Avoiding Responsibility (24 page)

Against her better judgment, Lexi turned her face up towards him and looked at him fully for the first time. He looked way better than the last time she had seen him when he had turned up at Ramsey's apartment. His hair had been cut short and styled in a way that made him look younger and more professional. The short strands stood on end instead of falling haphazardly into his eyes. She could remember pushing the long pieces out of his eyes and him kissing her tenderly just as she pulled her hand away. She pushed that memory of her mind and focused her eyes elsewhere.

He had clearly shaved only a few hours ago, because his typical stubble was completely wiped from his face. She could remember the scruffy feel of his beard running against her stomach as he kissed a trail lower. Her breathing quicken as she unsuccessfully tried to shove the memories out of her misbehaving mind. He licked his perfect lips and more memories flooded her conscious: their first kiss on top of a Ferris wheel, her fingers teasingly trailing against his pouty lips before he captured her own, the way he kissed every part of her body as if he worshipped it.

Now she could feel other parts of her body reacting to her memories. Warmth spread throughout her lower half, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. As her eyes finally moved upwards to his beautiful blue eyes, the brilliance of which she could never perfectly remember, she had a feeling he knew exactly where her thoughts were.

The longer they stood rooted in that spot, the more crystal clear his eyes became. She knew what that meant. His desire for her was building up inside of him, and despite where they were he couldn't keep the hungry look from his eyes.

"Lexi please," he growled hungrily begging her to move from the spot, "we need to keep walking." His voice was desperate and pained from restraint. She was amazed by how easily his desire flared up when in her presence. She knew that she had been unconstrained around him, but sometimes she forgot when she was away from him for so long that he acted in the same fashion.

Taking a deep breath to calm her pounding heart, she nodded. "Yes."

"Yes," he agreed his eyes dropping to her lips.

"Let's walk Jack," she said taking that first hesitant step in a different direction.

She saw him visibly deflate from the exertion he had put into staying away from her. His hand moved to her lower back once again as he directed her towards a pathway. She wasn't sure why she was allowing him to steer her in a direction not only far away from the rest of the guests, but also to what appeared to be a portion of the land secluded by massive trees. Just as she was about to say something to him about how inappropriate their seclusion from the rest of the party was, he stopped in front of a large weeping willow. Pulling back a few of the extended limbs, he revealed a wooden bench in the shade of the branches.

"Come on," he said nodding his head towards the bench.

Speechless, Lexi ducked into the private enclosure that the tree had formed after years of life. "How…how did you know about this?" she finally asked taking a seat. She didn't really want an answer. Anything that he said would ultimately involve Bekah, and that wasn't something she particularly wanted to discuss at this moment.

For the first time in a while, she felt utterly and completely alone with Jack. It felt strangely familiar and also eerily different. He let the branches swing closed, the light now only coming in at uneven intervals through the leaves. The temperature was cooler as if it was dusk, and some of the humidity had dissipated in the shaded enclosure. Jack took the seat next to her, and breathed out a sigh of relief. He adjusted his tie allowing himself the freedom of being out of the spotlight, and just sat there next to her without a word not even answering her question.

She remembered what she thought was going to be her final farewell to Jack. She had been cruel, but not anymore than he had been with her. He had proposed to Bekah after everything that had happened between them that week. Her words were nothing in comparison. She wouldn't feel bad for them. She had meant every word, and she knew that she was still angry. She hadn't forgiven him. And she had wanted him out of her life.

Yet here she was, sitting under a weeping willow with him in complete silence. To anyone else this would have been the strangest thing in the world. Why would you run off with the groom at his own luncheon?

Yeah, she didn't think it made much sense either. But being in Jack's presence didn't feel weird or strange. She was angry with him for sure, but it still felt completely natural to be alone with him.

"Don't you think we should get back?" Lexi asked tugging on a long brown curl and letting it bounce back into place. She did this a few more times before pushing it behind her ear.

Jack shrugged noncommittally and looked into her large brown eyes. "You look beautiful."

"Jack," she said quietly into the dim lighting.

"I know," he told her not letting her add anything else. "I love the way you say my name."

"Funny, I hate the way you say my name," she quipped back quickly hoping to put some much needed distance between them.

"Don't lie, Lex. You're bad at it," he told her nonchalantly leaning backwards and putting his arms across the back of the bench.

"Jack don't call me that," she reminded him feeling the closeness of his arm to her back. She inched forward just a bit to avoid touching him.

He shrugged again as if he was never going to break that habit. He figured she liked it anyway, and he wasn't going to stop now after seven years of the same nickname. "I like the way you look at me."

Lexi sighed heavily. "Can we not?"

"We don't have to," he acknowledged, "but I do love how short of breath you get."

"Don't use
that
word so freely either," Lexi commanded.

Jack turned abruptly in his seat and stared directly into her eyes. Lexi sat motionless as he seemed to examine every pore on her face. She couldn't help but prove him right. As his gaze intensified, her breathing quickened. She could feel her body misbehaving again, and she tried to stifle the rising desire threatening to overtake her senses.

"You smell delicious," he muttered his free hand reaching up and seductively running his fingers through her long hair. Her breath caught at the slight touch to her ear as he drug the silky strands into their rightful place.

"Wh…wh…what are you a vampire now?" she asked trying to lighten the mood.

He cracked a smile at the comment. "I don't sparkle in the daylight, if that's what you mean."

Lexi giggled reflexively and he took the opportunity to move in even closer to her. She took a sharp breathe when she realized how close he was. "Oh God…" she murmured.

"That's something I've heard before," he said smirking.

"No," she told him scooting over an inch into the metal bar at the end of the bench. She groaned at his nearness. "You smell like sex."

Jack physically laughed out loud at her statement. "I haven't had any."

"So you're what…horny? Is this what this is about?" she asked angrily.

"What? No. I…I don't know. I hadn't planned this," he said careful not to move to further irritate her.

"Oh Jack…why did I just tell you that you smell like sex?" Lexi asked burying her face in her hands in horror.

"Maybe it's my cologne?" he asked playfully.

"Well obviously it's your cologne, but what's wrong with me? I'm not even supposed to be here with you," Lexi said standing abruptly. "I'm so pissed at you I can't even function."

"What?" he asked standing with her. "You were just telling me I smell like sex and now you're pissed at me?"

"Yes."

"Lex, that doesn't make any sense."

"Stop calling me that," she cried turning around to face him. "Lexi.
Lexi
. Alexa. Whatever you want to call me…just not that alright?"

"Whatever I want to call you?" he asked moving forward a step closer to her.

"Jack you're infuriating."

"I know," he agreed taking another step closer.

"You are getting married in less than a week," she reminded him.

"I know."

"You will be legally bound to another woman in less than a week."

"I know."

"Then why are you doing this?" she asked as he stopped in front of her.

"I still have a week," he said shrugging.

Lexi's mouth dropped. "You're joking.

"I am." The way he said the words was even more confusing. She couldn't tell if he was saying he was as if he was really joking or if it was more of a question. She honestly didn't want to ask though. She had no idea what kind of reaction that would elicit from him.

"You should really stop this," he told her gesturing to her whole self.

"Stop what exactly?" she demanded.

"Getting all fired up," he said his eyes trailing the length of her body.

"Well then stop acting like an idiot," she commanded him.

"I just mean that you are sooo hot when you get feisty," he reminded her.

Lexi shook her head in disbelief and turned to leave. Jack grabbed her wrist and tugged her backwards. She stumbled backwards into him. "Hey I'm just kidding with you," he said his arms circling her waist to steady her balance.

She wasn't sure if she could believe him. But suddenly her mind wasn't thinking properly. When she had fallen against him, her body had landed flush against his chest. Pressed against his heated body, she held onto his shoulders as she straightened herself. Her head tilted upwards and she realized her lips were only inches from his own.

Her mind went blank. Everything she had been doing or thinking about before that moment was gone. It was as if she was standing on the beach seeing him like a mirage. She felt like he was her desert oasis and she was dying for thirst at the feel of his arms around her miniscule waist.

He seemed to realize her nearness at the same time. They both stiffened, too scared to move in any direction and unsure as to what result moving would bring. Their eyes locked onto each other. Lexi watched his travel to her lips and back up. Then slowly once more when he realized she was going to allow him to look where he shouldn't. She felt as if she were watching his eyes zone in on her now dry lips from someone else's body.

Jack's head leaned forward and he rested his forehead against her own. She could feel the waves of exertion and desire coming off of him as he struggled to keep it together. "Lexi, I can't," he said at the same time she muttered, "We shouldn't."

"Jaaaaaack," they heard someone yell not too far off.

Lexi sighed realizing that they had to return to reality, and in reality they didn't do this. She was careful to move so as not to encourage him further. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and crushed her body to him. He pulled her in closer and breathed in her familiar scent.

"It's all going to be okay right Lex?" he whispered into her ear begging for reassurance.

He was asking for something she couldn't give. He was making a terrible mistake, and she of all people knew what a mistake it truly was. She could not reassure him that everything he was doing was going to be fine. In fact, she thought it would fall apart at the first sign of trouble. If anything, this was actually the second sign of trouble. They had done worse in the past.

"I don't know Jack," she muttered.

He sighed heavily. "That's what I'm afraid of."

Just then the branches swung backwards and light flooded in on their intimate moment. The two jumped back as if they had been burned. The action made them look even more guilty than being found alone in a weeping willow together. Lexi's cheeks flamed as her eyes shot over to the entrance to the tree.

"Ramsey," she muttered forlornly her stomach dropping out of her body.

K.A. Linde

'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore

I've forgotten what I started fighting for

And if I have to crawl upon the floor

Come crashing through your door

Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore

-REO Speedwagon "Can't Fight This Feeling"

Chapter 12:
March Five Months Earlier

Lexi stared out across the beautiful ocean view stretching before her. The sand was perfectly white and flat seemingly extending for miles in either direction. The crystal clear blue water rippled faintly in the evening breeze. A warm sunset flooded the night sky with shades of red, pink, and orange. Palm trees partially shaded a kidney shaped pool and cabana below.

She couldn't believe she was spending her last spring break tucked into a gorgeous villa on the beach in south Florida with her boyfriend and a select group of his friends. He had been apologizing to her for his actions at New Years for months, and this planned trip was the piѐce de rѐsistance to his scheme to fully return to her good graces.

He had apologized in style even. Once he had settled the affairs of the club in Atlanta, he had immediately flown back to New York to, as he put it, "complete their evening." He refused to have it any other way. He had taken her back up to the top floor of the building where Chyna's blow out party had been. A table had been set up on the balcony with a single red rose, and thoughtful card explaining how if he could go back in time, he would change everything. Then he had kissed her unlike he had ever kissed her before. When he pulled back from her lips which he seemed to crave more and more, he had simply said, "Happy New Years."

She had been blown away to say the least. She probably would have let the whole incident go, but she couldn't deny that his words had hurt her. The last thing she wanted to do was lie to him about her feelings. She couldn't tell him everything was alright with her when in fact she was beating herself up about what had happened.

Long distance relationships had never been something she had considered. She just didn't think that they actually worked. Then he had gone and blamed her for everything that had gone down. Whether he meant to or not, he had opened up a can of worms of insecurity about the distance between.

He had his clubs and all his adoring employees. He had Atlanta, the nightlife, the celebrity status, the charming good looks. He had everything he could possibly need there. And what did she have? She had no money, no job, no real life outside of Chyna. She had a pile of debt waiting for her upon graduation. The more she thought about things he had said, the more terrified she had gotten about their relationship.

He didn't need her. This much was clear. She couldn't figure out why he even bothered. She had a mountain of baggage as large as her law school student loans. Some of which he knew about, some that he didn't, but either way it was pretty obvious that she had reservations.

There was no point in him having any feelings towards her.

After he had finally wrestled this information out of her, he had simply laughed. He laughed for a solid minute until he realized she was serious. Then he blabbered on about his deep affection for her in a way that only Ramsey could. She had shaken her head unable to comprehend why anyone could like her after what kind of person she was. He had vehemently disagreed. He liked her for exactly whom she was baggage and all.

She still didn't quite understand, but a paid beach vacation for the entire week of spring break sure did make it more real. Why else would he bother?

"Are you ready?" Ramsey asked walking out onto the balcony and wrapping his arms around her waist. He gently pushed her up against the stone railing and buried his head into her neck. He placed kisses against her bronzed skin from ear to shoulder.

"Ye…yes," she murmured sighing pleasantly at the feel of his lips on her. "But really Ramsey, where are we going?"

"You know I like to surprise you," he muttered huskily into her skin.

"I know, but I never know if I'm dressed right," she told him.

He easily spun her around in place and let his eyes roam her body. She was wearing a pink, blue and green floral sun dress that flowed out to her knees. The spaghetti strap top v-cut in the front revealing enough cleavage from his high vantage point but not enough to be immodest. "You look perfect," he told her capturing her lips in his.

Her eyes fell to his perfectly chiseled chest which had yet to be covered by a shirt, and she couldn't look away. As he attempted to pull away, she wrapped her arms around his neck, and pulled him back towards her. He responded with just as much enthusiasm pushing his muscled body further against her and deepening the kiss. She could taste the peppermint flavor on him and her body reacted instantly to the now familiar taste of him. Her mouth always watered at the smell. "Are you sure we have to go out?" she asked hungrily between kisses.

He pushed his hands up into her long chocolate locks and began to gently massage her head as he tried to get his breathing under control. "Yes, we said we would meet everyone."

"I know, but…" she trailed off a moan escaping her lips as he gently tugged the strands backwards.

"Oh God, that's sexy," he groaned pushing his lower half against her.

She could feel his erection through the soft khaki shorts that adorned his body. Her hand which had previously been supporting herself against the railing moved forward to rest on his hip bones. Her thumbs slowly moved in circles against the exposed skin. She then lightly trail her fingertips against the inside seem of his pants. He shuddered against her from even the lightest of touches and ducked his head down to her throat once more.

"Ramsey," she moaned his name. She let her hand drop from his hot skin down the length of his shorts. The palm of her hand wrested ever so slightly against the bulge in his pants, but she could tell in the feverish way his mouth was attacking her neck that he had noticed. He had definitely noticed.

"Maybe we can be just a little late," he groaned pressing himself into her.

"Maybe we can," she agreed her body reacting positively to the way his lips were working on her neck. "We're all alone. You could take me right here," she muttered unabashedly into his ear.

"What's with us and balconies?" he asked playfully looking up into her big brown eyes.

Lexi couldn't keep from blushing at the comment. Their first kiss has been on a balcony at his apartment in Atlanta. They had kissed again on a balcony overlooking Turner Field. His dramatic apology had consisted of a romantic balcony kiss. She hadn't ever really thought about it before, but it
was
kind of their thing.

"I don't know, but I like it," she told him capturing his lips. "Maybe you could…take me out here tonight since you like balconies so much." Her voice was throaty and she couldn't keep the desire from the words.

"I'd like that," he said leaning into her. "But it might be dangerous," he warned. "I wouldn't want you to fall."

Lexi shook her head loose curls flying around her face. "Nah. You've got me."

Ramsey breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm glad you finally realize that," he said holding her tight.

Her heart beat rapidly at the meaning in his words. At that moment, she couldn't think of a reason for her ever being mad at him. Sure he had other things to occupy his time in Atlanta, but that didn't mean he felt anything less for her. Long distance relationships did work for some people after all. And why couldn't it work for her.

She knew it could if she put in the effort that was necessary. And she wanted to. She wanted to make him happy. She never wanted his easy smile to leave his face or his bright green eyes to stray from her own. She couldn't think of another place she would rather be in the world than wrapped in his arms…wherever they were. She was lost…completely lost in him.

Despite all the baggage, she could see through to her true feelings. Baggage was just something she had to get over. He clearly wasn't hanging on to any lingering doubts about her or what had gone on with her, and he didn't seem to have any faults of his own. She couldn't figure out why she had to hold back so much from him. He was an incredible, successful, gorgeous man who wanted to be with her as much as she wanted to be with him. All she had to do was let go and allow herself to experience what he was willing to offer.

"Me too," she said meaning every word. He really did have her.

The joy that filled his eyes at her admission was nearly overwhelming. He dropped his arms from her waist and hiked up one leg up around his waist. Surprised, her hand tightened around the bulge in his pants and he groaned at the feel of her touching him even through two layers of clothing. His hand worked miracles through her thigh as he massaged slowly upwards.

Just as he reached her soft cotton underwear, he dropped to his knees in front of her and pulled her leg up on his shoulder. She stared dreamily down at him almost unable to process what was about to happen next. He hitched a finger into her underwear and pulled it sideways before bringing his mouth forward to her most sensitive area. She gasped and threw her head back as his tongue expertly traveled the length of her. Her hands laced through his golden hair as he sucked and swirled his tongue around her willing her to reach a climax. Just as she was getting close, he dropped her leg and stood straight again.

She was breathing heavy when he straightened and kissed her breathlessly. "I could have done that forever. You taste so good," he murmured into her ear.

"I could have let you." He chuckled at her statement. "I need you…now," she said as her hand came up and undid the button and zipper of his shorts. Only his tight butt was holding the shorts on and she slid her hands to grasp the firm muscles allowing the shorts to slide effortlessly to the floor.

He pushed her back against the railing again. Without the restriction of his shorts, he was clearly visible to her, throbbing, and ready. She groaned at the sight of him picking her own leg up to allow him to get closer to her. He slid against the length of her cotton shorts obviously holding himself back with great exertion. Her eyes snapped shut again at the feel of his hardness against her even through two layers of material. Her climax, which had been so close only seconds earlier, was building again with every passing moment of anticipation. "You're mine?" she murmured to him half a question and half a statement.

His hands dug into her back as he tried to get closer and closer to her. "Yes."

"All mine?" she groaned her hand sinking into his hair and forcing his eyes to meet hers again.

He took her weight as an advantage and pulled both of her legs around his waist. "All yours," he said walking her through the sliding glass doors and into the bedroom. He lay her down on the king sized bed and crawled over her. "I am all yours Alexa Walsh. No one else holds my heart."

Lexi sighed pleasantly at the declaration of his affections. She helped him strip her of her remaining clothing as he pulled off his boxers. He moved forward and rested himself right over her opening. If she hadn't been ready from him going down on her, she was more than ready now at the sight of him. His muscles were taut, and his skin bronzed from days in the sun. His breathing was irregular and he was physically holding himself back waiting for her confirmation.

She stared longingly up into his emerald green eyes and nodded her head. She wanted him. She needed him…all of him. She needed to feel him inside of her and the completeness that resulted from knowing he was hers.

He breathed heavily and then buried himself inside of her. She thought she was going to release instantly once he was fully inside of her. With such a build up and the enormous amount of emotional energy that was passing between them, she felt like she could barely breathe. This wasn't the first time they had been together physically, but somehow this was different. The way he lay against her, the loving look in his eyes, the easy gentle thrusts inside of her. She desperately wanted to orgasm and she knew that she probably could have multiple times, but she was holding off. She wanted them to be together. She wanted to feel him fill her, and her release around him, for her to clench around him and let her waves of pleasure wash over his body.

She could feel the strain from waiting taking over both of them. Sweat beaded down his face and fell to his collarbone then down his muscled chest. She watched its decent as he continued to thrust inside her. Her body was caving. She couldn't hold back any longer.

His movements were speeding up and she thought she might explode at any second. Her heart was beating a million miles a minute and she gasped several times as he pushed deeper. "Ramsey," she moaned louder than she had anticipated. "Oh God Ramsey," she said even louder. "I need you. Make me…make me cum. I can't hold back anymore."

"Don't hold back," he grunted the physical strain of release close to washing over his body.

"I want you with me. I need…need you with me," she cried out. "Now."

At her command, his whole body convulsed as he released. She cried out even louder than before as the orgasm took over her body. Her head fell back against the pillow as waves of pleasure rocked through her body. She could feel herself shaking as she clenched onto him harder and harder riding out the intense feeling of gratification that pored through her body.

When her body finally stilled, she lay there for a minute with just the sound of Ramsey's hammering heart and the ocean as music to her ears. She couldn't do more than trail her fingers down his back and lightly up into his blonde hair. The weight of him was a comforting feeling as he didn't move from inside of her. Her lower half was still pulsing slightly from their interaction.

He lifted his head ever so gently to stare back into her bedroom eyes. "Lexi," he murmured.

"Yes."

"I love you." Lexi released a small gasp. His smile was radiant at finally speaking the words to her. "I just wanted you to know," he said dropping his head back down to her chest.