Ashes And Spirit (Book 3) (31 page)

The mage inclined her head and left the room. Loki remained, watching the young queen. For a long time, she said nothing, her face again turned to the windows. “The punishment for her crime is death. There are no ways around it. No loopholes to take. How in the name of the Fates am I supposed to sentence my own mother to death and watch the sentence carried out as is my duty?” she said without looking at him. “I know what she’s done is reprehensible and unforgivable, but she’s my mother. My own flesh and blood.”

Loki hesitated then reached for her hand and held it gently in his own, his thumb brushing across the scars that marred the back of it. She looked at him then. He ignored her startled expression and didn’t pull back, though a sudden rush of uncertainty almost made him.

“I don’t know how you deliver such a sentence and have it carried out,” he said. “But over the past few months, I’ve come to know you.. You’ll figure it out because you always put the people of Markene before yourself. And, for the record, I know you don’t take this kind of sentencing lightly. You would never find watching it carried out easy. No matter who it was.”

She stared at their linked hands before slowly pulling hers away. A faint blush stained her cheeks. She swallowed hard then took a deep breath. “Thank you, Loki.” After a moment, she met his gaze. “For always being here.” Her words were stilted as if she wasn’t sure what to say. “Will you do me a favor?”

He nodded silently. Did she pull her hand away because she felt it inappropriate, or because she didn’t want to hold his hand? Why did she blush? There were a million issues to deal with, not to mention her mother, and yet these were the questions that chased each other around in his mind.

“Will you stand with me when the time comes to see the sentence carried out?”

“Yes, I will be there if you wish.”

She only nodded as she reached for the papers on the floor. He gathered those that had scattered farther away, and then handed them to her. “Thank you,” she whispered, her eyes on the papers. He didn’t know whether she was thanking him for picking up the papers or agreeing to be there. Before he could ask she said, “If you will excuse me. I have to finish going over these before the meeting with the Heads.”

Loki left her staring out the windows, the papers forgotten in her hand. Though he kept his face expressionless and his outward appearance calm, inside was chaos. In another time, he would have been more open. But this wasn’t Trilene, and he wasn’t a little kid anymore. And Kalila wasn’t just anyone. She was older by a couple of years, not to mention the Queen of Markene despite her youth. And over the past few months, she had become someone special to him. Had he messed that up by taking her hand, or bridged the gap between them? Why in the name of the Fates was it all so flaming confusing?

Merru awaited him in the inner courtyard. The gold gazed at Loki as he fastened the catcher strap. Loki glanced up at the big blue eye watching him.
“Don’t. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I wasn’t going to. I have no advice to offer, so I will merely be here for you.”

Loki leaped into the saddle and secured the straps, ignoring the fat flakes of snow that filled the air.
“I don’t know whether to be happy or mortified,”
he sent as the dragon took off.

“Do you think flying and possibly freezing to death will help you find the answer?”
the gold returned.
“The weather doesn’t bother me, but I have noticed humans are rather fragile when it comes to the cold.”

The image of Kalila’s startled eyes and the blush as she pulled her hand away filled Loki’s mind, and he groaned.
“I don’t know but freezing to death doesn’t sound so bad right now.”

“Perhaps she returns your feelings but doesn’t know what to do about it.”

“Or maybe she’s shocked that I have feelings about her at all. Then again, it isn’t as if I came right out and said I did. Maybe she doesn’t realize I do. Maybe she thinks I was just trying to be nice.”

The dragon remained silent for so long, Loki finally asked,
“What?”

“My rider, if even a fraction of what you feel showed on your face or in your eyes at that moment, then she knows. The only question left is how does she feel?”

Loki sighed, his face heating up.
“Maybe we should go to the border for a while.”

“Maybe, but only after the sentence is carried out. You did say you would be there.”

“Can we just fly in silence for a while?”

“Certainly. Though before we do, I will suggest you speak with Varnen or even Jocelynn. They aren’t bondmates, so their relationship is more like a normal human one. Perhaps they will have some helpful insight.”

Loki turned that over in his mind as they glided through the falling snow, and his stomach tied itself in knots. Was something with Kalila even possible? She was a queen; he was a Dragon Rider. What if he and Merru found a bondmate one day? Where would that leave Kalila?

“I know I said I would remain silent; however, I would like to point out that a bondmate may never happen. Or it may happen a hundred years from now. Or we may die in this war. Don’t shy away from something because of what might or might not happen someday,”
Merru sent.

Perhaps Merru had a point. And perhaps it all didn’t matter because she didn’t feel the same way and never would.

A week later, he stood at Kalila’s side on the wall walk where it opened into a wider area in front of the keep. Defenders and mages surrounded them. They watched as a noose was placed around the neck of her mother. In the past week, they’d barely seen each other, and Loki was pretty sure she was avoiding him.

Kalila stood straight and proud, her voice carried over the courtyard with the help of an air weave provided by Varnen. “Alenta of the House of Drom, you have been found guilty of treason and consorting with the enemy. Your sentence is death, to be carried out this morning. Have you any final words?”

Alenta glared at her from half-crazed eyes as she screeched, “You stole my son, you stole his throne, you abandoned your sisters—this is all your fault!”

Kalila raised her chin. “I have done only what is required of me. At least I did not put my own petty emotions before the welfare of Markene.” She nodded toward the man standing on the gallows behind her mother. “May the Fates forgive you, Mother. For I and Markene never can.”

The
thwack
of the lever was loud in the silence that followed. But the crack of her mother’s neck when it hit the end of the rope and snapped was louder. Kalila’s expression remained steadfast and resolute. “Let this be a lesson to all of Markene. No one is so high-ranking that they can skirt the punishment for treason. No one is above the law.”

Without another word, she turned and walked slowly back into the castle with her personal protection around her. Loki remained at her side. When they reached the small library, she dismissed all but those who were set to guard the door. When Loki turned to leave, she caught his eye. “I wish to speak with you a moment.”

Wonderful, formal talk. It didn’t bode well for him. Sighing, he followed her into the book-lined room and stood with his feet braced and hands clasped behind his back. If she wanted formal, she would get it, and he would accept her refusal without flinching.

Kalila closed the door quietly then came to stand in front of him. For a long time, she said nothing then tears welled in her eyes, and she leaned her forehead against his chest. Startled, Loki froze.

“This would be when you put your arms around her and comfort her. She just had to kill her mother,”
Merru sent.

Afraid the action might chase her off, he carefully placed his arms around her. She didn’t shy away. Instead, she took a deep, shuddering breath and wept into the front of his cloak. Her crying deepened into heart-wrenching sobs. Loki didn’t move, just waited until she had wrung herself out.

“I can’t believe I just killed my own mother,” she said, her voice thick with tears. “I’m no better than Sadira.”

Loki pushed her gently away and looked into her red, swollen eyes. “You are nothing like Sadira. You did what you had to, not because you enjoyed it. What you did took strength Sadira could never hope to have.”

She wiped at her face and blew her nose on a handkerchief. “Please don’t tell anyone I broke down like this. A ruler is supposed to be strong.”

Loki refrained from mentioning that she was also a young woman with the weight of a nation on her shoulders. A weight she carried well. “I won’t say a word. You know better than that.”

She nodded and stared at the fire crackling in the hearth. “Loki, I know you feel something for me.”

He didn’t deny it, only waited for her to say what she needed to say.

“It isn’t that I don’t also feel something, but I need to put Markene first. Right now, I can’t get caught up in a relationship. I have to stay focused. I’m not saying never. I’m just saying not now. I need space to be queen right now.”

Loki suppressed the hope that blossomed in his chest. She wasn’t refusing him completely at least. “Merru and I will be going to the border for a while.”

Kalila nodded. “Be careful there, please.”

“I will.”

She rose on tiptoes and placed a quick kiss against his lips. When she pulled back, her eyes met his. “Come back to me.”

Stunned into silence, he only nodded. She swept from the room and still he was rooted to the floor.

“I guess that answers your question,”
Merru sent.
“When do we leave for the border?”

“As soon as I grab my things. She requested space and after that, in order to give it to her, I have to get out of here.”

“Where do you want to go?”

“Shadereen. Vaddoc and Kirynn are there.”

“I will be waiting for you in the inner courtyard.”

K
ellinar worked alongside the New Sharrens on the cold, windswept land of the Ash Plains. Enough houses had been raised that everyone had something more substantial than tents to live in, even if sometimes three families were crowded into one dwelling for the time being.