Arranged by the Stars (14 page)

But he tasted so good
that she couldn’t let this moment stop. He let her arms go and she
was free to let her hands roam to his chest. It was so easy to lift
up that t-shirt and touch his flesh. It would be so easy to place a
kiss in that small space below his nipple. It looked like such a
good place to start. With her gaze trained to that one spot she
gasped when he hitched her higher and wrapped her legs around his
body to keep from falling.

She wasn’t sure who
groaned or who was breathing faster, but the spot she now aimed for
was his nipple and when he gasped and pulled her closer she felt
another power surge. This time white-hot heat flared as she bucked
against him in response to the ripping pleasure that swayed her
body.

When he pulled away, she
moaned her disappointment. “Why did you stop?”

His breathing was ragged
as he set her on the floor and pushed her away. His eyes took on a
glassy look.

Her eyes darkened and she
rubbed her arms for warmth. “Kieran, why did you stop?” she
repeated.

He bent his head. “I
can’t do this. Why don’t you ask me again in two weeks?”

Kieran watched Ash wave
goodbye to the old couple he’d seen at the clinic and what he felt
was a part of him heal. He wasn’t sure there was any other way to
explain it, but where there was a hole, there was now
relief.

Latha came to stand next
to him and she placed the chart on the desk in front of him. “She
has a way with people, doesn’t she?”

He swallowed past the
lump in his throat and turned to her. He couldn’t disagree. Ash did
have a way with people but that wasn’t all. He had fallen in love
with her and she was never his to fall in love with. Knowing that,
hurt. It pulled at things he didn’t want to face.

Latha smiled and lowered
her chin. “I never thanked you properly for everything you did for
me. The rescue, the chance to come back and work here―” She wiped
away a tear.

Kieran thought of Johnny
and his broken promise to him. He’d failed his friend and yet Latha
thanked him. His throat hurt. His head felt like lead as he shook
it slowly from side to side. “Latha, we’re family.”

She nodded and
straightened as Ash joined them. “Mr and Mrs Singh are going on a
cruise for their fiftieth anniversary.”

Kieran watched the
excitement light up her eyes and wondered if she would be that
excited when it was her anniversary to Alok. “Maybe you should
organise a cruise for your honeymoon?” The light in her eyes went
out. The moment he said it, he knew it was mean and uncalled for.
She hadn’t spoken to him since this morning.

Latha elbowed him in the
ribs and he rubbed at the spot refusing to apologise. He hurt.
Drawing in a shaky breath he turned to Jessie. “Send in my next
patient, Jess. I’ll also have my coffee, thank you.”

He knew Ash was watching
him. He intentionally didn’t turn to see if there was any lurking
darkness misting her gaze. If she was upset that he didn’t ask her
to bring in his coffee as usual then tough. It was time she got
used to him living his life without her there.

Moments later he tried to
concentrate on what the lady in front of him was saying but each
word she said, came out as a garbled thought. What made it worse
was the three other children running around the small consult room,
and a crying baby in the woman’s arms. Kieran took the baby from
the mother and placed him on the examination table.

Turned his head from side
to side to release the tension from his neck as he assessed the
five-month-old baby squirming on the bed.

Babies made him
uncomfortable. During his paediatric rotation he would have to
recite the alphabet backwards to keep calm, because he always got
flustered and lost his train of thought. Johnny thought it was
hilarious. Johnny would of course. He was going to be a
Paediatrician.

“
Mrs―” He
tried to think what came before Q. He’d treated babies before but
today was different. This morning had his mind scrambled and he was
out of his depth. What was real for him was that he was losing
Ash.

The child gave another
hearty cry and he focused on the mother. “Mrs Rita, how long since
he had this redness on his back?”

The middle aged woman who
had her hands full handing out snacks to the three other children
in the room tried to concentrate on his question. “It has been on
and off for a month now. I am not sure what caused―” she stopped
talking to him and went to the other children, and pulled the
middle child away from his desk. “No Sunil, you can’t touch that.
Shaks, can you mind him?”

She came back to Kieran
and apologised. “It comes and goes. All over his body.”

The rash was a fine
redness all across his trunk. When one of the children dropped a
stack of books on the floor, Rita went to sort the children again
and Kieran was left with a screaming infant while reciting the
alphabet backwards.

With a hand on the baby,
the letter G emblazoned in his mind, the door opened and Ash walked
in. Kieran swore time froze long enough for him to see everything
else fade away, but the beauty that walked into the chaotic
room.

She paused at the door
and looked around. Placing the coffee on a high surface her gaze
went to the three little boys and the mother struggling to keep her
attention on the child being assessed and the distraction of her
children. “What do we have here? How about I take these little
monkeys and play a game with them and you help the doctor over
there?”

Rita took a step back and
narrowed her gaze. Kieran could guess what the mother was thinking,
it was the same thing he’d done many times before. Underestimating
Ash was wrong, but when someone was as breathtaking as her, it was
hard not to do.

“
Rita, Ash is
a lot tougher than she looks. She will be able to handle those
boys.” Kieran turned his attention back to the baby who was now
looking around for something to chew on.

Rita still didn’t look
convinced but Ash was already putting the books back on the shelves
and giving the boys scrap pieces of paper and pens to draw with.
She took one last look at her sons and then went back to
Kieran.

“
Is there
anything different you’ve been feeding the baby?” he asked when he
had the mother’s attention.

She placed her hand on
the child who was now gazing up at her. “I can’t afford any food.
I’ve been breastfeeding.” She bent down to kiss the baby’s head.
“This isn’t because I haven’t been feeding him properly, is
it?”

Kieran looked at the
healthy child and shook his head. “No. Your baby is healthy and
growing well. This is not a feeding issue. You can introduce solids
at six months so it is nothing you’re doing. He looks like a happy
baby—you have nothing to worry about. Breastfeeding is good for the
babies.”

Rita glanced over to her
boys who were fascinated by the drawing Ash was doing. “So what is
making my baby sick?”

Kieran rubbed his finger
over the rash. “Is there anything different that you’ve been doing
recently? Anything you’ve changed. It could even be something
you’ve eaten.”

Rita shook her head.
“There is nothing I can think of.”

Scratching his head,
Kieran looked around. His head hurt. There could be endless
possibilities of what this could be. That’s why he always preferred
surgery. It was always a quick fix. You see a problem, go in and
fix it. No guessing or messing around with the ‘what ifs’. Why
Johnny would want a job like this was beyond him.

“
So you don’t
know how to help my baby?” Rita picked up her son.

It wasn’t a moment of
panic that Kieran felt. Neither was it a wave or a passing feeling.
It was a feeling that kept on coming at him, like he was being hit
over and over again with a steel frying pan. He stepped back. He
didn’t even know why he did it. There was nothing, physical
stalking him. It just felt like there was someone behind him
holding a knife, asking him for answers he didn’t have. Then he
looked at the baby squirming again as the singlet fell on his
skin.

“
Have you
been using any new baby products? Any new soaps or washing
powders?” He lifted the singlet and took one last look at the rash.
Now that he saw the rash in better light, it did look like contact
dermatitis.

Rita watched her other
children for a moment and then sighed. “I’ve been buying a cheaper
brand of soap to wash the clothes. My husband lost his job and he’s
been working part time cleaning tables at that new hotel that
opened up nearby, when they have work for him. It’s not often but
we do have children to feed.”

Kieran watched the
children play with Ash and only then did he notice the state of
their clothes. It would have hurt her to do it, so soon after her
injuries, but Ash was sitting on the floor cross-legged playing
with the children.

How was it possible for
him not to notice the world he lived in and the people in it? Yet
Ash was so comfortable in any situation. Did losing Johnny leave
him living in vacuum?

Rita rocked her son in
her arms. “I’ve caused this, haven’t I?”

He turned to her, and
shook his head. “No. You’re doing the best you can for your
children.”

Half an hour later he
watched Rita walk out the clinic with a fistful of shopping
vouchers and an application form for her husband. Ash handed him a
fresh mug of coffee. “That’s a nice thing you did for
them.”

He thanked her for the
coffee and when he made a move to leave she stopped him. “The
clinic needed a grounds keeper.”

She shook her head.
“Really? And those shopping vouchers just appeared when Jessie went
to purchase them?”

He shifted his weight
from one foot to the other trying to escape Ash’s intense gaze.
“Shouldn’t there be some filing you should be doing?”

She laughed. “All
done.”

He looked around the
empty waiting room, then at the clock. It was almost lunchtime and
there was only one way to change the subject. “Lunch?”

Knowing most of his ploys
she took his mug and placed it on the desk. “Coffee will have to
wait. See you later Jess.” Tugging his arm she marched him out the
door. “You are a worry Dr Kanna. If I don’t keep an eye on you, you
might become someone I can marry for real.”

He paused. She stopped
and turned to face him.

“
Kieran?”

He knew it took fewer
muscles to smile but it hurt. “Let’s go this way. I want to show
you something.”

She tucked her arm into
his as her eyes grew wistful. “Do you think I’ll come to Goa
again?”

It was an unusual
question. “I don’t know. Maybe you will. Does Alok travel
much?”

Ash was quiet. “No, he
doesn’t. He is what you would call a homebody.” Kieran felt her
stiffen against him.

“
A homebody?
What is that?”

Her gaze roamed around
the street. It was a beautiful day and the street was full of
people and colour. He could see her take in the culture and she had
that look of longing again. “He likes quiet and to be at home a
lot. He doesn’t like entertaining or people too much.”

This time Kieran laughed.
“He’s like me.”

Ash stopped and whipped
around so fast he almost had to hold onto her to stop her from
falling. “Oh no, he’s nothing like you. You think you’re not a
people person, but deep down you care. You have an amazing heart
and you’re the nicest person I know.”

This time it was Kieran
who stepped back. She didn’t know him at all. She had this idolised
version of him. “You’re wrong.”

Ash pushed her hair back.
“Alok is an accountant and he spends his days looking at books and
numbers. Computer screens. He doesn’t like people. He’s awkward
around them. I know what my life with him is going to be like and I
am okay with it.”

So why?

He put his hands in his
pockets and started walking again until they came to the freshly
painted building with the red roof.

Ash stood
outside and read the black writing.
Riya
Shelter for Women and Children in Need.

Her gaze met his and he
waited for her to say something. Anything that would take away this
uncomfortable silence.

“
When did you
do this?” she asked.

“
That night
you came back to the clinic to tell me Sara was better. If you
hadn’t come back, they wouldn’t have taken you and you’d never have
been shot.” How could he tell her the hell he went through without
letting her know how he felt?

She walked towards the
building and touched the red paint. “Riya? That’s for
me.”

“
Now you have
a reason to come back to Goa.” He waited for her to agree. Instead
she gave him a sad smile and opened the door.

He knew the inside wasn’t
anything impressive. It was simple but functional. That’s all they
needed. The nights he couldn’t sleep, he’d spent planning this
shelter. A place for Sara and Shelley to come to when he knew Ash
wouldn’t be there to take care of the child.