Avoiding Responsibility (26 page)

"So what are we?" Ramsey asked finally after she had paused.

"It's not like that."

"Like what?" he asked genuinely curious.

"It's not you or him." She hated herself for admitting the feeling that she had been having for a long time.

Ramsey's eyes stormed over once more at the statement. "No, Lexi it really is me or him."

"That's not what I meant," she said backtracking, "I just mean that…you didn't replace him."

"What?" Ramsey snapped becoming angrier with every statement.

"Oh God," Lexi cried sitting down heavily on the bench and burying her head in her hands. "I don't mean it like that either. Do you remember the first time you told me you loved me?" she whispered.

Ramsey was struck with emotion at the mention of her loving him. It was the first time she had used the word since she had left. "Of course," he said matching her tone.

"I kind of realized it then," she murmured pulling back to look into his curious eyes.

"Realized what?"

"That thinking of you as replacing Jack would just be a disservice to you."

Ramsey stared at her stunned. He wasn't sure he was comprehending her correctly. "A disservice?" he asked wanting to be clear.

Lexi sighed and brushed a loose lock of hair behind her ear before continuing. "You occupy a new place in my heart… a place I wanted only you to touch."

Ramsey smiled, truly smiled for the first time since he had brushed aside the weeping willow branches. Sitting down beside her on the park bench, he took in her beauty. She clearly looked torn, but beneath that she was just as gorgeous as the first time he had seen her. "This can't happen again," he said his tone determined even though he was weakened by her admission.

Lexi turned away from his demanding eyes. She knew first hand it couldn't happen again. Jack was going to be married by the end of the week, and she would be in attendance. But besides being alone with the groom, she hadn't actually done anything wrong. And she hated being reprimanded…for anything. "Don't tell me what to do Ramsey. I know what I need to do."

Ramsey sighed hating that he had started another argument with her. "What's that? What do you need to do?"

"I just need to get through this week…this wedding," she added leaning back against the bench and staring straight forward.

"What happens after that week?" he asked hoping just by chance that she would answer him the way he desired. Instead, she just shrugged. She couldn't commit to anything. There was too much to think about before she could begin to answer that question.

"You know how I feel about you, and all my concerns for you and your future," he said grasping her chin and turning it back towards him. "You know I want to be a part of that future."

"Yeah well you should have thought about that," she murmured hating herself for bringing up her own insecurities when she was most weak. "You should have thought about that the past couple months." She pulled her chin out from his grasp.

Ramsey sighed heavily letting his hand drop to his lap. "Look I don't want to fight with you. You're right, I asked you to come down here. I messed up. And yeah, I kind of expected you and Jack to need…a moment," he said, the last words with a grating edge like nails on a chalkboard. "But I just can't get over the fact that we've only been here an hour and I just told you the man is having doubts. Can you not cut me some slack here Lexi? I'm really trying."

"So I've heard," she grumbled.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I've just heard from everyone about how much you're trying," she murmured. She hadn't meant to bring it up. She really hadn't, but she had heard about him
trying
a bit too much recently. She wanted to know what was going on.

"I don't know what anyone else has said, but yes Lexi I am trying. It's no secret that I want you back," he said running his hand up her bare arm, up across her shoulder, and trailing through her thick brown hair.

As he began to massage her neck, she let the anger drain out of her. The only reason she had asked about any of this was because she had gotten caught. Everything that had happened with Jack was her fault. Ramsey wasn't exactly off the hook for what had gone on with them before, but she couldn't blame him for her mistakes. She deserved to get reprimanded. She didn't deserve a neck massage after acting like an idiot that was for sure. She hated herself for making him feel bad after all of this.

"Look I'm sorry," she murmured softly turning into his shoulder and wrapping her arms around his neck. He pulled her across the bench and onto his lap holding her tight. "I…we have a lot to talk about, but right now isn't the time or place. I shouldn't have…"

"It's okay," he said bringing his lips gently down onto hers. "We'll work it out."

Lexi had never really thought that Ramsey had such a strong pull on her emotionally…not like Jack. Their relationship had been so different than anything she had experienced with him that she had always separated the emotions she felt for the two men. Her and Ramsey always acted together…as equals. Their relationship developed slowly over time and she had been careful to guard her heart. Then when she had finally given it freely, he managed to hurt her anyway.

And still she couldn't deny her feelings for him…just like with Jack. She spent close to a year of her life with him in an uninhibited relationship. In a relationship that she truly thought was going somewhere.

She knew in time they would need to discuss what had happened, but she wasn't ready for that moment yet. She was still too angry…too bitter. But she wasn't sure if she was ready to get rid of it all. They just needed time.

"Are you alright to go back up there?" Ramsey asked standing and planting her lightly back on her feet.

Lexi nodded as she brushed off her dress where it had wrinkled from sitting in his lap. She swished all of her hair over one shoulder to try and catch a breeze on the back of her neck. This wasn't the first time she had forgotten how unbearably hot Georgia summer afternoons are.

Ramsey swept aside the branches of the willow and the oppressive heat hit Lexi full force as she exited back onto the trail that led to the party. Their anger subsided for the moment, the two walked side by side towards his parents. Lexi contemplated reaching for his hand, but let it stay at her side. No need to give more complicated signs than she was already giving.

The scene before them was as if nothing had happened. Jack was standing at Bekah's side smiling into her enamored face. Three women stood beside her, and Lexi was pretty sure she knew who they were. She remembered the last time she had been in proximity to Bekah's best friends, the Fearsome Four, as Ramsey had called them. She had nearly been sick listening to them talking in the 755 Club. It wasn't exactly a fond memory, and she wasn't looking forward to seeing them again.

As they approached, a glass of lemonade was thrust in each of their hands, and they were shuffled closer to the bride and groom. The closer they got, the louder Ramsey's father's voice rang in the afternoon air. It was clear he was making a toast.

"To honor my beautiful daughter…"

Lexi half-listened to the speech as her eyes moved back to Bekah's friends. They all had shining blonde hair in various stages of bleach. She wasn't certain if any of them were natural. Or perhaps they had been at one point, but they had now died their hair so often they couldn't remember if the shade was sandy or honey…or anything other than manufactured color that Lexi felt she needed sunglasses to even look at.

"and my soon-to-be son-in-law…"

The tallest one was easily the prettiest of the three. As much as Lexi hated admitting it, she didn't have Bekah's natural good looks and poise, but she was stunning in her own right. She couldn't place names with any of them since she had never been officially introduced. All that rang through in her mind was a terrible southern drawl talking about fucking in the middle of a crowded party where anyone could hear her…and Bekah encouraging her.

"I know that through their love…"

The thought turned her stomach as if she were still standing in the club hearing the words as she eavesdropped on their conversation. She assumed that the pretty one was the bitch with the drawl. Beauty and money tend to bring about a sense of self-righteousness. Not to mention the damn girl was wearing cowboy boots with her yellow sundress…a style Lexi still hadn't come to grips with.

"and devotion to one another…"

Lexi tried not to snort at the last statement as he eyes shifted to the one standing in the middle. She was a tiny little thing with a button nose and calculating, round, baby blue eyes. Unlike the other girls, her dress was loose fitting, and extremely conservative…even for a country club. Her demeanor oozed prude. If she hadn't been hanging around Bekah, Lexi would have thought she would be better placed in a church.

"they will have a marriage as fulfilling as any we've witnessed…"

The last girl seemed the most normal of the bunch…if that word could even be used about someone who was actually friends with Bekah. Her hair was cut short into a bob that curled up under chin with large sweeping bangs that completely covered her forehead. Her smile seemed genuine as she looked at Bekah's own happiness. Lexi wasn't sure if she could ever be friends with someone that Bekah had known for such a long time, but just based on appearances, this girl had to be the closest thing to a human being around.

"Saturday will be just the first of so many more wonderful moments in their lives…"

Lexi let her eyes shift back to Bekah and Jack. Their hands were lightly entwined as they stared up at her father. Every couple seconds they would sneak glances at each other. A pain shot through Lexi's chest from watching them interact together. One thing was obvious – Jack hadn't told Bekah anything. She looked so incredibly happy standing next to him, Lexi was having a hard time reconciling the situation in her mind.

"to the happy couple…"

She knew Bekah and Jack cared for each other, but somehow it had never felt real. It had all been a trick. Bekah had used Lexi to get Jack. There was absolutely no way that a sane person could participate in that kind of deception and still have normal human feelings. For some reason, seeing them together actually happy, everything came in perspective.

"may they remember this time forever."

Jack was marrying Bekah. This was really happening.

"To Jack and Bekah."

The crowd echoed the final sentiment, raised their glasses in unison, and took a swig of their beverage of choice. Lexi took a tentative sip of her lemonade, sputtered when she realized that the punch was spiked, and then downed another large gulp. She would need the alcohol to get through the rest of day.

The two moved in closer to the wedding party as the remainder of the crowd dispersed. She couldn't help but notice the twinkle in his father's eye from the toast and the look of adoration on his face as he stared at his only daughter.

"Ramsey, Lexi, so nice to see you could make it," Bekah said immediately including them into the group. Though, Lexi knew too well not to expect that to have been a welcoming. It was likely more that she was pointing out that the two of them had been missing.

Ramsey's father clapped him on the back at Bekah's statement. "Good thing you got back in time, son."

"I have to apologize," Lexi said speaking up in his presence, no matter how terrifying and imposing a figure he might be, "I was just admiring your beautiful trove of weeping willows." Lexi made a pointed effort not to look at Jack the whole time.

His father beamed. "That's understandable. They're gorgeous, massive trees right there on the lake." His wife bobbed her head along with the statements. Turning his attention back to Bekah, he asked, "What kind of trouble are you ladies getting into tonight?"

Bekah ducked her chin to her chest as if she were an innocent little girl up to no trouble whatsoever. "Nothing daddy."

"Don't daddy me. I'm footin' the bill. Where are ya'll headin'?" he bellowed.

Bekah glanced from her dad to Jack and back. "You want me to say in front of the groom," she asked giggling clearly putting on a show. "Well alright, we're just going to go to a few clubs daddy. We'll be in by midnight."

"Midnight," he scoffed as if it was the most ridiculous statement he had heard.

Lexi wasn't even sure what they were referring to in the first place. And she didn't see why it mattered that she was going clubbing tonight with her friends. It didn't exactly seem like an affair her father would typically be interested in.

"Could Lexi come with us since we're down one?" Bekah asked her smile turning into a smirk at the edges. Lexi snapped to attention at the mention of her name. Where exactly was she going? Did Bekah actually just include her in something? She hadn't signed up for this. Not to mention, she wasn't exactly thrilled with filling in if they were down one…whatever that one was.

"You're my only daughter and you're only getting married once," he said that with finality. "You can take whoever you damn well want to. And anyway I insist she go along with you. Anyone who can stand Ramsey this long is someone you should be better acquainted with," he muttered a harsh laugh following the statement.

Lexi's mouth hung open slightly. She felt Ramsey stiffen at her side, but he didn't say anything. The looks she was receiving from Bekah and her friends weren't exactly comforting either. She was pretty certain that whatever they had in mind wasn't something she wanted to be involved in. "Go with you where?" she piped up.

Bekah turned to her as if she had forgotten that Lexi wasn't in the know. Except that she had done everything on purpose. Bekah was always in control…always calculating. Every move was devious and planned out beforehand. Lexi wasn't going to soon forget it. "Bachelorette party tonight doll."

Lexi knew she needed to watch herself before answering. This couldn't be happening. How was she unfortunate enough to be at the bachelor party and now she was getting corralled into a bachelorette party. "Wow I appreciate the offer…" she began her voice monotone. She obviously was not thrilled with the invite.