Arizona Embrace (37 page)

“Your jaws flap more than a coyote thinking about a lamb chop dinner,” Trinity said good-naturedly. “Get your bed gear and get outside before you spill everything you know.”

“Did I say something I shouldn’t?”

“Just about everything you said.”

“You should have warned me.”

“I’d have more success warning a deaf mute. Now outside before she knows more about me than I know myself.”

“I’ll go, but I’m counting to ten. If you haven’t come out by then, I’ll come back and rescue you.”

“I constantly ask myself why I ever liked him,” Trinity said to Victoria as Ben walked toward the door, a genuinely happy smile on his face.

“Because he seems like the best friend a man could ever have.”

“Just about. You won’t be upset about sleeping in here by yourself?”

“With two such men to protect me? Just make sure you don’t spend the night swapping tales. You’ll be too sleepy to see Red Beard if he does turn up.”

Ben stopped in the doorway. “Red Beard?”

“I’ll tell you later,” Trinity said, pushing his friend out the door.

He looked back before he closed the door after himself, and Victoria thought she saw her need of him reflected in his eyes. It made it all the harder to face the prospect of being alone.

Victoria did mind sleeping by herself, but not because she was frightened. She liked Ben, but she wished he hadn’t come back, at least not just now. The wall that seemed too thin when she was worried about bullets coming through it seemed much too thick when it separated her from Trinity.

Until this evening, she hadn’t been certain what she wanted from Trinity. Now she knew. She wanted everything he had to give. She didn’t know how such a revelation would affect him.

Naturally he didn’t know she was still a virgin.

He had no way of knowing Jeb had been uninterested in sleeping with his wife and had been too drunk to have done anything about it if he had. Even his kisses had been halfhearted. She knew that, now that she had Trinity’s kisses as a gauge. Before she had just assumed that was the way well brought up people kissed. It might be the way they kissed, but it wasn’t the way she wanted to kiss or be kissed.

Not any more.

She had always assumed the fault was hers. She hadn’t felt an overwhelming need of Jeb. She wanted to consummate their marriage. His nearness always caused her to become sensually aroused, but it wasn’t anything she couldn’t go to sleep and forget. It certainly wasn’t the powerful force that Trinity had lighted inside her.

Now that she had some idea of the powerful feelings which drove a man to desire a woman, she wondered if there might be something wrong with her. Jeb never touched her and Buc never even hinted at a desire to sleep with her. Trinity had, but he had recovered quickly after Ben arrived.

Did he feel the frustration she felt, the aching body, the heat, the still-surging desire? Was it so easy to turn away from her?

She remembered the need in his eyes and felt reassured. He wanted her as much as she wanted him.

She didn’t know how she was going to get back to sleep. Earlier she had just slipped over the edge of sleep when Trinity touched her cheek. She hadn’t moved because she’d been afraid he would stop. She had wanted him to kiss her. She had wanted him to arouse those hot, insistent feelings in her again.

Only she had miscalculated.

She never expected the explosion that happened when he took her in his arms. But even that had been nothing compared to the sensations he unleashed when he touched her nipples. Just the memory made her blush. She had wanted him to touch her. She had begged him to touch her more.

Not aloud, though. She couldn’t do that, not yet. But her body had begged. It had responded to his every movement. Her body had acted on knowledge well beyond her experience. She supposed it was instinct, the need which had driven man to seek out woman for millions of years. Apparently woman had the same drive to seek out man. At least she did.

Despite the interlude of danger, her body still strained toward the fulfillment it had been denied. She could hardly lie still. She felt as though she would go crazy if she didn’t get up and do something. She once had a rash which had driven her crazy for three days. This was worse. Her entire body felt as if it were being tortured. She knew Trinity was the answer to her distress. And that answer was denied.

At least for tonight.

But ultimately the sensations which threatened to drive her mad began to weaken. At last she lay still in her bed.

So this was what the need of a man did to a woman.

The second part of the trip was as uneventful as the first had been dangerous. Ben traveled with them. The banter between him and Trinity kept Victoria on the edge of laughter for whole days at a time. It was the honest laughter of friends. Trinity was more relaxed, more open, more like-able than ever before. He was also more thoughtful. It often made her laugh to see Ben egg him on by telling him the things a true gentleman ought to do. If Victoria hadn’t put her foot down, Trinity would have started carrying her across mud puddles.

“Sir Walter Raleigh did it for Queen Elizabeth,” Ben had said. “I haven’t been an ignorant cowhand all my life,” he informed them when they looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “I went to school. I learned to read. And I learned about a lot of people nobody’s ever heard of before. That’s two of them. I know a whole lot more.”

“Spare me the rest,” Trinity had asked. “I know too many people who are queer in the head as it is.”

They stayed at hotels and even rode in stagecoaches. Trinity insisted she have the best room everywhere they went. He also made sure she could have a bath every day and dinner every evening. He even forced her to buy a new traveling outfit.

“I know women hate to wear the same clothes too often. I must have seen everything you got at least three times.”

“He means my clothes,” she explained to a puzzled and suspicious Ben. “See if you can convince him the next time he kidnaps a woman he ought to give her time to pack her own clothes. He doesn’t have any idea what to bring.”

“He doesn’t know too much about females,” Ben said. “Leastwise not nice ones. Now there’s one dance hall gal by the name of Betty Dean I’ve seen him with now and again. I imagine if you was to ask her, she could tell you a thing or two.”

At that point Trinity had attacked his friend, gotten his neck in a firm hold, and threatened to break it if he said another word. Victoria had seen enough cowhands wrestle to know they weren’t going to do each other any harm, so she’d left them. She’d gone off and bought herself a new hat, the most expensive one she could find, with the money Trinity had given her.

She felt like she had lost Trinity, and she didn’t know how to get him back.

At first she thought Ben had come between them and, to a limited extent, he had. But it wasn’t long before she realized Trinity was putting Ben between them, to keep them from being alone, to prevent a situation like that evening in the cabin from happening again.

Did he stay away for the same reason Jeb had stayed away? She had always wanted to know why Jeb didn’t make love to her, she had
needed
to know, but she hadn’t had the courage to ask him. With no woman to tell her what to expect or how to handle the problems which were bound to crop up between newly married people, she had fallen back on ignorance. If there was nothing there, maybe there wasn’t supposed to be anything there.

But the last five years had taught her there was a great deal more to marriage. Jeb simply wasn’t interested in building that kind of relationship with her.

It couldn’t be because she was unattractive. She wasn’t a vain woman, but she did know she was very pretty. Jeb may not have made love to her, but there were plenty of others who had wanted to. But they never touched her. They never even tried to kiss her.

Even Buc. He had told her he loved her, told her he was going to marry her no matter what, hated Trinity on sight because of his overwhelming jealousy, but he had never even tried to put his arm around her.

Trinity was attracted to her. She had known it within five minutes of stepping out of her flower garden. He had been so attracted to her he had been unable to keep his hands off her on several occasions. That night in the cabin he had finally lost control completely. He had shown her some of the passion she always felt should be in a relationship between a man and a woman.

But Trinity had taken himself in hand after Ben arrived, so well in hand Victoria could hardly believe he had been sincere before. Why had he done that? Why had he wanted to? Could a man who said he couldn’t sleep for wanting her turn his back and not come close to her for nearly two weeks?

Not unless there was something wrong with her.

She would have to ask him. She didn’t know how she would work up the courage, but she had to know.

He had caused her to feel dungs she’d never felt before, things she’d never anticipated, never even guessed were there. She hadn’t been wrong about the relationship between a man and a woman, but she also knew the desire, the fiery passion, wasn’t all on the man’s side. She had felt as hot as an iron stove in winter.

She couldn’t go through the rest of her life being admired and desired because of her beauty but held at a distance.

Being admired was wonderful; being held in Trinity’s arms was heavenly.

Trinity dreaded the moment when it came time to say goodbye to Ben. He also looked forward to it with barely contained anticipation. Once again he would be alone with Victoria, and once again he would have a chance to expose his heart and hopes to disappointment.

He didn’t doubt she liked him. She had proved that the last night in the cabin. He still could remember every second. He could remember the taste of her lips, the scent of her hair, the way her skin quivered when he kissed her, the way her body yearned for his touch, the firm hard peaks her nipples made when he teased them with his teeth.

He also remembered his own reaction. His body was so stiff he hurt. He could still feel that way. Every time he let himself think about Victoria and that night. Like right now. Trinity squirmed in the saddle. It was very difficult to readjust himself without being terribly obvious. He was willing to confess to Victoria’s effect on him, but he wasn’t ready to admit it caused him to act like a randy teen every time he thought of kissing her breasts.

But the physical effect didn’t worry him. Not really. Had it been any other woman, he would have laughed with Ben about it, maybe even joked with the woman. They would have enjoyed their time together and let it come to an end naturally.

But he didn’t want his time with Victoria to come to an end, and that’s what scared him.

He found himself thinking of the years ahead, of many years of waking up with her face on the pillow next to his, of seeing her across the table each morning at breakfast, of coming home to her at the end of a long day in the saddle, of enjoying the warmth and comfort of her body. Worst of all, he found himself thinking of her daughters, each of them a perfect image of their mother, adorable because they were so small. And because they were his.

The appeal was incredibly strong. It was partly the appeal of the home he had been without so long. It was partly the appeal of a stability he had never known. It was partly a response to the instinct in nearly every man to put down roots, to build something he can be proud of, to father children through whom his name and his blood will live on afterwards.

But it scared him half to death.

Whenever he imagined himself ten years from now surrounded by a family, a prosperous ranch, and the responsibility for all the men who worked for him, he felt suffocated. He felt the freedom he had known his whole life vanish, leaving him in a vacuum with no place to go and no air to breathe.

It was like a man who panics when he gets in tight places. He’d known some miners like that. They couldn’t work in any place they couldn’t stand up.

Yet, no sooner did he decide he couldn’t stand that kind of life when it became the one thing he wanted above all else.

What did he get from life on the trail? Eating by a campfire. Traveling in searing heat, bitter cold, rain, sleet, or snow. Sleeping on the ground. Risking his life without anything to show for it. Eating cold food, dodging bullets, being an outcast?

Yet, old habits were hard to let go, and new habits made him uneasy. But he had to decide between the two. He had to decide for or against Victoria.

Ben pulled up. “I think I’ll leave you here.”

“You can’t leave now,” Trinity protested. “We’re only about ten miles from the ranch. You’ll want to get cleaned up and rest up a few days.”

“Naw. I don’t exactly know where to find Chalk. I’ll have to ask around. Hope to find him at Eagle Pass, but I may have to go into Mexico, possibly as far as Monterrey. Can you meet me at Uvalde in three days?”

“You’ll need a fresh horse. I don’t have any cows, but I’ve got some of the best horses in Texas.”

“I don’t need a fresh horse. My old nag wouldn’t forgive me if I throw a leg across another bag of bones.”

“Is there anything else you need?”

“Naw. Just meet me in Uvalde. If I can’t be there, I’ll leave a message at Blackpool’s Livery. Ask for Jude. He’s old, ugly, and mean, but you can trust him.”