As I Breathe (One Breath at a Time: Book 2) (16 page)

As a part of my good-bye ceremony, that morning I’d written her a note and folded it into paper wings. I pulled the wings from my pocket and tossed them, as she used to do, into the air. They landed onto the floor. When I closed my eyes to blink away the tears, it was no surprise to me that the wings were still on the rug.

The air in the room felt as benumbed as my heart. I tightened the shawl around my shoulders, feeling the warmth of her arms surrounding me, as always. My grandmother was with me still, veiling my battered soul and easing the pain of the loss I was suffering.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t get to say goodbye, Grandma.” No sooner had I spoken aloud, the lights flickered in the room. My eyes darted to the wings on the floor and they were gone. Vanished. A mass of heat rushed through me to have witnessed this phenomenon right before my eyes. Most people wouldn’t have believed it truly happened but I stand strong that it did. Although I’ve never shared this with anyone, I knew it was my grandmother’s way of telling me farewell. It was time to let go. She wanted it this way. A somber feeling of acceptance and tranquility settled in my heart. She was home.

“
Goodbye, Grandma.”

***

The memory of my grandmother’s death caused me to cry.

Doctor Tagorski handed me a few tissues. “I’m sorry about your grandmother Katie.”

“It’s okay.” I sniffed and blew my nose.

“
She sounds like she was an amazing woman. Katie...” He mumbled under his breath as he returned to his seat. “What a pretty name.” He stared at me with empathy, but there was something else behind his eyes, a deeper thought stirred. “So did you have anyone else that you confided in while you were growing up—a close friend?” It was obvious he wanted to change the subject. He paused and shifted through his notes. “You had mentioned someone to me...her name was...” His eyes continued to scan the notes.

“
Yes, I did,” I simply said. “I’m sure I’d mentioned Nuilley to you. She’s one of my closest girl friends. We’ve been friends for well over a decade.” She was the only possibility of an answer. The truth was I hadn’t told Nuilley any of my secrets...I’d kept much from her. I confided more in Jack than anyone yet still I’d never even told him half of it. An odd tinge of guilt came over me. I searched my mind, recalling the good days.

-13-

Rumors!

Nuilley Lambert nearly knocked me over when she yanked me into the girl’s bathroom at school. Her excitement about something was boiling over. Meanwhile, I just wanted to get to my next class.

Nuilley was my best friend, so of course, I conceded and followed her lead with caution. She probably wanted me to hang with her while she smoked a cigarette or something else. I didn’t smoke, so this had better be worth the trouble it could have cost me. She always seemed to have something up her sleeve, and I was always reluctant to get involved.

“Brielle, you’re not going to believe this—Jordan broke up with Tracy,” she shrieked with excitement. Despite her amazement, culminated by the rumor, I was not shocked. Our school was small, private and news spread fast.

“
Oh yeah, I know. I heard that rumor this morning in ballet class,” I replied, wondering what this had to do with me.

Jordan Ramsey was the most popular, smartest and hottest guy in our school. He was the star player on our high school football team.

“It’s not a rumor, it’s true. Tracy has been spreading some really bad rumors about him...then, get this, Jordan found out she’s been living a double life.”

I knew about living double lives better than anyone. I’m sure her alternate life wasn’t anything like mine.

“You’re kidding me, right? How so?”

“
Tracy has been sleazing around with Jordan’s best friend, Roy.” Nuilley flipped her hair back in a flamboyant manner, seemingly very proud to be the bearer of bad news.

I couldn’t believe this about Tracy, she seemed so in love with Jordan. Something didn’t add up about Nuilley’s version of the story. My mind flashed back. I recalled witnessing Tracy crying on Roy’s shoulder, by her locker, but it didn’t seem at all flirtatious.

Things are not always as they appear. I was not buying into all the drama. Nuilley loved to add extra details to rumors, and come to discover, weren’t always true. I needed to hear the entire story from a credible source.

“
There’s more,” Nuilley beamed. I knew there was more to Nuilley’s gossip.

“
What else, Nui?” I asked dully.

“
The best part of the rumor is—” Nuilley squealed. Her voice was reaching high magnitudes when I interrupted.

“
Rumors aren’t facts...but, what is it Nuilley?” I nonchalantly inquired as I applied some roll on lip-gloss.

“
Well, Jordan told Sam”—
Sam was Nuilley’s boyfriend
—“that he wants to ask you to the prom. According to Sam, Jordan has had his eye on you for a while now. Can you believe that?”

“
Not really.” I acted as if I didn’t have a whit of interest. Even so, my ears perked up. Now the picture was coming together. “But you said this was a rumor.”

“
Well, it was a rumor—until about thirty minutes ago,” Nuilley quipped. My nerves were flaring up. What did Nuilley do? “He likes you—he likes you—he really likes you.” God, her words resonated as if I had just won an Oscar.

The feeling was mutual; I liked Jordan, too. Nuilley claimed that Jordan was nervous about asking me out. I had a hard time believing that one, too. In fact, I didn’t buy it at all...
Jordan worried about me turning him down
? This was all hearsay.

“
Why are you so confident—how do you know what he feels?” I asked her, a note of suspicion weaved in and out my tone. “It doesn’t seem that he likes me—”

Nuilley interjected. “Well, he does...”

“Then tell me, what makes you so sure?”

“
I just know things.”

“
How?” I demanded. She was beginning to get under my collar.

“
When I ran into Jordan a bit ago, I tested him out.”

“
You what?” I piped out. “Nuilley, don’t tell me you...” I tightened my lips, feeling invisible steam pushing through my ears.

“
I told him—Brie, don’t get mad—I told him
fuck yeah
Brielle will go with you to prom!” she blurted out.

“
You did what? You actually said that? I can’t believe this...” I flushed, feeling anxiety rising in my chest. Secretly, I didn’t mind that Nuilley spoke on my behalf. In fact, I was sort of relieved that she had.

Excitement plowed through me when I thought about the potential future with Jordan that came with Nuilley’s confession. What she was saying about Jordan was no longer a rumor, but a fact.

“Fuck yeah, I did! Why? You want to go with him, right?” Nuilley always swore like Captain Blue Beard.

“
Yes, but...crap...Nuilley, I have to ask my parents still. They better let me go with him, damn it.” And, here I was trying to do some swearing of my own. I felt uncomfortable at times trying to be cool by cursing.

“
Oh, whatever, your parents are the best. They let you do whatever you want, Miss Goodie Two Shoes! You’ve done good pulling this one off,” Nuilley said pointedly.

“
Tsk…it’s not my fault that Storm—” I sharply whispered, then bit my tongue both hard and purposefully. I couldn’t believe I almost slipped and told her that Storm was the one making sure I toed the line. It was Storm’s fault that I had a “Miss Goodie Two Shoes” reputation. Damn, back then I blamed him for all my problems; I was such a little shit.

Nuilley knew
almost
everything about me. She definitely knew that I would go to prom with Jordan, but as for much as she knew about me, Nuilley had no idea about Storm. I had to keep it this way. After all, I had done a great job for years keeping him a secret from everyone. I was quite successful at hiding him away in the cells of my little head.

“
What—what, storm? What are you talking about? It’s totally sunny today. Are you okay?”

“
Crap. I’m bleeding.” I pressed the tip of my tongue between my index and thumb. My painful, however, perfect diversion worked to change the subject.

“
Dang, that’s a lot of blood,” Nuilley said, scrunching up her long thin nose and contorting her mouth.

“
Yeah...okay, enough about Jordan.”

“
Why, Brielle? You’re the luckiest girl at Independence High,” Nuilley shrieked as she jumped up and down and so did her braless boobs. I wondered how it was possible for her to jiggle so much; she was so flat and flat boobs don’t jiggle. “You know what this will do to your reputation? Finally. Going to the prom with Jordan—you may as well say goodbye to Miss Good—”

I covered Nuilley’s mouth. She continued to mumble beneath my palm.

“Hold on,” I said, turning on all the faucets in the sinks. I was trying to create a noise barrier in case Storm was eavesdropping.

“
Why are you running the water?” Nuilley asked.

“
Whisper. I think someone is in that stall.” I tilted my head toward what I was sure was an empty stall. I needed Nuilley to whisper. Her voice carried far and wide, like a homing pigeon.

Nuilley moved to New York from Paris when she was in the seventh grade; she and I had been best friends since. We vowed that one day we’d visit Paris together—the land of elegance and style.

Her mother was a retired runway model, a divorcee who had started a couture jewelry line after they relocated in New York City. Within months she fell in love and married an honorable police officer, they soon had another baby who they named Brooklyn. She was as cute as a button. Nuilley claimed her baby sister had lungs of a little mermaid and cried louder than a squad car’s siren. I’d begged to differ and couldn’t imagine a baby reaching notes higher than Nuilley could. Somehow, the soft-spoken traits her mother possessed had skipped Nuilley all together; she had the biggest mouth in the city when it came to volume and spreading gossip. I didn’t want, or need Storm to overhear any details about Jordan’s rumored crush on me.

“
I feel like fainting. God knows where this could lead,” I beamed, whispering to Nuilley while trying to contain the thrill.

To my surprise Nuilley asked, “Are you going to sleep with him? Maybe you shouldn’t, Brielle,” she said uncertainly.

“What? No. I wouldn’t do that.” I grimaced.

“
Promise? It won’t be easy—you know he likes virgins.” She frowned as she said this, but I didn’t think her expression was for me. I knew Nuilley had lost her virginity years ago, too many years ago and, perhaps, she regretted this now.

I was three months from turning eighteen and still innocent and quite naive when it came to boys and sex. This too was something I was ready to change.

“Shhhh, keep your voice down, someone might hear you. It doesn’t need to be spread around school that I’m a virgin. Jeez, Nui.”

“
Oui—Oui...I get your point.”

“
Let’s get out of here.” I grabbed some tissues and headed toward the door.

-14-

Life’s Major Challenges!

The afternoon sun beamed through the cracks in my blinds, threatening to melt the last of the winter’s snow. I could see small dust particles dancing like an array of ballet dancers. I imagined that they were real, strange tiny creatures from an unknown universe. I stretched out, flat on my stomach, across my bed, lost in a daydream and thumbing through a few fashion magazines—already searching for a dress for prom. Jordan hadn’t approached me yet about prom, which was a growing concern. He’d teased me enough and flirted here and there in the school halls, we also hung out in the same circle of friends but still, he hadn’t asked me on a date, let alone to prom.

“
You know that Jordan boy is going to try to pin you, don’t you?”
Out of nowhere Storm interrupted my daydreaming.

“
Pin me? Who talks like that? No one talks like that Storm, that’s who,” I answered my own question, rolling my eyes, still flipping through the pages, determined to ignore him.

Great! Somehow my conversation with Nuilley leaked straight from our lips into Storm’s ears and twisted mind.

“Besides, it’s none of your business,” I scowled.

“
He’s not for you, Brielle!”

I suppressed a coy little smile. Storm’s reason for concern only confirmed that Jordan would eventually ask me out.

“I can’t take you anymore, Storm. Leave me the fuck alone!” I seethed venom into the atmosphere. I knew Storm heard me loud and clear.

“
Why do you swear like a sailor? What happened to the sweet little girl you used to be?”