Arbiter (The Arbiter Chronicles Book 1) (23 page)

Rae thought back to Mika and Cathel. "How long?"

Elrithea gave her a slightly condescending smile. "That depends entirely on how fast you learn. If you learn quickly, you should be able to rejoin them tonight. But be warned, if it is not fully mastered, you run the risk of seeing something that you were never meant to see."

Tonight, then. She intended to learn it by tonight. She didn't want to leave Mika and Cathel alone in the states they were in. Who knew what they would do, trapped in Elrithea's palace. She nodded once, staring down at her hand.

"Then let's get started," she said.

"You are eager, I see," said Elrithea, drawing her hands slowly away from the table. She stared across at Rae, a smile on her face.

"Very well, Arbiter. Let us speak of the mind."

#

Mika's suite of rooms was quiet, the only sound coming from their breathing and the occasional rustling of paper from the corner that Cathel sat in. Mika lounged on the couch, her hands folded over her stomach as she stared up at the castle's high ceilings. Occasionally, she glanced over at Cathel, but the mage was sitting with his back to her, a large map and several books spread out in front of him. She didn't ask where he had gotten the books. She thought she had seen him slip away into some unknown part of the castle earlier this morning, before Rae woke up.

…Rae…

Mika squeezed her eyes shut, the memory of the dream Elrithea had given her coming back to her. She exhaled slowly, trying to block the images out of her mind. It was a dream, she told herself. It had only been a dream.

That wasn't how it happened at all.

How do you know…? 
asked a traitorous voice in the back of her mind. 
You didn't see it. How did you know it wasn't her?

She sucked in a breath, clenching her fist.

The sound caused Cathel to sit up. He looked over at her, one hand still on the map.

"Mika?”

"Nothing," she lied quickly, turning towards him. "Hit my foot on the side of the couch." She didn't want to talk about it, in part because talking about it would mean admitting that it existed. Instead, she changed the subject, turning towards Cathel. "What are you working on?"

Cathel gave her a look that told her plainly that he didn't buy it. He didn't ask her about it, though. "Planning the next leg of our journey.We'll have to travel further inland to get to the next High Lord. It'll be out of the way, but it's best to get it done quickly."

"Oh…" Mika nodded once, leaning back to stare up at the ceiling. "Who's the next High Lord?"

"The Warrior. Berais.”

"Berais…" she repeated, feigning interest. She really didn't care who the next High Lord was. If he was anything like Elrithea, she was hoping that they never got there. She closed her eyes, and again, the scene from the dream replayed in her mind, as clear as if she was watching a movie. She squeezed her eyes shut, attempting to banish the images.

She heard Cathel get up. Mika cracked open an eye, looking over to see him standing and staring at her.

"Alright," he said. "You are not
 
okay."

"It's nothing.”

"No, it's not," said Cathel insistently, walking over to her. He stood in front of the couch, staring down at her. "This isn't like you. Talk to me."

Don't look down on me like that…
she wanted to say, but for some reason, the words wouldn't form in her throat. Instead, she turned her eyes to the ceiling again, and she sucked in a breath, turning the thought over and over again in her mind. Did she tell him? Should she tell him? These thoughts moved around in circles in her brain, until it finally seemed like she couldn't take it anymore. She let out a frustrated sigh and rolled back to gain momentum, springing forward into a sitting position.

"That dream," she said, "Back in the mirror…"

Cathel's eyes darkened, and he nodded once, his expression quickly becoming one of understanding. She watched as he sat down on the low coffee table and faced her, motioning for her to go on.

"…I dreamed of my brother. I dreamed he died."

Cathel nodded. He sat there, watching her and waiting. Mika took a deep breath.

"…And Rae killed him."

Their lesson had moved from the dining hall to a palace courtyard, one that housed a small garden with a black stone fountain in the center of it. Rae watched from a distance as the High Lord walked over to the fountain, her back turned towards her. The High Lord had asked Rae to walk with her, and Rae had agreed, remembering that Alcian had asked her in much the same way.

"The human mind is a multifaceted thing. The mind of the Ivali is even more complex. You can think of each person's mind as having a separate tone, a sound to it that resonates with their Source, in the same way as different instruments have different, yet recognizable sounds. A flute and a piano, for instance, can play the same set of notes, but they will not sound the same. Thus, your mind, and the mind of…say, the
tarethan
, are different. Are you following so far?"

Rae nodded once. “I think so.”

"With my spell, you will be able to unlock those melodies, to hear them, and interpret them. But this is the danger of my Decadal Spell. Within each mind, there is always noise. Within many minds, the noise begins to overlap, resulting in chaos. If you are not able to hear the music within the noise, the noise will drive you mad. You have some advantage over me. The Decadal Spell will not give you the full extent of my abilities. But even so, you must be aware of this."

"So you're saying I'll be able to read minds?"

"Read is a strong word," said Elrithea. "You will be aware of other minds. Occasionally, you will be able to attune yourself to a certain mind, to gain some sense of its emotions, or motivations, or fears. Sometimes, if the melody is strong enough, you may catch glimpses into a person's thoughts, or see brief memories or dreams. This will aid you, but it is not mind-reading in the strictest sense."

"And I can turn it off?"

"That is what you are here to learn," said Elrithea, nodding at her. "You will always be aware of other minds, but you will not have to constantly process the information you receive from them, nor will you constantly be forced to listen to a never-ending stream of thoughts and sensations. You may be uncomfortable in a crowd,” she added as an afterthought.

Rae snorted quietly. She was already uncomfortable in a crowd. One spell wasn't going to make that better or worse.

"Mine is one of the Decadal Spells that may be more detrimental than helpful to the Arbiter. But it allows you to tease out the motives of those you meet, if you have enough patience and skill. Learning and mastering the spell is my second test. If you are prepared, then join me here."

Rae nodded, coming to stand next to Elrithea. The High Lord turned to face her, the two of them standing beside the fountain. The High Lord extended her hands towards Rae, and Rae, understanding, grasped them slowly. She closed her eyes and let out the breath she was holding, slowly lowering herself into Elrithea's Source.

It was like being submerged in water. Alcian's Source had been a sea, a mighty thing that ebbed and flowed beneath her, but one that she could keep her distance from. Elrithea's Source was completely different. It didn't give her the option of separation. The Source enveloped her, bringing her down and surrounding her so that she was immersed in it from the start. But unlike Alcian's Source, it wasn't hostile. It didn't attack, and it didn't try to invade. It simply remained there, surrounding her and regarding her coolly.

Like she had with Alcian, she heard Elrithea's voice in the back of her mind, as though it was coming from far away.

You know what you must do, Arbiter…
it said.

You must find me.

Yes
, Rae found herself saying in reply, her thought echoing through the vast expanse of Elrithea's Source. 
I know.

Alcian's Source moved in a circle. It had been Alcian's nature to flow, to cycle through to completion. What was Elrithea's nature? To ensnare? No…that was too general. That was simply a part of who the High Lord was, the part that made her dangerous. Elrithea's true nature was different. It was something else, something that was both part of who she was and everything in its entirety.

She thought back to the events of the mirror world, to the different Elrithea she had seen after Cathel had left. She thought back to the fear in Elrithea's eyes, to the terror she had displayed at finding out that Cathel was stronger than he looked, that the animal she had cornered had decided to fight back. She remembered the simplicity of this morning, and contrasted all of these things in her mind with the image of Elrithea, proud, regal, and smug, as she met them at the top of the staircase. Those two images should have been irreconcilable to each other, and yet they weren't.

So what was the nature of the Shadow Queen?

What was the nature of Elrithea?

To hide, she realized. To keep herself from view. And it made sense, because it was in hiding herself that she avoided getting hurt—in hiding herself that she avoided pain. So naturally, her Source would be the same. The strength it possessed wouldn't be the vastness that it showed on the outset.

Its true strength would be hidden somewhere within. In Elrithea's mind.

And she would never find it. She could tear apart the outer walls of the High Lord's Source in order to get to it, but it would only hide. It would bury itself further into her mind, and just as Rae's own Source did, it would act violently once she did find it. Searching would be pointless. She didn't try.

Just as with her own Source, she had to entice it to come to her.

Rae took a deep breath, and then slowly, she began to draw her own Source to the surface—not the part of her that had been changed by Alcian, but another part of her entirely, a part of her that was still her own. This portion of her Source had been hurt, rubbed raw by Elrithea's testing, but she used it anyway, feeling it tentatively begin to surround her as it stretched out in the space around her, shining with a warm light as it wove into Elrithea's great sea.

The ripples of her Source spread outwards as she floated there, one small pulse after another. They moved through the sea of Elrithea's Source, searching and searching, waiting.

And then, an answer.

A bright pinprick of light shone beneath Rae's vision, heading slowly towards her through Elrithea's Source. She felt it wrap up in her own Source as she stretched her hands out to it, felt the Source's warmth surround her. She exhaled deeply as she felt it sink into her hands, felt it fill her. Elrithea's Source twined with hers, seeping into her skin, and unlike with Alcian's Source, there was no violent shaking, no visible light or impact.

Just the subtle knowledge that things had changed, and that they would no longer be the same.

As the Source began to settle down, Rae opened her eyes, and saw everything around her as a whole new world. Elrithea slowly lowered her hands, her gold eyes meeting Rae's and holding them before she stepped away. Rae met the High Lord's eyes, taking a deep breath as she felt Elrithea's power settling down in her chest, suddenly uncomfortably warm. It burned and then receded, the warmth settling into a soft glow.

She exhaled slowly, letting out the breath she was holding.

Elrithea nodded once in approval, watching Rae as her hand slowly fell away from her chest.

"Now," she said. "We can begin."

#

Silence followed Mika's words. It was a heavy silence, and for a moment, she felt guilty, wishing that she had never spoken at all. She lowered her eyes to the ground, trying again to shake the image out of her mind, the image of Rae in a mud-stained white dress, a look of anger and determination on her face as she pointed the gun at her brother and pulled the trigger. Mika pressed her palms to her face, running her fingers through her hair lightly and taking a deep breath.

Cathel stared at her in silence, his eyes wide.

"...Rae…" he finally said. "…killed your brother?"

Mika nodded once. "In the dream," she said. "Rae pulled the trigger on my brother. They were having some kind of fight, some disagreement. She shot him and then he died, and she blamed it all on the Reaper."

Cathel took a deep breath. "Mika, it's just a dream."

"I know," she said. "I know it was just a dream! But it felt so real, and—I mean, you can't say that. You attacked Elrithea because of whatever she showed you! I just…I know it's a dream, but every time I look at Rae now, I keep thinking about it. And…"

She trailed off, not sure how to say this. Cathel waited for her to continue. "And?”

"I can't help but think about it…" she said, mumbling under her breath. "Because she's the only one who knows what really happened that day. I keep thinking things like…what if she's lying? How can I trust her? How do I know she's telling the truth?"

"She's telling the truth.”

"How do you know?" asked Mika, looking up at him. "You weren't there!"

Cathel shook his head. "I've seen the Reaper's geis. Believe me. I know."

Mika's face fell, and she stared down at the corner of the coffee table. Cathel was right—she had forgotten about the geis. The fact that it was there meant that Rae was telling the truth, at least about the fact that she was out here fighting for her brother's life. But that brought up another thought, an ugly one, that Mika had been trying hard not to bring to light.

"But…" She took a shaky breath, clasping her hands together on top of the table. "If it wasn't for Rae, this wouldn't have happened in the first place.”

"Don't you think she knows that?" asked Cathel. The heat in his voice startled her, and Mika looked up, her eyes wide. Cathel's expression was slightly angry, his green eyes narrowed as he looked over at her. It surprised her. She knew that Cathel and Rae were friends, but she hadn't expected the mage to jump to her defense so easily.

He likes her…
commented a small, distant part of her mind as she stared at Cathel. She had suspected it, but…she was starting to get a better idea of things now.

"Why do you think she's out here in the first place? She wouldn't be out here if she didn't feel responsible in some way. I'm not saying that she's not responsible for it. Sure, it probably wouldn't have happened if your brother had never known her. But don't you think pinning it all on her is a little unfair?"

Unfair?

Mika's fist clenched.

What was unfair was the fact that her brother was lying unconscious in a hospital bed. What was unfair was the fact that he might never wake up. And now all of a sudden, his survival was directly tied to the fate of a world she wasn't even supposed to be part of. Wasn't that unfair?

She nearly blurted all of that out, but she stopped herself.

It was unfair to Rae too. Mika wouldn't want to switch lives with Rae for all the money in the world.

She took a deep breath, shaking her head.

Cathel watched these emotions play out across her face. He sighed, getting up from his seat on the edge of the coffee table and standing in front of her.

"…We can't change the past," he said, his voice quiet but edged with his own resolution. "We can just…keep going forward. No one's ever going to be able to take back what happened to your brother. Not Rae, not the High Lords, and not me. But you chose to be here, which means you think you can change things. How do you think it's going to look to your brother if you give up here?"

Mika stared at Cathel, her eyes wide.

The mage didn't stop, continuing on. "It was your decision to follow us," he said. "Remember? You insisted. This is probably going to be the first of many problems we're going to face. If you give up here, what does that say about you? Think about it for a moment."

She didn't want to think about it.

Because she knew Cathel was right.

She was the one that insisted she come along. She was the one that insisted she be allowed to help. She couldn't stop here. But she didn't think she could do it. To keep going after this…

At the moment, all she really wanted to do was go home.

She lowered her eyes to the ground. "…I'm not sure I can," she said. "I don't think I can take this."

"So was everything you said in the forest just talk?" asked Cathel.

Mika's eyes widened, and her head snapped up as she turned towards him. "What?" she asked. "No, of course not! I meant everything I said!"

She froze, her words echoing through the room.

I meant everything I said…

She had.

She had meant everything she said…

Cathel's smiled again, reaching a hand out towards her.

"Then come on," he said. "We have magic lessons to do, and we don't have much time to waste here."

Mika stared at the offered hand. She looked away from it, trailing her eyes upward and meeting Cathel's. She still wasn't sure she was strong enough to do this. But Cathel was right. She couldn't let her words be proven false. She had to keep going, no matter what it took.

Hesitantly, she reached out, taking his hand and letting him pull her to her feet.

It was late at night by the time Elrithea finally dismissed Rae and allowed her to return to her chambers. Rae walked through the dimly lit hallway that led to her suite of rooms, feeling tired and emotionally drained. The High Lord had tested her mind in what seemed like every way possible, making sure she knew how to both target a person's mind and build up walls around her own mind to prevent things from coming through when she didn't want to hear them.