.  I couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been to not confide in him much earlier – he was proving to be as solid as a rock.  But, if I’d learned one thing through the entire ordeal it was that I had to stop living in the past and look toward the future instead.

***

Fin insisted on picking me up for school Monday morning and it suited me just fine.  I was physically able to drive but as keyed up as I was to finally be returning, I was sure to cause an accident.

He held my hand while he
led me casually through the halls as if I hadn’t been absent at all.  He greeted classmates with a nod or a wave and stood beside me as I opened my locker and collected my books.

It was a lot easier than I’d imagined but then, I had Fin by my side and he wouldn’t be able to meet me after every class –he had his own classes to get to.  But I’d manage, somehow, even if I had to practically meditate as I walked
through the halls.

I breezed through the week with minimal hassles – I had mostly Reg to thank for that – and looked forward to the weekend when I could spend quality time with my friends.  Instead of alienating them with my confessions, I’d brought them closer to me and although it scared me a bit, I vowed to myself that I wouldn’t let my friendships destroy my family again.

My family, on the other hand, was not as rosy-perfect as my other relationships.  Jared had high-tailed it back to school once he’d realized that I was fine - after more empty promises to spend a weekend with me.  I was disappointed and saddened to see him go, but I realized that he was trying to deal with everything in his own way.  I’d have to be patient with him as I expected him to be with me.

My parents remained separated but they both spent some time with me at Franki’s house.  Franki had been an angel and had gently, but firmly, suggested that they follow my lead and seek counseling.  Although they both agreed, I had a sneaking suspicion that only my mother would actually follow through.  She seemed desperate to get her family back together, though not nearly as desperate to find her youngest daughter.

Time – that’s what Roberta stressed at our weekly meeting.  Time had a way of healing things and combined with counseling, could very well reunite the Hamilton clan once again.  But even though I did want my family to be normal, I wasn’t quite sure I wanted to return home.  Dunewood had become home to me – Aunt Franki a loving guardian and my friends a welcome distraction.  I hadn’t made any new friends and the kids at school still regarded me with distrust – especially Gina and her gang – but I was learning to deal with it.  Besides, I only had a couple more months left before I was done with high school for good.

February brought new anxieties as Fin and Grant constantly discussed possible scholarships.  I’d started coming around, thinking college wasn’t such a bad idea, but time was quickly running out on me.  I spent evenings researching schools and grants and deadlines as I waited to hear where Fin would end up. I wasn’t sure we’d still be together – who knew what the future would hold – but
I thought it would be nice if we weren’t separated by too many miles.

As Valentine’s Day approached, the mood around school turned nearly frantic with anticipation.  Fin’s hockey season was winding down and he smiled mysteriously at me making me think that he had something ridiculous planned for us.  It thrilled me but startled me, too.  As much as I adored him, I was a little worried he’d do something too elaborate and spend money I knew he needed to save for college.

But I needn’t have worried.  The Tuesday night before Valentine’s Day, my world fell apart again.  Aunt Franki met me at the door when I returned home after work, a look of horror marring her features.

“What?” I asked, my chest growing heavy and a huge stone settling in my stomach.  “What happened?”

She wrapped me in her arms and ushered me to the sofa.  “They arrested the man who murdered Robin Frieze.”

My heart stopped as I waited for her to utter those horrible, horrible words. 

“I guess they’ve been questioning him for hours and he finally admitted…he admitted that there have been others.”

“Camille?” I asked, my voice a whisper.

“We don’t know yet,” she said.  “The detective that called your father said that this man won’t say who or where the bodies are – he’s trying to use it as leverage or something.”

My chest tightened again but I couldn’t concentrate on relaxation exercises – not when I needed answers. “What do we do?”

She kissed my forehead and, with me still wrapped in her arms, fell into the back of the sofa.  She released a long sigh.  “We wait.  We just have to wait.”

I paced the living room floor in front of the television in which Aunt Franki had tuned into a news channel, watching the ticker at the bottom of the screen.  Most of the news centered around the breaking story about the man who’d been arrested in connection with the murder of Robin Frieze.

I stopped to stare at the photo of the suspect on the TV.  He was a thirty-something man, clean cut, blue eyes – so
normal
looking.  He reminded me of my fourth grade teacher, Mr. McCormick.

The man, Ted Pinther, had already confessed to the police, even though, according to reporters, there was a mountainous pile of evidence.  Apparently, he wasn’t as meticulous about leaving his DNA as he was about his appearance.

“What are we waiting for?” I whined to Aunt Franki when the suspense built to an unbearable level.

“We’re waiting for your dad to call,” Aunt Franki mumbled, her face pale and her hands trembling.