Athena's Daughter (6 page)

“Here’s your bacon butty.” He grinned. “I
couldn’t decide which I wanted more, so I just made both.”

“You made these?” Her heart melted further,
and she ceased to wonder why he’d given her a sandwich made with
French fries. At that moment she’d have eaten raw octopus on a
stick if he offered it to her.

“Oh, yeah; they’re my favorite.” He pulled
two thermoses from his pack and sat them on the blanket between
them. “How do you take your tea?”

“Um, just plain, I guess.”

“Black it is, then,” he said, removing the
cup from the top of one thermos. “I take mine white without, so the
other vacuum flask has milk. I brought sugar, too, just in
case.”

Again, she had no idea what he was talking
about, but the trouble he had gone to made her want to dive across
the blanket and wrap him in a hug. Instead, she took a bite of the
sandwich so as not to disturb his preparations.

Wow, not bad. Not bad at all. Eyebrows arched
in surprise, she looked again at the sandwich. Who’d have thought
French fries with ketchup would taste so good on buttered
bread?

“Is it okay?” he asked, a hint of worry in
his voice.

Nodding, Athena chewed quickly and swallowed.
“It’s fantastic,” she raved. “I’ve never had it before, and it’s so
good!”

“You don’t have chip butties in America?
Well, now you know what you’ve been missing.” He motioned toward
the other package near her knee. “Wait ‘til you try the bacon.”

“I’ll try it now.” She put down the chip
butty and reached for the other one, but stopped as he handed her
the plastic cup.

“Have some tea first while it’s still
hot.”

Athena took the cup and raised it to her
lips, blowing on the contents to cool them a bit. Over the rim of
the cup she watched Derek add a dollop of milk to his tea before
raising his cup to her.

“Here’s to the lot of us, and a fine looking
bunch we are,” he toasted.

She touched her cup to his and took a sip.
The tea went down in a smooth, warm swallow, and she sighed in
contentment. With the birds singing overhead, a soft breeze chasing
away the worst of the heat, and a beautiful man who had cooked just
for her, Athena couldn’t imagine a more perfect picnic.

The bacon butty was, if anything, even better
than the chip, and Athena ate like she hadn’t been fed in a month.
After all the food and tea had been consumed, they wrapped up their
trash and Derek stowed it away with the empty thermoses in his
backpack.

There followed the most wonderful afternoon
of Athena’s life to date. They lay side by side on the blanket,
looking up into the trees while she quizzed Derek about his music.
Passionate about the subject, he went on at length to his attentive
audience, his husky voice accompanied by soft quacks from the ducks
in the pond.

The play of emotions across his face was
mesmerizing, and Athena couldn’t get enough of looking at him.
Since he was so caught up in telling her about how he’d learned to
play guitar and the groups he’d been part of since he was thirteen,
she was able to gaze at him without interruption. She’d never seen
anyone so beautiful in her life. Even the tiny scar she discovered
almost hidden by one eyebrow seemed perfect to her. He had a very
expressive face, and she could have watched the play of muscles
under his skin for hours. That little half smile that appeared with
frequency did strange and wonderful things to her; every time she
saw it her stomach knotted with bursts of pleasure and her heart
performed acrobatics in her chest.

A sudden gust of wind stirred the leaves
above them and lifted a corner of the blanket, depositing it across
Athena’s feet. Derek broke off in the middle of an explanation
about the different ways he tuned his guitar for different songs,
and frowned up at the sky.

“I guess it is going to rain after all.” He
sat up and ran a hand through his hair. “I was hoping the sun would
be out all day.”

“It was nice while it lasted,” Athena
observed, leaning forward to flip the blanket off her feet. When
she sat back up and turned to Derek, she found him just inches from
her face as he reached for his backpack.

They both froze for a moment, looking into
each other’s eyes. Athena never knew who moved first, but the next
instant they were wrapped around each other exchanging scorching
kisses that ignited a hunger in her that she’d never before
experienced.

Derek broke the kiss as a distant rumble of
thunder sounded, and leaned his forehead against hers. “What would
you think about moving this indoors?” he whispered.

“I think that sounds like the best thing I’ve
heard all day,” she replied, heart flip-flopping with a mixture of
desire and apprehension.

Her sexual experience consisted of losing her
virginity on prom night, which seemed to be a requirement at her
high school, followed by two more disastrous experiments with the
same boy that left her unsatisfied. Since both she and her date
were virgins on prom night, it had been an almost comedic episode
of the blind leading the blind. She hadn’t expected much from that
first time, but was more than a little pissed off when the next two
encounters were the same, with her date getting off and leaving her
high and dry. As inexperienced as she was, though, she knew being
with Derek would be different. Just kissing him had awakened more
sensations in her than three episodes of her prom date’s fumbling
attention. She was almost vibrating with the need to get Derek
somewhere secluded and take it all the way.

“Then let’s go.” He pressed another searing
kiss on her lips before he helped her to her feet. Together they
folded the blanket and stuffed it in his backpack, the silence
between them seeming to hum with a high-voltage energy.

The moment the backpack was fastened, he took
her hand. “Is my flat all right?”

“Your flat is perfect,” she told him in a
trembling voice.

“Good.” He squeezed her fingers. “Let’s
go.”

Memphis, April 5, 1975

No.

The word kept reverberating in Athena’s head
in the wake of Derek’s angry departure, a plea to any unseen forces
that might be lurking that she hadn’t messed up her entire life
because of one phone call. No, she hadn’t believed that snotty
little British twit. No, she didn’t jump to the worst conclusion
about Derek. No, she didn’t marry Steve out of desperation because
of it. And no – Oh, please, God, no – she didn’t mess up
Elizabeth’s life, too, because she had been a stupid, moronic,
idiotic kid who didn’t use her brain at the most crucial juncture
of her life.

Yes. Yes, she had. And the realization that
there was nothing she could do to change any of it washed over her,
leaving behind a sorrow so deep and heavy that she crumpled, unable
to remain upright beneath it.

She pressed her cheek against the dusty
surface of the desk as deep, painful sobs tore through her chest.
The crushing guilt came roaring to the surface again, and for the
first time in years she let herself imagine what could have been –
Derek holding his baby daughter, Elizabeth feeling safe and loved
by her father instead of telling a framed photograph of a stranger
goodnight.

On the heels of those images came the thought
of what it might have been like to be with Derek all those years.
Instead of the parade of bad dates, the lonely nights and the cold
feeling of abandonment, maybe it could have been the way it was
that summer when she and Derek were so in love that it colored
everything with hope. With him she would have been more than The
Mommy, The Sister, The Daughter, The Boss; all were satisfying in
their way, but still, something was missing. And what was missing
was Athena. Over the years she’d stifled who she was in order to be
what other people needed, but when she’d been with Derek there was
no holding back. He’d loved her for who she was, not some
preconceived notion of what others thought she should be.

But more than that, she missed being the
object of someone’s desire. Now that she’d seen Derek again, she
knew why her infrequent dates hadn’t satisfied that longing; they
didn’t desire her, they just desired sex. Who they got it from was
immaterial. Derek had wanted her. She wanted – needed – that again.
And she wanted it from Derek.

Though she’d tried to bury it under hurt and
betrayal and anger, she still loved him. She didn’t want to, but
she couldn’t deny it. Even the cold detachment she’d seen in his
eyes couldn’t change it. She loved him and she’d lost him, and
grief knifed through her at the realization that she had no one to
blame for that but herself. It wasn’t Derek’s fault, or Tina’s, or
anyone else she’d tried to blame. It was all her own fault for
throwing Derek’s love away, and she didn’t think she could live
with herself now that she’d admitted it.

A gentle touch on her shoulder made her jump
in surprise. She hadn’t heard Paul enter the room and she was
embarrassed that he found her in such a state.

Without a word, he pulled her up and wrapped
his arms around her, rocking her gently back and forth. Athena
collapsed against him, desperate for the comfort he silently
offered. After a moment or two, she took a deep breath, determined
to regain control. With the same iron will that got her through the
past seven years, she banished the tears and wiped her fingers
under her eyes. She nestled her head against Paul’s chest and
sighed.

“Thank you.”

“Mmm.” Paul’s voice rumbled against her ear.
“What did he say to you, love?”

“Nothing that didn’t need saying,” she
croaked.

A derisive snort shook his shoulders. “I
can’t imagine you deserved anything that would reduce you to
this.”

“Well, I did. In fact, in light of things, he
went easy on me.” She shook her head, her hair rustling against the
front of his shirt. “You can’t blame him because I’m in here
bawling like a baby.” With a sigh, Athena sat up and brushed her
hair away from her face. “But it’s not important, and I’m
okay.”

Paul peered at her with eagle eyes. “Are you?
I don’t think so.”

“All right,” she relented. “I’ll be okay
eventually. How’s that?”

“A load of bullshit, darling, that’s how it
is.” He lifted a skeptical brow and shook his head. “But I can see
that stubborn streak I remember well, so I know you’re going to
continue to lie to me. I’ll drop it. For now.”

“Gee, thanks.” A small smile tugged at the
corners of her mouth. She’d forgotten about Paul’s direct manner
and his way of cutting through the malarkey. The only other person
who saw through her with such clarity was her mother, but Athena
wasn’t fond of the critical way her comments were couched and
tended to tune her out the minute she got started. It was harder to
ignore Paul’s genuine concern.

“Since you’ve decided to avoid whatever the
hell it was Derek did to make you cry like that, let’s move on to
why I was looking for you in the first place.” Paul crossed his
arms over his chest and tilted his head toward the door. “Simon,”
he called. “She’s in here.”

Curious now, Athena looked around in time to
see Simon enter the room looking relieved.

“There you are,” he stated the obvious. He
opened his mouth to say more, but closed it with a snap as he
studied Athena with narrowed eyes. “What have you been doing?
Rolling around on the desk with Derek?”

“You’re both covered in dust, darling,” Paul
explained with a strained grin. “Stand up and I’ll brush you
off.”

She slid off the desk and glared at Simon. “I
haven’t been rolling anywhere with Derek, thank you very much.”

“Then why does he have dust all over his
clothes, too?” Simon demanded.

Paul made a sound of impatience. “Not
important,” he told his manager. “Just tell her what we discussed.”
He began brushing the dust off the arm of Athena’s dress with brisk
swipes of his hand.

“Right.” In an instant, Simon turned all
business. “We’ve had a bit of bad luck. You see, the lads’ personal
assistant broke his leg when he took a tumble down the stairs at
the hotel in Nashville. Bloody fool was high as a kite at the time,
but that’s of no matter.” He dismissed the former assistant with a
wave of his hand. “What matters is that we need to replace him, and
we want you for the job.”

Athena’s mouth dropped open in shock, and for
a moment she could only stand there gaping at Simon while being
buffeted by Paul’s dust removal efforts. “Are you crazy? I can’t do
that!”

“Of course you can,” Simon retorted. “You’ve
done it before.”

“Seven years ago, Simon, and things have
changed since then.”

“Not that much. Everyone’s essentially the
same as they were then.”

“Oh, give me a break,” she scoffed. “Three
gold albums and tours all over the world and they’re the same guys
I knew back then? Right. Oh, and just so you know, your guitar
player hates me. There’s no way this would work.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” Paul contradicted as
he brushed dust from her backside. “He’s just a bit brassed
off.”

“Hate, Paul. It’s hate. And stop doing that!”
She twisted away from his ministrations. “I don’t care if I’m
dusty.” She turned back to Simon. “Thanks for the offer, but
there’s no way I can do this. I have a job I can’t just walk away
from. More importantly, I have a daughter. You think I can just bug
out with a rock band and leave her behind?”

Under other circumstances, the looks on the
faces of Paul and Simon would have been funny. They couldn’t have
looked more dumbfounded if she’d suddenly begun disrobing.

Paul cleared his throat. “You have a
kid?”

“That’s what I said. And I’m all she’s got,
so going with you is out of the question.” She shook her head and
headed toward the door. “This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve
ever heard.”