Arranged by the Stars (17 page)

“
Time of
death.” Did he call a time of death for Johnny? Of course he
didn’t. Why was he thinking of him now? This was a different case.
A different place, a different everything. Yet as he stood there
looking at that big clock, all he could think of was how his best
friend died in his arms. “Time of death, six
twenty-three.”

Since Johnny, Ian was the
first patient he’d lost. This feeling of being helpless was real
and he sucked at feeling powerless. This was screwed up and it was
as simple as that. He’d tried to save Ian, but he’d failed. Ian was
only fifty-years old. That was still young enough to turn his life
around. Many people found love. He could have had a family, maybe
it wasn’t too late to have children.

Fifty years was still
young. He’d failed the system once again. He looked down at his
hands, which were clenched into fists. He wanted to punch
something. Hard. It was so much easier to sit in front of a
computer and not be responsible for a breathing person. There
wasn’t any sign of the pins and needles sensation or the numbness
in his arms. It had disappeared as soon as he walked into that
theatre ready to perform surgery on Ian. Then why did he feel like
such a failure?

He was crazy if he
thought he could make a difference. He was wrong if he thought
there was some plan in the universe and he was a part of
it.

Hours later he was
standing on the roof of the hospital staring out into the darkness,
looking out at the lights of the harbour bridge in the distance.
The answer to what he could have done still eluded him.

“
Kieran?”
Ash’s voice was the softness in the night that could centre
him.

As much as he needed her
right now, he couldn’t stand to be this close and not touch her.
“You shouldn’t be here.”

She wrapped her hands
around his waist as she stepped behind him. His knuckles went white
as he tightened his grip on the steel rail above the roof wall. Was
this going to be one of those regrettable mistakes?

“
You
shouldn’t be alone,” her head rested on his back. Her hand went to
his torso and his chest stopped moving. Air refused to move past
his lips and he knew that soon his lungs would be screaming for
air. But while his body was crying for more oxygen, he wanted Ash.
All of her. The truth was he’d always wanted her. He’d never wanted
anyone more.

It felt natural to hold
her hand at the exact spot his heart was beating wildly. As if she
could calm its rapid rhythm. “I was so sure I could help
him.”

He turned her around so
he could look into her eyes. Did she feel the same? Was her heart
about to explode? His throat clenched tight. If only he knew what
she felt for him. Did she want him too? His fingers caressed her
cheeks. They were as soft as he remembered. Something twisted
inside him. Something he couldn’t explain, but being so close to
Ash, made him feel at peace with the world in a way he couldn’t
explain.

When her hand touched his
face he sighed. “It’s okay Kieran. You did your best.”

How could he explain that
it wasn’t enough because he failed? Ian died because he wasn’t good
enough.

The moment she wrapped
her arms around his neck to bring him closer, he knew that he was
lost. But more importantly, she understood him.

When her lips touched the
sensitive spot on his neck he moaned knowing he wasn’t going to
hold on much longer.

“
It’s okay,”
she nipped at his neck.

Kieran knew it was wrong
to want or ask anything more than the comfort she was giving him.
Slowly he pulled away from her and pushed back her hair. The need
in her eyes drilled deep into his consciousness.

Her lips brushed against
his, sparking an electrical storm within him. She pulled the edge
of her lip between her teeth and let out a sigh. “It’s okay. I want
you.”

Ash had heard about epic
love stories. Did she believe the first time she met Kieran, this
would come to pass? Of course not. He was wrong for her in every
way she could think of. But right now her heart was fluttering in
her chest like a trapped bird. If this feeling of being incomplete
until she was in his arms was to continue to seep into her
existence, then she was lost. And knowing what was about to happen,
was nothing short of a dream come true.

She shivered. How was it
possible to want someone so much that it didn’t destroy
you?

“
Are you
cold?” he asked pulling her jacket closer.

Her lashes swept the top
part of her cheeks. How could she explain that it was pure
anticipation that made her tremble? She was surprised he didn’t
sense her eagerness to get to the apartment. Did the minutes it
took them seem like a long journey for him too? Surely she wasn’t
alone in feeling this sense of urgency.

“
This place
is huge. We could fit three of our little rooms in this living
room.” She walked to the balcony and looked out at the view.
Knowing this was what she wanted was different from making it
happen.

“
It was
cheaper to rent this for a year.” Kieran took off his jacket before
turning on the heating unit. “Can I get you a warm
drink?”

How could she tell him
she wanted to speed things up, yet take her time? Was that
possible? He would think she was flaky like everyone else if
explained exactly how she felt. “I’m fine. Thanks.” If he noticed
the shaky voice, he didn’t comment.

The instant he was next
to her, the nerve ends in her body started to crackle and wake. As
he turned her around, her breath deepened, in anticipation for what
was to come.

When her gaze lifted and
met his eyes, she paused. All this time she wondered what it would
be like to have a man look at her like that. Now to have Kieran’s
gaze on her, there were no words for what she felt. Except
maybe…mind blowing.

Maybe there was a concept
such as soul mates and fate. How could she not have believed in
such things until this moment in time? When she was about to be
devoured by a desire so strong, it left her breathless.

They reached for each
other at the same time. In a tangle of lips and tongues, she gasped
as rich sensation tore through her body. She’d heard about this,
about passion and about wanting someone with such need that
everything around you blurred into nothingness.

She thought it was girl
talk. It had to be, because real life could never be like that. If
it was then nobody will be able to survive each day. Her fingers
went into Kieran’s hair and she pulled his head closer. He smelled
so good, so familiar. Her mouth opened wider and her tongue went
deeper into his mouth.

If only she could have
all of him. Keep this moment as hers and not let it go. Maybe then
everything that came after would not matter too much. If she could
take away his pain and he could take hers. She wasn’t sure who
groaned but he pulled her closer and she could feel a growing
hardness against her hip.

Heat flowed from deep
inside and she surprised herself with an abandon she wasn’t aware
she possessed, she ground herself against him while tightening her
hands around him, knowing that this moment had to last
forever.

Slowly he
started to break away.
No
. She shook her head and moaned.
He couldn’t do this to her. Not again. The last time he’d left her
feeling empty. Now what she felt was impossible to measure on any
scale.

Her body cooled as he
moved away and she watched his every move willing him not to leave.
Should she tell him not to go? He swept her into his arms and
placed a kiss on her neck, as he carried her to his
room.

She expected him to be
gentle. In fact she knew he would be. But having him lay her on the
bed like she was a fairy princess with gossamer wings was
unexpected. His gaze never left hers. Her heart thumped and her
eyes burned. No one treated her like a precious gift. Until now.
Until him.

When he didn’t move she
sat up and turned on her side. “Is something wrong?”

He shook his head. “I’ve
dreamed of this for so long―” He avoided her eyes, before coming
closer and tilting her chin up. “I want to make sure I am not
dreaming.”

The heavy weight between
her shoulders, lifted. How was it possible to see so much of what
was going through her mind in his eyes?

She straightened and sat
on the bed. Still watching him, she slowly lifted herself off the
bed so she could take off her shoes. Was there any snippet of
information she could glean from movies that would make this
easier?

Kieran watched her for a
moment and then leaned back. “What are you up to?”

The truth was always the
better option. “I’ve never done this before. I’ve never been alone
with a man in his room, much less―” Damn, was she about to tell him
that she was a virgin?

Ash turned away as her
cheeks heated. A lot of people assumed that as an ex-beauty queen,
she was a modern woman.

Kieran was beside her
again and this time, his hands were in her hair. His palms were
along her chin and he was drawing her closer. It was so natural for
her to tilt her head so she could fit snugly against him, so
natural for her to open her mouth again so she could taste him once
more.

As he pulled her closer,
her hand slowly reached for his chest and she started opening his
shirt buttons, then the smoothness of his chest made her lean
closer, and even though she didn’t think it possible, the kiss
deepened.

When her fingertip rolled
across his nipple, Kieran caught his breath and his excitement over
a simple touch, had power surging within her. Within seconds his
shirt lay in a heap on the floor.

“
Ash, I need
you so much. I’ve wanted you for so long.” He pulled her into his
arms. “I don’t want to let you go. When you’re here, everything is
right.”

Damn he was being so
unfair on her. She was here because he needed her. He lost a
patient and she was here to offer him comfort. Maybe she was here
because she needed him and some sort of comfort too. Because she
was selfish. But did he have to spoil things by making it more than
that?

“
Kiss me,” he
took her hands and pulled them above her head before taking her
lips.

Her nipples were tender
and she yearned for his touch. She wasn’t sure when he’d taken off
her top, but now that he was sucking her nipple and making her
squeal in pleasure, she was finding new ways to bridge the gap
between pain and pleasure. “You’re impossible.”

He looked down at her.
“I’m not hurting you, am I?”

She shook her head. More
like driving her to death, but no, he was not hurting her. She
lifted up so he could suck the other nipple and squirmed as liquid
heat spilled into her centre. There was no way she was going to be
able to forget this, or live this down. No way would she ever
forget him. As for being with any man after this, it would be
impossible.

She could feel his
hardness against her and as she moved her hip from side to side she
heard him groan. “Am I hurting you?” she asked
innocently.

His jaw clamped down and
she knew she was testing his limits but this power excited her. She
lifted her hand away from between their sweat slicked bodies until
she found the rock hard arousal between them. At first her
inexperience stopped her from moving further but another look into
his eyes and she saw raw desire, she had to take hold of the living
need between them. When he flinched and said her name, this time
she knew that he was barely holding on.

“
I need you.
Now,” his voice was hoarse, she barely recognised it.

There were many things
that went through her mind. She wanted him inside her so much that
nothing else mattered. If there was any part of her that wanted
this moment to be more than it was, more than it could be, then
that part of her shut down. Her gaze never left his and she saw
such heat in his gaze that she was sure that even if she wanted to,
she couldn’t stop what they’d both started.

She felt him nudge at her
heated centre and knew that in a few minutes it would be over and
this would have happened. The liquid heat continued to spill and
she felt him push gently as if he was testing her. She knew it
would hurt. It always did when it was your first time. She’d heard
it from so many different sources that it couldn’t be a lie. Her
eyes closed and she waited for the pain. If she was prepared and
didn’t look like a fool, then maybe he would make love to her
again.

“
Ash, don’t
be scared,” she looked up. He brushed his lips over hers and
instead of feeling that heavy pressure she felt something else.
Surprised she sighed as unexpected pleasure started rising from
deep within.

“
I don’t
understand.” It was like there were layers of pleasure winding
themselves over each other and then being twirled around her. Ash
squirmed and lifted her hip as his finger went deeper inside her.
Kieran’s thumb circled her clit and she gasped.

“
Do you like
that?” he asked.