Avoiding Responsibility (50 page)

"I should calm down?" she snarled. "She's the one who cheated on my brother."

Once again the room fell silent. Everyone slowly turned to look at Lexi who looked just as stunned as everyone else. Lexi had no idea how she had come to that conclusion. Then it hit her. Bekah must have thought that the phone call she had been in the room for…her Mystery Man…was someone that she had been seeing while she had been dating Ramsey. While she wasn't far off, Lexi could proudly say that she had never cheated on Ramsey. They had been broken up when it had happened. She hadn't expected to get back together with him. But this did not look good for her.

"What is she talking about?" Ramsey asked turning his back on Bekah and looking at Lexi. She couldn't keep herself from blushing even though Bekah's comments weren't exactly the truth. Lexi turned her eyes infinitesimally to the right and caught Adam's eye. He sighed and averted his eyes.

"What was that?" Chyna asked pointing between them. "Does Adam know something about this but not me?"

"Uh…" Lexi said licking her lips and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I didn't cheat on you," she said carefully.

"Then what is she talking about?" he repeated.

"Wait wait wait," Chyna said realizing that Lexi didn't exactly answer either of their questions. "Did you cheat on him with Adam?" The pieces were falling together. Chyna couldn't believe it was possible. Adam was the only person she had ever really fallen for. Lexi was her best friend. She knew that they had always had a tight bond after she was roofied earlier that year, but she never once thought it had been possible. Adam had always been extremely friendly, but still Adam was friendly with everyone. However, that look that had passed between them had been too telling. That coupled with the fact that she knew that Adam and Lexi needed to discuss something just made it seem to coincidental. This couldn't be happening.

"With Adam?" Ramsey asked stunned.

"That must have been who she was talking to on the phone at my bachelorette party," Bekah said triumphantly. This had worked out even better than planned. Turning the tides on Lexi and having the guy in the room with them, it was almost too much to ask for.

"Hold on," Lexi said raising her hands. "You guys are getting out of control."

"Then tell me you didn't sleep with Adam," Chyna said pulling her friend around to face her.

Lexi glanced at Adam. This was not good. This was not how this was supposed to happen. Adam was not supposed to show up with Chyna. She was supposed to have already told Ramsey about this. She hadn't wanted Ramsey to find out like this. It wasn't fair to him after the hell she had put him through about his lying. Not that she had lied to him. She really hadn't, but now it looked like she was hiding things from him. Shit. She hated this.

Adam just shrugged. "You might as well tell them."

Chyna turned to face him as if she had forgotten he was in the room. Her eyes watered considerably as she stared at him in disbelief. He was so calm and collected as if this had no effect on him when she was falling about. Her world was falling apart.

"Ramsey I was going to tell you this morning," she began.

"
This
is what you were going to tell me?" he asked his mouth dropping open. "And I had to hear it from Bekah after everything we just went through for the past month?"

"No no…it's not what you think. She has her facts wrong," Lexi quickly amended.

"Are you kidding me with this Alexa?" Chyna asked. "You're my best friend."

"Adam and I did not sleep together!" Lexi cried looking back and forth between Chyna and Ramsey. They both were eyeing her skeptically. The evidence seemed pretty damning against them, but she couldn't let that continue.

"What?" Chyna asked glancing from Lexi and back to Adam. "Then how are you involved?"

"She slept with John…right?" he asked alluding to his illustrious brother who Chyna had had a rather unpleasant experience with and had resulted in her break up with Adam earlier that year.

Lexi's eyes dropped to the ground. Everything was out in the open now. "Yeah…I slept with John."

K.A. Linde

Well it sucks to be honest

And it hurts to be real

But it's nice to make some love

That I can finally feel

Hard times let me be

I'm a good man, with a good heart

Had a tough time, got a rough start

But I finally learned to let it go

Now I'm right here, and I'm right now

And I'm open, knowing somehow

That my shadow days are over

My shadow days are over now

-John Mayer "Shadow Days"

Chapter 25: Present

No one spoke for awhile after Lexi's declaration. She had slept with Adam's brother, John, when she and Ramsey had been broken up. This was the same brother that had put the moves on Chyna forcing their untimely break up. Chyna despised John…hated him. There was no way she had ever wanted Chyna to find out, but that was certainly better than her thinking she had slept with Adam! That would be the ultimate betrayal and she wouldn't have blamed Chyna if she never spoke to her again. Adam was handsome and wonderful. She had an uncanny connection with him, but it just wasn't like
that
. He loved Chyna, and Chyna was her very best friend. She had done terrible things before, but not that.

Not to mention Ramsey. She hadn't cheated on him, but the pain was still evident in his bright green eyes. He was completely taken aback. This seemed to be the last thing he had expected her to say. Bekah's statement claiming she had cheated on Ramsey wasn't true, but with her past it still had to leave doubts in his once unclouded mind. She just wanted to tell him that things would be alright between them, but how could she know what he would do with this news?

Lexi wished with everything she was that she could stop everyone from looking at her right then. Her brain was aching from the swell of emotions going through her, and their reactions weren't helping. Chyna appeared shell-shocked if not a bit disgusted. No doubt she was thinking about the last time she had encountered John and what it had done to her relationship. Adam looked sympathetic, but like he had somehow known this would blow up in her face. Jack's smirk had returned to his face. He seemed triumphant as if this was proof that she was still no better than him. And Bekah – Bekah was the worst of all. She wore smug like a new pair of Jimmy Choos. If Lexi could wipe that murderously arrogant look off her face, she swore she would die a happy woman.

"I really wanted to tell you Ramsey. I know what we've been through," Lexi said pausing to fully look him in the face. She needed to stand up for herself. She couldn't cower and hide behind her actions. She needed to take responsibility for what she had done. "No I just, I can't apologize for it happening…"

Ramsey's eyes narrowed. Out of the corner of her eye, Lexi could see Chyna's mouth drop open. She knew this was a do or die moment. The two people she cared about most were waiting for an answer that she just couldn't give them. She couldn't grovel and apologize for what she had done. She had been that person before, but she wasn't sorry about sleeping with John. It had been something she had done when she had been a single woman. It's not as if she had asked for a break, they had broken up. She had told Ramsey not to call her and he hadn't. She thought it was over. The fact that she was even in Atlanta with Ramsey was completely unanticipated.

But she didn't want him to get the wrong idea. She loved him, but she hated the lying. And she hadn't meant him to think that she was lying. She just hadn't gotten around to telling him yet. But now she needed to make him understand.

Lexi sighed before continuing. "No, I'm sorry that it hurts you. I really am, but I'm not sorry that I slept with someone else," Lexi said amazed that she could even get the words out. "I wasn't dating you at the time. We were two consenting adults. In fact, I hadn't anticipated getting back together with you. Things changed clearly since then, and it's not going to ever happen again, but it did happen. I can't change it.

"So either you have to accept that fact along with me or you don't. We're just at that point," Lexi said standing tall and fighting the urge to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. She was both more nervous about Ramsey's reaction than anything before this moment, and also completely confident in her decision to finally stand up for herself. Ramsey looked as if he wasn't sure exactly what he wanted to say.

Before he got the chance, Chyna butted in, "But you still slept with John knowing the kind of person he is. You still did it. Just because you say these things doesn't make it better. Think about what you did with him," Chyna said with a shudder. Adam reached out for her, but she didn't stop talking. "How can you even go on with your life? I'm sorry Adam, but you're brother is kind of disgusting," she said with an easy shrug.

"Can we really drop this line of conversation?" he said with a roll of his eyes. "I know how you feel about him, and it made us do stupid things once before. Let's just avoid it all together."

Chyna batted him away from her, and turned back towards Lexi. "I'm sorry I can't just ignore this fact. My best friend
slept
with your brother. Not to mention you knew about it and didn't tell me. You guys were keeping it secret together. Alexa has never kept a secret from me before and now this. How could you?" Chyna asked a hitch in her voice.

"Chyna…" Lexi stammered looking at her friend sympathetically. She honestly hadn't meant for it to be a secret for so long. Before that phone call from Ramsey, she had intended on telling Chyna…one day. She just hadn't been ready yet, and then afterwards she had wanted to forget it had happened. She never wanted Chyna to know.

"Do you really blame her for not telling you after how you're overreacting?" Adam asked attempting to talk some sense into her.

"Overreacting?" she squeaked. "You haven't seen overreacting!"

"And we don't want to," he said shaking his head at her.

"The fact that she slept with your brother doesn't bother you?"

"No," he stated simply with a shrug. "It really doesn't, and it shouldn't bother you. It's not like I think something happened between you and John. I certainly wouldn't be okay with that, but my brother isn't a bad guy. And as she said they are two consenting adults…"

"You're brother isn't a bad guy?" Chyna groaned rolling her eyes dramatically. "I wouldn't wish him on someone I like a lot less than Alexa."

"We've been through this," he grumbled clearly annoyed, "but you can't change it. All you can do is accept the fact that it happened and move on. She's your best friend after all. You two have been through a lot together…"

Chyna turned back to Lexi as if she were considering Adam's point, then shook her head. "That's exactly the reason that this doesn't make any sense. You've never been that person with me. Yet, you hid things from me…your best friend. I know you hide things from everyone else, but me? I thought you sleeping with Jack before their engagement was an all time low…but this…" Chyna stammered out in anger.

Lexi's hand went to her mouth instantly in shock. She couldn't believe that Chyna would blurt out the secret she had been trying to keep from revealing all along. You could have heard a pin drop in the room the silence was all encompassing.

When Lexi had thought that everything was out on the table after her confession about John, she hadn't actually anticipated
everything
being out on the table. She hadn't thought that Chyna would ever tell anyone, let alone a room full of people, that she had slept with Jack prior to his engagement to Bekah. She hadn't told anyone else so she hadn't been expecting anyone else to blurt out the news.

In all honestly, there was only one real reason why she hadn't told Bekah about her and Jack fucking during his birthday party a year ago. It certainly wasn't her regard for the woman. She despised Bekah. In fact, she couldn't think of a person she liked less. Yet, she had held back that one fact. She had held back the one thing that would have seriously turned Bekah away from Jack. It was what she had always wanted.

She didn't want Bekah and Jack to marry…that much she knew. But after all that, she still hadn't told her the terrible awful thing that they had done in the hallway. She couldn't bring herself to do it. Not only was it humiliating that she had been bitchy enough…and desperate enough to actually sleep with him, but he had been so cruel and cold to her afterwards. He had kept his distance as if the only thing he had been after was the sex, and once he had it he was through with her. She had never felt so low…so used. Her self-worth had plummeted that night, and she didn't want anyone other than Chyna to know that.

Even after that when she had finally begun to recover, she hadn't blurted the news to Bekah. When Bekah had pulled out that big honking diamond…Lexi's diamond, she still had kept quiet. After she even told Bekah that she was wearing a fake ring…for Christ's sake the woman was wearing a
fake
diamond ring. She was told she was planning to marry a guy who had given her a ring that was intended for someone else entirely, and yet she had still continued with the wedding. Even after all that, Lexi had still kept the truth from her.

Only one reason remained for that.

Lexi knew it…deep down. Even if she hated admitting it to herself, she knew the reason for keeping the secret from a person she despised.

She didn't want them to break up because Jack had cheated with her. She had wanted Jack to break up with Bekah for
her
. She had wanted to see Bekah's sniveling little face when she realized she had lost…that she had actually lost in her own web of games.

More than ever she wanted to be the reason for the break up on Jack's end, not Bekah's. But now that reason was morphing into something she liked even better. She no longer wanted to see the wedding canceled so she could finally claim Jack for her own.

No.

She wanted it to be canceled so that when Jack came crawling back to her, as he always did, she could tell him no. She could be the one to turn him down. She could be the one to leave him hanging. She could be the one to choose.

Lexi knew that it was sinister to even harbor those thoughts. She knew it was wrong to keep a secret for so long especially one so revealing to Bekah and Jack's relationship, but she couldn't help it. She had done it at first to have Jack for the right reasons, whatever those were, and now she wanted to keep it in hopes that one day she would be able to turn the tables on him.

But how could she explain that to anyone? Clearly Chyna had blurted it out because she was pissed off with Lexi. She hadn't thought of the consequences of revealing that piece of information.

Within a few hours, Jack and Bekah were supposed to be getting married. If she had been in Bekah's position, she would have wanted to know everything about the person she was marrying. But would she ever really want to know this? Could you ever really be prepared for such deceit?

She had been on the wrong end of Jack's cheating before, and she knew what it felt like. She had been depressed for months…years. She hadn't been the same person until she had finally allowed herself to begin to move on. And they hadn't even been officially together…they certainly hadn't been engaged and about to be married. Lexi had no idea what could possibly be going on in Bekah's head at the moment. How could you move on from that moment?

"Is that true?" Bekah whispered turning to Lexi for confirmation.

"Bekah, how could you even think that I would do that?" Jack asked reaching for her. Bekah slipped away from him, and moved to stand in front of Lexi.

"You at least owe me an explanation," Bekah said standing squarely in front of Lexi with her hands on her hips. Her eyes were large like saucers as they stared deeply into Lexi awaiting an answer.

"I don't think I owe you anything Bekah," Lexi said with a shrug.

"Bekah, seriously?" Jack asked moving closer to her again.

"Ramsey!" Bekah snapped completely ignoring Jack's pleas. "How are you so quiet? How are you not shocked at this news? Just think if she could do it then, she can do it now. After all, she just slept with someone else!"

Lexi glanced over at Ramsey to see his reaction to this ordeal. She bit down on her lip slightly as a worry line creased her forehead. Bekah's accusations never sat lightly with Ramsey, and Lexi was terrified that any headway they had made this week would be stalled by Bekah's insinuations.

"I'm quiet, because unlike you Bekah I prefer to think before I speak," Ramsey said straight-faced and even-toned.

"What?" she demanded, sinking into one hip as if she hadn't heard him correctly. Lexi wasn't sure if
she
had heard him correctly.

"You heard me. You don't think before you accuse people of terrible things. You don't think before you try to use your manipulative ways to ruin other people's lives," he said.

"Ramsey!" she yelped.

Ramsey cut her off. "You think I didn't know that she slept with Jack?"

Lexi tried to cover her shock. She had never told Ramsey about that night. She couldn't bring herself to reveal what a terrible person she had been. He knew everything else about her relationship, but she honestly hadn't wanted anyone else to know.

She wasn't sure if he was just lying about knowing or if he was just trying to cover up for her. Either way she was immensely happy that he was standing up for her…that he was telling Bekah off. It meant, at least she hoped it meant that they were that much closer to being on the right track.

"You knew?" Bekah gasped.

"What the fuck?" Jack cried shaking his head. "That didn't happen."

"Jack, just shut up," Ramsey said silencing his outburst with a glare. "We all know. It's not like Lexi is denying it."

"Lex?" Jack pleaded, somehow thinking using her pet name would help him win his case. Lexi could see him imploring her with his big blue eyes. He wanted her to save him after everything that he had done. He wanted her to lie for him one last time. It's like he had forgotten that she had just kicked him in the balls only a short while ago. She hadn't forgotten that he had come onto her on his wedding day. There was no reason whatsoever to lie for him.