Athena's Daughter (19 page)

“Respect.” He spat out the word as if was
offal. “That’s asking too much.”

“Oh, give me a break!” Paul got to his feet
and glared down at Derek. “Yeah, you’ve been through hell today,
but she’s been going through it for seven years. So she made a
mistake, a huge, fucking, horrible mistake. But she did tell you,
and now you’re going to have that little girl in your life, the
little girl you wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for Athena.” He shook
his head, looking disgusted. “I watched you mourn that woman for
seven years, I watched you treat her like shit when you found her
again, and then I’ve seen you happier the past ten days than I’ve
ever seen you. I’m telling you now that if you don’t get past this,
you’re going to wreck the rest of your life. Grow up and develop a
little bit of empathy, mate, and you can have what you’ve always
wanted – a life with Athena, and the bonus of a beautiful little
daughter with her.”

“I don’t want a life with Athena.” Each word
was bitten off with bitterness and colored with self-hatred,
because deep down he knew he was lying. He didn’t want to want her,
and he was going to do everything in his power not to want her.

A harsh laugh shook Paul’s shoulders.
“Really? Well, you’ve got one whether you want it or not. Go ahead
and tell yourself you don’t still love her, but remember this:
She’s Elizabeth’s mother, and nothing will ever change that.
Whether you like it or not, Athena’s in your life for good now. And
if you know what’s good for you, you’ll make the best of it.”

Derek shook his head slowly. “No. She may be
Elizabeth’s mother, but she’ll never be anything more to me.” He
straightened his shoulders with resolve. “I’m done with her.”

For a moment Paul stood gazing down on him,
then turned on his heel and stomped away, firing one last comment
over his shoulder. “Your funeral, mate.”

Saturday morning dawned clear and bright, and
Athena breathed a sigh of relief. It was the day she was going to
change Elizabeth’s life forever, and she wanted the little girl to
be able to look back on it in later years with positive memories.
The dark thunderstorms of the past two days had colored everything
with a dreary pall, but the soft spring sunshine was the best
backdrop for such an important conversation.

Before beginning breakfast, Athena opened the
windows in the living room, and a warm breeze with just the barest
hint of humidity wafted in. It would have been even nicer had the
breeze been imbued with the sound of birdsong and the scents of
grass and flowers. Instead, the cacophony of traffic, voices from
downstairs raised in an argument, and someone’s radio blasting out
the sappy strains of Barry Manilow’s “Mandy” filled the apartment
along with a whiff of automobile exhaust and the cloying fragrance
of fried food from the diner down the street.

Athena pulled two cereal bowls from the
cabinet, dreaming of the day when she and Elizabeth would be out of
their rapidly deteriorating neighborhood and into a house of their
own. She wouldn’t have to dream too much longer. By the end of the
summer, that house would be a reality. She hoped Derek’s anger
wouldn’t manifest itself in his not bringing her pay for the three
weeks she’d worked for the band. If so, she’d have to wait on Simon
to send it to her, and she hoped he’d have enough sense to send it
in care of Stax of Wax instead of waiting around to find out her
mailing address.

Derek. Just the thought of him chased the
thought of three bedrooms and a bath-and-a-half from her mind, and
returned it to the conversation she’d be having with Elizabeth. Not
wanting to burden the little girl with such news during the school
week, she’d waited until they would have the whole day free of
distractions to talk it over. And now it was here.

“Elizabeth,” she called out. “I’m about to
pour the milk, so you’d better get in here before your cereal gets
soggy.”

Footsteps thundered up the hall, and
Elizabeth slid on sock feet into the kitchen, narrowly missing the
dinette table. “I’m here.”

“I can see that.” Athena sat the bowls of
cereal on the table. “You want to put off the running into
furniture and busting your head open until after we eat?”

“Okay.”

Athena had to smother a grin at Elizabeth’s
agreeable tone. She sat down across from her daughter and pushed
her cereal around in her bowl while Elizabeth tore into hers like a
wolverine.

“’nwegotapartody?” the little girl asked
around a mouthful of Captain Crunch.

“I know you didn’t just talk with your mouth
full, right?”

Elizabeth gulped down her cereal with an
audible swallow. “Sorry, Mama.”

“Mama?” Athena frowned. “What happened to
Mommy?”

“Only babies say Mommy,” Elizabeth replied
while scooping up another spoonful.

“Who told you that?” asked Athena, already
having a pretty good idea.

“Calvin and Carrie. They’re only in
kindergarten and they don’t say Mommy.”

“Fine.” As she watched the little girl
slurping up her breakfast, Athena could see her in ten years’ time,
an angsty teenager worried about boys and cars, and probably not
deigning to call Athena anything but “Mo-ther!” Looking at it like
that, the graduation from Mommy to Mama wasn’t all that bad.
“Anyway, what were you saying with a full mouth?”

“I asked if we can go to the park today.”
Vivid blue eyes full of pleading turned Athena’s way. “It’s not
raining.”

“We’ll see.”

Elizabeth sighed. “That means no.”

Athena regarded her over the rim of her
coffee cup. “It means we’ll see. There’s something important we
need to talk about today.”

“I’ve been good.” Pleading turned to
anxiousness. “I did all my school work and I didn’t talk in class
and I didn’t break anything at Aunt Andi’s and I didn’t even hit
Calvin when he called me a baby. You can ask.”

Raising the coffee cup to her mouth, Athena
smothered another smile, and took a moment to let her amusement
subside. “I know you were good. Aunt Andi and Uncle Walt kept me
updated while I was gone. It’s something else we need to talk
about.” Her eyes narrowed as Elizabeth raised the cereal bowl to
her mouth and drank the milk from it. “Shit,” she muttered as she
got to her feet. “I forgot your orange juice.”

Elizabeth’s gasp could have been heard for a
two block radius. “You said a bad word,” she admonished, eyes
bright with a combination of censure and scandalized interest.

Cringing, Athena pulled the bottle of juice
from the rusting white refrigerator and poured some in a small
plastic glass. “I know, and I’m really sorry.” She handed the juice
to Elizabeth and sat down across from her again.

“You’re not apposed to say words like that.”
Elizabeth picked up the glass and drank with the thirst of a
Bedouin who missed the turn to the last oasis.

“I know,” Athena repeated. “It’s a bad habit
I got into while I was gone, and I’m going to stop it, okay?”

Finishing the juice with an explosive gasp,
Elizabeth nodded and set the glass down again.

“Good grief, Elizabeth. Slow down a little.”
She noticed the orange moustache adorning her daughter’s upper lip
and handed over the dishtowel. “You’re going to make yourself sick.
What’s the hurry?”

“If I eat fast then we can talk, and then
maybe we can go to the park.” Elizabeth scrubbed at her mouth with
the towel. “I’m done now,” she added, and stifled a belch behind
her hand. “’Scuse me.”

“All right,” Athena sighed. “Take your dishes
to the sink and make sure you rinse them out well, especially that
glass. We don’t want any ants.”

Athena finished her coffee while Elizabeth
splashed in the sink behind her. Now that it was time to break the
news, her stomach was jumping around like a roomful of toddlers on
a sugar high. She’d been practicing her part of the conversation
since she boarded the plane in Los Angeles, trying to come up with
the best way to explain things to an almost-seven-year-old in a way
she could understand. Of course, things could go in any number of
ways, depending on Elizabeth’s reaction.

“Done!” As Elizabeth skipped into the living
room, Athena rose from her chair.

“Do not turn on that TV again,” she said,
forestalling any ideas Elizabeth might have had. “You’ve already
had your cartoon fix for the day.”

“Okay, I guess I can read a book,” Elizabeth
replied with a complete lack of enthusiasm.

“No, just sit down and wait for me. I’ll be
right there.” Athena drained the milk from her untouched cereal,
and dumped the soggy mess left into the trash. She rinsed out the
bowl and her coffee cup, and took a deep, fortifying breath.
Steeling her shoulders, she went into the living room, ready for
whatever came next.

Elizabeth was sitting on the threadbare green
sofa gazing out the open window, and Athena’s heart squeezed tight
as she looked at her. That profile was Derek’s to a T; the
straight, well-shaped nose, the defined jaw, and the hint of a
cleft in her chin. As far as Athena could tell, the only thing the
child inherited from her was her eyebrows. They had an arch, while
Derek’s slashed straight over his eyes. Once again, she was glad
Elizabeth also inherited Derek’s calm, accepting nature. Well,
barring his actions toward her, of course, but that was to be
expected.

She sat next to Elizabeth and patted her leg.
“Wanna sit in my lap?”

The little girl climbed onto Athena’s lap and
snuggled her head against her mother’s chest. “Am I in trouble?”
she asked in a small voice.

“Not even a little bit,” Athena assured her
with a hug. “But I want you to listen close, okay? ‘Cause this is
important.”

“Okay.”

“All right.” For better or worse, she dived
in. “You know how you’ve always thought Steve was your daddy?”

“Mm-hm.”

“Well, that’s not the truth.” She patted
Elizabeth’s back when she felt her start of surprise. “He really
wanted to be, and he even tried to be your daddy. But he
wasn’t.”

If Elizabeth’s voice was small before, now it
was miniscule. “Why not?”

“Because when I met Steve, you were already
growing in my tummy. Since your real daddy wasn’t here, Steve
married me so he could be your daddy.” Well, that wasn’t the truth,
either, but Elizabeth didn’t need to know that.

“Why wasn’t my real daddy here?” A little
more volume came into Elizabeth’s voice, and Athena detected more
than a little interest.

Praying she’d get it right, she took a deep
breath before answering. “Because I messed up. I didn’t tell him I
was going to have a baby, so he didn’t know about you.”

“But why not?” Elizabeth sat up and peered at
her mother, a small frown of confusion between her eyes.

“Well, he lives way across the ocean, in a
country called England, and…”

“Like London, England?” Elizabeth
interrupted. “We learned about that in school.”

Athena smiled. “That’s exactly where he
lives. London, England. But even though he lived so far away, I
tried to call him to tell him we had a baby coming.”

“Me, right?”

“Yep. I called his house, but someone else
answered and told me a lie about your daddy.”

Elizabeth looked offended. “Someone
lied?”

“Yes, they did.” Athena nodded. “They told me
your daddy was going to marry someone else, and that made me
sad.”

At her words, Elizabeth grew solemn. “He
shouldn’t have married someone else.”

“He didn’t munchkin. It was a lie, remember?
But I didn’t know it was a lie, and I was so sad when I thought it
was the truth that I never told him about you.” She put her hands
on Elizabeth’s soft little cheeks and looked into her eyes. “That
was very, very wrong, Elizabeth. Even if he did marry someone else,
I should have told him about you. He’s your daddy, and he deserved
to know. If I’d done the right thing and told him, he would have
been here for you all your life. I made a big mistake, and I’m
very, very sorry.”

“It’s okay, Mommy.” In trying to reassure her
mother, Elizabeth apparently forgot about sounding like a baby. Her
soft hand patted her mother’s cheek. “Don’t be sorry.”

Athena closed her eyes to hide a rush of
tears. “Well, I am sorry. But I want to make it up to you, so
listen to this.” With her tears banished for the moment, she looked
at Elizabeth again and smiled. “While I was gone, I was with your
daddy.”

The little girl’s eyes grew round. “You
were?”

“Uh-huh. And I told him about you, and guess
what?”

“What?”

“He’s so happy you’re his little girl!” She
gave Elizabeth a squeeze. “He’s really glad to be your daddy, and
he’s coming here next week to see you.”

“He is?” Elizabeth wriggled with
excitement.

“Yep. He told me so. And when he saw your
picture he couldn’t stop looking at it.”

A look of skepticism, so typical of children,
lifted one of Elizabeth’s brows. “Where’d he see my picture?”

An image of the shocked disbelief on Derek’s
face when he saw the Christmas photo popped into Athena’s head, but
she pushed it away. Though he hadn’t said much about Elizabeth, it
was clear he was determined to be an involved father. At least, she
hoped that his vehemence indicated that he already loved his
daughter.

“He borrowed your photo book so he could look
at your pictures. He’ll bring it with him when he comes.” Her mind
added that he’d damn well better.

Silence followed this last statement as
Elizabeth mulled things over, and Athena sat still, willing to give
her all the time she needed to process the information.

A beam of sunlight shone on the back of
Elizabeth’s head, highlighting the redder strands of her hair, and
a fist squeezed Athena’s heart. While she was scared shitless about
Derek’s impending arrival, she couldn’t wait to see him with
Elizabeth for the first time, those two dark heads close together
and those two sets of startling blue eyes looking into each
other’s.