Arresting Developments (17 page)

She hesitated. “In Mitchell’s room?”

“He’s in a medically induced coma, to keep the brain swelling down. He won’t hear anything we say.”

She rubbed her hands up and down her arms, not at all anxious to go near Mitchell again. “I’ve heard of studies that say that people in comas
do
hear what is said around them.”

“Amber. Please.”

His quiet, resolved tone had all kinds of alarm bells going off in her head, but she pushed back her reservations and followed him into Mitchell’s room. She stopped just inside, surprised to feel a tug of empathy when she saw the machines and tubes hooked up to the man who’d tried to kill her and Dex a handful of hours earlier.

“He can’t hurt you now.” Dex waved toward one of two plastic-and-metal chairs beside the window.

She crossed the room and sat beside him. “Why are you here? With him? After everything he did?”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

He scrubbed the stubble on his face. His exhaustion was broadcast by the tiny lines around the corners of his eyes and the dark circles beneath them.

He took her hands in his. “The doctors performed a CT scan. But it wasn’t where I hit Mitchell with the poker that they’re worried about. What they’re concerned with is the mass they found, something called anaplastic astrocytoma. I’m sure I’m pronouncing it wrong, but basically he has a malignant brain tumor.”

She blinked in surprise. “A brain tumor?”

“They’ll do surgery, radiation, maybe chemo, too. His prognosis doesn’t look good. But they’ll do everything they can to control the pain and alleviate his symptoms.” He tugged his hands out of hers. “He must have been having terrible headaches the past few months. I never even noticed. I was oblivious. How many times did I say good morning without really talking to him, to see how he was really doing?”

“Wait. Dex, is this why you’re sitting here with him? You feel guilty?”

He shrugged. “I am guilty—guilty of not paying enough attention. Guilty of being so self-absorbed that I didn’t notice that an employee, a friend who’s worked for me for years, was acting differently, that he was in pain. I’m guilty of everything he accused me of when we were fighting on that porch.” His bleary gaze captured hers. “I’m sorry, Amber. That’s what I wanted to tell you. I’m so sorry if I ever treated you that way. And I’m sorry that I took advantage of you. I made an unforgiveable mistake. I shouldn’t have—”

“Stop it. Stop it right now. You did not take advantage of me. And I refuse to sit here while you characterize our sleeping together as a mistake. Dex, I wanted to make love with you. I still want to make love with you. Nothing Mitchell said has changed that, or how I feel about you. I want to be with you. Don’t you want to be with me?”

His brow furrowed and he looked away. “Of course I want to be with you. But I can’t. It’s not right.”

“How is it not right?” When he didn’t answer, she followed the direction of his gaze. He was watching the readouts on the machines by Mitchell’s bed. “The tumor affected Mitchell’s judgment, didn’t it? I’m sure the doctors must have said something like that. Mitchell skewed everything in his mind because he couldn’t help it, he couldn’t control what the tumor was doing to his brain, to his thoughts.”

She waited, but when he didn’t say anything, she tried another approach. “Okay, Mitchell has an out, then. There’s an explanation for why he did what he did. It will be hard to forgive him, but I’ll try because I understand it wasn’t entirely his fault. But I can’t forgive you.”

He jerked his head toward her, his eyes wide. “What?”

“You heard me. If you choose to go down this path of self-loathing and give up the one good thing sitting in front of you, don’t expect me to participate in your pity party. I deserve better.
You
taught me that.”

“Wait, I taught you that? What do you mean?”

She sighed. “Dex, I gave up two years of my life because of guilt. Oh, I was pretty sure that I hadn’t killed my grandfather with that tonic. I figured there had to be another explanation, and even after I heard about the peanut oil, I wasn’t totally convinced that was the cause of his death. But I chose to run, not just to draw suspicion away from Buddy, to protect him if he’d made a horrible mistake. I ran because I knew that living in that swamp would be incredibly difficult, maybe even impossible, but I didn’t believe that I deserved any better. I thought I deserved to struggle every day because of the horrible mistake that I’d made.”

He frowned. “What mistake? Your grandfather died of cancer. Even if you didn’t know it back then, you said you didn’t think your tonic killed him.”

“No, I didn’t. But it didn’t save him, either. I was...arrogant. I healed people even when Aunt Freddie’s Doc Holliday couldn’t heal them. My herbs and potions had never failed me before, and I believed I could do better for Grandpa than real doctors.” She shook her head. “My arrogance is what killed my grandfather. I should have insisted that he go to the hospital instead of just assuming that I could take care of him. Would it have made a difference? Probably. But not for long. All it would have done is buy him a few more weeks, weeks filled with pain because of the cancer. I know that now. And because of your faith in me, in getting me to help Garreth and making me fight for others, I realized I was guilty of what you’re doing now—of feeling sorry for myself while life passed me by.”

She clasped her hands in her lap. “Dex, I wasted two years of my life over guilt when I should have been making up for my wrongs by helping others. The guilt that ate me up is something I have to move beyond if I’m going to make up for my past mistakes. And that’s what you have to do. You have to let the guilt go, move on.”

She waved at Mitchell, lying in the bed. “You’re not responsible for Mitchell killing Mallory. But if you believe he was right when he talked about you using others, about not paying attention to those around you and being self-absorbed, then do something about it. You can start by admitting the truth—that you care about me.”

He stared at her as if in shock. “You heard what he said, about Ronnie, about how I treated her. She and Mallory were only a couple of the women I’ve treated badly over the years. How could you even want me after knowing that?”

She thumped his chest. “It’s precisely because you’re sitting here acknowledging your past mistakes that I want you. You’re a good man.” She flattened her hand over his heart. “You’re a good man, here. Where it counts. That’s the man I’m falling in love with. Because he cares about his impact on other people, and he wants to make it right.”

He suddenly scooped her onto his lap. He hugged her so tightly she could barely breathe, but she didn’t push him away. Instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck and held on tight, pressing her head against his chest, listening to the solid beat of his wonderful, caring, loving heart.

He kissed the top of her head and loosened his hold, pulling back to meet her gaze. “I don’t deserve your faith and trust, or your...love... Amber Callahan. But I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to earn it. That is, if that’s what you want.”

She blinked back the moisture suddenly blurring her vision. “The rest of your life? That’s quite a commitment from a commitment-phobe when you barely know me.”

He framed her face in his hands. “I know you. I know the kindness inside you, the way you put others first. I know that you’re one of the few people who’s ever stood up to me, told me I’m not perfect, that I’m wrong. I’ve surrounded myself by yes-men and yes-women, afraid to tell me the truth. I need you to keep me honest, to tell me when I’m being an ass, to remind me to stop, and listen, and pay attention—to make me a better person. You’re everything I need and want in my life. If you’ll have me.”

Her lips trembled and she drew a shaky breath. “If that’s a proposal, you’d better be sure about it. Because I just might take you up on it.”

“Is that a yes?”

“It’s a qualified yes.”

He frowned. “Qualified?”

“I’ll only say yes if you agree to take me away from Mystic Glades. I don’t ever want to go back there again.” She shivered with genuine abhorrence at the thought of returning to the swamp she used to love but that had become the symbol of all her failings.

He cocked his head, looking deep in thought. “I don’t know. It might be hard giving up being a cop. Especially if I can convince Deputy Holder to give me a gold star to wear on my chest.”

She arched a brow. “So you like the swamp, the alligators, the water moccasins?”

A sexy grin curved his mouth, taking her breath away. “I like
you
, Amber Callahan. And if I have you, with me, forever, I can give all of that up.”

“Even the gold star?” she teased.

His grin faded and his gaze searched hers. “I would give up anything, everything, for you. I love you, Amber. Marry me?”

She smiled through the tears freely coursing down her cheeks now. Had she thought she was falling in love with this man? She’d been wrong. She’d already fallen. She was madly, deeply, in love with him. And she couldn’t imagine her life without this amazing, caring man in it.

“I love you, too, Dex Lassiter. And the answer is yes.”

He kissed her, and for the first time in years, she felt protected, cherished, loved. From the beginning, when she’d spent those summers with her grandfather as an escape from her parents, and later when she’d fled to the Glades, she realized she’d been running
to
something as much as away
from
something. She’d been searching for that one thing her whole life—a home. And she’d finally found it, the place where she belonged. She’d found her home at last, in Dex’s arms.

* * * * *

Look for more books in Lena Diaz’s
MARSHLAND JUSTICE
miniseries later this year!

Keep reading for an excerpt from
EXPOSED
by Carla Cassidy
(Part 1 of TOUGH JUSTICE).

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FBI Agent Lara Grant has finally put her life as an undercover operative behind her and started a new assignment in New York City. But her past and present collide and become ever more twisted as a spate of murders send a message that is cruelly, chillingly personal …

Tough Justice: Exposed
(Part 1 of 8) by
New York Times
bestselling author Carla Cassidy

Tough Justice: Watched
(Part 2 of 8) by Tyler Ann Snell

Tough Justice: Burned
(Part 3 of 8) by Carol Ericson

Tough Justice: Trapped
(Part 4 of 8) by Gail Barrett

Tough Justice: Twisted
(Part 5 of 8) by Gail Barrett

Tough Justice: Ambushed
(Part 6 of 8) by Carol Ericson

Tough Justice: Betrayed
(Part 7 of 8) by Tyler Ann Snell

Tough Justice: Hunted
(Part 8 of 8) by
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