Anywhere With You (20 page)

Oliver arrived home on a Saturday afternoon. He was jet-lagged so I went for a hike and ran a few errands, but we’d agreed to meet for dinner later that evening at a small cafe not far from our apartment. He was waiting at the restaurant when I arrived. As I watched him sitting there at the table, looking off into the distance, something in me sank, and suddenly, I felt deflated. He made me happy, and I realized then just how much I’d missed him.

Oliver looked up then, and I made my way over to the table and took my seat. He stood to kiss my cheek. “I’m starving and you’re late,” he said as he scooted his chair forward.

I checked the time on my phone and frowned. “Just by a few minutes—I’m sorry.”

“Minutes, even seconds can be the difference between life and death, you know,” he remarked, his accent thick.

I leaned back in my chair and shifted a bit.

After several minutes of silence, he waved me off. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry,” he said running his hand through his blond hair. “I’m just tired.”

I pursed my lips. “Yeah, me too.” I leaned in studying his expression. “So—tell me, how was your trip?”

I listened as he rattled off words I didn’t hear, my thoughts still on the little girl in the park.

“Amelie?”

He got my attention then. “Oh—sorry.”

“Where’d you go?”

“Huh?”

He raised his brow, his eyes bugging out a little. “Just then, where’d you go?”

“Oh,” I smiled as I brushed my hair out of my eyes. “I was just thinking…”

“I ordered for you. Your usual.”

I nodded slowly and watched as he sipped his water. “I was thinking I want to have a baby…”

Oliver choked. I handed him his napkin.

He dabbed at the water dripping from his chin. “Amelie. Jesus.”

“I was thinking that the baby should have my eyes and your wavy hair. And—even if it doesn’t—that’s ok.” I paused and grinned. “I’m sure we could find a way to love it anyway.”

He glanced around the cafe and then back at me. “Are you joking?”

I frowned. “No. Not at all.”

“But—we discussed this. We don’t want children.”

I swallowed. “I know—I didn’t. But that was before… I’m getting older and well, I was in the park… and I saw this little girl and—

He cut me off. “You saw a little girl and what?”

“And I changed my mind…”

“You can’t just go back on your word, Amelie. We had an agreement. I don’t want children.”

I felt my face grow hot. “Well, I’m not sure I agree anymore.”

“What about your career? What about mine? Children aren’t toys, Amelie. You can’t just drag them along anywhere you want. Children are a huge commitment. And not one I want.”

“I—I was thinking that I could take a few years off. And I know they aren’t toys, Oliver. But I don’t want to miss out either—”

“It sounds like you’ve really thought this through.”

“I have. Sort of.”

“Sort of?” He huffed. “That’s typical.”

Then he stood suddenly and placed his napkin on the table.

“Where are you going?” I asked, watching his face. He opened his wallet and tossed a few bills onto the table.

“All of a sudden, I’m not hungry anymore.”

I watched as he walked out of the restaurant without looking back. And that was that.

Jack

The test of time…

It was a random Thursday when I was called over the two-way radio to the office to sign for a package. Max had just left to go back to Maine after visiting for two weeks, and I’d taken to hiding my devastation at his departure by rebuilding a fence. Annoyed that I’d have to ride all the way back to the office, I asked that the mail carrier bring the package out to me. I knew that I was being absurd, but I was too angry about Max going back to Maine with his mother and new stepfather to care. I heard some debate over the radio and then it went silent.

I went back to my fence building and paid little attention when I heard the mule making its way toward me. Mostly, I was thinking about summer in Colorado and how lovely it was. Still, I couldn’t shake the overall state of discontent that had become my life recently. I was contemplating leaving the camp, leaving Colorado—heading to Maine to be close to Max. This was also not boding well for my mood.

“Hey, cowboy.”

My back stiffened at the sound of the familiar voice. It took a few seconds, but eventually, I turned.

And there she was. Dressed in cutoff shorts, wearing a smile as big as Texas.

I stared, unable to formulate words. She walked toward me. “I can’t quite tell if you’re happy to see me,” she said as she threw her arms around my neck. “Cat got your tongue?’

When I pulled back, she was grinning.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, before leaning in again, squeezing her tight.

She shrugged. “I missed my oldest friend…”

I wiped the sweat from my brow and tried to gauge her expression. “He missed you, too.”

“I’d forgotten how much I’ve always loved this place,” Amelie declared, staring out the passenger side of the Jeep that I’d never been able to get rid of. Leaving the fence mending for another day, I’d cleaned up and showered, and Amelie and I decided to drive into Telluride for lunch.

“It could love you right back,” I assured her.

She looked over at me and smiled and then turned her attention back to the clouds.

“This view.” She sighed. “It’s just so beautiful.”

I looked over at her then, took her hand in mine, and smiled. “Even more so now.”

When we were halfway through lunch, the restaurant mostly empty in the off-season, I finally asked her the question I’d been dying to know the answer to. Once I’d finished my burger, I cleared my throat. “So, when are you going to tell me why you’re really here?”

She looked up at me, her expression serious. “I told you.”

I just stared, watching as her expression turned playful.

“I missed you,” she said.

“How long will you stay?” I asked my stomach in knots. I looked away as I braced myself for the answer.

“Oh, I don’t know…” She sipped her water. “But I was thinking maybe as long as you’ll have me.”

My eyes met hers. “Are you serious?”

She swallowed. “Well, there is one condition…”

I eyed her intently. And I waited. She made me work for it.

“And?”

Amelie placed her glass on the table. “I want to have a baby.”

I did a double take. And then I made her say it again. “You what?”

“I want to have a child, Jack. Of my own.”

I studied my plate, picking at my fries. “Wow,” I said as I popped one into my mouth. “That’s certainly the second most unexpected thing I’ve heard all day.”

“Only the second?” she teased. “What was the first?”

“Your voice.”

She nodded.

I stuffed several fries into my mouth even though I was already full. “Well, I’ll have to give it some thought,” I told her, once I’d swallowed my mouthful.

“I’m sure.”

I looked up at her then. “So, when you say you want to have a baby…you mean with yours truly?” I was giving her a hard time. I’d understood what she meant.

She shrugged, knowing me all too well.

“Why?”

“Well, you already have one and he’s pretty cute… so I just figured… why not?”

“You’re crazy,” I told her.

“You’re not the first person to tell me that.” She laughed.

And I fell more in love than I’d ever been in my life.

Or so I thought.

Later that evening, after we’d spent the entire afternoon wrapped up in each other, I’d gotten up to call Max to tell him goodnight, the way I did every night at that time while Amelie napped in my bed. I stepped out onto the wrap-around porch I’d helped build with my own hands to make the call.

Once I ended my call with Max, I sat there watching as the sun drifted lower into the horizon. I considered for a moment how it was possible to be so incredibly happy and so sad at the same time. I realized as I watched the day fade away that no matter how happy I ever became, a piece of my heart would always be absent. The truth was I missed my son more than I could have ever imagined and hearing his little voice always drove the point home.

I heard the door open and watched as Amelie peered out. Spotting me, she stepped out, wrapping my bed sheet around her, and sat down in the chair next to me. I pulled it closer and turned my attention back to the horizon.

“It’s beautiful out here…” she said.

I looked over at her and lingered. “Yes, it is,” I whispered.

“Are you ok?” she asked, reading my mood.

I nodded. “I just got off the phone with Max,” I replied, holding up the phone for good measure. “I miss him.”

“I can see that,” she said quietly. Then she repositioned herself to face me directly, propping her legs underneath her in the process. “You should consider moving to Maine…”

I didn’t answer right away. “What would I do in Maine? The rest of my life is here.” I watched as her face changed, her gaze fixed on mine. Eventually, I shrugged. “Plus, like you said, it’s beautiful here.”

“I’m sure it’s beautiful there, too.”

“Yeah…” I added as my eyes drifted to a piece of plywood in the floor. “But what about you? Would you move to Maine?”

Amelie reached over and grabbed my chin forcing me to look at her. “I’d go anywhere with you.”

I pursed my lips, and I didn’t take my eyes from hers.

“We could open another camp. In Maine. I could teach photography…”

My face lit up unexpectedly. “It sounds like you’ve really thought this through.”

She smiled. “I have. It’s why I’m here.”

I scoffed. “To save me?”

She swallowed, jutted out her bottom lip, and then shrugged. “And to be saved right back…”

In the early morning hours, after we’d made love yet again, I held Amelie. Then I asked what had changed her mind. I interrogated her again on the reasons why she’d really come back to the States and more importantly, to Colorado. Mostly, I wanted to know how I could be sure this time she’d really stay.

She sighed and then she told me a story. “I’ve always loved you, Jack. You know that. But—when I read your letter, or rather your email, the one Max sent—it caught me off guard. I thought I was happy in Melbourne. I thought I was happy with Oliver. And for the most part, I was. Yet, there was this little part of me that still held the question. At first, it was tiny—but it started to grow. And then one day, I was in the park. To tell you the truth, I don’t even know why I went there. I felt unsettled and so I was wandering the city, with no clear-cut direction, and when I found a bench, I just decided to sit. And before long, there was this little girl who appeared and she looked like me, which was really, really uncanny. It’s hard to explain, but suddenly, the tiny question in the back of my mind that had been asking me if my life was enough—if I was sure that I didn’t want children—suddenly, it began to scream. And for the first time, I considered that there might be another way. I realized that I’d never aside from my work here and there—ever put my whole self into anything. And I was tired of running. I was tired of trying and coming up short. So, I read your letter again. In fact, I read most of the emails you’ve sent me over the last several years…which were mostly about Max and…well, I realized that, yes—I do want to be a mother. But it was more than that, too. I realized that you have been the one constant in my life, and if I had my way, you likely always would be. Through everything—it’s always been you. Just like your email said. And then I knew. I knew I wanted to be with you. All of a sudden, life in Australia—suddenly, a life so far away, became more than not enough. It became unbearable.” Amelie drew a long breath and exhaled before continuing. “Only there was Oliver to consider. And I did love him. He was… he is a good man. At the same time, I realized that wasn’t enough. And I knew the best way out of it was really the only way. I knew he’d never wanted kids…”

“And now?” I whispered into the dark.

“And now I realize that all of the false starts—all of it—all the fights—the heartbreak, the leaving—it was all just a test to see how much I really wanted the real thing. Obviously, I didn’t want it badly enough then. But I do now. I guess you could say I grew up. I don’t know how else to explain it…” Amelie turned and looked up at me. “If you’re on board, I say we go to Maine… you can be with Max and fingers crossed—you and I can hopefully, finally, get it right.”

“You sound pretty sure of yourself,” I told her, half-jokingly—half-unsure of what to say.