Anywhere With You (7 page)

From: Jack Harrison

Subject: RE: Running.

Amelie,

I’m not running… I’m sprinting. ;)

I’m sorry about what happened in Boston. It was a mistake.

As for my unavailability, I apologize. I’m seeing someone and let’s just say that she has been keeping me VERY busy. :)

Happy New Year,

Jack

Five minutes after I hit send, she replied. The truth was I was only sort of seeing Jane at the time. But then again, I’d been ‘sort of’ seeing Jane for a long time. It was all semantics, really.

To: Jack Harrison

From: Amelie Rose

Subject: Sprinting.

Dear Jack,

That is wonderful news.

Tell me about this ’someone’… I’d love to hear about what, or rather, whom is keeping you so busy.

She must be amazing.

I’m so happy for you, Jack.

Talk soon,

Amelie

Dear God. That wasn’t the response I’d expected. With Amelie though, it never was. Now that my ‘relationships status’ had been established, I knew I had to put this thing on pause. Also, I was still angry, angrier than I’d thought, and this whole situation only brought up those feelings. Only I wasn’t in the mood to be angry. It was New Year’s and I had plans. And Amelie and her shenanigans needed to stay far away from them.

To: Amelie Rose

From: Jack Harrison

Subject: RE: Sprinting.

Amelie,

I will. In time.

For now, we’re late for our dinner plans.

Jack

Three weeks later, in one of my weaker moments, I emailed her out of the blue.

To: Amelie Rose

From: Jack Harrison

Subject: What am I doing?

Dear Amelie,

Aside from my dad, I think you’re the only one who knows me well enough to answer the questions I’m pondering.

What in the hell am I doing with my life?

You wanted to know about the woman I’m seeing… Well, let me tell you about her…

She’s a widow. A widow named Jane. And she has a kid.

A kid, Amelie. A little girl. And you know what? I don’t even know if I like kids. That’s the shitty part.

I care about Jane. I really do. But I don’t know if that’s enough. Does that even make sense? I don’t know.

I think I could love her. I think maybe I do love her. But I don’t know if I’m in love with her. Is there even a difference?

Anyway, I just thought, or maybe I hoped that you’d know the answers. You always did know the right thing to say.

Except when you don’t. :)

I miss you,

Jack

Thankfully, she wrote back within a few hours.

To: Jack Harrison

From: Amelie Rose

Subject: RE: What am I doing?

Dear Jack,

Hey stranger.

You’re asking me for advice?!? Ha!

Well, it appears you are—so I’ll tell you what I think…

Jane sounds nice. I think I remember you liking kids…

But here’s the important part: Do not fuck this up.

Either get in or get out.

Easier said than done, I know.

But you have to decide. Because only you can.

Hope this helps,

Amelie

I read her email over and over again. It was exactly what my father had said, only kinder. I could tell she had her guard up—and I knew why. Still, I didn’t write back for nearly a week or so, mostly because I didn’t know how to respond. Also, I needed to be sure of my position.

To: Amelie Rose

From: Jack Harrison

Subject: I think I know…

Dear Amelie,

What’s going on in your life that I shouldn’t ask you for advice?

Please tell me that you’ve slowed down on the drinking. I know you’ve always been a girl who likes to have fun—but still, I worry.

Also, I need to tell you that you were right about the whole Jane situation. She is nice. And you know what? She’s never once asked me for anything, or pressed me for more, and I like that about her.

I still miss you,

Jack

It took Amelie three long weeks to respond, so long that I almost picked up the phone and called. I can’t tell you how many times I refreshed my email just to see if her name would suddenly appear. Finally, one day when I’d just about given up hope, it did.

To: Jack Harrison

From: Amelie Rose

Subject: Thinking is not good enough…

Dear Jack,

Sorry for the delay in my response. I’ve been on location and (quite literally) working my ass off.

No reason to worry, I don’t even have time to slow down for a drink these days—although I must remedy that because it does sound nice.

Thinking you know is not good enough. You don’t have to have your future all mapped out—but don’t play with people’s hearts, Jack.

I know I’m not one to speak on the subject of jerking people’s hearts around… It’s just that if your Jane is a widow, with a kid, then she’s already had more than her fair share of that.

Get your shit together, my friend.

Do the kind thing. Love her. Just make sure it’s not all for selfish reasons.

Talk soon,

Amelie

I read her email and realized how much I hated it when she was right. Especially when it was something that I didn’t want to hear. And perhaps I’d been overthinking ‘the Jane situation’ anyhow. It’s not like she was asking for a commitment.

I didn’t contact Amelie, and she didn’t contact me again for two months following that last email. I’d had enough, and I assumed she had, too. More likely, what else was there to say?

But nine weeks later, I picked up the phone and called her. By then, I’d had enough of playing games. Also, my father died.

Amelie

Who ended up saving who?

I flew out of Boston and made it to Austin within fourteen hours of getting Jack’s call. I had been shocked to hear about his father. I mean, I knew he’d had heart issues in the past, but I just hadn’t expected him to drop dead like that. And quite frankly, I’m sure neither did Jack.

I was as sick as I’d likely ever been on that flight to Texas. My palms were sweaty, I was dizzy, and I’d been unable to keep anything down. I had barely eaten over the previous two days and my whole body ached. It certainly wasn’t the best time to be leaving town, but what else could I do? I’d told him when he’d called that I would come. I just hadn’t said how soon I’d be arriving.

All I knew was that I had to go. Jack needed me. He wouldn’t have called, given everything that had happened, if he didn’t. From the airport, I went straight to his apartment, without checking into my hotel to sleep, which is what I’d really wanted to do. What I hadn’t accepted was that I was in no shape to help anyone else. At this point, keeping one foot in front of the other seemed to take every bit of energy I had in me. By the time I reached his apartment, I was green, nauseated, and numb. My head was spacey, my timing delayed.

Recently, I’d started a new medication to treat my bipolar disorder. Ian had insisted that it was time I do something to fix ‘the problem.’ He’d said he knew a doc who would help me, and honestly, I was so desperate to get off the bottle that I probably would have said yes to just about anything. All I knew was that I had sunken to a new, lower, low after last Thanksgiving and the proposal. Ian assured me it was the stress of the wedding—but I knew better. If nothing else, I knew because I hadn’t even begun planning the wedding. In fact, one of the reasons that he pressed me to see his doctor friend was so I’d get on the ball and get down the aisle.

By the time I’d arrived at Jack’s place, it was after ten p.m. It was warm in Texas, even for June. Much warmer than it had been back in Boston. I remember being covered in sweat as he opened the door. He took one look at me and then threw his arms around me anyway. “Thank you for coming,” he said as he pulled back. I gripped his arm to steady myself. “Hey, kid,” he said, pulling back just a bit further to take me in. “You look about as shitty as I feel.”

“I’m all right.” I sighed as I leaned into hug him once more. “Just hot. It’s so humid here,” I said, wiping the sweat from my forehead.

He took my bag from my less sweaty hand and ushered me inside.

It felt eerie to be there. Ominous almost, even though the apartment was mostly dark save for the light in the kitchen. At first glance, it appeared nothing had really changed. But as I made my way deeper into the living room, so many memories came flooding back, all at once—and it caught me off guard.

Jack watched me stare out the window at the view for a bit, and then he took my hand and led me down the hall toward his guest room. I recall being too foggy to care to ask why. “Can I get you something to drink?”

My mouth too dry to speak, I shook my head, even though he was in front of me, and I knew he couldn’t see. “I got a hotel room.” I finally managed to say as he rounded the corner.

He turned. “Don’t be silly.”

His face looked serious, and my God, I’d missed him, and wow, I was suddenly delirious. “I’m not…I just—”

“I’d like you to stay here.”

“Well—” I started to say, but he interrupted with the wave of a hand.

“Well, nothing,” he said as he placed my luggage in the spare bedroom. “I need you to stay here.”

“Ok,” I relented and I eyed his three-day beard. I reached up to touch it. “What’s going on here?” I asked in a feeble attempt to lighten the mood.

He pursed his lips. “It’s been a rough week.”

I took his hand in mine. I wanted to offer him comfort, but also I felt faint. “Tell me all about it,” I said, and I led him back to the sofa.

I plopped down and then he sat down beside me. After several moments of silence, he put his feet up and laid his head in my lap. I ran my fingers through his hair and studied his profile as he stared out through the floor to ceiling windows. As we took in the city lights, neither of us spoke. I felt myself beginning to doze off, despite my best intentions. Finally, after several moments, he spoke up, jolting me awake.

“I know we didn’t have a conventional relationship—but he was still my father. In large part, he made me the man I am today… and I guess I just…find it hard to believe he’s really gone. Without him, you know, there’s really no one else.” He inhaled, held his breath, and let it out. “I keep sitting here thinking about all of the stuff I’m going to have to change. It’s the little things like who’s listed as my emergency contact… but it all adds up…you know, and actually—if I’m really honest with myself… it all adds up to nothing. Basically, I have no one.”

“That’s not true,” I tell him. He looked up at me the. His green eyes were piercing and I had trouble breathing.

“Are you ok.” He frowned. “You don’t look so good.”

I squeeze my temples. “I’m fine. I’m just tired.”

“Have you been drinking?’

“No!” I say curtly. I shifted and moved away a little, causing him to have to reposition himself. Why do you always assume the worst about me?” I snapped.

He looked taken aback but he left it at that.

“I’m sorry.” I finally told him as I placed my hands on each side of his face, forcing him to look at me. When he did, I let out a long, heavy sigh. “I just started new meds, and I’m having a little trouble getting used to them, that’s all.”

His expression showed surprise and something else, although I wasn’t sure what. “What does the doctor say?”

“That I need to give it more time.”

“And what do you think… Do
you
think you need to give it more time?”

“I don’t know what I think.” I exhaled. “If anything—I think I just need to feel better.”

“Maybe you should get some sleep. It is late...”

“Yeah. I haven’t been sleeping much,” I told him without giving it much thought.

“Neither have I.”

“I’ve missed you,” I whispered, and I regretted it. I was right on the edge of saying more, of saying something else I’d regret later and I think he knew it.

“I’ve missed you, too,” he says to me with a sigh.

“What do we do about it?” I asked and he squeezed my thigh. Then he turned and buried his head in my stomach, and I could swear he was crying although it was too dark to tell.

“This,” he eventually said. “We do this…” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around me.

“And then what?” I asked nonchalantly.

He squeezed tighter. “And then we just hang on…”

“Amelie!” Jack called, trying to shake me awake. “Amelie, wake up.” I felt him shake me again. I tried opening my eyes, but all I could see was darkness. “Amelie!” He called once more and I felt his hand on my forehead. “You’re covered in sweat.”

I felt him touch my arms and then my face but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to wake up and answer him.

The next thing I remembered was waking up in the hospital.

When I came to, Jack was standing over me, his eyelids red and swollen, dark circles beneath his eyes. I studied his face, or at least tried to as my vision was too blurry to truly focus.

“Hey, kid,” he whispered softly smoothing the hair away from my face. My head pounded as I listened to his words roll off his tongue. Jack put his hand on mine, and I could feel the way my teeth chattered and my body shook. After a few minutes, the room came into focus, and I realized how small it was—the gurney taking up at least half of it. “I’m having them bring you another blanket,” he said, tucking a blanket beneath my legs. “Snug as a bug in a rug,” he whispered and his voice sounded nervous. “I’ve already had them bring two. Hopefully, we’ll get these chills to subside soon.”

I watch him while a nurse came in and checked my IV. I winced and he squeezed my hand. “Am I going to die?” I attempted to ask, because that’s what I felt like. I tried to get the words out—only my mouth was too dry and my tongue seemed to be stuck to the roof of it, jumbling the words before I could speak them.

“They think you’ve taken too much medication, Amelie. According to the nurse, the dosage on the bottle of Klonopin you had in your purse was pretty high. Were you taking more than what it said on the bottle?”

I shook my head.

Jack rubbed my hand. “They’re running some tests. An EKG… and what not. But you’re going to be fine, kid.” He scanned the room and watched as the nurse walked out. “Although you sure did give us quite a scare.”

“I’m sorry,” I tried to say but it came out a mumbled mess.

“I need you to get better…” he told me, his voice abrupt.

I inhaled and it hurt.

“We’ve got a funeral to plan.”

I remembered then about his dad, and I squeezed his hand.

“And you have to promise,” he said, his eyes becoming sad. He looked away toward something on the monitor, “to never ever let this happen again.”

I swallowed back the tears that were trying to form around the lump in my throat.

“We have too much to do…” he remarked, looking back at me then. “Amelie… I want you to stay with me a while.” He swallowed hard. “Until you’re better.”

I knew he wanted to say that he wanted me to stay until he was better, but he couldn’t. That wasn’t the kind of man Jack Harrison could allow himself to be. So, I simply swallowed harder this time, cleared my throat, and wondered how I could possibly say no.

In that moment, I realized, that maybe I needed Jack just as much as he needed me. The only things standing in the way were bad timing, one fiancé, and my soon to be fledging career.