Ava XOX (4 page)

DEAR DIARY,

I got a haircut today. A bob (B-O-B)!

Maybelle is about to come over for a sleepover. Y-A-Y for BFFs!

Dad showed me some words that come out funny if you re-arrange their letters, so I'm taping in my favorites:

I started looking for words inside AVA ELLE WREN and found lots, like EVER and NEVER and REVEAL and ALL NEW.

AVA ELLE WREN, ALL NEW

PS You know what TACO is scrambled? COAT. And you know what TACO CAT scrambled is? CAT COAT or…fur!

DEAR DIARY,

Maybelle conked out (maybe because she does a lot of sports all week), but I couldn't fall asleep, so I'm writing in you with the light-up pen that Bea gave me last year.

It's funny. A lot of people like to read at night, but I like to write at night.

Anyway, dinner was chicken potpie, and Pip was as quiet as in the olden days. The rest of us started talking about pen names or
pseudonyms
. Like Mark Twain's real name was Samuel Clemens. And Lewis Carroll's real name was Charles Dodgson. And Lemony Snicket's is Daniel Handler.

Mom also talked about a cat with kidney failure that Dr. Gross had to “put down.” She said their office always sends out a condolence note after a pet dies, but today's made her sad because the lady was eighty-six and the cat's name was Valentine.

Dad changed the subject away from dead pets and asked Maybelle about soccer and Mathletes. Maybelle answered, then said she'd brought us each a box of “conversation hearts”—and me a bag of gummy bears.

Next thing you know, Mom and Dad both found a heart that said “MARRY ME,” and gave them to each other, which was pretty…sweet.

Maybelle said the Sweethearts company makes two
billion
hearts a year.

Mom and Dad seemed impressed, but Pip just shrugged.

After dinner, Pip, Maybelle, and I went upstairs, so I said, “Pip, you should show Maybelle the valentine Ben gave you!”

Pip said, “That's the last thing I want to do.”

“Oh, come on!”

“No way!”

“Yes way! Why not?”

“Because!”

“Because what?”

Maybelle began to squirm. She's an only child and doesn't get that sister fights are not that big a deal. Personally, I think Pip
wanted
to show us but also wanted me to beg. I wasn't even surprised when, two minutes later, she said, “Oh fine. Come in, but close the door behind you.”

We went into her room, and Taco scurried in too. He sniffed Maybelle's socks but did not climb onto her lap and start purring up a storm, like Meow Meow.

Pip took out the valentine. The envelope was even bigger than I remembered! It was giant, and the card inside was shaped like a bouquet of roses!

“Whoa,” Maybelle said.

“So what's the matter?” I asked. I can tell when my sister is upset. I've known her since the day I was born. (She was two years, two months, and two weeks old when she met me—not that either of us remembers.)

“Read what he wrote,” she said. We did. And it did not take long at all because what Ben wrote was just three words (four if you count his name).

After I read the words, I said, “Oh.”

Maybelle read the words aloud: “I love you.” She looked from me to Pip and didn't seem to get what the problem was. But I did. Obviously, D-A-D, M-O-M, P-I-P, and I take words (not just palindromes) very seriously, and LOVE is a very serious word!

For instance, I think about Chuck a lot (too much?), but I'd never, ever write “I love you” on a valentine!

I guess it can be tricky to put feelings into words. Maybe that's why so many Valentine cards mostly have pictures of kittens (and puppies and bunnies and ducklings) that make you melt and go “Awww.”

“So what
did
you say?” I asked.

“I thanked him for the card,” Pip said.

“You didn't say it back?” Maybelle asked.

Pip shook her head sadly.

“Did he notice that you didn't?” I asked.

“I think so.”

“
Do
you love him?” I asked really quietly.

Pip squinted. “Isn't love for when we're older?”

“Ben
is
in eighth grade,” Maybelle pointed out.

“Well, I didn't feel right saying it. So I didn't.”

Maybelle and I stayed silent. Taco put his head under his paw.

“But I guess I should say…something,” Pip added.

“Want us to talk to him for you?” I asked. “I could tell Bea to tell Ben—”

“NO!” Pip shouted before even I realized that this was a moronic idea.

Taco darted out the door, and I mumbled, “Just trying to help.”

“I know,” Pip said. “But, Ava, you have to be careful! It's not enough to have good intentions.” Obviously she was referring to the boneheaded “Sting of the Queen Bee” story I wrote last fall when I felt bad for Pip after her birthday party got canceled. (Bea had thrown a huge boy-girl party on the same day that Pip was having her slumber party—but Bea hadn't done it on purpose.) “And don't tell Mom and Dad!”

“I won't.”

“I don't want them worrying that Ben and I are getting too serious. Because we aren't!”

“Okay!” I said a little huffily.

“Think I should text him?” Pip asked.

“
Maybe
,”
Maybe
lle said.

Pip sighed as if she couldn't believe she was asking fifth graders for advice on her love life—or
not-love
life.

She took a breath, picked up her cell phone, and started to type. Then she showed us what she wrote: “Dear Ben, I
you but I don't feel ready to use the L word. I hope that's okay. Please don't take it personally because I like you as much as I've ever liked any boy. Happy Valentine's Day!”

“That's good,” I said and tried to imagine texting Chuck something like that someday. (Not that I even have a cell phone!)

“Should I press Send?” she asked.

We nodded and…she did.

Then we all sat there and stared at her phone.

Nothing happened.

“He might be playing video games,” Maybelle said after a minute.

“Or at a movie,” I said.

“Or eating dinner with his parents,” Maybelle said.

“Or doing homework,” I added.

Pip looked worried and reread the text she'd sent. To distract her, I said, “You should show Maybelle
Z Is for Zinnia
!”

Pip nodded and got out her book project. Since I'd last seen it, she had drawn F is for foxglove, G is for geranium, H is for hollyhock, and I is for iris.

“You're such a good artist!” Maybelle gushed, so Pip got out the Botero poster and showed it to her too.

Maybelle took one look and laughed out loud. “Hahaha! That's hysterical! A tubby
Mona Lisa
!”

Pip snatched back the poster, rolled it up, and said, “It's not supposed to be ‘hysterical.'”

Maybelle looked at me, confused, and apologized to Pip.

I felt bad for both of them.

Soon Maybelle and I went downstairs and made P-O-P P-O-P P-O-P popcorn. I told her that Pip is nervous because in three days, she and Tanya have to talk in front of the whole middle school.

“Who's Tanya?” Maybelle asked, and I described her. “Oh, I know! Chubby, but a pretty face, right?”

I nodded and wondered if Tanya knew that this was probably how most people described her.
Nice
people, anyway. Who knows what not-nice people said? (Poor Tanya!)

I watched as Maybelle attempted to pour the popcorn equally into two bowls. She was taking a long time, so I teased, “You could count the kernels.”

She threw a piece of popcorn at me, and I tossed it up in the air and tried to catch it in my mouth, but I missed.

“Do you think people ever love each other the exact same amount?” I asked as I picked up the piece of popcorn.

“I don't think love is something you can quantify,” she answered.

We both laughed because that was such a Maybelle thing to say. (Math is one of her strengths!)

But
is
love lopsided? Is it like an out-of-balance seesaw? Does one person always like the other one more?

And will tomorrow's Valentine's Day party be fun?

AVA, ASKING

DEAR DIARY,

Maybelle is still asleep, and I'm still awake, so I got Bea's light-up pen back out because I wanted to write down a joke Dad told me:

Question: Why should you never use a dull pencil?

Answer: Because it's pointless.

H-O-H-O-H-O-H

AVA, AWAKE

PS I can't believe I'm still awake. Am I nervous about the party? Is my crush
pointless
?

DEAR DIARY,

Maybelle's mom picked her up early, so I hung out in the kitchen with Dad, and we made heart-shaped pancakes while Mom and Pip slept in. I framed each stack with sliced strawberries and set the table with red cloth napkins. Dad sizzled eight strips of bacon to perfection, and I called, “Breakfast!”

Mom came downstairs and said, “Mmm, smells good.” She was right. The kitchen smelled of bacon and maple syrup.

Pip came down next and brought her cell phone with her. I guess she's still hoping Ben will text back. But what if his feelings got hurt? He's probably never written “I love you” to anyone. He was probably hoping she'd just say it back and that would be that. (Observation: when Kelli asked Chuck to go out, he didn't leave her hanging; he said yes back, and that
was
that. Stupid Kelli!)

When we were all sitting down, I looked at Mom and Dad and asked, “Do you guys love each other the same amount?”

Mom looked startled, and Pip glared at me, but Dad put down his coffee and said, “Great question.” Then he said, “Love means different things to different people. But I think we do. Mind you, Mom likes to hold her cards close to the chest.”

Pip looked confused and said, “H-U-H?” (Funny how my family really does spell out H-U-H when we're talking to each other. It's like a weird inside joke.)

“It's an expression,” Dad said. “If you're playing poker and don't want people to know if you have a royal flush—or a pair of deuces—you hold your cards close to your chest.”

“Deuces?” I asked.

“Twos,” Dad replied.

“What Dad means,” Mom said, “is that I don't go on and on as much as some people.”

I realized that this was true. Like Dad might say, “This book is pure genius!” but Mom never would. If Mom and Dad were teachers, Dad would be a much easier grader.

“Which of you said ‘I love you' first?” I asked. Pip kicked me under the table. But I wasn't talking about Ben and Pip. I was talking about Mom and Dad.

Dad said, “That's pretty personal, sweetie, but I'll tell you. In college, when I was a senior and Mom was a sophomore, I told her I loved her on our third date. I meant it too. She didn't say it back for
months
. I wasn't worried though. I knew she found me irresistible!”

He smiled at Mom, and she giggled as though they were still in college. She even tossed her napkin at Dad, which was funny. They don't usually throw stuff at each other.

AVA, WHO ASKED

PS Do Chuck and Kelli like each other the same amount?

PPS Do
I
like Chuck and Taco both more than they like me?

PPPS Will Kelli's Valentine's Day party be
aw
esome or
aw
ful?

DEAR DIARY,

Pip was working on her Spanish homework and suddenly said, “Ava, I just learned a Spanish palindrome.”

“What?” I asked.

“
O-S-O
.”

“What does it mean?”

She told me.

“
Bare
?
” I asked. “Like
bare
naked?”

“No. B-E-A-R. Like
bear
hug.”

“Oh,” I said.

“Oh-so,” she said, because that's how you pronounce
oso
.

“Want to hear a bear joke?” I asked.

“Sure,” she said but rolled her eyes to show that fifth-grade humor is beneath her.

“What do you call a bear with no teeth?” I asked.

“What?”

“A
gummy bear
!” I said. Before she could groan, I ran into my room and grabbed her a few gummy bears.

“Aw, thanks,” she said.

“For Valentine's Day,” I said.

O-X-O (WHICH IS HUG KISS HUG)

AVA THE SWEET

PS I wonder what age people are supposed to be before they can give each other bear hugs.