Avenge (17 page)

The fresh air smacked me as I stepped
outside, and I crumbled to the ground sobbing. Even though the sky
was bright, with beautiful shades of pink and orange, inside it was
like the blackest night. Guilt, grief, and worry coursed through my
veins, making the very act of breathing next to impossible. I
continued to cry, trying to expunge the hurt and pain out of me as
I sat on the cold ground. I wasn’t alone long before soft,
reassuring arms were around me. Cassie leaned her cheek against my
back and let me cry.

“
I’m so sorry,” I cried. “I
have no idea why I acted like that. It was totally uncalled for and
I have no excuse for what I said.”

Cassie hugged me a little tighter. “We
all need a bitchy moment every now and then. And after the few
weeks that you’ve had, I’d say you might even be entitled to
another one. No one is upset with you, so don’t worry about it.
Finish up your cry so we can go back to formulating a plan to kick
some major ass.”

I took a long, deep breath, feeling
the nasty energy receding back. I rolled my shoulders a few times,
letting it fall off of me until I felt a little more like myself.
When I knew I was ready to face everyone, I stood up and nodded at
Cassie. James, standing at the doorway leaning against the wall,
gave me a soft smile and nodded once.

“
You sure you want to
continue tonight?” he asked softly. “We can give you a little more
time if you need it. It’s totally understandable.”

I smiled up at him, thankful he’d be
willing to do that. “No, I can continue. I need to continue. I need
to feel like I’m doing something to contribute to fixing the mess
I’ve created. I can’t sit around doing nothing, I’ll go even more
crazy.”

“
Then let’s go get your boy
back.”

Chapter
Twenty

After hours of debate and discussion,
the Gideon team realized that there were only two options for
getting Max—and consequently Jessica—back. The first option was my
least favorite: wait for the vampires to make an appearance. James
had been in touch with division leaders all across the world, and
if any vampire or werewolf were caught, they would be held for
questioning by a member of our team. Adam, Zander, and Elizabeth
volunteered for this. The only problem was tracking down someone
who yielded any results could take months, or God forbid,
years.

The second option was only slightly
better: draw out the spy. Obviously whoever it was knew exactly
where Max and Jessica would be, so if we could find the bastard
we’d have our answers. Marco began pulling double duty trying to
use his ability to weed out possibilities, but there were still too
many. Cassie, Lola, and I were given a list of people and told to
inconspicuously plant false leads as to where units would be staked
out on different nights. That way, if vampires or werewolves showed
up to ambush, we’d know who sent them there.

A week passed. And with each day—no,
each minute—the emptiness grew inside me. My whole body ached, and
I was physically and mentally exhausted. I couldn’t sleep, I
couldn’t concentrate, and I couldn’t stop crying. I, of course,
knew that none of this was helpful in any way, but I couldn’t seem
to get my body on board.

I was constantly on edge, waiting for
the spark that would set me off. My knuckles were white from
clenching my hands into fists, and I’d begun to grind my teeth in
my sleep. No matter what the medical team gave me, there was a
constant throb in my head that no one could figure out. It was like
someone was playing the drums while I had a massive hangover. At
first, they feared it was something the vampires implanted, but
after a few days I was pretty sure it was a side effect of the ache
in my heart from not having Max with me anymore.

“
Lucy, you’ve got to relax.
Your body is strung tighter than a bow, and holding in all that
pent up frustration is draining you of energy.” Cassie handed me a
cup of tea while exchanging “what are we going to do” looks with
Lola.

“
Yeah, why don’t you try to
go lie down and see if you feel better in a little bit? We’ll
handle this.” Lola took the list out of my hand while Cassie rubbed
my back.

I was so sick of them placating me
like I was a child. I unclenched my fist to grasp the cup she was
handing me. “Are you kidding me with this shit? What am I, four
years old? Since when do you of all people know what’s best for me?
You have NO clue what I’m going through. You’re little romance with
Adam is like a middle school crush compared to what I have with Max
so just shut the hell up already.”

Cassie flinched at my words, and I
winced realizing what came out of my mouth. I quickly sat the tea
cup down and went over to hug her. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it.
I’m a total bitch and you were trying to help. I have no idea why I
even said that. Can you forgive me?”

“
It’s okay, sweetie. You’re
totally forgiven. We know you’ve not been feeling… well since you
came back. But maybe you really should do some yoga or something.
I’m afraid this is going to eat you up if you don’t deal with it.”
She leaned back and I let go of our embrace.

Cassie took both of my hands in hers.
“He is not gone. Say it with me.”

The serious look in her eyes told me
she wasn’t kidding, but I couldn’t form any words around the lump
in my throat.

“
He.Is.Not.Gone. Say it,
Lucy.”

I swallowed hard, finding a squeak of
a voice, “He…” I couldn’t finish. Lola took my other hand, and I
turned to her as she nodded in agreement.

“’
Max,’ just say that
word,” Lola prompted.

I took a deep breath through my
quivering lip. I closed my eyes, and pictured his face. Those ice
blue eyes, his chiseled chin, that dimple. “Max,” I
breathed.

“
Good, now say, ‘Max is not
gone.’”

Tears threatened, but I blinked
rapidly and willed them away. Tears were for grieving, and I would
not grieve him yet. “Max is not gone,” I whispered.

“
Again.” Cassie squeezed my
fingers in encouragement.

“
Max is not
gone.”

“
Now scream it from the
rooftop. Believe it. Feel it.”

“
Max is NOT gone!” I
bellowed the words glad that we were in the Gideon complex where no
one else could hear us. So I screamed it again. “Max is not gone! I
will not lose him!”

“
That a girl. Now, let’s go
find the weasel who betrayed us so we can get your boy
back.”

I took a few more minutes to rub my
eyes and clear my head, and then I was ready to go forward. Cassie
locked elbows with me on one side and Lola on the other, and began
skipping out of the complex. It was silly and juvenile, but with
the heaviness of my heart, I needed to be carefree for a few
moments. Just the up and down of our steps loosened the vice grip
that was attached to my heart—even if it only by a
millimeter.

As we walked toward the espresso bar
in the Commons, I paused and looked down at my list. I had two more
people to “plant” information on tonight, and then we’d sit in the
debriefing room for most of the night, waiting to see if anyone
took the bait. I’d slept maybe two hours a night and was glad that
the people on my list were at this location, because I could use a
caffeine pick-me-up.

“
Hey Lucy!” one of my
targets greeted me. His name was Dev, and he’d been a Patronus for
about thirty years. Tonight, he was standing behind the counter
acting as barista. “You look like you could use one of these, so
what’ll it be?”

I plopped on the barstool and rested
my hands on my elbows. “Ugh! I’m exhausted. With Max gone on this
extended assignment, I’ve been working even more so I don’t miss
him as much.” My chest throbbed speaking his name, but the lie was
necessary. No one knew what really happened, and as much it pained
me to speak the words, I looked for any tells that the man I
thought of as a friend was full of it.

“
That’s a bummer. Will he
be home soon?” Dev asked, beginning to steam the milk for my
latte.

“
I hope he won’t be gone
too much longer.” It was the most honest answer I could
give.

“
So what have you been up
to since he’s been gone? You and Cassie causin’
trouble?”

I laughed flippantly. “Oh, you know us
too well. But as much as we’d like to be, we’ve been too busy. I
swear, one would think we were flight attendants with our crazy
travel schedule, back and forth day after day. Last week alone we
hit Tampa, Miami, Jacksonville, Tallahassee, and now tomorrow we’re
going back to Mi—” I paused and looked sheepish. “Sorry, I’m not
supposed to say where we’re going. James would flip a lid if he
found out. You won’t say anything, right?” I gave Dev a small
wink.

He finished, drizzling the caramel
over the foam and placing a lid on my drink. He leaned closer to me
as he handed me the drink. “Don’t worry, I won’t say a
word.”

I let out a breath I’d been pretending
to hold. “Phew! I owe you one. Thanks again for the drink, Dev.
You’re the best!” I hopped off the barstool and walked back to
Cassie, who finished having a conversation with another potential
spy.

“
I really hate this,”
Cassie whispered in my ear. “I know I’m going to be heartbroken no
matter who it turns out to be.”

“
I won’t be shedding any
tears for the bastard.”

She pulled on my arm, causing me to
stop walking and almost spill my drink. “Oh, I’m not sad about them
getting in trouble, I’m sad they would do this at all. That someone
we love and trust would betray us.”

“
Well, I for one am going
to enjoy watching them suffer.”

“
Now you’re starting to
sound like them, Lucy. You can’t let hate or vengeance rule you.
Otherwise, you’re no better than they are.”

We walked out of the Commons, heading
back to our Dwellings. I didn’t reply to what she said, instead
nodding along. I wanted to agree with her, but I wanted them to
suffer, burn and die more. After what they put me, Jessica, and Max
through, I wanted to inflict as much pain as possible on them
myself.

Fire burned in my gut and through my
veins. The throb from my head pounded in my ears and my vision
clouded red for a moment. I wanted to go back to my room so I could
seethe without Cassie harping on me. I wanted to destroy something,
rip something apart with my bare hands to feel like I was doing
something—anything.

“
Luce—” Cassie turned to
me. My eyes wouldn’t focus on her. “You need to hear me, sweetie.
You need to take a deep breath. C’mon, let’s go do some
yoga.”

I couldn’t say anything, but nodded
and let her lead me toward the gym.

*****

“
Sixteen more confirmed,”
Marco informed us. We’d been up all night, attempting to cross off
names on our dwindling list of suspects for the spy. I was
exhausted and cranky. Sixteen out of over a hundred was not
progress.

“
Cassie, I’d like you to
lead a mission in the Memphis area,” James explained. “We’ve
uncovered information that there may be a coven hiding there. We
want to use your new ability to search for their location. Can
you—”

“
I’m going with her,” I
interrupted. If there was a chance that Max or Jessica was there, I
needed to be there too.

“
No, I’m sorry, Lucy.
You’re not attending this one.” James couldn’t look me in the eye
as he spoke.

“
I have to go. If there’s a
chance that he could be there…” My voice trailed off as my emotions
caught in my throat.

“
We have another role that
you need to play. And it’s not in Memphis.”

“
Nothing could be as
important as getting Max back! Nothing! Are you so fuckin’
hardheaded that you can’t see that? He’s one of your best friends,
James. If he’s there, I’ll feel it. I know I will. You will let me
go with you or I swear to God I’ll rip you apart! You can’t keep me
away from him!”

I screamed so loud, Cassie and Lola
both backed up. No one said anything or approached me and I was
glad. I knew the first person who tried to “soothe” me or calm me
down was going to end up black and blue.