As It Is On Telly (16 page)

‘Right. So you had to go into your cave.’ Bunty couldn’t even be mad about it really. She’d read all the ‘Men are off this planet’ books like everybody else, and it was true – men did retreat with their problems. Graham’s answer was to retreat to the study with the
Financial
Times
and a spreadsheet package. Or at least it had been before the cave turned into an attractive Georgian terrace on the other side of town. Ben, on the other hand, clearly took refuge in the bottle.

‘Are you looking after yourself, Ben?’ she said softly. ‘It’s not even eleven o’clock and you sound like … like you’ve had a few.

‘I have had a few,’ said Ben. He sounded quite proud of the fact. ‘She can’t tell me what to do any more, can she? So I’ve had as much as I want. Sun’s up over the yardarm and all that.’

The sun’s up … didn’t that mean it was evening. Bunty drew in a breath. ‘Ben, where are you?’

‘I’m in the –,’ he paused to gulp down a belch, ‘marina in Auckland. Back in New Zealand. That’s the other reason I didn’t get in touch. I didn’t really want to say goodbye, you know?’

So he had gone. Bunty gulped herself, fighting down the lump that had appeared in her throat. So much for a new plan. The old one took a bit of beating. ‘You left?’

Ben sounded close to tears. ‘I had to get the boat back. And the kids … she was threatening all sorts. I had to get back. But I … I do miss you, Bunty. I think we could have really had something. If we just lived a bit closer.’

‘I … think so too.’

‘Is it okay if I call you? I could be back soon. We could … you know.’

Actually she didn’t know. Finally shag? Pick up where they left off? Fall in love, get married, have their own children … Any of those sounded very appealing. Hell, all of those sounded very appealing. ‘Ben, what if ...’

A soft snort stopped her in her tracks. ‘Ben. Wake up. Wake up, Ben,’ she called. ‘Ben!’

But the snoring continued. He sounded adorable. Like a puppy. Bunty smiled and hit the ‘end call’ button, a bubble of anticipation rising in her chest.

So here was the new plan. Her own grand gesture. Fingers crossed it would work and she too could move on, get her happy ending. Bunty speed-dialled her number one number. ‘Kat, can Dan pick me and Charlotte up too?’

‘Awww,’ wailed Kat, overcome with bonhomie. ‘Are you coming to see me off? Sweeeeeet!’

‘Bugger that,’ said Bunty, her heart starting to race. ‘We’re coming with you.’

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

The last time Bunty and Kat had travelled across the world, Bunty had left Charlotte behind with Graham. She was already beginning to regret not doing the same this time.

It was really not the same as when Charlotte was a little girl. Before the age of five she could have whisked Charlotte away without a moment’s thought, as long as she had enough food and clothes for a couple of weeks. Now it meant protracted negotiation with her school, her grandparents, and with Charlotte herself. She’d approached the school first.

Bunty: I’d like to take Charlotte out of school for few weeks.

School Secretary: How many’s a few?

Bunty: I don’t know exactly.

SS: Anything up to two weeks is frowned upon but you might just get away with it depending on the circumstances. More than two weeks needs an application in triplicate up to three years beforehand, and then there’s no guarantee we’ll keep your child’s place open. More than one month is tantamount to child abuse, frankly.

Bunty: Okay, it’ll just be two weeks then.

SS: Circumstances?

Bunty: Family emergency.

SS: Death of a family member?

Bunty: Yes.

That was more or less how the conversation had gone, and with threats of Social Services and Truancy officers hanging over her head, Bunty signed Charlotte out of school for two weeks – which ran into half term, thereby affording them three weeks if they needed it. If she decided just to stay away, she doubted the education authority would be bothered to send an officer to New Zealand.

Her parents, however, were a different matter, although the conversation had run very much along the same lines.

‘I’m thinking of going to New Zealand for a couple of weeks.’

‘How many?’

‘Don’t know.’

‘What about Charlotte’s school? They don’t like you taking them out for more than a week or so now, you know.’

‘I know.’

‘Over two weeks and she’ll be off down the mall in one of those hooded outfits robbing old people.’

‘I don’t think Charlotte would do that, Mum.’

‘You’d be surprised. It’s what young people do these days. What about Graham?’

‘I don’t think he’d do it either.’

‘Bunty. You know what I mean. What about his work?’

‘He’s not coming.’ In fact, he doesn’t even know we’re going and he won’t be given the option to join us but he should have thought about that before entering the den of Verity Reynolds, she nearly added, but thought better of it. ‘And we’re off in a couple of hours, so I’d better get packing.’

‘Oh. We were going to come round to see you tonight. Graham invited us.’

Graham invited them? Probably the time he was going to break it to everyone that he was leaving. ‘Well, don’t bother, because we won’t be there.’

‘All right, darling. I’m sure you know what you’re doing,’ finished her mother in a tone that suggested completely the opposite. ‘We’ll see you when you get back.’

And then there’d been Charlotte herself.

‘Why are we going? Tonight? Why tonight? I don’t want to go. I’ve got orchestra this weekend. I hate flying. How long? I
hate
flying. Hang on. Will Paige be there? Can I forget about social sciences homework? Can we go now? Come
on
, Mum.’

Ever since Bunty had picked her up after school and broken the news to her she had vacillated in a similar fashion, and twelve hours later, on the plane, she was still doing so.

‘Am I allowed to watch that? Why not? Everyone at school has seen it, like, twice. Can I? Can I watch it? Oh you’re totally
mean
. What’s that? That looks good. Can I watch that? That thing that you’re watching. What is it? What’s it about? Well, if it’s right in the middle there’s no point in watching it now, is there. Can I watch the other thing? Please? Why not?’

It was a war of attrition. Bunty, wired from the madness of the thing she had done and from eating a curry omelette of some kind at 2 a.m., was going to lose. She knew it. Any minute now she would scream, ‘WATCH WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT AND SEE IF I CARE!’ down the plane, and the two truancy officers parked neatly at the back in matching suits like the FBI would take an aisle each and surround her with guns. She’d be towed away and locked in the toilet until they landed in Singapore, and everyone knew what it was like in Singapore – you couldn’t chew gum let alone swear at your own offspring.

‘Breathe,’ said Kat. She was sitting across the aisle, two rows back, as that was the nearest to ‘sitting together’ they’d been able to get. ‘In. And out. That’s good, Bun.’

‘How did you know?’ whispered Bunty across the sleeping Singaporean families.

‘Your elbows looked very tense.’

‘God, Kat. What have I done?’

Kat gestured to the little space near the toilets, grabbed her newly filled plastic glass of wine and Bunty’s, and squeezed her way down the aisle. Bunty checked on Charlotte, now happily watching some Disney film for six-year-olds, made toilet signals and followed Kat.

‘So tell me again,’ said Kat, leaning on the wall of the hostess station. ‘What did you tell Graham?’

‘I left him a note. A note! God, how mean. At least he was going to tell me in person. He’d organised a family gathering to pass the news on – my mum said. And Charlotte.’

‘And the note said …’

Bunty sighed and repeated it all in one long breath. ‘Seeing-as-you’re-leaving-me-anyway-I’m-going-with-Kat-to-find-a-nice-Kiwi-man-and-Charlotte’s-coming-too-I’ll-be-in-touch.’

She tried to imagine Graham’s face when he read it, but couldn’t. Maybe he’d be pleased. She might have made life very easy for him, leaving the marital home. ‘Maybe I should have consulted a lawyer first,’ she said.

‘And what does Charlotte think you’re doing?’

‘Getting some me-time with Cally and Paige.’

‘And really you’re going to track down a man called Ben who has a yacht. In Auckland. Otherwise known as the City of Sails.’

Bunty groaned. ‘I’m completely mad, aren’t I?’

‘Yes,’ said Kat, slamming her drink into Bunty’s. ‘It’s fantastic!’

‘So … does that mean you’ll help me?’

‘Try stopping me. After I’ve caught up with Simon for a few days.’ Kat waggled her eyebrows salaciously and staggered back to her seat.

Bunty dropped into her seat next to Charlotte, who was now snuffling gently into her triangular flight pillow (which she’d insisted on buying in Boots at the airport along with travel wipes, a personal fan, super-tight socks to prevent thromboses, and a panoply of other expensive objects that would be of absolutely no use from the second they got off the plane). Charlotte looked adorable when she was asleep, with her face clean of its usual half-scowl and her long lashes lying baby-like on her cheek. Three in the morning their time. Or was that New Zealand time. Whatever. Somewhere in the world it was three in the morning, and that was certainly time to get some sleep …

*

Pearl
: So Bunty, what was going through your mind when you kidnapped your child and absconded twelve thousand miles to meet up with a man you barely knew?

Finn
: And were you aware of the police chase going on behind you?

Bunty
: No, I …

Pearl
(
shuffling
her
papers
and
shoving
her
glasses
back
up
her
nose
.
Stern
). You were aware, of course, that it was illegal to take your child out of school.

Bunty
: Not illegal, just sort of …

Finn
: Tell us about Ben. What did you know about him?

Bunty
: He … he owned a yacht. I met him through some introduction agency called the Croesus Club.

Pearl
: That’s right, while you were still married.

Finn
: Are there clubs for that sort of thing?

Bunty
: No, I wasn’t married. Well, yes, technically I was, but it was over, or going to be over very soon, and Ben was so lovely and warm, and I needed him.

Pearl
(
bristling
): Is that true, Bunty? Or do you think you were just bored out of your mind and needed to create a bit of drama in your life?

Finn
: Nobody would blame you for that. Lots of us are bored. Not me, obviously (
flashing
toothy
grin
direct
to
camera
).

Bunty
: No! I don’t think … I don’t know … You’re confusing me. Stop it, Pearl! Stop it!

*

She woke up with a start, half-afraid that she’d been screaming ‘Stop it’ down the length of the plane. The only person she’d woken, however, was Charlotte, who was glaring at her from over her eye-mask like a sleep-deprived surgeon. ‘I wasn’t doing anything. I was
asleep
, in case you hadn’t noticed,’ she said, her voice oddly muffled by the mask.

‘Sorry, darling. Was I telling you to stop it?’

‘Well, du-uh.’

‘Bad dream. Sorry. Go back to sleep.’ And no more sleeping for me, ever, like bloody Macbeth, she thought crossly. So she felt guilty for disappearing without a showdown with Graham. Why should she? He’d started it.

Five-and-a-half films, one short stopover in Singapore and several tussles with Charlotte later, they landed in Auckland. Bunty peered back down the plane; Kat had risen like Boudica from the depths of her wine-induced coma, refreshed and lovely with a tumble of wild blonde curls and a dirty smile on her face. By contrast, Bunty felt wizened and dehydrated; she had probably shrunk two sizes and would be about to greet Cally as if she were dressed in her mum’s clothes.

But Cally didn’t care, even though she’d had to get up at 4.30 a.m. to meet them on time. Bunty returned her enormous squeeze. ‘I’m so sorry to land on you like this, with hardly any warning. And at this time of the morning!’

‘Bunty, I’m thrilled that you’re here. And 4.30 a.m. is a lie-in at the moment. Here’s David.’ And she pushed forward a buggy with a ten-month-old boy gurning cheerfully from its folds. ‘Pete’s moving the car. And Paige is just coming … Paige! Help Charlotte with her things, will you?’

‘She’s got rather a lot,’ said Bunty apologetically. Both mothers watched the meeting of Paige and Charlotte with interest. It had been well over a year since they’d seen each other, and email communication, no matter how rude, was no substitute for the real thing; they still stood formally, staring at each other warily like soldiers across no-man’s land. Then Paige said, ‘I’ve got the day off school.’

‘Yay!’ said Charlotte. ‘Me too. Well, more like two weeks.’

‘Awesome!’ said Paige. ‘And our school holidays start tomorrow so I’m off too! Yayah!’

And after gawping at each other with awe at their own brilliance, Paige grabbed Charlotte’s wheeled case and started off across the concourse, saying, ‘I love that pillow thing. What movies did you see on the plane? Did you? Awesome!’

Watching their giggling, retreating backs, Bunty linked arms with Cally. ‘And that’s the last we’ll see of them for two weeks. Or however long …’

‘However long it takes to find this man,’ said Cally, turning to watch a cuddly figure emerge from the customs area among a mountain of suitcases. ‘Oh, there’s Kat! Why did she take so much longer than you?’

‘Customs kept asking her questions,’ said Bunty with a grin. ‘She had so much luggage they though she was importing it to open a shop. Oh. There’s Simon, I guess.’

She’d only seen Simon briefly before, when he’d been in Fiji chasing after Cally, but from the way he was striding purposefully towards Kat she imagined that the tall, blond man could be no other. When Kat threw her arms around him and kissed him like there was no other oxygen in the room, she knew for sure.

‘That’s Simon,’ agreed Cally. ‘I’ll see if I can get her to put him down long enough to say hello.’

It took several minutes, but finally Cally managed to greet Kat and arrange to meet up with them in a couple of days when Kat’s ‘shag fest’ was waning, and then they burst out through the sliding doors into the brittle sheen of a spring morning.

Auckland.

She’d made it.

To Ben.