Awake in Hell (18 page)

“Yes,
and I remember that you turned out to be fine. Suck it up, Lou,” he says with
total familiarity and affection. “And yes, I was your guardian angel. And I
feel I should tell you that you were my first,” he said.

“Explains
your lack of covert surveillance skills,” I say teasingly, my grin getting
wider and wider. “And you realize that means that you will remember me, above
all, for eternity.”

“I
imagine that is very true,” he says. “Here we are. Are you ready, Louise?”

“Absolutely.”
I step off the elevator into my new eternity.

The
first person I see is Gabby. Well, I say person. But Gabby has wings. “Gabby!
You’ve grown wings!” She laughs her tinkling laugh and approaches me. “Louise,
I’ve always had wings. You just never saw them until now.”

“Like
Mrs. Barnes and her garden,” I deduce.

“Yep.
Like an awful lot of things around you. There is so much for you to see now.
But, for right now, I’d like to welcome you to WF&PI, which stands for Watching
Family and Positively Influence. Are you ready to check in on your loved ones
on earth?”

I
just stare at her. Gaping like a fish out of water. “I get to look in on my
family?” I say with a voice that is trembling.

“Of
course you do, Louise. Follow me.” She floats ahead of me. ‘So, that’s why she
floats! She was flying with her pretty wings the whole time and I couldn’t see
it,’ I think to myself.

I
look at Will who is walking next to me. “So, why don’t you have wings?” I ask

“Not
every angel has wings. You have to be an Archangel to get a wing span like
Gabrielle’s.”

“Gabrielle?
I’ve always thought it was Gabriel.” I say with surprise.

“Yeah,
well, am I allowed to tell her?” he asks Gabby.

“Go
ahead,” she says with a smile.

“Okay,
see there’s a bunch of literature out there that claims to know about us and
about the boss. Of course, there are a precious
few, whose
names I will not mention, that
profess to be the literal word of God.
But, while every single one of them were placed there by us or divinely
inspired by us, well, we had to allow for a little misinformation. You know,
otherwise there would be no point in faith,” he explains.

“So,
every text has some truth? Every religion is a little right? Isn’t that
kinda
messed up? I mean, we’ve had wars and inquisitions
and burning times over different religions, different points of view of over
God and who he is — with each one thinking they are all right and everyone else
is all wrong!” I say, with a touch of aggression.

“Again,
what is faith? You guys are still learning about what faith is. It used to be
using magic and knowing that the seasons will change and the crops will grow
because of it. Then it was all about wandering in the desert and knowing that
if you are willing to sacrifice an animal, then God will be pleased. Or knowing
which of a hundred names to use for God is the correct on, for a certain
request. Now, for a lot of you it’s about going to church and singing hymns and
tithing. Someday, you will get to the point where you realize that each and
every one of you is a single piece of a giant puzzle and if you truly want to
hear the voice of God, all you have to do is be quiet and listen to your own
soul,” Will recites that as if from rote memorization.

“Very
good, Will,” says Gabby. “You’ll be an excellent angel.” Then she turns to me.
“Enough questions, Louise. Now it’s time for you to enjoy your redemption. See
anyone familiar?” She moves out of my line of sight and I squeal like a child.

“Daddy!”
I say and run up to him. I touch him and he’s real! He’s really here. “Baby
Girl!” He holds me and I’m transported back to every great memory I have of me
and my father. I sink my face into his chest and try to fuse with him. “I love
you so much, Dad,” I say.

“I
love you too, sweetie,” he answers.

“Oh!
This means you’re dead!” I say, looking at him with sorrow.

“Of
course it does. But, don’t worry. I had a long and wonderful life. The only
disappointing thing was getting here and finding out that you were stuck in
Hell. They explained everything to me and told me that I would get to see you
eventually. So I’ve been waiting patiently for you, hoping you would remember
how great you are and come find me. When Gabby called and said you’d be here
today all I could think was, thank God you made it, for today of all days!”

“Today
of all days? What happens today?” I ask.

“Come
see,” he says with anticipation in his voice. We go into a small private room.
Still white on white with a huge sofa that looks like you could sink into it
and get lost in its comfort. We sit down and a huge computer screen appears on
the wall in front of us. It looks like something from a futuristic movie. Kind
of holographic but still projected on the wall. We are looking inside Rev.
Dawson’s church from above. There is a crowd gathering inside. Some of them are
people I know, I remember. Others are strangers.

Speaking
of crowds, this room is getting crowded too. I look up and more and more people
are entering. My grandparents, who passed away when I was young, I look at them
and wave. They wave back. There are others whom I don’t recognize and Will who
comes by and sits on the arm of the sofa next to me. I look up and him and
grin.

“There
are no words for how I feel right now,” I say to him.

“Just
watch and enjoy.” says Will patting me on the shoulder.

There
are now voices coming from the computer screen and I instantly zero in on one.
It’s the voice of my Mom. She’s talking to a beautiful woman dressed as a
bride. Mom looks old. Other than that, she is my mother and once again salty
tears start to flow. “I miss you, Mom,” I say to myself.

“You
look absolutely gorgeous,
Dinny
,” Mom says.

Dinny
! That woman is my daughter!

“Grandma.
My name is Linda. I’m 34 years old, now. Don’t you think I am a little too old
to be called
Dinny
?” she rolls her eyes and I laugh.
She only looks like me when she’s making sarcastic faces. Other than that she
is the perfect morph of me and Bobby. “She turned out to be a looker and a
half!” I say, proudly. “Like mother like daughter,” Dad says next to me. “And
wait until she gets outside the church and you hear the mouth on that girl. The
acorn did not fall far from the tree,” he smiles down on me.

Mom’s
eyes well up with tears. “You’ll always be my
Dinny
,
and I’m proud of you. I know your Grandfather would have loved to have seen you
today. He would have told you that you look like your mom.”

“See,
how well she knows me?” Dad says proudly.

“And
he would have loved to dance at your wedding,” Mom says, now bursting into
fresh tears.

Dad
leans over to me and says, “Don’t you puke on me bitch!” and starts laughing
uproariously.

“Speaking
of mouths, Dad! Jeez!” I proclaim. “Watch your language! You are in like, the
holiest of holy or something!” I look at him as if I’m appalled.

“Eh,
it’s worth a quarter. It’s a great gag!” he says dismissively.

Back
on the screen, Mom and
Dinny
have been joined by
Linda. Seeing her makes my heart lurch. “How did she do after I died?” I ask
Dad.

“She
was inconsolable for a while. But, life moved on for everyone. She became very
close with
Dinny
. When she and Hank lost their home
during the recession of 2012, they got an apartment in the same building as
Dinny
and kept an eye on her. She still visits your grave
regularly, and changes out flower arrangements, depending on the season. She
was a good friend to you.”

Linda
and Hank have had hard times, but have weathered them together. That makes me
feel good.  Then I ask, “And Bobby?”

“Bobby
should be showing up any minute now to walk his daughter down the aisle,” dad
says. “Be prepared, he will be with his wife. He married a woman from work,
about five years after you’d gone. Name of Sue Ann? She claimed to have known
you and she made a beautiful toast to you at her wedding.”

I
just start to laugh and laugh. Good for Bobby. “Bobby always liked his women
fast and loose,” I say through my laughter.

And
so it went on and on – seeing family and friends both inside the room and on
the screen. I watched my darling girl walk up the aisle and marry. I secretly
send her my best intentions and hopes for a long and happy life.  When I
saw Bobby again my heart began to race. He has aged gracefully, and he still
has those eyes that make my stomach go all wiggly. I smile as I look down at
Sue Ann. And I know what some of you may be thinking. But I know that Bobby was
faithful to me when I was alive. I was burned by relationships many times
before him, but he was the genuine article.

As
she walks back down the aisle, hand in hand with her new groom,
Dinny
emerges outside of the church and looks up. “Hope you
can see this, Mommy,” she says, seemingly directly to me. She continues, “I
hope you are happier today then you were yesterday, and I hope all your
tomorrows will be wonderful!” Then she blows a kiss toward the sky and I reach
out as if to catch it. My darling girl, who’s all grown up.  How much of
her life I missed, but now I can keep my promise and look down on her.  My
heart feels like it’s going to burst with utter joy.

 
Suddenly the air changes in the room. The mood turns solemn and the screen
disappears. Everyone is whispering nervously and standing and straightening
their clothes. I look at my Dad who is now standing straight backed like he’s
at attention in the military. “What’s up?” I say to him, rising out of my seat.

“The
Big Guy is here.” Dad says, with a touch of nerves seeping into his voice.

“
Deedy
?” I say just as he bursts through the door.

“
Deedy
!” I confirm with gusto.

“Louise!”
Deedy
responds grinning at me. “Did you enjoy your
daughter’s wedding?”

“It
was amazing. Thank you, so much.” I say to him, again.

“Well,
if you can handle it, I’ve got one more thing for you to see. Follow me, my
darling girl!” and he spins and marches out of the room.

As
I follow him, I hear my Dad as he speaks to his parents. “That’s our Louise!”
he says proudly, “Twenty seven years in Hell and still she’s on a first name
basis with the
most high
Deity!”

We
are walking into the common room and I look at
Deedy
.
“I get it!
Deedy
... Deity!” I say with wonder.

“
Rydych
yn
ffycin
wych
,” he says in Welsh. “
Wanna
know what that means?”

“Probably
not,” I answer, laughing.

“Well,
now that you’re in Heaven, you can always Google it.” he says, smiling.

“We
have actual Internet here?” I say.

“Well,
with one heck of a firewall we do!” he states.

“Can’t
have people sending emails to the breathers or anything.” His mischievous smile
makes me laugh. “Here we are, time to take a look at your new home!” He points
me toward the window.

I
look out and see nothing but the usual bright nothingness, and I feel the
blindness coming. “It’s not working!” I whine to
Deedy
.

“Sorry,
I forgot. It is finally time for this.” And as he speaks, he reaches out and
wraps his arms around me. I am in the embrace of God, which fills me up and
makes me feel whole, safe, and incredibly happy. My eyes begin to clear. I look
out the window again and see a wondrous world. Not apart from Hell, for both
worlds exist within the same place. There are whole neighborhoods that to me,
looked like empty parking lots. There are mountains in the distance with great
mansions on them, and I see the tops of the buildings, many with people and a
few with angels actually on the roof enjoying the day or having parties. There
are angels in the sky too, overlooking the city. There are parks, playgrounds,
pools and dog parks filled with happy people and animals. “All of this was here
the whole time, and I never knew it.” I say.

“You
once was blind… as the old song goes,”
Deedy
says
with a smile. “Now, you have to choose a new place to live, and a new job. Wait
until you see the real estate choices you’ve got now! Full Amenities! And, the
best news is, here you can be anything you’ve ever wanted to be, whether it is
a chocolate taster, fashion designer or an encyclopedia salesman!” He looks at me
expectantly.

“Okay,”
I say thoughtfully, “But I thought I had a job. Working as a temp for you?” I
look at him with my request glowing in my eyes. I don’t want to leave the
agency. And if there’s nothing more for them to do for me there, then there has
to be something I can do for others. He meets my gaze and smiles wide. “I was
hoping you would say that!” he answers.