At Peace (50 page)

My voice was choked when I finished speaking
and Mike’s face changed, the anger ebbed out, gentleness swept in
and he took a step forward.

I took two back and he stopped.

“Sweetheart,” he murmured.

That’s
how I liked him to call me
“sweetheart”.

But I shook my head and I told him, “It’s
over.”

He blinked, slow, then asked, “What?”

“I’m sellin’ the house. The girls and me are
movin’ to Arizona.”

“Honey.”

I was still shaking my head. “He’ll fuck with
me, Mike. He killed Tim, he killed Sam and, still, he’ll fuck with
me.”

Mike moved forward, I moved back but he came
at me faster and caught me in his arms. I forgot why I was
retreating, put my hands to his chest and dropped my forehead
between them.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I whispered. “You,
Joe, Bea, Mel, Mom bein’ a bitch, buryin’ Sam, Vinnie, Theresa,
Manny, Benny, Daniel Hart, it’s all too much. I can’t do this
anymore.”

Mike was quiet, he just held me in his arms
as I fought back the tears.

When I won and did it on a sigh, he spoke.
“Darlin’, I don’t even know who half those people are.”

The way he said it, I laughed, turned my head
and pressed my cheek to his chest.

Then I wrapped my arms around his waist and
his arms got tighter.

“
I was a dick,” he said into my hair,
“comin’ in here, givin’ you that shit.”

I let him off the hook. “You weren’t. You
were just a man.”

“Well, yeah, I am that.”

I pressed my cheek closer and gave him a
squeeze. “Yeah.”

“Girls aren’t here, want you with me
tonight.”

I closed my eyes and didn’t lift my head, nor
loosen my arms when I said with all seriousness, “Mike, I wasn’t
joking. I need to let you go.”

I felt his body grow still when he asked,
“Why?”

I tipped my head back then and said, “In case
you hadn’t noticed, men in my life end up with bullets in their
heads.”

“Sweetheart –”

“And I’m entirely fucked up.”

“Vi.”

I took an arm from his waist, placed my hand
against his cheek and whispered, “And you deserve better than
that.”

“How ‘bout you let me make that decision?” he
whispered back.

“Mike, I repeat, I’m entirely fucked up.”

“
Sweetheart, I already know that,” he
grinned, “and, fuck me, but I kinda like it.”

“Mike –”

“It’s cute.”

Finally, I gave him the truth. “And there’s
somethin’ I need to work out with Joe and I don’t want you feelin’
on a string while I work it out.”

His arms spasmed and that muscle leapt again
in his jaw.

“What?” he whispered.

My hand at his cheek slid to his neck and I
said, “Not that, not what you’re thinking. But we gotta get
something clear and, I know Joe, that’ll take some doing.”

“Violet.”

“I got four days, the girls are gone, I got
four days to do it. Can you give me that?”

“No.”

“Mike –”

“Vi, you’re in my bed tonight.”

“Mike, listen to –”

His arms gave me a shut up squeeze so I did
and he said, “No, Vi, you listen to me. You work it out with him.
Talk. I don’t give a fuck what it’s about, don’t wanna know. You
come to my house tonight and you come prepared to spend the
night.”

Yep, he was getting impatient, staking his
claim.

“Mike, I don’t think –”

“And don’t fuckin’ bring one of his shirts.
You sleep in tees, you wear one of mine.”

“But –”

“And you take it home too.”

Shit and damn. Joe was home a few days and my
brother was fucking dead, I’d been semi-adopted by an Italian
family in Chicago, my girls were back under his spell and I was
back in this unholy mess.

“I’m not ready for that.”

“Yeah, you are and I am and he can have your
days, you need to work shit out with him, but, while the girls are
gone, I have your nights.”

“What if we –”

“I want you safe. I wanna know you’re safe
and the only way I’ll know that is you in my bed. He and Colt can
keep watch durin’ the day but I’m tellin’ you, Vi, I get the
nights.”

“Mike –”

He didn’t let me finish again, this time he
kissed me. Not his straight-to-fiery kiss, this one was a stealth
one, light and sweet, building the fire.

I ended it with my arms wrapped around his
neck.

“
Six o’clock, sweetheart,” he whispered,
“come on in, the door’ll be open.”

“Okay,” I whispered back, because I was a
total, complete idiot.

Then, just like Mike, he gave it to me
honest.

“
You don’t get this, Vi, so I’ll tell you.
I’m fallin’ for you.” I closed my eyes. Mike kissed them in turn
and I opened them again. “I know you don’t need that, sweetheart,
but then again, you need it all the same.”

This didn’t make sense but it totally
did.

I gave it back to him, just as honest.

“Mike, you deserve the best and I’m not sure
that’s me.”

He just grinned, gave me a squeeze, kissed my
forehead and repeated, “Six o’clock, door’ll be open.”

Then he let me go, turned and left.

I stared at the door.

Then I walked to it and armed the alarm.

Then I went to my cold cup of coffee, nuked
it and stood in my kitchen, staring out my kitchen window, watching
three men now carrying out to the dumpster what seemed to be Joe’s
entire freaking kitchen and while I did this I drank my coffee.

* * * * *

After I had a shower, I spritzed with my
perfume, put on light makeup, my Lucky jeans and a blouse I always
liked. The cotton looked almost tie-dyed, all in deep shades of
grape, the split at the neckline was embroidered with green, lilac,
lavender and blue flowers and there were braided strings hanging
down from the top sides of the split, their weight holding it open.
It fit loose but had an elastic waistband and elastic at the cap
sleeves. It was kinda Heidi and kinda rock ‘n’ roll. I loved it, it
made me feel good and I needed that in a big, honking
way.

Then I picked up my phone, scrolled down to
“Joe’s cell” and hit go.

He picked up on ring two.

“Yo.”

“It’s Violet. We need to talk. Come
over.”

“Buddy, I’m in the middle of something.”

“You come over here or I come over there and
we do it in front of all the boys who’re demolishing your
house.”

He was silent then he sighed and said, “Give
me ten.”

“You got ten then I’m headin’ over.”

“All right, baby, cool it. I said I’d be
over.”

“Right,” I said into the phone then slid it
shut.

I had ten minutes and I knew what I’d do with
them.

I limped out the front door, walked across
my yard, cautiously jumped the split rail fence that separated the
front of Tina and my yards then walked right up to her door and
pounded on it.

She made me do this awhile then opened it,
her face a smirk, she knew this was coming and she wanted it, the
bitch.

“Hey Violet.”

I didn’t greet her, I said, “I hear you
spread my business around again, we got problems.”

She put her hand to her chest and said with
totally fake innocence, “I don’t know what you’re talkin’
about.”

“
Donuts for our boys in blue, tellin’ Mike
shit you have no idea what you’re talkin’ about,
that’s
what I’m talkin’ about,” I
unnecessarily reminded her.

The fake innocence melted away and her
eyes narrowed. “Know you walked out Cal’s backdoor wearin’ his
shirt. Know you’re stringin’ along a good man like Mike. Know
that’s fucked.”

“
You’re standin’ there throwin’ stones when
you regularly screw a married man,” I fired back, watched her sneer
even as she flinched and continued. “You don’t know shit, Tina, but
even if you did, it isn’t your business so keep your mouth
shut.”

“You gonna make me?” she asked, like we were
eight and having a verbal tussle at recess during grade school.

“Yeah,” I answered, not in the mood to be
mature. “I got way too much fucked up crap happening in my life, I
don’t need to deal with you.”

She leaned back and sneered, “What
can
you
do to
me?”

I decided to steal Joe’s line. “Don’t
know, but you force it, I’ll get creative.”

“Bring it on,” she snapped.

I shrugged and replied, “You got it.”

Then I turned and limped away to see Joe
standing in my yard, feet planted, arms crossed on his chest, his
eyes aimed beyond me to Tina’s house.

“What was that?” he asked when I’d jumped the
fence again and got close.

“Nothin’,” I replied, limped passed him to my
front door and I stepped through.

Joe followed me and closed the door.

“Vi, what was that?” he repeated.

“
You and me, we’re over,” I
announced
again
.

He crossed his arms on his chest, stared down
at me and I forgot how scary he could look. He’d never done the arm
crossing thing and that was super scary.

“I asked twice and I’ll do it one last time,
what the fuck was that with Tina?”

I noticed he ignored my announcement so I
decided to answer him so we could get to what I wanted to get
straight, something that Joe wouldn’t let me do if he was stuck on
Tina.

“
She saw you drive us away yesterday, she
saw you leave the house this morning. She decided to bring donuts
to the Station and, while spreading her sugar cheer, share all that
shit with the guys, Mike bein’ one of them.”

Joe’s face got hard and far scarier and he
turned his head in the direction of Tina’s house to look at my
wall.

“Mike and I are good, we’re solid, she’s
tryin’ to shake that up and I told her I’m not havin’ that,” I
finished, bringing that subject to a close.

Joe’s hard face swung back to me.

“You and Haines are solid?” he asked.

“Yes, which reminds me, you agree or not,
we’re over.”

He shook his head.

I stared then asked, “Why are you shakin’
your head?”

“Because we’re not over.”

“We are.”

“We’re not and you’re not seeing him again,”
he declared.

My mouth dropped open.

Then I asked, “What?”

“You need to tell him it’s done.”

I felt my eyes get wide and I repeated,
“What?”

“Do it today, he’s a good man, you need to
cut him loose.”

I felt my body grow slowly solid but I leaned
forward a bit while this was happening and asked, yet again,
“What?”

“You’re mine, the girls are mine. I’m stakin’
my claim with you right now and, you force it, I’ll do it with him
too.”

Did he…

Did he…

Did he just say
I
was his and
the girls
were
his?

Did he just say he was
staking his claim?

Straight out?

“Are you crazy?” I breathed.

“Nope.”

That was when I lost it. It’d been
building all day so it wasn’t really a surprise.

“
You have got to be fuckin’
kidding
me!” I shouted.

“Nope,” he repeated calmly.

I took a step toward him and snapped, “You
fucked someone else while you were fucking
me
.”

“I lied, never fucked Nadia,” he replied,
still cool as could be.

I sucked in breath at the same time my torso
swung back.

“What?”

“I lied, buddy.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does!” I shouted.

“The whole time I was with you, I wasn’t with
anyone else. Didn’t even think about it.”

I shook my head, taking a step back then
two, his words pummeling me into retreat.

Then I stopped and rallied. “This doesn’t
matter, I don’t care. We’re over. I’m not goin’ back there
again.”

“You’re already back.”

I stopped shaking my head and glared at him.
“I am not.”

“Buddy, you are. You never fuckin’ left.”

“How d’you figure that?” I asked
sarcastically.

“You sleep in my shirt,” he answered.

Oh fuck. Why was I such an idiot?

“It’s comfortable,” I snapped.

“And Kate told me, when Mike spent the night,
he did it on the couch,” Joe went on.

“He did that because he’s being cool around
the girls.”

“I walked out of your room this morning Vi,
and neither of them fuckin’ blinked.”

I took those steps back forward again (and
then some), getting right into his space and stated, “Yeah, we need
to talk about that too.”

“Don’t feed me some shit about you not
wanting it. You were awake when I got up this mornin’, you didn’t
give me shit, you didn’t say a fuckin’ word, so don’t try and
bullshit me.”

How did he know that? He was such a pain in
the ass!

“I didn’t want a scene in front of the
girls.”

“You wanted me to come back.”

Yes, a total pain in the ass.

“I did not!” I yelled.

Then he moved fast and I retreated just as
fast but hit wall and he came in close, his hands at the wall by my
head, fencing me in.

“Step back,” I hissed.

“You’re mine, Vi.” he said and the way he
said it, I focused on his face.

Very scary. Sinister. And definitely
serious.

Joe Callahan was not a man to be fucked with,
this I knew and if I didn’t his voice and his face right then would
have proved it.

“You let him touch you, it’ll piss me off,”
he threatened.