Apples & Oranges (The This & That Series) (21 page)

“I was busy. My family needed me.”

“I thought you said you didn’t have a family.”

My eyes stung. “I guess I was wrong.”

“Yiayia has been asking about you,” he said, his voice soft. “She’s angry with me right now.”

I imagined poor
Yiayia’s face when he announced that he’d impregnated the sleazy girl from a bar he’d been banging. Not exactly a pleasant conversation to share over a plate of baklava.

“I don’t blame her,” I replied, wrapping my arms around myself.

His face tightened. “I deserved that.”

“Yup. You did. S
o Demo, I’ll ask again. Why are you here?” My voice cracked, and pressed a hand to my chest. “I mean, how did you find me?”

             
He looked down at his boot, and scuffed it across the welcome mat. “I saw the obituary in the paper, and went to the church after the service. I told a woman cleaning up that I was a friend of the family, and she told me where I could find you.”

             
I wasn’t sure whether to slap him and call him a stalker—or bury my face in his chest and say how desperately I’d missed him.

             
I just tightened my arms around myself. “Well, that was inventive. What is it you want?”

             
He lifted his chin. I could tell he was getting emotional, as his dark chocolate eyes were damp, and the end of his nose was red. “I’m so sorry you lost your friend.”

             
Jutting my chin out at him, I said, “Thank you. But it isn’t me you should feel sorry for. Feel sorry for his wife and the three kids he left behind.”

             
“That’s a damn shame. That’s just awful.” He dragged a hand across the back of his neck, sending droplets of rain in all directions. “Are
you
doing okay, Marisol?”

             
Tell him the truth. Tell him that he’s all you think about when the fog of grief clears, and you can see past Candace’s pain. Tell him that you can’t go another day without him in your life.

             
“I’m fine,” I lied. He nodded, and the pause stretched out into uncomfortable territory. Finally, I groaned. “Listen, is that all you came for? Because I’ve got three little kids to make dinner for, and another ten thousand loads of laundry to do, and I’m letting all the cold air—”

             
“I never meant to hurt you.” He reached for me, but I ducked from his touch. “I never meant for this to happen. I never meant for Stacia to get pregnant, and I never meant to ask you to accept me and a baby with another woman. That was never the plan. And I’m not proud of what’s happened.”

             
I bit the insides of my cheeks to keep from crying. Or swearing.

             
He went on. “When I said that I loved you, I meant it. I still mean it. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you. You’ve been under my skin since that day you showed up in my garage with a broken shoe. When I close my eyes, you’re there. When I lay in my bed, I can smell your shampoo on the pillow. You’re everything, Marisol, and I would do anything to make it work with you.”

             
My eyes filled. “
She’s
having
your baby
, Demo.”

             
“Yes. She is. And I refuse to turn my back on my child.” He grimaced. “But Stacia doesn’t have me. Do you understand that? I belong to you. And only you. She knows that. I’ve told her that. Again, and again, and again. And I’ll keep telling Stacia that. Forever, if I have to. Because I only want you.”

             
I wanted to tell Demo that we could make it work. That I didn’t mind co-parenting, even with someone like Stacia, if it meant being with him forever.

             
At that moment, Ellie came back down the stairs, wearing a new dress. Most of her hair had escaped its bow, and was now standing in all directions. She slid her tiny hand in mine and stared up at Demo. “Who’s this?”

             
“It’s a friend.” I grabbed the door handle. “I’ve got to go, I—”

             
Demo’s expression softened, and the line between his eyebrows disappeared. “Well, hi,” he said gently, crouching down and holding out his hand. “My name’s Demetrious. What’s yours?”

             
Ellie shook his hand. “Ellie. Are you Marisol’s boyfriend?”

             
“Not anymore.” Demo shook his head. “Maybe you can help me change her mind.”

             
My heart squeezed inside of my chest, and I had to swallow down the lump forming in my throat. “I have to feed the kids now. I’ll… I’ll call you later, Demo.”

             
He looked up at me, his eyebrows raised. “You will?”

             
“My daddy used to be my mommy’s boyfriend,” Ellie announced solemnly. When Demo turned his attention back to her, she nodded. “And then he became her husband. That’s when I came. And my brother and sister, too.”

             
Demo smiled kindly, and I caught a glimpse of those wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. “I see.”

             
Ellie’s eyes widened. “Now my daddy is in heaven. He went there on Sunday. Now Mommy cries all the time.”

             
I put my arm around her. “Okay, kiddo. Let’s go make some macaroni, shall we?”

             
Demo stood upright and took my hand. “Wait. Marisol, please. Will you call me later? There’s so much to talk about.”

             
Ellie reached up at me. “I miss my daddy, Marisol.”

             
“I know, hon. I know.” Scooping her up, I pressed a kiss to the side of her head and looked at Demo. He was so handsome, and so strong, but with such a kind, genuine heart underneath his rough, callused exterior. His family was huge and busy and nosey, and they all loved each other with the intensity of a speeding mac truck. He wasn’t a CEO and didn’t have an impressive bank account statement, but he was more loyal, loving, and devoted than all the men I’d been with put together. In a nutshell, Demo was perfect.

             
And I couldn’t risk losing him someday. The pain would be too difficult. Too crippling. I wasn’t as strong as Candace was.

             
So I would beat it to the punch.

             
Straightening my shoulders, I stepped back into the foyer and started to close the door. “Sorry, Demo. But I can’t do this.”

             
He stared at me, open-mouthed. “What? Why?”

“Because I can’t!” I snapped. “Don’t you get it? It’s always been
me
. Just me. I get being alone. I’ve done it long enough. So why are you here? What do you want from me?”

Demo’s
adam’s apple bobbed. “I don’t know. All I know is that I love you, Marisol.”

I swallowed hard. “I can’t do this with you. Not now, not ever. I tried, and it’s not worth this.”

Demo’s mouth fell open. “Not worth
what
?”

“This. This pain. This heartache. If loving someone causes this much pain, then I don’t want any of it. Better for me to be alone, because
this
, losing
this,
would break me. And I refuse to be broken like that.”

“Marisol...” Demo whispered, and the pain in the pity in that single word
made my heart cough and twist, and sent a shockwave of pain through my entire body. I locked my legs in the upright position so that I didn’t tip over and land face down on the tile floor—because I wasn’t sure I would ever get myself up again if I did.

             
“It’s over, Demo,” I said, my voice raspy. “Go home now.”

             
And then I shut the door before he could say another word.

A few minutes later, as I was standing at the stovetop, stirring noodles into a pot of boiling water, I heard a shuffle and a scraping noise coming from the front hall. I peeked around the corner to find a yellowed note card had been shoved through the mail slot in the door. It was damp, splattered with food, and the words were written in long, curvy cursive writing.

At the top of the card, it read:
Antonopolous Family Dolmades Recipe, yields 48 dolmas.

Chapter Nineteen

             
Two weeks had passed since the funeral, and Lexie and I were back to work getting ready for the Greek wedding that was going to pay the rest of our overhead for the year. We’d avoided it for as long as we could, but both of us had mortgages to pay, and it was time to finally get back to real life. Lexie and Fletcher had taken a trip down south to see some of his relatives, and to regroup before he went back to work, and by the grace of God, Candace was up and moving again. Not happily, mind you, but she’d eventually come out of the grief fog enough to tell that her kids needed her.

             
It stank to high hell to admit it, but I missed those little buggers. My neck was steadily recovering from sleeping upright for a week and a half straight, and I’d finally removed the stench of urine from my nicest pair of Adriano Goldschmeid jeans. But sleeping alone in my bed every night was depressing as hell, and Cocinero wasn’t helping. (Don’t tell him that.)

             
I missed him.

             
No, not my cat.

Demo. Every day I missed him more. Every day I drove past Triple D’s on my way home from work—even though it was six miles in the opposite direction—and craned my neck for a glimpse of his grey coveralls. My heart longed for him in the same way I’d watched
Lexie longing for Fletcher before they finally got together, and even though I’d considered her to be acting like a lovesick freak… I finally understood where she’d been coming from.

Mostly because
I
was the lovesick freak now.

But that didn’t mean I regretted my choice. No love
= no pain. There was a reason Annalise was the bitter, botoxed-to-high-hell train wreck that she was. It was because she’d loved and lost entirely too many times. She’d not protected herself from the agony that comes with adoring someone so much that when they leave, they take half of you with them…

And I was
never
going to be that woman.

“Okay, the dolmades are finished, and believe me when I say, they are perfection.”
Lexie adjusted the bandana holding her short red hair back from her face. “I made five batches, which means we’ve got two hundred forty of those bad boys to please the crowd.”

I smiled at her. “Wonderful. Thank you.”

She held one up. “Are you sure you won’t try one? You always say serving food you didn’t taste first is a one way ticket to bankruptcy.”

“No. I trust you.”

I’d made Lexie prepare the dolmades. It just hadn’t felt right to use Yiayia’s recipe, not when I’d never become a part of the Antonopolous family. Plus, Greek food tasted bad now. Maybe it was because I was slowly filling up with bitterness, like my mother. I couldn’t be sure. “I finished the cashew fingers and put them in the walk-in cooler a few minutes ago.”

“Great.” She pulled off her apron and brushed rice off of her front. “I’ll pick up the tee shirts on the way home tonight.”

“Ten, right?” I said. Since we weren’t going to have Candace’s help for this event, we’d hired a handful of culinary students from the local community college to fill the gap. I hadn’t seen her in a few days, and it’d been even longer for Lexie.

“Right.”
Lexie leaned against the table and released a long breath. “Are you going to go check on her tonight?”

“I don’t know.” I took my own apron off and started to tug my hair loose from its bun. “I think she thinks I’m hovering
.”

“That’s because you
are
hovering.”

Lexie
and I both turned to the door. There was Candace, her face pale and sallow, her clothes hanging off of her like an anorexic. “Can!” Lexie squealed, charging at her cousin and pulling her into a bear hug. “I’m so glad to see you. How are you? How are the kids?”

Candace’s face tightened and she pulled away. “My husband’s dead,
Lex. How do you think I’m doing?”

Lexie
winced. “I didn’t mean—”

“It’s okay. Sorry. That was bitchy.” Candace shook her head. “I just… I just came to see how everything was going for the wedding.”

“It’s fine.” I showed her the list of dishes we’d prepped. “We’ve got three quarters of it prepped and ready to go. The rest we’ll do tomorrow morning.”

“Do you have, um…” She rubbed her eyes. “Wait staff? Enough to handle a crowd that big?”

Lexie nodded. “We hired some from the college.”

“Oh. Right.” Candace’s mouth pulled into a tight line. “Good.”

I touched her arm. “Listen, I know you’re sick of everyone asking how you’re doing. So I won’t say it. But I’ve been thinking about you.”

“I know.” She nodded stiffly, her eyes flicking between
Lexie and me. She seemed ice cold, like a statue. Such a far cry from the bouncy, affectionate woman she’d always been. “Thank you. Both of you.”

              “How are the kids?” Lexie asked.

             
Candace shrugged her bony shoulders. “As good as can be expected. Quentin is back in pull ups at night, so that’s a new development.”

             
“Yeah, he fire hosed everything in his bedroom one night.” I laughed uneasily. “I learned pretty fast that a good washer and dryer is key to motherhood.”

             
Lexie snorted. “I have a hard time picturing you washing wet Bob The Builder sheets.”

             
Nudging her, I smiled at Candace. “I learned fast. And they were Spongebob, anyway. I hate to admit it, but I miss those little buggers.”

             
“They’re great,” Candace agreed, looking around the room. Her blue eyes suddenly filled, and she started to blink. “I just… I just… maybe I shouldn’t have stopped by. I should go.”

             
Lexie and I both blurted, “No!”

             
Candace put her hand over her mouth, and gasped. “It’s just that… I keep trying to get back to normal, and… he’s everywhere.”

             
I can relate.

I silently scolded myself for even thinking I had an inkling of what Candace was going through. Brian was
dead
. Demo was perfectly alive and well; I’d just sent him packing.

“It’s okay, Candace,” I said gently, putting my arm around her and letting her melt against my side. “It will take time. You shouldn’t rush yourself.”

“We were so good together, you know?” she whimpered. “We just fit together like puzzle pieces. He
fit,
you know? I just don’t know how to be me… without him.”

Lexie
moved to Candace’s other side, and put her head on her cousin’s shoulder. “You and Brian had the kind of love most people dream about. It will take a while before you learn how to be yourself without your other half.”

My heart tugged and I rubbed at my chest absently. All this work to protect my heart, and it still hurt. Go figure.

Tears streamed down Candace’s face. “It’s not right. People shouldn’t have to face life without the person they love the most. It’s impossible to face another day, let alone a year or the rest of my life, without Brian.” She lifted her head and stared at me, wild eyed. “I don’t want to be alone forever. I never have. Why did this happen? Why me? Why us?”

“I…” I swallowed. “I don’t know. But I’m so, so sorry.”

“Shhh.” Lexie smoothed down Candace’s hair as she cried, and the three of us sank to the cold tile floor. “You won’t be alone. We’re with you. You know that.”

Candace shook her head, tears dripping off of the end of her nose. “No. You’ve got Fletcher… and Marisol’s got Demo the mechanic. You’ve got people to live for and to love you for the rest of your lives. You don’t understand how damned lucky you really are to have found your soul mate.”

I was biting my lip so hard, I could taste blood. This wasn’t the time or place to bring up my debunked attempt at a relationship. This was Candace’s moment.

Lexie
rested her head on Candace’s shoulder. “I understand.”

“You guys have to…” Candace hiccupped. “You have to hold on to them. Fletcher and Demo. You found them, now make every moment count. Hold on to them and soak up every single drop of every single moment. Savor every second with them. Because for all you know… poof!” She wiped her nose on the end of her shirtsleeve. “Gone. Just… gone.”
              “We will,” Lexie whispered, dabbing at her own eyes. “Right, Mar?”

I opened my mouth. Then closed it, and pressed my lips together tightly.

I hadn’t told a soul—save for Cocinero—that I’d broken things off with Demo. Partly because the right moment hadn’t presented itself. I mean, how does one bring up the fact that they’ve broken up with the man she’d just barely started dating… when her friend was mourning the death of her husband of ten years? I’d worked too hard at quashing my self-absorbed ways to backslide now.

And I’d also kept it to myself because I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear
Lexie and Candace’s disapproval. There was no way I was going to be able to explain why I’d given up a life with my soul mate. The fact that he was expecting a baby with someone else wouldn’t phase Lexie at all. Hell, she’d met and fallen in love with Fletcher while pregnant, and Candace supported her the whole time. They would’ve support me if I’d decided to remain in a relationship with Demo, and co-parent his baby with Stacia. But they wouldn’t support my dumping him because I never wanted to face losing him.

They would have called that move childish.

I grimaced. Maybe they would’ve been right.

Candace used the end of her sleeve to wipe her eyes again, and I noticed how sallow her cheeks looked. I wonder how much weight she’d lost. Pain
seeped from her like carbon dioxide as she sat there. I could practically see it in the air around her, wavering and blurring like heat waves.

I couldn’t go through that. I wouldn’t make it. She was so much stronger than I was.

“Right,” I said finally. Tucking my hair behind my ears, I smiled as widely as I could. “Absolutely.”

“I’m sorry I fell apart.” Candace pushed herself to her feet, and laced her shaking fingers together. “I thought I was ready to get out of the house, but I think I was wrong.”

“No, you’re fine. It was so nice to see you.” Lexie stood up and wrapped her arms around her cousin, and I watched as Candace stiffened.

That was unusual for her. Usually Candace was all over both
Lexie and me, hugging us and showering us with compliments and smothering us with affection.

“Do you want me to come home with you?” I asked, following her to the door as soon as she wriggled out of
Lexie’s grip. “I can make the kids dinner while you take a nap or something?” Candace just shook her head, not looking at us. “Okay, I’ll be honest. I miss your kids.”

Lexie
scoffed. “Whatever.”

“No, I’m serious.” I laughed. “They’ve grown on me.”

“No, thank you.” Candace fingered the door handle. “You’ve got a life. Go have fun. Don’t worry about me.”

Lexie
and I exchanged a nervous look. “It’s no big deal. I’d be happy to.”

“No.” Candace’s voice was sharp. Her blue eyes rose and she forced a
smile. “Sorry. I’m just fine. I don’t need your help.”

I nudged
Lexie, so she stepped forward and touched Candace’s arm. “What about me? Need a little cousin time?”

Candace jumped away from her hand like it was on fire. “I said no.”

Lexie’s face dropped. “Oh, okay.”

“I’ll see you guys later,” Candace said, pulling the door open, and looking at us with damp eyes. “Good luck on the wedding tomorrow. And… and remember what I said, okay?”

As soon as the door shut, Lexie turned to me. “She’s not okay.”

“I know.” I nodded, a sick feeling roiling in my stomach.

“Why wouldn’t she want us to be with her?” Lexie’s voice started to waver. “Why would she want to be alone?”

“She
is
alone now, Lex.” I rubbed my eyes. “I don’t think she wants us around because we’re not. We have someone in our lives. Or, did.” Lexie looked at me strangely, so I added, “Loneliness can do a real number on a person.”

“I can’t stand the fact that she feels this way.”
Lexie wrapped her arms around herself and leaned against the table. “It breaks my heart.”

“I know. Mine, too.” I started putting dirty bowls into the stainless steel sink. “I’ll go over to her house after we’re done here.”

Lexie bit her lip. “But Candace said not to.”

“Well, she needs to know she’s not alone.” Releasing a long, guttural sigh, I turned on the hot water and poured some dish soap into the sink. “Besides, it’s not like I have anything better to do.”

Lexie looked at me quizzically. “Where’s Demo tonight?”

“I don’t know,” I said quietly, tears pricking at the back of my eyes.