Arrows (2 page)

My bow stopped spinning. I couldn’t tell her I’d been distracted by the Hive or that I’d gone into a private comb to compare proctors with my buddy Chaz. She’d think I was a complete idiot. “I kept my pack right here the whole time,” I lied, tugging the strap.

The girl was laughing again, her head popping up for a second as Mr. Romantic shook out a quilt and handed her the corner.

“What am I going to do?” Phoebe said. “If the assembly finds out…No, they can’t, we have to lie. They can’t find out.”

They were sitting up now, facing each other, him leaning in to nuzzle her ear. Time on Earth seemed to slow. At least the guy appeared to like her.

“Do you, uh, know anyone? Who went to Blackout?” My voice was low.

“No. Of course not. Never.”

Where the failed gods go as humans, their memories wiped.

The teens were kissing again, and then they flopped out of sight.
Thump.
One of them bumped the truck bed.

“This is what we’re going to do.” Phoebe squeezed my arm until it stung, but I didn’t bother pulling away. “No one is going to find out about this. Got it? No one.”

“Do you think she’ll be okay?” I nodded at the truck.

“Oh, um, I don’t know, maybe—whatever! Forget about them. I’m going to say you passed. You passed, okay? If the assembly finds out about that arrow, there will be no mercy. It won’t matter whose son you are.”

I swallowed, though it felt like a knife was picking at my throat. “You’re the boss. Tonight never happened.”

Phoebe slid her hair behind her ears and took a shaking breath. Her gauge earrings made her face seem fierce. “This is really bad, I’ll admit it, really, really bad, but it’s going to be okay, I promise.”

“Well, hey—not everyone gets a happy ending.” My parents, for instance.

“We have to get out of here.” Phoebe grabbed my hand and yanked. Within seconds we had sliced through the atmosphere and returned to Mount Olympus, fog-breath circling our feet. There was white all around us, silver, gold, and stone. The land of the gods. We stood in the enormous corridor in silence, two cupids, though it didn’t feel awesome the way I’d expected. Phoebe’s emerald eyes were still watery, her hands trembling. She swallowed, which sounded more like a gulp.

“So, um, yeah…happy you passed?”

The question left a sour feeling in my stomach. That girl down there. Her life had changed, all right. My fist fell slack. “Yeah. Finals. Wow.”

“You’ll be a good cupid,” she added, almost like an apology for how the night had gone. “Everything will be fine, see? No one even knows we’re back. And you—are you okay?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“To think I almost lost you tonight. Oh my God, I shouldn’t even be saying that up here.”

Her anxiety was getting to me. A tight, suffocating feeling began to clench my chest. I stood tall, tried to get rid of it. I was a cupid, finally, after all those years of working my ass off. And hey—the three-year age gap between Phoebe and me had become irrelevant. Yeah, I was younger, but we were equals now. We’d botched finals together and survived. Maybe chocolate and flowers would help her feel better.

I offered her my arm, but the tight feeling stuck. “Let’s see if there’s a party.”

One year later

I sped home from school with the window all the way down. The rain was more of a drizzle and helped kill that familiar, sleep-deprived floating feeling. A sense of calmness filled me.

Fall was coming.

The trees along the road were already fading from green to golden. Summer in Lakefield had lasted too long, and it had been such a hot, hard summer. Maybe I couldn’t escape what had happened in the past year, but change was in the air and it felt amazing.

At home I was greeted by the sound of Nell screaming from my mother’s arms. My sweet baby’s fists pummeled the air to the beat of her cry until all the weight I’d shed on the ride home pressed down on my chest, reminding me. Fall couldn’t change that.

“Sorry I’m late. Mrs. Smith let me stay after for extra credit.”

“Did you know Danny bailed on babysitting again?” Leah said the second I walked in. She sat at the table, her arms crossed. “It’s one night a week. One night, which isn’t that hard, if you ask me. You should yell at him. If he was my boyfriend, I’d definitely yell at him.”

“No wonder you’re single.”

“Whatever. He’s a bad dad.”

“At least he’s in the same state as Nell.”

“Girls,” Mom said, her voice firm.

I shot my younger sister a look but kept my mouth shut for Mom’s sake. She hated when we fought about Dad. And Danny? Leah didn’t realize how busy he was. She placed our own father on a pedestal while beating Danny up over every little thing. I’m not sure if she just missed Dad, or was stupid, or what.

“Come here, baby.” I shrugged out of my backpack and brought Nell to my shoulder, relaxing at how warm and snuggly she felt. At three months old, she was average for weight but already in the top percentile for height. Maybe a future dancer. Her gasps tickled my cheek.

“I’m going to feed her,” I said.

“I just fed her fifteen minutes ago.” Mom’s lips pressed together. Was that the same flyaway ponytail she’d scraped up at five a.m.? Our days started early, thanks to my before-school dance class, but maybe she needed a break. She definitely needed a shower.

“Shhh, shhh, shhh. What’s the matter, baby? Shhh, shhh, shhh.” I flicked my gaze to the flowery clock above the fireplace. We lived in a decidedly female house full of pinks and purples and flowers and lace. That’s what happens when your dad ditches you and moves across the country. You build up a fortress of girly things so no man ever hurts you again. (Mom’s thinking, not mine.)

“I hate to ask, but can one of you watch her?” I did hate to ask. I hated it because they were going to think the worst of Danny, and then me, thinking I should probably just stay home with my baby for the night. Homework? That would have to wait. I promised myself I wouldn’t fall asleep until it was done.

Mom was giving me the Look.

You’re the one who got yourself pregnant and I’ve already raised two babies of my own and I’m not impressed with your choice in men, either.

That look.

“I have plans tonight,” Mom said. “If Danny had given us more notice, maybe we could have worked something out.”

“Can you rock her or something?” Leah called. “I can’t even think.” Her homework was spread across the table, where it had probably been since three o’clock. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had the luxury of an hour to casually tinker with my homework, messaging friends the whole time and telling other people what to do. I slammed my bedroom door.

Ugh! The ripping sound as I pulled Nell’s fist out of my hair, and the sting of the whole day, amplified in that moment, made my vision blur and shift. I swallowed.

Lifted my chin.

I would not cry. Not now.

I sat on my unmade bed and called Danny. Talking to him always made me feel better on days like this. Days when everyday life, silly things, really, felt overwhelming. I listened to the familiar sound of his voice mail in one ear, Nell’s cry in the other. He was probably busy with homework.

Or not,
whispered a niggling voice in my head. I silenced it by looking at Nell, our baby. Our masterpiece. Her pink cheeks, her hair that curled at the ends, those adorable fat legs.

Danny and I were solid. We’d survived the one thing that killed most relationships at our age. Even being teen parents, our love was real. I’d known that since the first night we kissed.

The door popped open.

“Knock, please,” I said, but my sister skidded inside, hands on her hips. She was all drama—thrift store designer clothes, dark hair styled like she’d had a professional team on the job, mouth set in a confident twist. In a family of brown-eyed girls, hers were the darkest. The thick eyeliner and sage shadow? More drama, which matched her current mood perfectly. My eyes were lucky to get a few swipes of mascara, since I didn’t have time for makeup anymore.

“What did he say? Did you call him? You can’t keep bringing Nell to dance.”

Her tone was pointed, but there was a hint of pity in it, too.

“He’s been really busy.” I focused on Nell, because I couldn’t stand my sister’s judgmental gaze. Poor Nell. She’d been crying so often, especially at night. Rehearsals were tough. School was tough. Danny probably would have been better off dating a zombie. I really needed more sleep.

“Karma, you can’t let him get away with this crap. He should help you more. It’s like you’re not even the same person you used to be. I can’t believe he still treats you like this.”

“Danny supports me. You know that.” But my voice shook. Help me more? How about spend more time with Nell? He could if he really wanted. I patted Nell as guilt snuck in for thinking that. She continued to fuss.

“You need to make him man up. The way he ignores you, then shows up like some kind of clueless hero? It’s very annoying.”

I gave a short laugh, but there was nothing funny about her statements. Leah was right, not that I’d ever tell her that. I stared at my bedroom wall as a feeling of loneliness crept over me. Loneliness and longing. Everything had changed so fast. One pregnancy test confirmed. One scholarship lost. Me, a ballerina, tripping through life.

I took a deep breath and gathered Nell against me, standing in ballet fifth position with my legs in a demi-plié, heels touching. Together we listened to the rain, a soft scratching sound.

“I’ll talk to him,” I lied. “Stop worrying. Stay out of my love life, and next time knock.”

I glissaded across the part of the floor that was clear of laundry, exaggerating the movements with Nell in my arms.

“Your room is such a mess,” Leah said before she left. She was right again. The clothes and papers and too many things I’d saved littered all the flat spaces. At least Nell’s corner of the room was organized. I kicked at the stack of diapers that was tipping until they were straight. I’d get around to picking up the rest eventually.

Nell fell asleep. I continued to glide where I could, little leaps back and forth between the door and her crib, finishing with an improvised ballet bounce. Those blond lashes against chubby cheeks. Perfection. I tucked her inside the baby carrier with a kiss and dug around until I found my dance bag, her diaper bag, and my overstuffed purse.

Mom had relaxed in the recliner with a copy of
Better Homes and Gardens
. She looked up with tired eyes. I’d inherited her eyes, crescent-shaped. They always seemed kind, even when she was exhausted. She was the natural-beauty type, but her eyes were bloodshot now because of me—because of my baby—and because Mom was the kind of parent who would never leave her kids when they needed her and move across the country, even if what they needed was a lecture. Even at five in the morning.

“I’ll be back around ten,” I said.

Mom was trying not to look guilty over the whole babysitting problem but failing. She rubbed the knees of her yoga pants. “At least she fell asleep, right?”

“Mom, you don’t have to watch her all the time. You’re right.”

“I want you to follow your dreams. I just—”

“Mom. It’s okay. She’s my responsibility.”

“Next week, I’m calling Danny myself,” Leah muttered.

Outside, the sky was incredible. Yes, I was weighed down like a packhorse, but wow. I stopped for a second to enjoy it. Rain glittered on the grass and trees like hope. I snapped the baby carrier into the base and headed to the studio.

—

“You brought Nell?” Peyton, my best friend, pounced on the carrier the moment I walked in, her mouth in an O shape. “Oh my gosh, she’s so sweet I could die.” She was always on the verge of dying around Nell. The studio was empty except for us.

“Danny canceled again.”

Peyton ran her finger over Nell’s cheek. “Did you guys fight about it?” She raised one eyebrow, which was auburn to match her hair. She was outdoorsy and always sunburned, since her complexion refused to tan. “He bailed last week, too.”

“He could do a lot more for her,” I said. A bad feeling was stuck in my throat, like I couldn’t stand what I was saying about him. “He’s got his own future to worry about, I guess.”

“If Nick left me to take care of our baby by myself all the time—if we ever have a baby, I mean—I’d be mad as heck.” Peyton didn’t swear. Instead, she pointed to add effect to her words, jabbing the air for
heck.
She sat cross-legged on the studio floor and cracked open a bag of potato chips. “I can talk to Danny if you want.”

“That would not end well.”

“Want one?” She held up the bag.

“No. I’m maintaining.” I knelt beside her, shrugging the rest of my bags to the side. “How are your ankles feeling, by the way?”

“Eh, sore, as always.”

“There’s still time to heal before the scholarship competition. There are ten of them up for grabs, you know. Not just the big one.”

“I wanted to be a ballerina when I was little, and I am, sort of. But the reality is, I’ll never be you.” She shoved a handful of chips into her mouth to demonstrate.

“You’re a really good dancer.”