Aunt Effie's Ark (12 page)

“Help!”

“They tried to unload Harry Wakatipu on all the field officers down south,” said Jack, “but they sent him back. He's not allowed out of the Vast Untrodden Ureweras. The High Court Judge said he'd be shot on
sight if he ever came into Rotorua again.”

“Help!”

“What did he do in Rotorua?”

“I don't like to say,” said Jack. “In case Daisy hears.”

“You mean I'm too young to hear,” said Lizzie. “It's not fair being the youngest!”

“Help!”

“Alwyn,” said Marie, “remember the story of the boy who cried ‘Wolf!' If you don't stop yelling ‘Help!' you'll call it out one day when you really need help, and nobody will listen.”

“Help!”

“It's not me,” said Alwyn.

“Help!”

“It's somebody on top of that peak.”

“Help! Ship ahoy! Help!”

“That's the top of Mount Maungataniwha,” said Peter. “Take a look!” He handed Marie the telescope just as the wretch on top of Maungataniwha hailed us with the Name We Dared Not Say.

“Euphemia, ahoy!”

At the sound of the Name We Dared Not Say, Aunt Effie stirred in her sleep. She murmured something, and the ship trembled until ripples shook and lapped against the mountain top.

Marie stared through the telescope. “I think I know who that is!”

Peter worked Aunt Effie's Ark closer in. The
starving
wretch had sucked all the snow and eaten all the leatherleaf down to bare stone. Even the iron pipe that marked the trig point on the top of Maungataniwha shone bright with his tooth marks.

He bellowed again, “Ship, ahoy! Euphem–”

Before he could finish shouting the Name We Dared Not Say, Peter bawled, “Sing out that name once more, and we'll leave you there!”

The wretched survivor was so emaciated, the skin on his face had slipped over his shoulders so he looked tattooed all the way down to his waist. His fur was mangy with bald patches, his ears hung down the sides
of his head, and his tail hung down between his legs.

“Harry Wakatipu!” said Lizzie.

Marie shook her head. “No, it's the Tattooed Wolf!”

“Ooowhooooo!” he croaked. “Ooowhooooo!”

“Poor brute! He can't even howl properly.”

“I hope you're not thinking of taking that savage beast aboard?” said Daisy.

“He's eaten all the leatherleaf; he can't live much longer on bare stone.”

“Let him starve!” said Daisy. “Try eating the rest of that iron pipe!” she called to the Tattooed Wolf.

But Peter heaved a line to him. “Make it fast!” he yelled and passed his end through the handle of a bucket. Marie wrote a promise on a piece of paper and put it inside. Peter tied a light line to the bucket handle, threw it to the Tattooed Wolf, and told him to pull it across.

We were close enough to see him sign the promise first with his right hand, then with his left, then with his right again. The bucket came swinging back. “I promise not to eat anyone on board Aunt Effie's Ark,” the promise said, and it was signed, “Rangi, alias Tom Thumb, alias Tama Iti.”

“I thought I knew that tattoo!” said Jazz. “It's Rangi the Maori chief, one of Aunt Effie's early husbands. Remember she said he signed the Treaty of Waharoa several times and with both hands for all the other chiefs!”

We sent across a breeches buoy, but the Tattooed Wolf was too weak to climb into it, so Jazz swung
himself
ashore hand over hand.

“You watch out he doesn't eat you!” said Daisy. “He only promised not to eat anyone on Aunt Effie's Ark!”
But Jazz lashed the bedraggled wolf into the breeches buoy, and we pulled him on board.

Shrieking, Daisy climbed into her bunk and barred the doors from inside where we heard her singing “Oh, God, Our Help in Ages Past.”

The rest of us lifted the Tattooed Wolf into a bath of boiling hot cocoa where he ate fifteen platefuls of Aunt Effie's Old Furry, soup thick with bacon-bones and split peas. Once his teeth stopped chattering, he drank the cocoa and licked the bath clean with his long tongue.

“That feels better! I've been wet and cold all winter. And I hate the taste of leatherleaf! Do you suppose I could have a hot shower?” he asked.

“Who's that?' asked Victor when the Tattooed Wolf came out of the bathroom. He'd shaved and cut his hair, and was wearing a dark pinstriped suit, and an Auckland Grammar Old Boys' tie. His shoes shone, he carried smart leather gloves, and his hair smelled of Bay Rum. The cocoa and Old Furry had filled him out so his tattoo was back in its proper place and gave him a rather distinguished look.

“I thought you were Harry Wakatipu,” Lizzie told him.

“Do I look like a horse?” he smiled.

“I thought you were the Tattooed Wolf,” Jessie told him.

He chuckled winningly like an Auckland Grammar Old Boy. “Do I look like a wolf?” We all shook our heads and frowned at Lizzie and Jessie.

At the sound of his winning chuckle, Daisy climbed out of her bunk. “Oh, Mr Rangi. Let me be the first to welcome you aboard!”

Rangi bowed, kissed Daisy's hand, and said, “
Charming
! How selfish of me! I forgot to mention that there are two more unhappy wretches marooned on top of Whakataka Mountain. Would it be too much
trouble
…?”

The first creature we saw on Whakataka was a shabby grizzled bear. The second was a man-eating rhinoceros with the characteristic pointed horn on the end of its nose. Both were skinny, cold, and hungry.

We fed them Old Furry, a bucketful at a time. Then, like Mr Rangi, they had hot showers.

The man-eating Urewera rhinoceros emerged from the bathroom dressed in naval uniform. We now saw that what we had thought was a rhino's horn was really a curiously pointed head.

“It's Captain Flash!” Alwyn exclaimed. “Remember Aunt Effie told us he got his ear trumpet jammed over his head so it grew pointed?”

“Welcome aboard, Captain Flash!” Daisy simpered. “How gratifying it is to meet a gallant officer of dear Queen Victorious's Royal Navy!”

The captain simpered back, bowed, and kissed Daisy's hand. He nodded his pointed head, and skipped a couple of steps.

“Remember,” said Alwyn, “Aunt Effie said Captain Flash was an accomplished dancer.”

Just then the grizzled bear emerged soberly dressed in a black suit and with a minister's collar around his neck. “The Reverend Samuel Missionary,” he
introduced
himself and Daisy was so gratified she bowed herself and kissed his hand.

“That's him!” Ann whispered. “The well-spoken old
gentleman we met at Kennedy Bay! I'm sure he was another of Aunt Effie's old husbands.”

“What if Aunt Effie wakes and finds we've got three of her old husbands aboard?” Lizzie asked in her clear voice. Fortunately none of the old husbands heard her because they were busy condescending to Daisy.

“One must say, it is so naice to hear English
well-spoken
,” she gushed to Captain Flash.

“Quaite so!” said Rangi.

“I say!” said Captain Flash and blushed red to the very tip of his pointed head. The Reverend Samuel
Missionary
delighted Daisy even further by singing several beautifully enunciated verses of “Abide With Me” which he must have guessed was her favourite hymn.

“We've got work to do,” Peter said rather gruffly. We followed him back on deck and sailed Aunt Effie's Ark over the Moerangi ridge from the Upper Waiau. Far below we could see the Whirinaki River silver and blue between dark rimus.

Peter looked worried. “I think the flood might be going down.”

“No,” said Lizzie, leaning over the ship's side. “The water's up to the same plank.”

Peter didn't seem to hear her. “I thought we might have time to go up the Waiatiu from behind Dinny Iles's post mill and follow the Old Taupo Track. Then we could have sailed above the Waikato River, turned off down the Hinuera Valley, and got home that way.” He was spinning the wheel as he spoke.

“That's Minginui below us.” Some time later, he said, “And there's Te Whaiti.” We looked down through the water, but everyone was inside watching telly and
waiting for the floods to drop. “We're going home the way we came,” said Peter.

We sailed high over Murupara. Jack climbed the mainmast and looked back at the Horomanga ridge. “Just two rivers I don't like,” he sang to himself, “Whirinaki and Rangitaik…” Away in the distance, the silvery-blue peaks of the Grim Inscrutable Ureweras shimmered in a light we had almost forgotten.

“You're right,” Marie said in a low voice to Peter. “The flood's going down.” She pointed ahead to where the tops of some pine trees stuck out of the water.

“It's stopped raining!” said Lizzie, and the little ones ran around the ship shouting the news.

“Aunt Effie hates pine trees,” said Jazz. “What if she wakes up and finds we've stranded her house in the middle of the Kaingaroa Forest?”

“What's she going to say when she wakes and finds we've got three of her old husbands aboard?” said Ann.

Terrified by what we'd done, we went below and stood by Aunt Effie's enormous bed. She snored away in her green invalid's pyjamas, her sou'wester on her head. Her giant dogs, Caligula, Nero, Brutus, Kaiser, Genghis, and Boris snored, too.

“Maybe,” said Peter, “we should hibernate, too.” We climbed on to the foot of Aunt Effie's enormous bed, shoved the dogs out of our way, and closed our eyes.

“I've got to go to the dunny,” we all heard Lizzie say.

“So do I,” said Jessie.

“So do I,” we all said.

We climbed off the foot of Aunt Effie's enormous bed. “Why don't Aunt Effie and the dogs have to go to the dunny?” Lizzie asked.

“Because they're really hibernating,” Peter told her. “We were just pretending. We'll have to own up when Aunt Effie comes out of hibernation. I'll tell her we were only trying to do the right thing. We couldn't let her old husbands drown. I hope she understands.”

There was a snort from Aunt Effie. We stared at her. She turned over so we couldn't see her face. Caligula, Nero, Brutus, Kaiser, Genghis, and Boris snorted and rolled over, too.

“Come on,” Ann said to the little ones. “You can use the dunny in Aunt Effie's bathroom, but don't make a mess.”

“I'm going back on deck,” said Peter. “Even if we get over the Kaingaroa Forest tonight, we'll be lucky to get over the Mamakus before the flood goes down too far. Aunt Effie will never forgive me if she wakes up and finds her house in Rotorua.”

The rest of us went down to the kitchen. Daisy had disappeared. So had Mr Rangi, Captain Flash, and Mr Samuel Missionary.

“They've turned themselves back into the Tattooed Wolf, the Grizzled Bear, and the Man-Eating
Urewera
Rhinoceros,” said Alwyn. “Perhaps they've eaten Daisy!” He looked pleased at the idea.

But just then we heard a tinkling little laugh, like the ringing of an elegant little silver bell. Daisy had opened Aunt Effie's best parlour where we were never allowed to go without scrubbing our feet first, and where we were never allowed to touch anything nor to sit on any of the chairs. Daisy had brought out Aunt Effie's best tea-service, the Royal Doulton. Her little finger crooked high in the air, she was pouring tea.

“Will you take a slice of lemon, Mr Rangi?” she asked. The Tattooed Wolf smiled and nodded as Daisy speared a slice of lemon with an elegant little silver fork and slipped it into his cup.

“Très posh!” Alwyn said, and Daisy frowned. “Go away!” she hissed.

“Away go!” said Alwyn.

“One lump or two?” Daisy asked in her most
simpering
voice.

Mr Rangi smiled and said, “Two, please,” and Daisy picked up two lumps of sugar with an elegant little pair of silver tongs and put them in his cup.

Mr Rangi took his cup and held it with his own little finger crooked high in the air.

Alwyn crooked his little finger high in the air. “Two or lump one?” he asked. “Oh, very très posh!”

Just then the giraffe on lookout in the crow's-nest shouted, “Land ahead!” The ship stopped with a bump, and Aunt Effie's Royal Doulton tea-service fell to the deck and smashed.

“Great heavens!” the Reverend Samuel cried. “What was that?”

“That was what?” said Alwyn. “You're in big trouble, Daisy!”

On deck the powerful gorillas were backing the headsails and the mizzen. Peter lowered the jolly-boat and Marie rowed out and dropped our kedge anchor. The powerful gorillas chanted a sea shanty, turned the capstan, and kedged us off the top of the pine trees and into deeper water.

“We're over the Kaingaroa. Now for the Mamakus,” said Peter. He spun the wheel.

“Watch out for Mount Tarawera!” Marie said.

“What do you think I'm doing?”

“Look out for Mount Ngongotaha!”

“If you can't help, then shut up!” Peter snarled.

The top of the Mamakus loomed ahead. It had taken us months to sail all the way to the Vast Untrodden Ureweras, but now we were speeding north with the dropping floodwaters. Peter squeezed Aunt Effie's Ark between a couple of rewarewas on top of the Mamakus. He guided us between the heads of a kahikatea and a rimu, and we looked down and saw we were crossing Fitzgerald's Glade.

“We're going so fast,” Peter said, “we could make it yet!”

“Yet it make could we,” said Alwyn, but nobody
listened
. The dropping floodwaters rushed north and
carried
us faster and faster. The gum trees at Tirau flashed past just under our keel. Te Poi. We scraped over the oak trees in the railway plantation at Matamata.

“Hold tight, everyone!” Marie yelled. She lashed the little ones into a lifeboat and told them to sit still. Lizzie, who had never sat still in her life, looked frightened. North we went still faster, skimming the telegraph posts.

“I can see the factory chimney!” Jazz shouted.

“There's the school!” David yelled.

“We're home!” Jazz whistled.

There was a grinding, shuddering, crunching groan, and Aunt Effie's Ark stopped and lurched over on one side.

“We've come aground,” said Peter. “But we just made it. Back home!”

“Home back,” whispered Alwyn. The speed and excitement had been too much. Suddenly we all felt sleepy.