Assassin (9 page)

It hurt so much. That was all she could think. She was used to the violation. She'd never known anything different, but the pain was always the same and it always got past her defenses. She couldn't block it out no matter how hard she tried. She could stop feeling with her heart, and had, for the most part, a long time ago, but the physical pain was too much to ignore.

She tried struggling again, but it was no use. And she couldn't keep herself from screaming at him to stop the way she always did. It was almost a ritual, saying the words and knowing it wouldn't change anything, that he'd keep going until he was finished and would come back again, probably within the week.

"Stop, please, oh God, it hurts, please stop, Dad, no, please, stop..."

Rain suddenly opened her eyes and tried to figure out where she was. Then she heard the sobs being wrenched from Case and quickly crawled out of her sleeping bag towards the twisting body of the blonde. Just before she reached out, she remembered Case's reaction the last time she'd tried to waken her.

Rain stood and then extended her foot to nudge Case's hip. The woman remained in her nightmare. Rain nudged a little harder and then Case's sobbing escalated and took on verbal form. Rain listened for a few moments, as Case begged her father to stop whatever he was doing to her, and then Rain gave up on keeping her distance from the writhing woman.

Rain knelt back down and then tried to decide what would be the best part of Case's body to make contact with. Abuse survivors had natural trigger areas, the wrists and neck tending to be the most common. Upper arms were usually a bad area, too. Rain settled for grasping Case's shoulders and held her gently while she called Case's name.

Rain was unprepared for the sudden movement of Case's body lunging up and into her arms. Case's arms wound around her torso and squeezed, as Case attempted to bury her upper body in Rain's chest. The sobs were wet and jolted Case's entire body and she continued her previous begging even though Rain was pretty sure Case had woken up.

"Oh God, no, please, no, please, God, no, no, please, no..."

Case's words trailed off and she just cried. She drew her knees up to her chest and rocked in Rain's arms. Rain rocked with her and wrapped her arms around the small frame of the assassin's body.

Case felt like several different people, all having different conversations in her head. One was nothing but the pain and the emotions she'd kept bottled up for so long and she just cried because she couldn't stop. Another was reveling in being held for the first time in her life. Another was absolutely terrified at that same realization, while still another was trying to figure out how to get out of this mess.

After awhile, they all merged back together into one voice and Case was able to calm down enough to stop the sobs that had been racking her body. Another few minutes and Case felt steady enough to raise her body from its uncomfortably angled position pressed against Rain's sternum. Her hands were still clenched in Rain's gray sweatshirt and she didn't let go as she eased herself into a sitting position.

Once she was upright, she released Rain's sweatshirt and used her own sleeve to wipe at her nose. It was disgusting and Case tried to remember if they had any tissues nearby. There were some napkins in the cooking supplies, so Case got up and found them. She blew her nose repeatedly, until she could breathe somewhat clearly again.

Case still hadn't made eye contact with Rain and Rain wasn't quite sure what to say. Silence seemed best until Case gave her a sign or something. Rain had wanted Case to open up to her, but having an abreaction in her lap was a lot to take in.

Case looked around at the forest still bathed in light from the setting moon. Everything was quiet, just insect noises and the rustle of leaves in the breeze every now and then. Case had a feeling if she didn't say anything, and just went back to her sleeping bag, Rain wouldn't say anything either and the whole thing would feel like a dream in the morning. But Case could also see that it would create a wall between them. It would set a precedent, somehow, that would be very difficult to change should either of them ever want to. And Case found herself unwilling to create that kind of wall with Rain.

Case's voice started out scratchy, but as she continued to use it, her vocal chords warmed up and her voice took on its more natural low, smooth tone. She spoke quietly, not disturbing the forest's natural silence with her soft voice, only bending it to accept her as part of the night sounds around them.

"My father was a sick psycho fuck. I don't remember a time when I trusted him, or my mother for letting him do those things to me. I remember this one time, I was hanging out with some kids. I was seventeen and everyone was talking about their first times, you know, when they lost their virginity. There were a couple rapes, some prom dates, a sweet sixteen, and even a few who were still virgins.

"Then everyone looked at me and I didn't know what to say. I couldn't remember a time when I didn't know what sex was. They were talking about when they'd lost their innocence and I'd never had any to begin with. So I lied and told them a story about some girl I'd been with before I'd been sent to juvie. Then we got called to dinner and it never came up again, so I was off the hook."

Case finally brought her eyes to Rain's face and gave a half-smile.

"Guess this wasn't what you were expecting when you said I could talk about it, huh?"

Rain shook her head, but not in negation. She started to speak, but her throat had gone dry, so she cleared it and swallowed, then tried again.

"It's all right. I told you I'd be here."

"Yeah."

Rain wasn't sure which emotion was winning out in the mix she heard in Case's voice: surprise, acceptance, or disbelief. She hoped for acceptance, but she knew it probably wouldn't be very long before Case closed up again. It was natural after such an exhaustive emotional release.

"You think you can go back to sleep?" Rain asked gently.

Case looked panicked for a moment, she shrugged. But then her expression returned to its normally emotionless state.

"Nah, I'll be okay. You go ahead."

Case looked everywhere but at Rain herself. That was new. Rain had noticed that Case didn't seem to have a problem with prolonged eye contact. She seemed to enjoy the challenge of meeting another's gaze; it was an act of confidence in herself. But Case was obviously feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment.

"Do you want to talk some more?" Rain offered cautiously.

Case looked up from where she'd been studying the ground. She shook her head.

"No. I'll be fine. Just go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you."

Rain frowned. Closing up was one thing; burying everything again was something else altogether.

Rain got to her feet and took a moment to let the circulation begin again in her legs. Then, instead of heading to her sleeping bag, she walked over to where Case was leaning against the truck.

"You don't have anything to apologize for. It wasn't your fault."

Case looked up at the last words and Rain could see fresh tears waiting to fall from her eyes. God, those eyes were so full of pain. And guilt. What had she endured to become the woman she was today? Rain didn't let herself second-guess her reasoning as she pulled Case into her arms and held her as the woman cried softly into her shoulder.

After a few minutes, Case raised her head and wiped at her eyes with one of her hands, while she left the other one wrapped around Rain's midsection.

"God, I really need to get a grip here," Case chastised herself.

"I think you've already got one," Rain replied and looked down at Case's arm around her waist.

Case smiled.

"And that doesn't bother you?"

Rain looked at her in question.

"You seemed a little... nervous earlier."

Rain looked down and was glad the blue light of the moon hid her blush, or at least she hoped it did.

"I, uh, I didn't mean to flirt with you like that. We're supposed to have a working relationship, aren't we?"

"Well, relationships that work are usually better than those that don't," Case joked.

Rain smiled, but then looked at Case seriously. Rain had been about to say something, but the words either never existed or had been forgotten by the time she opened her mouth. Somewhere in Rain's mind, she knew that now was not the time, if ever, to initiate something sexual with Case. Case was emotionally vulnerable and was not in the greatest frame of mind to make that kind of decision about Rain and their relationship, whatever it happened to be. The fact that she was a Federal Agent wasn't exactly far from her mind either.

Case took the decision out of Rain's hands as she leaned up to brush her lips against Rain's. Where Rain thought Case needed time to get her thoughts in order, Case felt a need to establish that she was capable of being loved and loving someone in return. And physical intimacy would be a good start.

Rain thought she tried to stop the kiss, but her body had never received the message, so she caught up with what was actually happening and threw herself into it. Her hands pulled Case's body closer and her neck helped her head press her lips harder against Case's mouth.

They both groaned at the same time and then smiled against each other's lips. Then Case darted her tongue out to lick at Rain's lips and Rain pushed her own tongue out to meet Case's. Their tongues touched in the open air between their mouths and stroked over each other, until their mutual need was too much to deny and their lips met to seal their mouths together.

They continually pushed their lips together again and again, as their hands massaged the cloth-covered skin they found. Rain pushed Case back against the truck and Case widened her stance to let Rain fit between her legs a little better.

Rain reached up under the shirt Case was wearing and made contact with bare skin. Her hands were a little cold from the night air and Case flinched as the chilled fingers met up with her warm back. Then she relaxed into the touch and Rain's hands quickly warmed up in their new haven.

Rain ran her hands all over Case's soft back and realized, with the word 'duh' ringing in her mind, that Case wasn't wearing a bra. Neither was she, since they hadn't changed out of their sleep clothes yet. Rain brought her hands to the front and stroked up with the palms of her hands until she was cupping Case's breasts.

Case moaned and pushed into Rain's hands. Her nipples were already so hard that they hurt. She felt Rain run her thumbs lightly over the stiff flesh and groaned again. She was running her own hands through Rain's hair, but she wanted the barriers between their bodies gone, so she released Rain's mouth and removed her hands from the silky hair and reached for the hem of her shirt. She pulled it over her head and tossed it onto the hood of the car.

She looked down at Rain's large hands covering her breasts and was pleased at the image of Rain's tan skin contrasting with her own pale flesh in the moonlight. She placed her own hands over Rain's to encourage them to squeeze a little harder.

Rain watched Case and then bent her head again to recapture the mouth she'd lost when Case had removed her shirt. But now that more flesh was available, Rain couldn't help moving her mouth down to take it all in. She tasted Case's neck, sucked and licked at an earlobe, then lightly bit into the hard muscle of Case's shoulder.

Case's hands left Rain's and she pulled at Rain's head to push her harder against her shoulder. She felt Rain's teeth sink into the flesh and graze over her skin, as Rain lightly chewed, filling her mouth with the taut muscles that Case offered.

Rain released her slippery grip on Case's shoulder and kissed the area in thanks, then continued kissing downward, until she reached one of Case's breasts. She removed the hand covering it and reached around to hold Case's back, as she lowered her mouth over the sensitive nipple.

Case gasped and then moaned when Rain began sucking at her tit. Rain groaned in appreciation of the flesh in her mouth and pinched the other nipple with the hand that was still cupping Case's other breast.

Case ran her hands through the long hair flowing between her fingers and then brought her hands back up to cradle Rain's head. She urged Rain to continue what she was doing and let herself gasp and groan at the sensations Rain was causing in her.

It had been a long time since she'd enjoyed being with anyone. In fact, she usually shut down after the first few kisses and only really found enjoyment by herself. She'd known it was probably psychological, she'd read enough about it, but the reality of having some of those mental blocks removed just because she'd done a little crying was a powerful incentive for further exploration. Later.

At the moment, she was busy reaping the rewards of her little emotional breakthrough. Rain had moved lower and was kissing and sucking at her stomach and Case felt her stomach twitch involuntarily. She saw an image of Rain entering her with two fingers and her knees nearly buckled as her body cried out to make the vision real. The part of her mind that was still analyzing everything was surprised. Penetration normally shut her down completely and she had never in her life actually wanted to be entered.

"Oh God."

The exclamation left her lips with no censorship from her brain. She was still caught up between what Rain was doing to her stomach and the images in her mind's eye. She felt Rain unbutton her pants and looked down. Rain was looking back up at her, a question on her face. Case nodded and Rain continued with the plastic buttons, until there was enough give to bring the flannels down over Case's hips.

Rain barely got the pajama bottoms past Case's thighs when she smelled the woman's scent. She groaned and finished helping Case's feet out of the cuffs of the pants. Case's fingers in her hair were drawing Rain closer and Case replanted her feet wider apart to give Rain better access.

Rain's thumbs brushed through the center of the light curly hair that covered Case's sex and pulled her labia aside to expose what Rain's mouth was watering for. As soon as it was revealed, Rain wrapped her lips around Case's clitoris and twirled her tongue around the trapped little bud.