Around the World in 80 Girls: The Epic 3 Year Trip of a Backpacking Casanova (42 page)

We
had a few drinks and I did my date game on her, which is basically being totally different from everyone she had ever met before. I have perfected this over many dates and it’s a good way to get into girls’ pants.

The
conversation with Paula went very well, and after we bounced to a few different locations. We went dancing at the same club I’d been to with the three girls. I’m blind as a bat in clubs but I think I saw one of the girls there, looking all angry at me while I was giving Paula an extra spin around smiling like a big happy baby.

At
one point I was out of money even though we had been splitting the bill all night. This is another advantage of meeting a girl on Couchsurfing. You meet as equals without any intent to date, so it’s normal to split the bill. Meeting as equals is where it gets sneaky. The girl is a local who is willing to show you around the city or meet you for a drink and you turn it in to a seduction without her noticing it at first.

All
you have to do is create an attractive profile with a good background story and lots of pictures. Make sure you have some pictures of you with girls around. Use pictures which give a reasonable doubt about whether the girl’s a girlfriend, but nothing too obvious. I have about a hundred pictures on there, about twenty of which are of me with a girl. Girls who see your profile will read between the lines and see that you are popular with girls, and this way you establish the most powerful tool of a womanizer: pre-selection.

The
rest of the pictures should be of you in all kinds of interesting and exciting places, some landscapes, a few bro pictures of you hanging out with friends, a few mixed pictures and pictures of scary stuff like the ones I have holding snakes and scorpions and doing a skydive. The whole profile should say Fun. After a while you will have lots of reviews of girls saying how much they enjoyed meeting you. Have a few (fake) reviews of dudes also. Now compare this to the profile of all the regular dudes on there with boring stories and pictures. You will already stand out and have lots of dates lined up before you even arrive in the city.

Anyway
, back to the story. Paula bought me a few drinks and I asked her to come with me to my hostel. We went there some minutes later and I sneaked her in past the reception. The dorm room was still empty and we went to my bed and once I lay down it was obvious that all that booze had hit me like a hammer. I had whiskey dick and didn’t perform well between the sheets. Paula was very drunk too and said it was OK but things like this barely ever happen to me and it bothered me a lot. A guest walked into the room and we decided to stop fucking. I remembered how much I hated having sex in hostels and not having money enough for a decent room.

We
were both very hungover the next morning and I walked her back to the metro station. She complemented me on my interesting, funny and dreamy questions the night before. In other words, you’re not boring like the rest. I had to walk her past the reception and the breakfast area and so the whole hostel saw me walking around with this hot Chilean chick.

The
personnel was not amused when I returned and tried to lecture me in front of the guests, saying it was not allowed to bring girls in the middle of the night. I just shrugged my shoulders, put a big smile on my face, and said “I didn’t know that”. This situation shouted out Pre-selection, and suddenly some of the foreign girls in the hostel were interested in me.

B
ut I had other plans. My whiskey dick had hurt my pride and I wanted a rematch with Paula – I really liked her too. She was everything I never had back in Holland. A hot girl with brains, a well-paying job, interesting hobbies and a classy appearance. I couldn’t get the Tom Jones song out of my head and was singing “She a lady” all day. I downloaded the song to my phone and showed it to her. “It’s our song”, I said to her, and now she will think of me whenever she hears it. A thing I did with quite a few girls all over the world. With different songs of course.

On
Friday night I saw the Chilean friends again I’d met in Lithuania, Estonia and Moscow. They had been asking me to come over to Chile for one-and-a-half years now and I was finally there. At Gustavo’s house I met his wife and my other friend Nico. Gustavo is a big hard rock fan and showed me his immense collection of CDs, DVDs, and countless pictures of him with famous rock stars. He even had his own room for it.

They
prepared a delicious barbeque and we drank lots of wine, beer and the bottle of Pisco I had brought with me. I had barely recovered from the drunken state I was in the night before and had to hit the bottle again.

Nico
was very excited to see me again and the two of us went out that night to some club. Gustavo had had way too much to drink and didn’t join us. Nico had already branded me as a legendary pick-up artist but I was way too drunk to even stumble out some full sentences in the club. It was a fun night anyway; we talked to some girls and I ran into a girl I’d been hanging out with in the hostel in Cordoba.

The
next day, I went out with yet another girl from the Couchsurfing website while having a hangover for the third day in a row.

We
visited a local fish market and witnessed a demonstration against the government plans to build a hydro dam and ruin the natural beauty of the south of Chile. I was warned not to join the demonstration, because the week before half the city got tear-gassed and demonstrators got beat up. There was a big police force on their feet, but things kept quiet that day. It disappointed me a bit because I wanted to see some old school rioting like I’d seen and briefly joined at Football matches in my hometown.

That
night I went with Gustavo to a football match with his favorite team, Universidad de Chile or La U. It was the quarter final of some cup and they won seven-to-one against a team named O’Higgins. It was a great match and we had lots of fun there. Afterwards we had some drinks and a barbeque with his friends.

One
of the last days I was in Santiago I went to the cinema with Paula and had some drinks afterwards, but not too much this time. Later that night we went to a love hotel and banged a few times. The sex wasn’t really good and although I really liked her it was kind of a deal-breaker for the both of us. Despite the fact that she had a beautiful body with fake boobs and the most sensual big lips ever, I wasn’t that turned on by her and she noticed that, and we even argued a bit. The chemistry of our first couple of dates was gone. It just didn’t click for the both of us.

Y
ou can’t always win – but the Chilean flag had been captured.  She called off a date the next day with some excuse. I texted her that I was going to Valparaiso, a two-hour bus ride away, for a few days and would return to Santiago again later that week.

Chile – Valparaiso

I was hammering at the door of the hostel: despite having made reservations, there was no-one there. The other hostels were further away from the city center and on top of a hill. Most of the harbor city of Valparaiso is built on hills and this gives splendid views over the city. The houses are colorful and there’s lots of artsy graffiti on walls throughout the city. This is the main reason that lots of tourists and backpackers visit this small coastal city – and I didn’t expect to be locked out. After smoking a cigarette and waiting for half an hour, someone finally showed up and let me in. The hostel was a big one-floor apartment and I was the only guest. I took a bed in the big dorm room since that was the cheapest option.

That
night I met up with a girl through the travel website. Marisol was a good-looking girl and she smiled a lot. We went uphill to a small coffee place and I started throwing my coffee date game her way. I had my doubts if it would go as easily as it had with Paula in Santiago. I was now fully relying on my own rules about having a drinking date with an unknown girl.

Marisol
was a bit hard to figure out: she responded well to my game but I wasn’t sure where I was with her. I might have been in the dreaded friend zone. She invited me to meet some girlfriends and we had a few drinks in a small bar. It was there that I had the best Pisco-Sour ever.

We
said goodbye at night but I didn’t go for the kiss with her. I thought it might be too early for that. She wanted to meet again the night after.

The
next morning I wasn’t alone in the hostel anymore and met an Austrian guy with whom I went to walk around the city. The first thing we did was look for a map and some food. We had a big and rather expensive breakfast in one of the cafes in the center. I wanted to eat well because since I’d been there I had only eaten sopaipillas in Valpo, as Valparaiso is nicknamed. Sopaipillas are a sort of pancakes made from pumpkin that you eat with mustard sauce. I loved them and two of them would fill you up for a while for only twenty cents each.

The
meal at the café went straight through my stomach and what went in as chicken came out looking like coffee. I almost had to run back to the hostel.

Half
-an-hour later we went back to the city and walked around all day, seeing all the sites, taking one of the famous hillside lifts and visiting the Maritime museum. The museum also displayed the capsule that freed those miners who had been stuck underground for over six weeks. The Austrian dude wanted to go out at night but I had other plans.

Marisol
was half-an-hour late and it was freezing cold outside. I waited for her at a square and looked around a bit. There were street artists, lots and lots of stray dogs and students making some extra money by selling paintings and/or sandwiches. There were some bums around, but not many.

Marisol
showed up and I made fun of her for being a typical woman, late all the time. Someone later told me that South Americans don’t see time as a line as most punctual westerners do, but more like a cloud. This made a lot of sense to me, because I almost never met anyone who arrived in time on this side of the planet.

Marisol and
I went to a coffee bar, where we talked and laughed a lot, then we bounced to a street with bars and drank Pisco Sours while joking some more.

I remember us crossing the street at the wrong moment and nearly getting run over. She was the one who said “go”, so I made fun of her a lot for trying to kill me.

Afterwards we went to a club that was playing all kinds of music in three different rooms. Here I saw some other foreigners but I stayed in the Latin music part most of the time, dancing with Marisol and her girlfriends.

At
the end of the night, we kissed and we went to my hostel and had sex in the dorm. She’s a beautiful girl but was a bit shy between the sheets. I also remember really bumping my head on the top bunk bed and Marisols feminine, motherly instinct kicked in and rubbed the hurt spot like I was a small child.

The
next morning I smuggled her out the dorm without the owner knowing it.

One
of the things I always ask a girl is the exact moment she was attracted to me and the moment she decided to have sex with me. This is a good way to fine tune your game and quite interesting to know. She told me that she was attracted to me from the moment we had coffee that night before, which meant that my café date game had worked. She said she thought about having sex with me after we said goodbye the first night, the night when I didn’t go for the kiss.

We
said goodbye but I told her I would come back to visit her again.

Chile – Santiago

I found another hostel in Santiago, named the Bellavista hostel, and it was a lot more fun there. The building is a bit old but at least the personnel were very friendly and they had heaters everywhere. I met loads of cool people, including three Brazilian girls. I tried to game one a bit but was friend-zoned that night. They invited me to come visit them in Brazil. I tried to get a date again with Paula, who was still on my mind, but she flaked. After this I never tried again.

Gustavo
and his wife invited me for dinner at one of the best burger places in the country. It was the biggest and most expensive hamburger I ever ate in my life. My belly was growing an inch that night and the next day I went up the hill with the Maria statue again to get in shape a bit.

A few days later I went up there again and noticed my stamina had already improved a bit because I was walking a lot those days and had cut back on the smoking a bit. I needed my power because I was going back to Valparaiso a few days later.

Chile – Valparaiso again.

I was planning on going north to La Serena and thought that I might as well go through Valparaiso to see Marisol again.

When
I arrived at the bus station in Valparaiso two hours later I saw that they also sold tickets to go south. I had skipped the south when I was in Argentina because of the high bus prices. I didn’t feel like paying over $400 on a return bus ticket and then have to whop out a shitload of money on accommodation there.

Chile
was supposed to be more expensive than Argentina, but I saw a ticket all the way down south for only $110. Punta Arenas was nearly as far down south as its Argentinean counterpart, Ushuaia, where half the backpacker population in Latin America goes.

I
wanted to go to a different place, one less crowded and more pristine, and told Marisol my plans when I met her again. She said that she’d thought she’d never see me again. She was truly happy I was back and stayed with me in the hostel again, I had rented a private room now and we couldn’t stop making love that night. She has a beautiful face and body and a way of attracting me that was more than just physical.