Apeshit (10 page)

Stephanie is in the bathroom brushing her teeth. Again.

She has lost all feeling in her mouth. Her gums are so bloody

that her teeth have turned pink. There isn’t any water in the

sink, so she rinses out her mouth with warm, flat beer.

Something moves in the corner of her eye. Some kind

of shadow casts over her for a brief moment. She turns and

looks. It is gone now. It came from the bathroom window

above the shower. Stephanie has no idea what it could be.

She steps onto the edge of the bathtub and looks out

of the window. There is a pine tree next to the window.

Some of the branches on the tree are rocking back and forth,

but there isn’t any wind. Something must have brushed by

them. Something big, like an elk. She scans the dimly lit

landscape for animals, but there is nothing there. She contin-

ues watching, brushing her teeth slowly, until the branches

slow their swaying to a standstill.

“I have a confession to make,” Rick tells Desdemona

and Kevin.

Desdemona and Kevin are naked and kissing each

other hard. The kind of kissing you only do when you’re ex-

tremely drunk and horny. They pull themselves away from

each other to hear Rick out. They don’t understand why he

hasn’t taken his clothes off yet.

“I’m really sorry,” Rick says, “but I’ve been lying to

you both.”

“Lying?” Kevin says. “About what?”

“I never had a urinary tract infection,” Rick says. “I

wanted it to be a surprise for you. That was just my cover

story so that I wouldn’t have to have sex with you while it

healed.”

“While what healed?” Desdemona asks.

Rick opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes

out. His face turns red and he smiles nervously. He decides

to show them instead of tell them. He pulls down his pants.

Kevin and Desdemona can’t really tell what he’s try-

ing to show them. They move in closer. Then it hits them

and both of their mouths drop open.

“What the fuck?” Desdemona says.

“No fucking way,” Kevin says. “You’re fucking with

us, right?”

Rick doesn’t have a penis anymore.

“What happened?” Desdemona cries. “This isn’t for

real, is it?”

Rick spreads open the lips of his vagina to prove to

them that it is real.

“It’s a fucking vagina!” Kevin cries, laughing.

Rick suddenly feels embarrassed and ashamed.

“I had the operation on my birthday,” Rick says. “It’s

beautiful, isn’t it?”

“That’s fucking insane, bra!” Kevin says.

“You mean you did this on purpose?” Desdemona

says.

By the tone of Desdemona’s voice, Rick can tell she

doesn’t approve. She steps away from him.

“You don’t like it?” Rick asks her.

“What do you think?” Desdemona snaps. “I’m

straight. Of course I don’t like vagina.”

“But it’s my vagina,” Rick says. “And you like

me.”

“I’m not a lesbian. I like guys. Why would I want

you to have a sex change?”

“I didn’t have a sex change,” Rick says. “I’m still a

guy. I just wanted to have a vagina instead of a penis.”

“That makes you a girl,” Desdemona says.

“But I’m not going to change anything else about

me,” he says. “I’ll still be exactly like me. The sex will just

be better.”

“How will sex be better?” Desdemona asks. “It was

perfect before. The dick-to-hole ratio was perfect. Now

we’re short one dick. What are we supposed to do, use a

strap-on?”

“I bought a strap-on,” Rick says.

Desdemona shakes her head. “This really sucks.”

“I think it’s pretty fucked up that he didn’t tell us,”

Kevin says to Desdemona. “But, you know, there’s no go-

ing back for him now. We might as well accept it and move

on.”

Desdemona looks down at her feet and grumbles.

Rick approaches her.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it,” Rick says. “But

this is what I really wanted. This is who I really am. Inside,

I have always been a man with a vagina.”

Desdemona snorts at him.

“Look,” Rick says, opening his vagina to her. “Just

give it a shot. I’m sure you’ll grow to like it.”

“I guess I’ll give it a try,” Desdemona says.

Rick claps his hands.

“Great!” he says. Then he lies down on his sleeping

bag and spreads his legs, waiting to be fucked like a woman.

Desdemona and Kevin look at each other. Desde-

mona rolls her eyes. Kevin shrugs at Des and goes down on

his hands and knees. He slides his penis into Rick’s vagina

and they both grunt.

“This is fucking ridiculous,” Desdemona mutters, as

she squats down into Rick’s face so that he can give her oral

sex.

From the bathroom, Stephanie can hear everyone

else in the cabin having sex. Kevin’s moaning is the loud-

est. Stephanie has had the biggest crush on Kevin ever

since Freshman year. She closes her eyes and concen-

trates on Kevin’s voice. A smile curls up on her lips. It’s

the only genuine smile to cross her face in months. Then

the smile turns to a frown.

Stephanie hates Desdemona. She hates how Des

has two boyfriends and she doesn’t even have one. She

thinks Des is a greedy bitch.

Kevin should be my boyfriend
, Stephanie always

thinks.

She hopes that someday Kevin will be her boy-

friend. She hopes that he will marry her. Then he’ll pro-

tect her from her brother. He’ll take her away from her

horrible family. He’ll make sure nothing bad happens to

her ever again. If it wasn’t for Desdemona maybe Kevin

would have already done these things for her. Maybe

none of the crap she is going through right now ever

would have happened.

Her eyes drift shut as she imagines Kevin mak-

ing love to her. He moans with passion as he enters her.

Stephanie unzips her pants and pulls them down to her

ankles. She brushes her teeth with one hand as the other

hand slides down into her thick bush of black pubic hair.

After she becomes moist, she opens up her vaginal

lips to reach her rows of vaginal teeth. None of her friends

know about this deformity. Stephanie was born with va-

gina dentata… she has teeth in her vagina. It is a very rare

condition. Stephanie is one of only three women afflicted

with the disease in the United States. Once she turns eigh-

teen, she’ll be able to have them removed. Until that time,

she’s stuck with them. Her mother has always refused to

pay to get them removed. Her mother always says,
God

made you that way for a reason.
And that’s always the end

of that discussion.

Stephanie takes the toothbrush from her mouth and

brings it down to her vaginal teeth. She brushes these lower

teeth very slowly and carefully. She becomes more lubri-

cated and brushes faster, then faster. This is the only way

Stephanie can have an orgasm.

She lets out a loud sigh from her raw, bloody mouth,

listening to her future lover’s moans, and brushing her va-

gina’s teeth in pink foamy ecstasy.

Desdemona is making out with Kevin while they

both ride on top of Rick. At first, she finds it sensuous to be

able to focus on Kevin for a change. Rick is such a Leo that

he always wants all the attention to be on him, so it usually

seems like Des and Kevin are making love to Rick, rather

than all three of them making love to each other. Desdemo-

na kisses Kevin passionately, and he licks the green butterfly

tattoos on her neck.

But Desdemona gets bored easily. Rick is horrible

at giving oral sex. As Kevin had mentioned, he has a small

tongue. It doesn’t go very far out of his mouth. Not only is

size a problem, but he has no idea how to control his tongue,

or how to give a woman an orgasm.

Since she isn’t getting pleasure sexually, Desdemona

finds pleasure in squeezing her thighs around Rick’s head

and grinding her crotch into him as hard as she can, suffocat-

ing him. It helps her release all of the anger and frustration

inside of her. But Rick gets annoyed and just stops licking

her entirely. He pushes on her vagina with the bridge of his

nose and holds it there as she straddles him.

After a few minutes of this, Desdemona gives up.

“Fuck this,” she says, standing.

Rick takes a deep breath of air. His eyes are closed.

He won’t even look at Desdemona. He is too focused on

his first experience with vaginal intercourse on the receiving

end. She steps away from them and grabs her clothes.

“I’m going to go masturbate,” she says, frustrated.

The guys don’t even acknowledge her. They pull a

sleeping bag over their heads and continue without her. She

leaves the room and slams the door.

Desdemona stomps down the stairs and bursts

into the bathroom. She catches Stephanie in the act of

masturbating with her toothbrush.

“Oh, fuck!” Desdemona cries.

Stephanie shrieks and pulls the toothbrush out. She

holds it up like a butcher knife. She doesn’t know what

else to do.

Desdemona closes the door and laughs. “Sorry about that.”

Stephanie doesn’t say anything. She’s pissed off at

Des for walking in on her like that. She wants her to die.

Panic ripples through her forehead as she realizes Des might