Autumn (23 page)

I shook my head. The sadness that had settled over me after we were arrested had deepened, turning to a gaping wound after Holt died. Now, that fresh wound was opening again.

Without a word Samuel came around the counter. I tried to mumble that if he was caught back there he would get in trouble, but I was too upset, and I knew he’d come anyway. Samuel never gave a second thought to standing beside me, no matter what the cost and no matter who he had to oppose to do it.

I felt the tears coming. They had come every night when I was alone in my room since I lost Holt, but I didn’t bother to keep them in now. Instead I let them flow freely, hiccupping into Samuel’s shirt. I don’t know how long we stood like that, but I wasn’t sure it would ever be long enough.

The weeks went by and Christmas neared. We went home for Thanksgiving. My dad, always easygoing, was in good spirits. After Christmas I knew the Winter Fairies would be leaving for Alaska, and so my mom had decided (again with Fairy help?) that we would return to our house for the spring.

Carley and Nick were still going strong, and they were busy planning our next summer in Castleton. When I asked my mom if she minded if I spent another summer with Carley, she laughed and said she had assumed that’s what I would do anyway.

Right before Christmas, Susan and Samuel came over to the house. We were all getting ready to leave; no one really wanted to stay in Castleton very long after what had happened, and they had come to say their goodbyes and to wish me well.

Often in the weeks since Holt’s death I had seen Susan and Samuel together. She tried to leave me alone, knowing how upset I was and knowing that she only reminded me of Holt, but sometimes, when Samuel came over in the evenings, I knew he was coming from the Roths’. I had talked myself around to the idea that they might end up together. It was unconventional, since she was a Summer Fairy and she could never be his Queen, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t be in a relationship.

Whenever I thought about them like that, the dull ache in my chest grew. But I assumed it was just because thinking of a happy couple reminded me of how happy I had been for the little while I had gotten to spend with Holt.

For most of that evening when they came to say goodbye, we just sat around and talked about stuff like movies. I told stories from school. In one of my classes we had to write a thousand-word story in class, and one guy, in protest, wrote: The fire truck went clang clang clang clang clang (nine hundred ninety-three clangs) down the street. Needless to say, the teacher had not been happy. But it made for an excellent story.

Susan and Samuel had both laughed. Susan even told some stories of her own. It was a relief to see that her eyes were no longer red. Besides, she was always happier when she was with Samuel.

At the end of the evening we said our goodbyes. After Susan hugged me, she went out to wait in Samuel’s car so we could have our goodbye in private. I felt tears well up at the back of my eyes and instantly chided myself, but I would miss him.

“When will I see you again?” I snuffled.

Samuel laughed quietly, wrapping his arms around me. Instead of any sort of cold, I felt warm and protected. If I had been willing to admit it to myself, a part of me even felt happy.

“Next summer,” he said, his mouth so close to my ear I felt his breath on my neck. It took all my strength not to tremble at his touch. “Unless you get yourself into trouble before that.”

I scoffed. “I promise to actually write my essays in English class.”

He laughed.

It was hard to watch him get into the car with Susan and drive away, knowing that I wouldn’t see him for months and that when I did, who knew what would have changed between us, and who knew what would have changed between him and Susan?

The next morning my mom and I left for the airport. It was sad to leave Castleton, because I had a lot of good memories there, but it was also a relief. Every step I took I was reminded of Holt. I never wanted to forget him, but I also needed to heal.

Nick came to the house to see us off, and he was smiling, as he was most of the time when I saw him nowadays. He was ridiculously happy with Carley and I was happy for him. I just wished I could be anything like that happy. With Holt gone and Samuel likely to end up with Susan, I didn’t think I ever would be.

“Are you excited to be heading home?” my mom asked me in the car.

“Yeah,” I said, “it will be nice to spend some time with dad.”

My mom smiled. “Yes, I think it will be.”

“You miss him?” I asked. I had avoided asking my mom about Dad. I didn’t want her to feel pressure, but really I couldn’t imagine my life without my parents together.

“I do,” my mom murmured. “I really do.”

The airport was busy. The Christmas rush was starting, and my mother had insisted that we should get there about three hours early. I had rolled my eyes, but there was no talking her out of it. My mom had also been worried about snow. It was odd that it hadn’t snowed yet in Maine, even if the temperatures had routinely been below freezing. But snow was now predicted, and a white Maine Christmas was looking like a possibility.

My mom wanted none of it. She didn’t want the plane to have any trouble taking off and she didn’t want us to have any trouble getting to the airport, so once we actually arrived there I could tell she was breathing easier.

“I’m going to park the car,” she told me. “Just wait here with the luggage.”

“Outside?” I asked, horrified. Did my mom not realize how cold it was?

“Don’t be a baby,” she chided as she drove away.

I huffed and sat down on one of the large suitcases. Even with my matching white hat, mittens, and L.L.Bean coat, I was still cold.

“Never liked the cold much, did you?” said a voice behind me that sent chills racing up and down my spine.

I didn’t dare to turn around, but a smile tugged at the corners of my mouth. “It’s not so bad,” I said, “once you get used to it.”

Samuel came around to my shoulder, then sat on another one of the large suitcases, bracing his hands on his knees.

He was wearing jeans and a black coat, but he didn’t look cold. In fact, he looked amazing. He always looked good, but now that it was winter, now that it was his time, there was something stronger and more vital about him than there had ever been in the summer. His blue eyes blazed with heat.

The smile tugging at my mouth was about to win.

“Even if that cold is brought by the Winter Queen?” he asked. His voice was soft, but there was an intensity in it that I had never heard before. I had a hard time remembering to breathe.

“Well,” I said, “only if she stops trying to kill me.”

Samuel nodded as if I had confirmed what he had already thought. He cleared his throat and I asked, “What are you doing here?” Saying goodbye to him once had been hard enough. I wasn’t sure I could do it again.

Samuel shrugged. “I had a Christmas present for you, but then I thought you might not want it. Susan convinced me I should give it to you and let you decide.”

“You have something to give me?” I asked. I couldn’t possibly think what it could be. Samuel had never given me anything, not even on my birthday.

“But I didn’t get you anything!” I blurted out.

Samuel threw back his head and laughed. The sound was high and clear, matching up perfectly with the winter air.

“That’s alright,” he said. “I think once I give it to you...you will have a present that you can give to me...if you want.”

Not understanding, I merely stared at him.

He took a deep breath, seemingly unsure how to start.

“Maybe you should tell me what it is first,” I offered.

Samuel fixed his eyes on me, slowly shaking his head. “It’s self-explanatory.”

“Is it jewelry?” I asked. “Because you can’t be hiding a lot under that coat....”

He laughed again. “It’s one of the nice things about you,” he murmured. “Always funny.”

I shook my head. “You’re, like, one of three people who think I’m funny. Can I have my present already?”

He laughed again and nodded, holding out his hand. I stared at it. “But it’s empty....”

“Just take my hand,” he said. His voice was low, but I heard a tremor in it.

Electricity coursing through me, I reached through the distance between us to touch my fingers lightly to his.

When our skin met I felt a shock, but it wasn’t bad. It was fierce and hot. Before my eyes flashed a million winter nights and summer days. I saw the Cheshires, I saw other Fairies, I saw hopes and dreams for the future. I saw a world far different from the one I knew. Mostly, I saw Samuel smiling.

I realized that my eyes were closed. The smile on my own face had won out. My whole body was tingling.

Carefully, as if it would all disappear, I opened my eyes.

A tiny part of me had expected it, but it was mostly a shock when I saw, in his hand, One Black Rose. Only, as Holt had explained to me all those months ago, it wasn’t black. It was a stunning array of dark colors, all the more intense and beautiful as they reflected the winter light. Somehow, in the Rose’s depths, I saw Samuel not as he was now, sitting casually outside in the cold, but as a strong Fairy King, wielding powers he had only begun to understand. Next to him, I saw a Queen. For the barest of seconds my mind protested that he wasn’t going to have a Queen unless it was me, but then I realized that it was, in fact, a woman who possessed the richness of the Winter Court blended with the warmth of the Summer, a woman who had traveled both sides and come out stronger, who wasn’t just a Winter Fairy or a Summer Fairy, but was strong enough to be loved by both, and irreplaceable to one.

In reality, Samuel had been by my side from the beginning, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him. That didn’t mean that my heart was entirely healed, or that I would be able to accept his Rose today, but the relief that flooded me when he offered it to me told me all I needed to know.

“You don’t have to accept it this instant,” he said. “We have plenty of time, and as I’m sure you’re aware, it’s going to give my mother a heart attack,” he said, and his smile widened. “You have all the time in the world. I know it’s soon after...what happened. I just wanted you to know that I’m yours. From the moment I saw you until now, I knew it couldn’t be any other way. I knew I didn’t want it to be any other way. If you had lived happily with Holt I would have understood, but I was never going to be happy, as happy as I could be, without you. Merry Christmas.”

Carefully, as if he was worried I would stop him, Samuel leaned in and kissed me, his blue eyes never leaving my face, his mouth breaking into a wide smile.

A long time later, after we had broken apart, I realized that it had started to snow.

For the first time in months I really smiled.