Awake (5 page)

He finally looked up, and his smile melted me. “You have no idea how much I want it, too.”

“Well, it’s done,” I said, my voice thick with emotion. “After university we’ll move to the country and live the simple life. I want goats and those cute little micro pigs.”

Laughing, he sat beside me and stroked my jaw, stealing my breath again. His eyes were alight. I couldn’t stop staring at him. “You want a farm?”

“If I’m living in the country like this, I want animals.” I handed him back the pad and instructed him to add them in. He did it awkwardly with one arm around me. It would be much easier if he let me go, but he didn’t want to. Neither did I.

I spent the next hour watching him draw pictures of my animals. He laughed through it, even adding chicks, rabbits, a cow and a llama. I added a stick sheep with a bad woolly body. It was stupid fun and had us laughing, flirting and kissing the whole time.

At six we went downstairs to make the pizzas. Noah got the ingredients, and I got a wooden bowl and spoon. He didn’t bother measuring anything out, so I left him to put everything in, and I just stirred it until it was thick enough to knead.

Noah slapped the dough down on the worktop and smirked. “Go on, get kneading!”

It was gross, I hated when things stuck to my hands and it greatly amused him, but I was having fun cooking with him.

I pushed the dough down with the palm of my hand and froze.

Noah, sensing something was wrong, asked, “You okay?”

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts. “Yeah, just had a major sense of déjà vu.”

“Really? With what?”

“Kneading this with my palm. I’ve never done it before, so it must be when I attempted chocolate chip Christmas tree biscuits with Mum a few years ago.”

“Strange,” he said with a shrug. “Hey, perhaps you have done this before, you just don’t remember it.”

I looked down. “Noah, please.”

“No.” He lifted my chin and bent down to look right into my eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m not bringing it up again, and I don’t want to upset you.”

“No, I overreacted. You’re allowed to talk about it. Wow, I really am different, aren’t I?”

“Yes, you are.” Ouch. “You are completely different because there is no one else who is perfect to me and for me. Different
is not
a bad thing.”

He was still the same height as me, so I leaned forwards and kissed him. His arms quickly wound around my back, and I was pulled onto my tiptoes, flush with his chest. My hands were still gross and sticky from the dough, but that didn’t seem to worry him as I gripped his hair.

Noah pushed me against the worktop and ran his hands down my back. When I felt my insides burst into flames, I pulled back. I had the desire to be with him, but I wasn’t ready. Why couldn’t my body and mind be more in sync?

He kissed my forehead, breathing just a little too fast. “We should get the dough kneaded and rested soon or this pizza is going to be awful.”

I took a deep breath and tried to get my body under control. “Sounds good. I’m getting hungry.”

We spent the rest of the evening relaxing together. We didn’t mention my loss of memory again because it always turned things tense between us. I hoped he would get past the oddness of it, or I would remember already because I didn’t want anything causing friction between us.

I spent the next couple days – supervised – with Noah and then it was time to go to my grandparents’. I wasn’t sad that I wouldn’t see him, although I’d miss him because we were keeping in touch and, as he’d said, we had our whole lives ahead of us so what was four little days? I seriously loved him.

Scarlett

I WAITED, IMPATIENTLY,
in the car with Jeremy as our parents had yet another conversation
after
they’d said bye. We’d had a great weekend and I was sad to leave but could we not just go already!

“Seriously, we shouldn’t even get off the sofa until they’re in the car,” I said, pressing my forehead against the window.

Mum and her parents could talk solidly until the end of time. Getting together again had always been a huge deal as far back as I could remember – which was actually only twelve years.

“Yep,” Jeremy agreed, and I looked over at him. He didn’t even glance up from his phone, which had been glued to his hand the entire weekend. “It was really annoying when you were a whiney baby and I had to try amusing you while they were still talkin’.”

“Still texting Amie? You so
lurve
her.”

“How’s Noah?”

“Touché, big bro.” I looked back out of the window and expected him to make another comment but he was too engrossed in reading her new text. Well, at least
she
was still talking to him; I hadn’t heard anything from Noah all day.

Mum and Dad finally got in the car and Mum wound down her window, ready to talk more. “You two ready?” she asked over her shoulder.

Jeremy looked up then. “You for real? We’ve been sitting in here for fifteen-bloody-minutes.”

“Language, Jeremy,” Dad scolded, frowning at him in the mirror.

“Can we just go please, Jonathan?” Mum said to Dad and waved out of the window. “See you soon. Bye! Love you!”

“You kids wanna stop off at McDonalds for lunch?” Dad asked. “We won’t be home until after two.”

“KFC and you’ve got a deal,” Jeremy replied.

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t think they’re trying to make a deal, idiot.”

Mum sighed. “Jon, just stop at whichever one you see in an hour.”

This was going to be a long drive. I pressed the home button on my phone, again, to check if I’d missed a text from Noah, again. Nothing. I was being stupid. It was only one day that I hadn’t heard from him, but I was used to waking up with a text and then shooting messages back and forth all day.

I loved that we could talk so much and never get tired. We never ran out of things to say but if we weren’t talking we’d just enjoy the un-awkward silence together. We’d not even been together for two months but I already felt so much more for him than I did for my ex, Jack, in the eight months we were going out.

Slipping my phone in my pocket, I reasoned with myself. I did not need to text him every waking minute of the day – it was nice – but I didn’t need to. We were seeing each other when I got home so I’d message him later to confirm that we were still on and ask if he were okay.

Feeling better about my decision not to go stalker on him, I lay back against the seat and closed my eyes. I was settled, the steady hum and movement of the car threatening to send me to sleep any second. I welcomed it. Easter was amazing but exhausting.

“No!” Dad snapped, suddenly tugging on the steering wheel. The car jolted to the left. My eyes flew open and I gasped as I was thrown against Jeremy’s side. A scream ripped its way up my throat.

“Jonathan,” Mum shouted at the same time Jeremy and Dad swore.

I heard loud horns beeping from several cars as Dad tried to steady the car. He slammed the breaks on as a minibus swerved in front of us.

I screamed again as we’re hit from behind. My body flew forward before it was caught by the seatbelt locking on. The sound of crunching steel and smashing glass pierced through my ears. My heart raced and I gripped Jeremy’s hand as someone else smashed into us from the side, making our car hurtle towards the hard shoulder on the motorway – a ditch. Trees!

Oh, God.
I squeezed my eyes closed and everything moved in slow motion. We hit a large tree trunk but I was out before the car stopped.

Scarlett

I TRIED TO
open my eyes but they felt like they’d been glued shut. My mind was in overdrive trying to piece everything together. We were in the car. There was screaming and we must have crashed but I couldn’t remember.

Did we hit something or did something hit us? Was everyone okay?

Glass. I remember smashing glass and a big grey building. But we couldn’t have been in a building. Did we hit a building? No, a tree. Where was the building then? My head throbbed and I wasn’t sure if it was because I’d hit it or because I was trying too hard to remember. And then I was drifting, or more like being pulled.

Mummy brushed my hair and I closed my eyes, smiling. I loved it when she played with my hair. “Can I have pigtails, please?”

“Of course,” she replied. “You can have anything you want, my special girl.”

“Mummy, can I do your hair, too?” I asked.

“You can but Mummy’s hair won’t look as pretty as yours. Mine is too short.” She sat down and handed me the brush. I combed it through her short, blonde hair, pretending to be the mum.

“I want to be a hairdresser when I’m older.”

“Oh, sweetheart, you are destined for greater things.”

My eyes finally flicked open but only for a second. The light slides through the gap and I wince, closing them immediately.

“Scarlett!” I heard Jeremy say. “Hey, can you do that again? Scarlett, open your eyes.” I tried to but it was too hard and his voice sounded so far away. Then I was gone again.

I sat with David, Gregory, Linda and Freya, waiting for Mummy and Daddy to get back. The house was crowded today but we were the only ones still and reading. Jeremy ran through the room and out of the other door, chasing Evelyn. I wanted to join in their game but I had to read.

“Auntie Linda, how many days until I’m four?” I knew my birthday was coming up and reading about it with my family made it more exciting.

She didn’t look up from her book but replied, “Twenty-one days to go.”

“I can’t wait!”

“Neither can we,” Gregory said, stroking my hair and pointing back at the book, read to help me again.

“Is my daughter going to be okay?” Mum said. She sounded tired like she’d not slept in weeks.

I tried to remember my dreams but I all I could picture was Jeremy running after a little girl I’d never seen before. I didn’t usually dream. Well, I didn’t remember dreaming anyway. There were things I remembered. Mum combing my hair but she looked different. No one I saw was the same. I didn’t recognise anyone but Jer.

“She opened her eyes,” Jeremy said. “She’s going to be fine.”

Another voice I didn’t recognise replied, “It’s a very good sign that she opened them but there’s still some way to go yet. Let’s allow her to rest.”

I didn’t want to rest anymore. I wanted to wake up properly. I hadn’t heard Dad’s voice yet and I needed to know if he was okay. I tried my hardest, willing my eyes to open but it was useless.

The darkness was back for me.

The big room was the prettiest room I’d ever seen, especially because it was in a big, ugly grey warehouse. The floor was covered in leaves and Mummy said that’s because I was so special. My party was going to be the best party ever. Candles were everywhere, making the room really hot. “Wow,” I said, clutching my teddy in my hand.

Daddy held his hand out. He was standing in the middle of the room, in front of circle of rocks filled with green leaves. “Come, sweetheart.”

I walked over to him and looked around. Everyone was here and they were all dressed in white – just like I was. “Where’s Mummy?” I asked.

“Here I am, my special girl,” she said, walking into the room. Everyone moved to stand in a big circle around me, Mummy and Daddy.

Jeremy tugged on someone’s arm, but I couldn’t see who it was because Aunty Linda was blocking them. He looked scared and had tears running down his face. Jeremy was tough and I’d never seen him cry before. It made me want to cry. I didn’t like this anymore. Everyone looked down at me. They were so tall. I was scared. This was scary.

I looked up at Mummy and Daddy. “Can we go home now?” I asked, my lip trembling.

Mummy shook her head. “No, sweetheart. It is now time.”

Everyone was screaming. The flames were taller than Daddy. I started to cry and my body was shaking. “Mummy! Mummy!” I didn’t know where she was. I was too hot and I dropped to the floor. I wanted Mummy and Daddy to get me but I didn’t see where they went when the fire started.

Someone picked me up but I was falling asleep.

I jolted awake, but I was still in the dark. What was that? I had a horrible, horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.

“Can you hear me?” Mum asked, stroking my hair. “I can see your eyes moving. Try opening them, honey.” That was all I’d been doing while I was conscious.
Come on.
I forced them open and this time they responded. “Oh, Scarlett.” A tear ran down her cheek. “Thank God you’re awake. Everything’s going to be okay now.”